Josh and Tyler don't let go of one another at school. They're attached to the hip, touching, touching, touching during choir, and culinary, and every other elective they have together. At lunch, they're together, again, sitting under a tree like they usually do. Tyler let's Josh draw him, like he usually does, and it's good.

Though, Josh is quiet. So, so quiet.

And Tyler knows why.

The purple bandana has been staring back at him all day. It's not a bad thing, of course not, he's just aware of all that it holds.

When Josh is purple, she's quiet. Not so much because of choice, but because she's insecure. She doesn't want to talk in case someone else might respond, say something that rubs her the wrong way, make her feel self-conscious about her voice.

Tyler knows, he always knows.

Purple is sensitivity.

At the thought, he slowly moves from his frozen position-- in order for Josh to draw him well enough-- and grabs her wrist, pressing a kiss to it.

"When we get to mine, think I can just hold you?" He whispers.

The breeze is gentle like Josh's eyes. She looks down at his hand, takes into account his touch, and huffs out a breath from comfort. Her nod is careful.

"Good. I never wanna let you go." He smiles, deciding to lay down on his back, head in Josh's lap.

For some reason, despite all of the chaos surrounding them-- freshman playing football in the quad, clubs selling snacks in front of the cafeteria, lunch guards shouting for the younger kids to pick up their food from the ground-- neither of notice any of it. They're in their own little world, where the glint in Josh's eyes is a song, and Tyler's fingers intertwining with hers is the chorus.

"I've been thinking," Josh finally starts. Her voice is frail, tentative.

Tyler looks up at her. "Yeah?"

A shaky sigh. He can feel her hand become tighter around his. "Just, uh," Josh looks left, right, feeling paranoid of any ears. She looks back down at Tyler, Adam's apple bobbing-- he probably shouldn't have noticed that. "About what you said last night."

Tyler blinks. "Which part?"

There's a pause.

Pure anxiety.

Tyler brings her hand up to his mouth and kisses each knuckle. "Babe, you can tell me--"

"I want to buy a dress." She gets out.

He blinks, again.

"I know you do." Tyler replies. They've talked about this countless times, and the reason it has yet to happen falls back onto one thing. "I told you, you can keep it at my house so your family can't find it."

Josh sighs. "Yeah."

Tyler sits up a little, moving his head out from her lap when a lunch guard comes around. They get scolded constantly for how touchy they are, and it's never from kissing, or anything provocative, it's as simple as having his head in her lap. Stupid, really. Tyler would even say it's discrimination because it never happens to anyone else, but that's for another time.

He sits in front of Josh instead, knees touching, hands still linked together. "Are you ready this time?"

Josh leans forward until she's able to stick her face into his chest. "I hate looking like this. I. . . I look like a guy still. I don't even care if no one else will be around when it's different, but. . ." Nerves are deafening. "Just you being able to see me the way I see myself, or. . . Or your mom, even. That's what I need."

Tyler frowns, running a hand through her hair. "I always see you the way you see yourself, you know that. Today, you look gorgeous. Your hair is so long, so beautiful, and your eyes are so pretty." Tyler presses a quick kiss to her temple. "You're a girl today. I know that."

Josh shakes her head. "You know because of the bandana, not because of how I'm presenting myself."

"No, that's not it--"

"Tyler, please don't lie to me. Please."

Silence.

Heavy hearts. Aching chests.

"We can go to the mall afterschool," he decides. "Find you a dress you feel good in, yourself in. Wear it whenever you need to."

"I need it now." Josh whispers.

Tyler exhales headfully. "One more period, angel."

Josh only nods. She brings her face away from his chest and sniffles, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye before pulling the hood over her head and blocking everything out.

It's surreal.

Tyler takes it all into account, unable to help but feel it's getting worse. From keeping it a secret, hidden, it's doing Josh no good despite anything she stresses. She's right when she tells Tyler he only knows because of the bandanas, because nothing else physically changes except for those. They dictate her entire day, maybe even further than that, because she's too scared to tell anyone else. She's too scared to talk with her mother, or her father, and just explain everything to them.

I'm gender-fluid.

Two words.

Josh feels trapped, Tyler knows.

Tyler knows everything.

His mind runs for her, tries to find the best solution based on her comfort level, and leaves with nothing.

Josh has never worn a dress because she doesn't want her family to see, find out she's different. Josh has never worn a dress because she doesn't want her siblings to give up on her. Josh has never worn a dress because she's afraid to face the reality of it.

She is different. She always will be. And this absolute torment her mind goes through on the daily will never go away as long as she keeps it hidden.

It's not her family's fault. They can't be the bad guys because Josh has never disclosed what each bandana means. They're not wrong for being clueless; Josh chooses to take it to heart when she's misgendered on the green days, and the purples, and every other one. It's all about the decisions she makes. It takes a toll on her each day too, but no matter how many times Tyler tries to push her to bring light to it, she shuts him right down.

They aren't going to understand, Tyler.

They can handle it if I'm gay, but not that I'm a mess.

It's okay until it comes to gender identity, I already know.

They love me, but not all of me.

I know best.

Tyler trusts Josh with everything except her own judgement. She's wrong, it's that simple.

