"Emotion"
definition; a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one's circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.

***

ROMAN

It was great to be back. Words couldn't even explain the escapism I felt being back in the ring. However, that escape only lasts for so long before you drift back into reality. No one really knew exactly what I went through while I was gone except for close family members of mine and friends because it was something that I wanted to keep private, but it's been hard and really tough to get back on my feet.

Back in May, my wife had passed away due to a car crash she was involved in. To this day, I had no idea who was in it because the police had informed me that it was more of a hit and run; They still didn't get a single trace of the guy that ran into her which angered the hell out of me, not only that, no one had bothered to help her or call the ambulance until two hours after it happened. That was hands down, the worst day of my life. It was the worst phone call I had received in my life, and it it broke my heart into pieces to see her the way she was in the hospital bed. They had her on life support because there was no way she would be able to survive without it. What hurt the most, is that sadly I had to be alone during the midst of it all since the hospital only allowed one visitor at a time due to the pandemic.

The kids couldn't come up to see their mother, her parents nor her siblings, or anyone else. Deep down, still, I felt so selfish, but I had no idea they would go that far in their restrictions. It was going to be our last time seeing her for gods sake, but I was wrong, I should've known; Her family haven't spoken to me since the funeral and I felt like that was the reason, and that was guilt I'd never forget. However, the kids were young, and I don't know if I wanted them to see her that way.

As a father, it was very painful to see the way it affected the kids. In January, Galina had given birth to another set of twins. I remember how excited she and I were to have a family of seven. It was a dream of ours to have a huge family, hell, we could've had one more. Now that she was gone, all of our dreams had vanished. It was only the six of us, and the twins were only twelve months old. They won't even get the chance to grow up with their mother around, or even get to have one life-long memory of her.

My other set of twins; The boys were five, but they were old enough to understand what was going on. At times, they would question me when she would come back, which I never had the courage to answer. I would always say in return, mommy's an angel now or she'll come and visit you in your dreams, but I knew as they got older, it was going to be hard to grasp the fact that she had passed. Joelle, my oldest, was taking it the worst.

Galina wasn't just her mom, she was like her best friend and they had a super close relationship. When she left, it was like a part of my daughter went with her. She use to be so happy, now, I feel like I lost my baby girl. She rarely comes out of her room, she only mutters one or two words to me a day, and she's more quiet than she ever was in her entire life. However, I understood why, and I couldn't blame her for grieving. We all grieved in a different way. I did my best to stay strong for them, but behind closed doors, I was a mess.

I rarely ate or slept. I cried, and cried. At times, deep down inside I felt like it was my fault. I missed my wife, and if I had one wish, just one, I'd bring her back in an instant. But, I knew that was impossible. After her funeral, I considered retiring from the WWE. Never in a million years did I think I would retire so early, and I didn't want to since I felt like I had so much more to accomplish, but I was a single dad with five kids; I had to do what was best for them and they came first.

It was the original plan before I had informed my mom, and she refused. She offered to take the kids under her wing whenever I left for work. I didn't agree with it at first because my children should be my responsibility, and I didn't want to be one of those kids who leaves their parents with more kids to take care of. But, she still refused. She knew how much I loved wrestling, and she believed that with all the support I have from my family, I shouldn't be giving it up. I was real hesitant at first, but I realized that she was right.

I would've been even more lost if I had quit my job. Besides, the amount of money I make from it would cover my family way better than anything else could, especially now that I was the only parent. I couldn't quit, I had to keep going. Not only for my kids, and my family, but for me. I needed to find my happiness again.

So I got myself back up, worked my ass off in the gym and began my journey back to the ring. My comeback needed to be better than ever. I needed a new gimic, a new catchphrase, a new everything, and that's exactly what I what I did. No one saw it coming, and this was only the beginning.

It felt so surreal to be back and see everyone, it felt like it's been forever; So much has changed, and it felt like forever since I've seen her.