Of course it's terrifying to come out, especially with something so unheard of, but Tyler knows she's never going to reach complete happiness until she's honest with everyone, including herself. Laura and Bill will love Josh unconditionally no matter what instance. It's their kid, of course they will. There's no going back now just because Josh is different than most.

Different isn't wrong. Different isn't bad.

Tyler wishes she knew this.

But, Josh is scared. Always, always scared, and her fears consume her more than reality ever will, unfortunately.

***

The mall is loud, yeah. It's stressful too, but Tyler holds Josh's hand protectively and the two of them walk around to see what each of them find most appealing.

Neither of them have done this before.

They're both nervous, yet Tyler's need to make Josh feel safe and comfortable comes before anything else. He shakes off his nerves and instead nods along when Josh points shakily at things that catch her eye through the window. They go into multiple shops as well, Josh picking up a few dresses, but immediately, as soon as anyone looks their way, she puts them back and pulls Tyler out as quickly as possible.

They've been into four shops now.

Each time, the same thing happens.

It has gotten bad enough to the point where Tyler has to sit Josh down in the food court and rub her back while she trembles. She's wanting to cry, it's obvious, but she holds it back for her own sake.

"What's scaring you the most about this?" Tyler asks gently.

Josh's leg bounces. "Everyone looks at me. They're going to say something, Ty. I know it. They're going to say something and ruin the whole thing." In and out, exhale after inhale. "I want this so bad, and I can't do it."

"But you can do it, babe." Tyler assures. "If people have something to say, they would have said it by now. They won't though. I'm right by your side, I'm protecting you. I always am." Josh's smile is weak as she nods along. "Take a few deep breaths, we'll get up and go find you a dress. Actually this time."

The few deep breaths are slow, but after a moment, Josh does stands up and takes Tyler's hand back into hers.

"Okay." She murmurs.

Josh begins walking off, but immediately, she turns around when Tyler doesn't move. He just looks at her, eyes twinkling, mouth in a curl.

Josh cocks her head. "What?"

Tyler steps closer until they're face to face. "I'm so in love with you." He says, free hand moving to hold her cheek. "And I'm so proud of you, too."

Josh blushes. "Stop being a sap, Ty."

He shakes his head. "Listen to me." He whispers.

"I am."

Tyler leans his forehead onto hers. "You're the best thing to ever happen to me, and I can't tell you enough how happy it makes me to know I'm spending my life with you. How happy it makes me to see you grow, and be yourself." He caresses her skin. "You're so fucking amazing."

From the tips of her ears to her nose, Josh is pink. Overwhelmed. Thriving. "Kiss me before I cry." She decides.

Tyler chuckles, nodding, and nonetheless pulls her close until their lips meet.

It isn't so nervewracking, because they have eachother. That's all they need. And so once the two of them lean away with stupid grins on their faces, they walk off, to another store, and this time, Josh doesn't overthink it. She grabs a few dresses that should be her size, and with one tremendous inhale, she lets go of Tyler's hand, slipping into one of the dressing rooms.

He waits for her, biting the inside of his cheek in the meantime.

A man who is also waiting for his girlfriend glances his way. The look is unclear, so Tyler doesn't pay mind to it, but he does feel heartwarmed when instead of anything harsh being thrown at him, he gets a smile.

Tyler's lips twitch into a smile too, nodding shakily towards him.

That's all.

It's okay.

He waits, and waits, and waits. It feels like he's waiting forever, but finally, the door cracks open and Josh says, "Tyler," in the softest tone; it makes him want to crumble.

"Yeah, babe?"

"Could you come here?" She wonders.

Tyler's heart is skipping beats, it feels like. He nods a few times, stepping forward instead of leaning on the wall, and slowly, Josh lets him into the dressing room. As soon as the door closes behind them and Tyler can take it all into account, his entire body burns immensely. It's good, though. Somehow, the burn is good, and Tyler stands there in shock, wordless, leaving Josh to frown a little.

"Well. . . Does it look okay?"

Tyler's face erupts with the biggest grin Josh has ever seen from him. He chuckles, shakes his head, in pure disbelief. "Josh, you look so god damn beautiful."

Josh's face says it all. She bites her lip to refrain herself from smiling just as wide, turning around to look at the mirror instead. "I like it, too."

Tyler touches her waist, leaning onto her shoulder to watch her in the mirror as well. "Look at you." He whispers.

Josh huffs, nodding. "Yeah."

"How do you feel?"

"Good." She says. She grips the hand at her waist and nods another time. "So good."

Tyler's knees feel weak to the bone at the sight. Just moments ago, he has only ever seen Josh in a pair of pants and a top, but this is so different, so needed. He can tell easily that this is such a staple moment for her, because never before has she looked so ecstatic from looking in the mirror. Usually, the mirror is the where she picks at every flaw until she's brittle and hopeless, now though, she's glowing.

"I want this one." Josh decides.

"Okay." Tyler holds her tight. "Okay."

"I feel good." She adds.

Tyler smiles, again. "You should." He says. "You look amazing." It's a dark purple, which makes Tyler suspicious that she chose the color purposefully, and because of that he's even more happy. Everything is so right.