Sasha and I were very close friends at one point in time, that was until I left and she stopped talking to me for some reason. I was confused, and a little hurt if I'm being honest. She became one of the closest people to me, and loosing contact with her was weird. We we're nothing more than just friends, and yes our friendship was more lowkey, but I did miss her a lot. So, seeing her face to face brought me some clarity, but did make me a little nervous. I could tell she was too.

She's been holding it down with Bayley ever since I left. Holding the tag team titles, while also holding the Raw Women's Championship? Along with Bayley holding the Smackdown Women's Championship? I was beyond impressed, and even though I was going through it at home, I never failed to keep up with her success. She hasn't changed at all, well, even though she seemed a bit more quiet than usual, she was the same. She was still as tiny as I remembered, had the same beautiful light brown skin, and pretty brown eyes. That's why I could recognize her easily with the mask on, even though her blue hair gave it away as well.

What do I say to her? What do I do? It's been a long time since we talked. I don't want to come at her with a whole bunch of questions, but I don't want to pretend like there wasn't an elephant in the room. I was deep into my thoughts until my cousin interuppted them.

"You good, Joe?" Josh asked in the passenger seat next to me. I snapped out of it, tightening my grip on the steering wheel before replying, "I'm good. Are you good?"

"Yeah, I'm just asking cause you damn near almost ran into the curb." Josh said, shaking his head. I glanced at him before chuckling, "Sorry, bro. I was just thinking."

Josh stayed quiet for a second before truthfully saying, "Hey, Uce. I know you've been going through a lot lately, and I want you to remember that I'm always going to be here for you if you need anything. Jon too, even tho he's not physically here to say it. We got you, Uce."

I smiled softly to myself, and patted Josh on the shoulder while my left hand was still on the wheel, "I appreciate that."

Soon enough, we finally arrive to IHop. I pull into a parking space and we both get out, sliding our masks on. When we walk in, we immediately see Bayley, Liv and Sasha sitting at a table. Liv looks up and sees us, and waves us over. Sasha turns around as well, but then shyly smiles and turns right back around. I bit my lip nervously and look down for a second before I walked over there with Josh.

Josh took a seat next to Bayley, which left a seat across from Sasha. Just be cool, Joe. I sat down in front of her, and slid my mask off since everyone else did. I felt her eyes on me for a little while, but I didn't want to make it awkward and make eye contact with her, so I just looked down at the menu.

"So, when is Jon coming back?" Bayley asked Josh. Josh rubbed the back of his head and shrugged, "I don't know, Uce. His knee is in pretty bad shape. He's going to get surgery on it soon, but he could be out for awhile."

"Rumor has it that the bloodline was going to be in full effect sooner or later," Liv wiggled her eyebrows. Josh shook his head in amusement, then looked over at me. I chuckled and shrugged, "Well, that was an idea we had told Vince. But I don't know if we're going to go through with it now that Jon is out. It wouldn't be the same."

"You should," I heard Sasha say from in front of me. My eye contact switches from Liv to her in a quick second, and my attention was fully on her, "Jon will come back, but you'll find a way to make it work like you always do. I think that's a great idea."

That's something I remember her saying to me all the time, before we had went out of contact. She was speaking to me again. I smiled softly at her, and she did the same. Before I could respond, the waiter came to our table and asked what we wanted to order. We both snapped out of it and I cleared my throat. We ordered, and after that we all engaged in different group conversations. Then, before I knew it, Sasha and I found ourselves in a conversation while the others were occupied in theirs.

We had finally caught up, after a very long time. There was a lot of laughter, a lot of silly moments, and it was like we had never stopped talking. There were multiple questions I really wanted to ask, things like, why did you start avoiding me? Is it something I did? and more personal questions that were on my mind, but I decided to not bring it up and potentially ruin the moment. I didn't want that at all.

The waiter had brought us our food and we all wasted no time in digging in. As Sasha took a bite out of her pancake, she asks, "So how's the family doing?"

I paused cutting into my waffle I had in front of me, and stayed quiet. Speak up, I kept telling myself. I hesitated, I didn't know whether I should tell the truth on what was really going on or lie, since I still didn't want anyone to know about it. I left my thoughts, shifting in my seat and said, "Their good. How about yours?"

Sasha stared down at her plate before answering, "Their good. Better than ever."

I furrowed my eyebrows a little at her answer, I could tell that she was lying. I remembered that if she was lying, she could never look a person in the eye, so I knew that she was. It made me a little skeptical, and I wanted to say something but I quickly got distracted with the whip cream that was hanging off of her lip.

I smiled at her, and chuckled to myself while she looked up from her plate. She raised her eyebrow at me and said as she was chewing, "What?"

"You got a lil' sum on your lip, baby girl. Here," I said while grabbing a napkin. She laughed and blushed in embarassment as I wiped it away.

"Maybe eat a little slower next time," I suggested while I rolled my eyes playfully. I set the napkin down and she fake smiled while flipping me off, "Shut up."

After about an hour, everyone had finished eating and we paid the bill. We all got up, and headed outside to our cars. Josh said his goodbyes to Liv, Bayley and Sasha, while I did the same. When I pulled Sasha in for a hug, I whispered in her ear.

"I'll see you on Friday?" I asked, she nodded and she replied, "That's right." We slowly pulled out of the hug, made eye contact for a bit before she said, "See you later."

I nodded in agreement while gently letting her go fully. She gave me one last smile before tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear, and turning around to leave. I stood there, not even realizing I was watching her the entire time before Josh called my name.

"Are you driving or am I?" Josh questioned. I turned around to see him, looking confused as to why I was just standing there. I glanced at the car Sasha was in one last time before I turned around and walked to the car, and we left.

SASHA

Once I had gotten back home, the first thing I was greeted by was my little corgi, Ryu. I bent down kissing the top of his head before getting back up, and walking fully into the house. It was quiet, and all the lights were off. He had probably fallen asleep, I thought. I shifted my hold on the bag I had in my hand and rolled my suitcase to our bedroom.

When I opened the door, the light immediately switched on and I jumped. Shit, I avoided to look at him for a second until I finally looked up to see him sitting on the bed with his arms crossed, and a very pissed off look on his face. Here we go.

"Where were you?" He asked intensely. I let go of my suitcase and put down my bag. I looked back down at the ground and crossed my arms while I nervously said, "I went out to eat with Pam and Gionna."

"I thought I told you that we were going home," He tries correcting me. I stay quiet, refusing to say anything else. The remote he had in his hand that controls the lights, was thrown across the room, smashing into the wall. I jumped once more in fear, and he slowly got up, backing me into the wall.

"When I tell you do to something, you do it. You understand?" He warns. The frog in my throat was preventing me to speak from how scared I was at the moment. Please, I prayed. Please, make it stop. But my prayers were sadly not answered when his hand gripped on my throat, cutting out any air for me to breath.

"Do you understand?" He asked again. I nodded quickly while tears rolled down my face. He started into my eyes, filled with anger for a minute before letting me go. I dropped to the floor, and coughed repeatedly, trying to catch my breath. Sarath then stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

I sat there frozen aganist the wall until I felt something on my leg. I looked down to see Ryu's paw on my leg, and his adorable big eyes look at me with concern. I didn't say anything, but I reached over to pick him up, held him close to me and just let out all of my tears into his fur.

➰

AUGUST 28
ORLANDO, FLORIDA
AMWAY CENTER
SMACKDOWN
6:33 PM

"Take a selfie with me," Nattie begged me for the hundredth time. I whined and waved her off, "Please, Nattie. Not yet, my makeup isn't finished." I stress while my makeup artist was still doing the final touches.