Finally, Tyler pulls his arms away from her, taking a seat on the small bench while she changes back into her clothes. She slips on her jeans and oversized black long-sleeve, smiling playfully as she hands Tyler her boots and sticks her feet into his lap.

Tyler's cheeks ache.

He's overjoyed.

He helps Josh put on both of her boots, tying them for her. Afterwards, he leans forward to kiss her knees, because that's something else he's able to do.

Being a boyfriend is nice.

After a moment, the two of them finally stand. Josh grabs the dresses, and once walking out, she puts them on the rack. Then, they walk hand and hand over to the register, and the confidence becomes sheepish, but nonetheless Josh places the dress in front of the cashier with rosy cheeks and a frantic heartbeat.

The woman only smiles, placing it into a bag once scanning it.

Once she says the price, Josh's eyes widen a little, not expecting it to be that much for something so mundane.

She looks to Tyler. "Sorry, I didn't know it was so expensive." She digs the heel of her boot into the ground.

Tyler shakes his head. "It's alright, Josh."

Josh supposes it is.

Tyler gets paid monthly as allowance from his mother, doing things like cleaning the dishes or washing the car. He would get a job, yeah, but basketball takes up most of his free time, and he voices his concerns about never seeing Josh if he were to tackle work, school, sports, and a relationship.

Kelly is too understanding for her own good.

After Tyler pays and collects his change, the cashier's smile lingers, saying, "Have a good day."

Josh is sheepish. It's the color purple. "Thank you."

Her and Tyler walk out after that, pride in their chests, love in their hearts. They consider grabbing something to eat at the food court, but Tyler reminds her that his mom definitely has something cooked since Josh would be staying over.

So with that, Josh drives them home. To utter safety.

***

Tyler's house is a lot smaller than Josh's. It makes sense though, considering it's only him and his mother.

Tyler's family situation is a mess. It's not terrible of course, he gets along with his siblings and his father fine, but it's just everything that happened after his parent's divorce that is messy. Tyler doesn't live with his dad, but all his other siblings do. Josh still isn't completely aware of why that is; she thinks she remembers him saying it's his decision. He would rather live with his mom, because no one else wants to.

His dad makes more money.

Maybe his siblings are selfish.

Nonetheless, it's okay. It doesn't seem to bother him nor Kelly really all that much. They're happy having one another, and Josh is happy for that reason.

She never has met his dad, but Josh isn't sure she wants to, anyways.

Once the two of them get everything from Josh's car and make it inside, they find Kelly in the kitchen, making dinner, which comes to no one's surprise.

"We're home." Tyler announces.

Kelly immediately smiles, big and wide, setting something down and bringing both of them into a hug.

Josh is safe.

Always with the two of them.

Kelly pulls away and instead touches her cheek. "I've missed you, sweetheart."

Josh's lips curl upwards. "I missed you too."

Kelly moves her hand away after a moment, focusing on the food once again. "Food should be done in half an hour or so." She's stirring, stirring. "When Tyler told me you're coming over, I knew I wanted to make your favorite."

Josh perks up at that. "Fettuccine?"

Kelly hums.

"You're the best." Josh decides.

There's something about her fettuccine alfredo that Josh can't get enough of. The first time she had it, she was hooked, and now everytime it has been awhile since Josh has come over, Kelly makes it for her.

She really is the best.

"I thought I was?" Tyler fake pouts.

Josh leans onto his arm and nibbles at it playfully, which Tyler rolls his eyes to with a smirk.

Though, it doesn't last long. Josh has something else on her mind. She moves to the corner of the kitchen and grips the counter, titling her head. "Kelly, do you think that I can, um," she bites her lip, meeting eyes with her. "Use your makeup again?"

Kelly glances to Josh's wrist before answering. Seeing purple. Josh is usually purple at Tyler's house, which speaks volumes, but she ignores why most times.

Kelly smiles. "Of course, honey." She turns back to the stove. "It's in the bathroom."

Josh nods, beginning to walk away. "Thank you."

Tyler brings all their stuff into his bedroom while Josh heads to the bathroom. Afterwards, he grabs pajamas-- well, a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt-- deciding to shower. It doesn't matter that they only have one restroom, he'll just shower while Josh does her makeup. It's fine. Neither of them will mind, anyways.

Tyler closes the door behind him once he gets into the bathroom, seeing Josh sitting completely (and uncomfortably, really) in the sink so she can look in the mirror.

He touches her butt.

Josh says nothing.

"I'm gonna shower." He mutters, moving his hand away.

Still, Josh says nothing. She's concentrated, going quiet again, in that headspace once more.

Tyler's used to it though, so he doesn't mind too much. He simply undresses after starting the shower, watching her intently while he does so. She's still learning, definitely, but Tyler's too in love to notice any mistakes. Even if her eyeshadow isn't blended, she's perfect. Even if her mascara clumps together, she's perfect. Even if she accidentally over lines her lips, she's perfect.

Tyler has fallen for Josh, hard, but it's obvious by now.

So, when he gets into the shower, she focuses on what makes her happy. She doesn't get to do this often, express herself without any worry, and Tyler will let her as much as she possibly can.

Water washes any previous nerves away, suds of soap sinking like his anxieties. Tyler can't help but smile. Everything about this situation is comforting because of the casualty. Soon enough, he will have his own place with Josh, and he can shower with her in the room just like this. Soon enough, he won't have to worry about making it home on time for dinner, because he'll be making dinner for Josh. Soon enough, they will have a dog together. Soon enough, they'll be a family like they've always wanted.

It will be so, so good.

Tyler's living in a dream.

Once he finishes showering and steps out, Josh is quick to hand him a towel. She has finished her makeup by now, nothing too extreme tonight. Mascara, lipstick, and some blush.

Tyler smiles.

She does too.

"Gorgeous." He whispers, beginning to dry off his back.

Josh only smiles more, eyes travelling down her boyfriend's body in the meantime. Then, her brows furrow. She points to the inside of his thighs. "What happened?"

Tyler looks down, immediately chuckling. "You did that, babe."

The hickeys are faded, but still there.

Josh blushes. "Oh, yeah."

Tyler hums, leaning forward until their lips meet. Josh's hand touches his waist, feeling bare skin, and Tyler tilts his head. Kiss after kiss after kiss, they're in love, in a haze; Tyler pulls away slightly only to rest their foreheads together. "Are you gonna put on your dress?"

"After dinner." Josh murmurs.

Tyler nods, kissing her one last time before moving away. He dries off a little more, slipping his clothes on, and smiles when he catches himself in the mirror. The light pink of Josh's lipstick has rubbed off on him.

He likes it.

After a moment, the two of them make their way out. Tyler tosses his clothes into the hamper when he passes by his room, but instead of going inside, they head to the kitchen.

Kelly's lips turn upwards when she sees them. "Just in time." She says. "Tyler, set the table, will you?"

Of course he complies, grabbing three bowls and enough forks for everyone. Josh is already sat down, relaxed by the sound of the TV playing in the other room, and smiles when Tyler kisses the top of her head before sitting down once he finishes getting everything ready.

This time, he's beside her.

Kelly brings a big bowl of food to the middle of the table and allows them to grab as much as they'd like, which, unsurprisingly, Tyler fills his bowl to the brim, and Josh does too. She hands them both glasses of water as well, which they thank her for, and finally, she sits down to join them.

"Did you have practice today?" She wonders after they begin eating.

Tyler shakes his head, slurping up a noodle. "No, why?"

"You got here later than usual." She shrugs.

"Oh," he nods along, making sure to finish chewing before he continues. "We went to the mall afterschool. Sorry, I forgot to tell you."

Kelly doesn't mind. She never does. She trusts Tyler, knows he's never out doing anything regretful, so it's easy to let him do whatever he'd like during his free time. "What'd you go for?" She asks instead.

Tyler smiles. "I bought Josh a dress."

Josh was kind of busy focusing on the television in the other room, but immediately, once hearing her name, she tunes back into the conversation. Her grin is timid, but overjoyed.

Kelly's is as well. "That's awesome."

Tyler nods, turning to face his partner. "She looks so pretty in it." He discloses. His eyes are hooded, in pure bliss at the thought.

"I bet she does." Kelly replies. She looks over to Josh, too. "Why aren't you wearing it, sweetie?"

Josh shrugs. "I'll put it on later."

An overwhelming amount of safety consumes her in seconds. Right here, in this house, it's her solace. Kelly is still learning when it comes to her situation, but even just her trying, and god, using the right pronouns at the moment makes her heart flutter. Of course Kelly follows Tyler's lead because she struggles remembering what each bandana means, still, it's the fact that once she catches on, she doesn't hesitate to do so that makes everything so overwhelming.

In the best way, of course.

The conversation is steady throughout the rest of dinner. They joke, laugh, smile. All good things. It's always good things.

Tyler and Josh help Kelly clean up, and afterwards, Josh practically drags Tyler into his room.

Josh really likes Tyler's room.

The walls are a cream color, and the bed sheets and blankets are always red to match with his awards. Tyler isn't one to flaunt, at all, but he does keep a few of them out more as decoration than anything. His basketball medals. There's a couple messily hung up on his walls, and on his dresser, there's picture frames filled with photos of him and Josh.

It's comforting.

Tyler lays on his elbows once he's in bed, watching as Josh undresses before him. She widdles it down to just her underwear, and once she gets the tag off, she's slipping on her dress again. It completes the entire look.

"Where are you headed?" Tyler wonders, playfully.

"Hmm?"

"Well, you must be going somewhere if you look that good." Tyler replies, smirking as he watches the way Josh's pink lips spread with a smile.

She tilts her head. "I decided to dress nice for my boyfriend."

Tyler hums. "He's one lucky man."

Pure adoration.

Josh walks forward. "I'm definitely the lucky one." She whispers, pushing a curl behind her ear.

Tyler says nothing, simply reaching his hand out and pulling her down onto the bed with him. Not only that, but slowly, Josh throws a leg over and straddles his stomach, hands planted on his chest. She looks down at him, Tyler looks up at her. It's perfect. Her lipstick is a little smudged, but she's perfect.

"I'm so happy." Josh gets out.