"Oh shut up, you look beautiful." She reassured me. I rolled my eyes playfully, then the woman tapped my shoulder, letting me know that I was finished. I hopped out of the chair and looked at myself in the body mirror that was in front of me. Nattie fluffed my hair out a little bit as I leaned into the mirror, fixing my eyelash.

"See? You look great. Now, take a picture with me." She pulled my waist to her and posed for the camera, I chuckled, shaking my head and smiled for the picture. After we took the picture, I noticed that my top was a bit lose. Fuck, I didn't zip it all the way. I tried reaching for it but I eventually gave up.

"Hey Nattie, can you help me-" I say while turning around, but I realized that she was gone. What the hell, where did she go? I didn't even realize that she left. I sigh, and turn right back around in the mirror. I was about to go on TV soon, and the makeup artist had left as well so she couldn't help me.

Oh well, just try your best I said to myself. I tried once more to try and zip it by myself, and my hand made contact with someone else's. I looked up at my reflection to see Roman standing behind me, and I felt his hand on my zipper.

Our eyes met through the mirror and he gave me a closed mouth smile before he said, "I got you."

I shivered a tad bit from the feeling of his warm hand delicately tracing along my back. I tried my best to stay cool. I smiled at him in return, "Thanks."

He nodded as he zipped it up fully. Once he did, I turned around, and since I didn't expect the amount of closed space we had between each other, I accidentally bumped into his chest and he held my arms to make sure I didn't tip over since I was in heels. I looked up into his deep, hypnotizing brown eyes as he stared down at me. We froze, unsure of what to do next. All of a sudden, I got a flashback.

➰

∆FLASHBACK∆
WWE PERFORMANCE CENTER
ORLANDO FLORIDA
MARCH 1ST, 2014

"Okay ladies, today we are mainly going to work on cross-bodies from the top rope. I noticed some of you struggled a little bit when we taped for NXT, so I thought we'd review the basics." Coach Matt said in a slightly fustrated tone, basically meaning you should already know how do it, so this will be the last time I'll warn you. I felt like he directed that towards me since I messed up my cross-body move from the top rope during my match with Alexis.

I looked down, avoiding eye contact with him. "He's definitely talking about me," I whispered to Pam who was right next to me.

"No he's not," She whispered back. "Everyone made mistakes this week, it wasn't only you."

I felt like she was lying to make me feel better but I still took her word for it. As Coach Matt's directions were going in one ear and out the other, I heard the front door open not too far away from me. I looked to my right, and saw Seth, Dean, and Roman walk in. My eyes widen and my heart drops, fuck.

I had the biggest crush on Roman for I don't know how long; and this was my first time seeing him this close, ever. I had no idea he was going to be here and it made me even more nervous than I already was.

"Your boyfriend is here," Pamela teases, and I nudge her side harshly, causing her to wince in pain. Coach Matt stops talking and calls us out, "Ladies, would you like to share your conversation with the rest of us?"

We both looked down quietly and shook our heads, "Then pay attention." He demands intensely. Then all of a sudden, he says, "Matter of fact, Joe!" He calls.

Roman stopped in his tracks while Seth and Dean carried on to the weights. Coach Matt nodded his head toward the ring and asked, "Come here for a second."

Roman nods and jogs to the ring, then slides in standing next to Coach Matt. My mouth damn near dropped and I was even more nervous than before. Actually, it wasn't just nervous, words couldn't describe how I was feeling at the moment. People were not kidding when they said he was ten times more attractive in person.

"Can you help me spot a couple of cross-bodies for the ladies?" He asks. Roman nodded, and scanned the group of girls that were right in front of him, including me. I felt so small under his stare. Our eyes met for about two seconds before we both looked away.

"Let's see," Coach Matt said while looking around in the ring to see who would go first. "Mercedes, go on the top rope."

Of course he would chose me. All of the girls, including Pamela looked at me, waiting for me to follow his directions, "You got this." Pamela whispered before she slightly pushed me forward since I wouldn't move.