Tyler blinks. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Tyler reaches out to hold her cheek, and she leans into it. "You know, the dress isn't what makes you purple." It's easier explaining in colors for them. "Clothes don't define that. You can be purple any day without having to wear a dress, or makeup."

Josh nods. "I know, Ty, but being able to express that in other ways besides mannerisms makes me feel so much better."

Tyler nods as well. "Okay. I just want you comfortable."

In and out, Josh breathes. She kisses Tyler's wrist and connects her hand with his, moving it down to her waist. "Kiss me, even though we both have fettuccine breath."

Tyler smiles. "I'll kiss you because we both have fettuccine breath."

Josh rolls her eyes, Tyler pulls her down until their lips meet. He easily gains control this time around, because although Josh is usually pliant, purple is especially submissive. She let's Tyler do whatever he would like. She trusts him, wants him, craves him.

Tyler tilts his head and pushes further, hand slowly creeping down until he's gripping her butt.

Josh lets out a small noise.

"I want you." Tyler whispers.

Josh pulls away. She bats her eyes, curls her toes. "You can have me."

The swell in both of their hearts is unbelievable. He touches her like glass, meeting eyes to make sure she's okay, and she is. The softest color is on her cheeks when Tyler kisses her another time; there's a galaxy around them and they're the only stars.

Tyler's hands move under her dress and slowly begin pulling her underwear down, going into space.

Josh helps him. She always does. They help each other, so it comes to no one's surprise when she sits up a little and tosses them aside.

Afterwards, she sits back down, but this time, on his crotch.

Tyler's a rocketship.

"Your dress?" He wonders.

Josh shakes her head. "I wanna keep it on." She murmurs.

Tyler nods, easily. "Okay."

She leans back down to kiss him. It's gentle, careful, needy. Josh gasps a little as Tyler grabs her ass another time and holds her down onto him, the softest of groans then following. They're eating away at each other too, limbs on limbs, hips making sporadic decisions, hearts beating as one while being fueled by adrenaline.

"Get--" Josh licks into his mouth; he has to move away. "My drawer." He cocks his head to the side.

Josh only nods, leaning forward to pull one of Tyler's drawers out to get a condom.

Maybe it should be embarrassing.

Both of their parents give them condoms. They know. Tyler and Josh can't last longer than a week without doing something, and all they can blame it on is hormones. And possibly lust, or love, but it isn't shocking anymore when Kelly comes home while Josh is over and hands Tyler a Trojan box.

Yeah, it should definitely be embarrassing.

Josh supposes it's fine, though. It assures their parents that they're at least being safe.

She turns to face Tyler again, laying the condom aside while she scoots back and slowly palms him through his sweatpants. Instantly, he's throwing his head against the pillow, Adam's apple bobbing with his mouth wide open.

"I love you," Josh says.

Tyler's in a state of bliss. He smiles with his eyes closed. "Who are you telling? Me or my dick?"

Josh hums, moving forward until she's resting her head against him. "Both."

Tyler eyes open then, barely. They're hooded as he reaches out and tangles his hands into Josh's messy hair, licking his lips while she kisses him through his clothes. "I love you, too." He mumbles, in his happy place. "All of you."

Josh is soaring.

"Then make love to me already." She decides.

Tyler nods. "Come here."

Josh blinks.

"Come here, babe." He says again.

Josh is a doe, a fawn. Maybe a deer in headlights is a better term. "Are you really going to. . ."

Tyler nods another time, moving further so he's laying straight. "Is that okay?"

"We've never. . ." Josh is soaring so high that she can't even think straight. That high. She holds onto Tyler's shoulders, head tilting. "You'll tell me if it's too much, right? Don't-don't make me cum. I want you, too."

"I promise." He reassures.

"I don't know how well--"

"Josh!" Tyler laughs, soothing a hand down her backside. "Just sit on my face already."

Josh sighs. "Okay," she breathes. Tyler nods along as she moves closer until she's carefully hovering over him, knees on both sides of his head, dress blooming like a flower, acting as a shield from anything else.

Her thighs tremble.

Tyler holds onto them. "I've got you."

Josh bites her lip. "Okay." She whispers, and with much hesitance, she's lowering herself down onto his tongue.

Tyler grips her skin like she might slip away-- which, she most definitely won't-- and licks right from her balls to her ass, easing his tongue in. Josh whimpers quietly as it happens, knowing full-well Kelly probably wouldn't be able to hear considering she's in the livingroom watching TV with the volume naturally high, but she won't take any chances.

She would say she's pretty quiet, anyways.

But Tyler would definitely say that's a lie.

Still, just feeling his breath against her makes her dick twitch. She grips onto the headboard, trying to move away from him but Tyler pulls her back down. He opens her up, spreads her out, makes Josh lightheaded in a matter of seconds.

"I don't know if I can do this much longer." She utters, thighs continuing to tremble, especially the more he continues.

Tyler says nothing. He pushes, pushes, pushes, always pushing until he can't get anymore. His nose presses into her balls the deeper his tongue goes, and it's something that makes Josh's head spin. Her eyes fan close, mouth agape as she breathes through her moans.

Tyler's in and out, then side to side.

Josh is aching.

Yet, Tyler slowly moves his fingers up and down the inside of her thigh, easing, teasing. He knows what he's doing, he always does, and so when he carefully wraps his fingers around her and starts jacking her off at such a dreadful pace, Josh wants to cry.

Her thighs squeeze around his head, hand slapping to her mouth while her nose scrunches up.

Then, of course, that's not all.

Tyler's thumb slowly dips into her, stirring her concious, making everything seem so distant but so close at the same time. It's when Josh's abdomen becomes warmer and restless where she whimpers loudly, slapping Tyler's wrist repeatedly. "Stop, stop, stop." She pants out.

He does.

She lifts herself up from his face and shakily moves to sit back down on his stomach, both of their chests moving up and down.

Josh stares at Tyler, and he stares back at her.

"What's wrong?" He asks, lips swollen, slick.

"I. . . I was about to cum." She admits.

Tyler nods, completely out of breath as he sits up, back against the headboard. "I'll go soft."

Josh smiles. "Okay." She whispers. Tyler holds her hands while pulling down his sweatpants and boxers, and leans back a little when Josh rolls the condom onto him. There's so much trust in their eyes, in their touch, in their hearts. Josh grips one of Tyler's shoulders while lining him up, and once she's comfortable, she's pushing down onto him just slightly before wrapping both arms around him.

"Are you okay?" He whispers.

Josh nods. "I'm ready."

Tyler's lips twitch upwards, hand brushing back some of her hair.

He moves his hips up while she sinks down, and in just seconds, he gets to watch her face contort from peace to a burning pleasure. Her mouth falls open, brows furrowing together the deeper he goes.

It's been a while.

Still, she moves up only to go back down, the two of them never breaking eye contact. She's overstimulated, it's his fault, but she doesn't mind. She never does. She simply trusts Tyler to go slower afterwards, and he always does.

"So gorgeous," Tyler murmurs.

Finally, Josh looks away. She falls onto his chest and moans.

Tyler holds her head.

He rocks his hips another time, toes curling when she clenches around him, making everything surreal. It takes some time, some adjusting, but Josh eventually does sit back up and starts to do it herself. Tyler groans watching her move up and down his cock, so slow and careful, face flushing to match the color of her lipstick.

When they're together, no one else exists. The colors of the moon swallow them whole; it would be pitch black if they weren't glowing. Josh's skin is littered in pinks and reds-- especially her thighs-- because of how much Tyler holds that part of her body. Every moan is a breath, trying so hard to keep that peace, as minimal disturbance as possible.

Though, as Josh's eyes roll to the back of her head, immediately her heart picks up its speed for another reason.

Kelly knocks at the door.

They both pause.

Tyler clears his throat, holding Josh down onto him so she can't move. "Yeah?" He shouts, head turned to the door. Watching it.

"I came to wish you goodnight." She says.

Josh looks down at him with concern written all across her face when Tyler looks back to her. He shrugs, shaking his head. "I love you." He decides, shouting another time for his mother to hear. He's definitely not willing to get up, hell no.

There's a pause. "I love you too, Ty."

Tyler waits until he can hear her walk away, but she never does.

"And you, Josh." She finally gets out.

Josh is struggling so hard. Sitting here like this, only being able to feel Tyler, Tyler, Tyler, and nothing more-- it's killing her. She can't think straight, all she can think about is how much she wants to bounce, and kiss him, and cum. God. Fuck.

"I-I love you too!" She yells, voice cracking.

Tyler laughs.

Josh pinches his nipple.

"Ow! What the fuck?" He whispers.

Josh says nothing, only listening to Kelly finally walk off. It feels like she can breathe again as soon as it happens.

Once Josh looks back at Tyler, he's frowning, holding one of his pecs. "You're so mean."

"Don't laugh at me." She argues.

Tyler sighs. "Can we keep going? This is fucking torture."

Josh nods. "Please."

Tyler moves his hand to Josh's waist opposed to his chest, and out of surprise, he's flipping them around so Josh's back is against the bed instead. He stares down at her, fingers trailing up to her hip when her dress exposes her front side.

"Can I touch you?" He wonders.

Josh is sometimes hesitant about it when she's purple. And although Tyler touched her earlier, he isn't sure whether she told him to stop because she was uncomfortable, or just because she was about to finish.

He's asking for clarity.

Josh nods. "Yes."

"Okay." He mumbles, finally pulling out. He pushes right back in of course, leaning down to suck on Josh's neck while his hand moves to her front, carefully begin to jack her off again. It's slow like the pace of his hips, following his own rhythm, and Josh feels like she's falling into a void.

She whimpers. "Fuck,"

"Such a good girl." He whispers, free hand holding up one of her legs when he bucks his hips forward another time.

Josh throws her head back. "Ty--"

He shushes her, thumb moving around in circles at her slit.

Josh can't help the noises.

So maybe Tyler's right about her not being able to keep quiet, but whatever.

She brings her hand in front of her mouth, eyes rolling back again. Tyler's so gentle, and that's what makes the pleasure so much better. They go hard often, most times, really, and the fact that he's only thinking about how to treat her best is overwhelming. Every thrust is a breath, every tug is an inhale.