I took a deep breath, briefly looking at Coach Matt while I refusing to look at Roman. I bend down, exiting through the middle rope and climbed onto the top rope slowly. I stood up all the way slowly, trying my best to gain balance.

"Just go for it. If you mess up, Roman will catch you." Coach Matt says, trying to get me to hurry up. I was so nervous, I feel like I would be less nervous if everyone wasn't staring at me, let alone Roman watching. But, it was something I had to get over. Thousands of people watched me perform every week, and this was a skill I had to get better at.

I took one last breath before I went for it. Help me, Jesus I said to myself. Then, I jumped off. The power I had off of the top rope was okay, but then I realized my positioning was completely off and I was going to botch the move, again. I just got myself ready to brace for impact, but I was quickly saved by two strong arms; I looked up to see Roman's eyes staring down in mine. He smiled softly at me for a second before saying, "You alright?"

I kept staring at him like an idiot before I finally snapped out of it and nodded my head, "Y-Yeah." I stuttered.

"Do it again, Varnado. This time he won't be there to catch you." Coach Matt demanded. I looked down in defeat and Roman quickly whispered in my ear when Coach briefly gave instructions to the other girl.

"I got you, don't worry." He patted the small of my back, making my nerves ease. I smiled to myself softly, and looked back up at him.

"Thank you." I said.

∆PRESENT DAY∆

"You okay?" Roman asked, looking at me with concern. I blinked my eyes a couple of times and realized that I completely zoned out. Oh my God, I can't even imagine how stupid I probably looked.

I backed away from him just a little bit to give him some space after bumping into him. He chuckled in amusement while I rubbed my arm nervously, "I'm sorry." I apologize. He shook his head, not minding it all.

"You're good," He said, then slightly looked me up and down, admiring my outfit. "Love the pants.'

I looked down at my cow pattered pants and blushed a tiny bit, "Thank you, I actually made these myself." I said truthfully, even I wasn't an expert at making clothing, I learned a thing or two from Sarath believe it or not. If I was, I definitely would've made my own damn gear.

"Damn, for real?" His eyes widened a bit and I laughed, nodding my head. "You did a great job." He says in amazement. I thank him once again before he asks, "What time are you going to be on TV?"

Before I could answer, I hear someone call my name from far way, "Mercedes!"

I turn my head to see Pamela dressed up, and ready to go while holding our tag team titles. She waved me over, "We are about to go on! Let's go." She then smirked a little bit, noticing Roman was right beside me but wasn't too obvious about it.

I turn my head back to Roman and I gave him an apologetic look, "I think that's my cue. I'll talk to you later?"

He nodded his head quietly, and he also looked like he had something to tell me but decided to save it for later, "Go do your thing." Roman encouraged.

We exchanged smiles before I turned around to leave, before I could walk any further, I heard him call out, "Hey!"

I turn back around, waiting for him to say what he was going to say. He looked down for a little bit before making eye contact with me again, "You know, you could always call me Joe."

My heart softened. I didn't even realize this whole time we were friends, that we didn't call each other by our real names once. Maybe we often got wrapped up into each other's company back then that we didn't even notice. However, I was glad that it was brought up.

I smiled softly and replied, "And you can call me Mercedes."

"I'm gonna leave without you if you don't hurry up," Pamela warned. I turned around to look at her one last time before looking back at him. Roman chuckled, looking like he tried his best not to laugh too hard at Pamela. He nodded his head and waved me off so I could go. I gave him one last smile before I turned around and caught up with Pamela.

As me and Pamela ran to the Gorilla, she pushed at my shoulder, almost knocking me over, "First name bases now?" She teased with a giggle.

"Shut up, Pamela. Please don't tell Sarath, okay?" I begged her. She gave me a weird look before saying, "Okay, I won't. Chill."

***

A/N; New faces mentioned in this book.

Nattie aka Natalya
Coach Matt, head coach at the performance center
Ryu, Sasha's dog.

Hope you enjoyed the chapter!