"You're gonna cum when I tell you." Tyler says against her mouth after kissing, already being able to tell how close she is.

Josh shakes her head. "Ty-- Ty, no, I can't."

Tyler nods. "Yes, you can."

"Ty, please." She could cry. "Not. . ." She clears her throat. "Not when your mom is right beside us, please."

Tyler huffs, nodding again. "Okay." He moves his hips forward, making Josh buck hers up. She gasps, eyes squeezing shut when he does it another time. "Right there, then?"

Josh nods frantically. "Yes, yes, yes." She whimpers again. Always whimpering. Especially when Tyler simply uses two fingers to move up and down on her tip, so delicate-- such a malicious act, but it's so good. "I'm close." She moans, gripping onto his arm when he bucks his hips slowly, yet so god damn forcefully. "Fuck!" She exclaims, and immediately, her eyes widen.

Tyler's laughing, again. "Shh!" He lets out.

Josh is flushed head to toe, for multiple reasons. She wants to be more embarrassed, but then he does it again, and he begins using his entire hand opposed to just his fingers. He tugs her dick a few times, then stops, thrusts, tugs her dick a few more times.

Josh is scrambling around the bed like she's in a panic. Her thighs are shaking, her arms flail, her eyes well up with tears.

"Cum, baby." Tyler murmurs.

Josh is panting, exhale, exhale, exhale, inhale. "Make sure it-it doesn't get on my dress."

Tyler says nothing, he only pulls out and leans down to suck on her tip. Josh whines, god, does she whine, and Tyler is shoving two fingers in her ass before she can even think, pressing on her walls, curling them so well.

Josh cries.

It's a good cry.

She pushes down on his fingers in a desperate attempt to reach her peak, throwing an arm over her mouth while staring at the ceiling, tears rolling down her cheeks. Tyler doesn't go further than her tip either, but that's okay, because that's all she needs. Tyler's free hand moves around to find hers, and once he does find it, they link fingers. Josh immediately bucks her hips afterwards, filling up Tyler's mouth with so much warmth he's set for winter.

It happens in the blink of an eye. Seriously. Right afterwards, Josh is falling slump, like she can sleep right then and there.

And then, she can feel Tyler swallow.

It's so much.

He pulls his fingers out of her, which leaves Josh to sigh from the loss, chest moving up and down frantically from how hard she's panting.

Josh is blinking, and blinking, and blinking, trying to come back to reality. When her mind is a little more clear, she opens her eyes to see Tyler staring right back at her. "Open your mouth." He gets out. "Please." He then says.

Josh confused, but then she hears it. He's jerking himself off, fast.

"My dress," she reminds.

"Take it off--" he groans. "Take it off, please. I'm gonna cum."

Josh nods quickly, beginning to slip her dress over her head once Tyler moves back a little. As soon as she does, Tyler stands up on his bed, using the post as support to keep himself up. Josh goes into position naturally; kneeling in front of him and sticking her tongue out flat as he beats himself off in her face.

Tyler throws his head back as soon as he moves his hand even faster. "Fuck," he moans. Then, groans, looking back down at Josh. "Close your eyes, baby."

Josh does.

She's still panting, still out of breath, but she gets a burst of energy when she's hit in the face multiple times with something just as warm as Tyler's heart. Some lands on the bridge of her nose, more falling on her tongue, dripping down onto her stomach.

It's messy.

They both like it.

Time freezes then. Tyler slowly moves his hand away from his cock, his entire body having been taken a toll on and all he can do is breathe through it. Even Josh can barely move, all she feels capable of doing is bringing her tongue back into her mouth and swallowing whatever she possibly can.

She's burning up.

Tyler is, too.

He carefully moves to sit back down on the bed, pulling his boxers and sweatpants up. Josh only leans so they're face to face, touching his neck, pleading with her eyes for something she's unaware of.

"Let me lick it off you." He whispers, chest up, chest down.

Josh shakes her head. "I want it."

Tyler pauses. Blinks. Smiles. Laughs. "We're kinda weird, aren't we?"

Josh can't help but smile as well. "You're just now noticing this?"

Tyler hums, lifting his hand to swipe all the semen off her nose. He stick his fingers out for her afterwards, and easily, she's leaning forward, wrapping her lips around it and sucking. It's so hot. Tyler can already feel himself getting turned on again, but he ignores it, knowing completely that his mom definitely heard them, and he isn't willing to let her endure anything else.

He gets all the semen off of Josh's stomach instead, but opposed to letting Josh clean it off from his hand, he says, "Keep it there." And she does once it's on her tongue.

Tyler just stares at her for a moment.

She's perfect.

Perfect.

He finally leans forward and kisses her, then, licks up her tongue, gasping like a fucking fool when he tastes himself.

Josh smiles lazily watching him swallow. "We're crazy."

"I guess that's why we work so well together." He mumbles.

"I guess so." Josh whispers.

After a while, things finally calm down. The aura isn't lustful, but completely full of love and safety. Josh changes into her boxers and wears one of Tyler's shirts, putting her bandana away in her bag once taking it off. She also eventually goes to wash her face, watching all the time she spent becoming the person she knows she is widdle away.

It's okay, though. There's always tomorrow.

Afterwards, Tyler turns the TV on and shuts the lights off. The two of them end up spooning, watching Dr.Phil.

They fall asleep like that, Josh in Tyler's arms, still on a high, simply riding it into dreamland.

***

In the morning, Tyler takes Josh outside. He shoots hoops while Josh draws.

This happens often. Since Tyler isn't always home, he uses his time to practice making it into the basket as much as possible. He doesn't stop either until he makes at least fifty, which in the beginning was aggravating for Josh when they first started dating but now they don't mind it so much. It gives them time to get some sun, draw, bask in Tyler's presence.

Number seventeen, Tyler still has yet to say a word to Josh. It's fine though, the silence isn't terrible. Josh simply draws a dandelion they ripped from the grass, a gentle smile on their face, a natural one.

They're still only wearing Tyler's shirt and their boxers. The breeze is nice-- it will be summer soon, anyways.

Number twenty is when Tyler sighs, throwing for twenty-one, making it easily. "Babe," he pipes up.

Josh lifts their head up. "Yeah?"

Tyler only glances to them for a moment. He walks over to grab his ball, then walks all the way to the end of the driveway, aiming. "I was just thinking. . ." He starts, seeming a little hesitant, which makes Josh worry.

Tyler shoots, misses. He's distracted with something else.

"What's up, Ty?"

He sighs another time, going to retrieve the ball again. "I know you said you don't wanna talk about this anymore. . . But yesterday, I couldn't stop thinking about it, ever since the mall." He bites his lip, eyes concerned. "Josh, seeing you in your dress, looking so pretty with makeup, it made me realize how much happier you are when you just express yourself they way you need to."

Josh knows where this is going.

Their jaw clenches while closing their sketch pad, giving him all their unwanted attention.

Tyler finally meets their eyes. "I know you're scared. I know. But. . . I think it would be really, really good for you to tell your mom and dad."

Josh feels like they're sinking.

"No." They say. "Every time we talk about this, I tell you the same thing." The amount of times they have spoken about this to each other is absurd. "I can't. I won't. At least not while I live with them, Tyler. Not when they can prevent me from doing anything just because they're uncomfortable, or they don't understand."

Tyler huffs. "You're their kid, Josh! Do you really think they're going to treat you any differently?"

"Yes! Yes! Why do you think I haven't told them yet?"

The subject is sensitive.

Tyler knows, but he can't take it.

"Because you're scared of being yourself around anyone else other than my mom and I." Tyler replies, basketball at his hip.

"That's not true." Josh mutters. "You know. It's not easy. Every time I even think about possibly telling them I have a fucking panic attack."

It's true. Sadly.

"Josh, I love you so much." Tyler walks closer to them. "I hate seeing how miserable you are. It's never going to get any better if you don't tell them. I know it scares you, but good things come from fear, sometimes. That's how you know they're important to you."

Tyler tries to run a hand through their hair, but they pull away.

They cross their arms over their chest, obviously pissed off, and all Tyler manages to do is blink in disbelief.

"You don't understand." They whisper. "You never had to come out. No one in your family gives a damn if we're together." Josh looks away from him, down the street, anywhere but him. "I want you to stop acting like it's easier than it is. You have no idea. No fucking clue. It hurts my feelings how you disregard everything I keep telling you because you think it would be better for me."

Tyler knows it will be better for them. He won't tell them they're in denial though, because that would only upset them more.

"My mom accepts you. Never once treated you different ever since we told her." He comments. "She's not even related to you. Yet you think your own parents wouldn't do the same?"

Josh's chest moves up in down, absolutely livid.

They stand up, face him. "That's why it's harder to tell them!" They yell.

Tyler's eyes widen.

"I live with my parents! I see them practically every day! Do you know how much I see your mom? Not nearly as much!" They breathe in and out, hastily. "That's why I could do it. If she didn't approve, I'd rarely have to see her. Tyler, why don't you understand that if my parents didn't accept me, I would hate myself even more than I already do. Not just my parents, but my entire family. They love me. They love me! I-I can't lose that, not because I'm fucked up."

Tyler shakes his head. "Stop saying that. Stop. You always say that."

Josh does nothing other than pick their sketchpad up from the grass and begin walking towards the front door.

"Where you going?"

"To get my stuff." They murmur.

Tyler shakes his head. "Are you seriously going to leave?"

Josh turns around to look at him. "Yes." They state. "I don't want to be around boyfriend if he doesn't even respect how I feel. Feel about something I should be dealing with on my own."

"Josh, please, just listen to me for a second." Tyler pleads.

"No. Because you don't the same." They turn back around and walk off, through the door, leaving Tyler outside on his own.

Josh practically stomps through the house until they get to Tyler's bedroom, immediately slipping off his shirt and putting on their own, as well as a pair of joggers. They pick their dress up from the floor, tossing it into Tyler's closet, beginning to put their shoes on.

It's then, when Josh is sniffling to keep themself from crying, where Kelly comes into the room.

"Josh, what's wrong?"

They shake their head, sniffling another time. "I can't be around Tyler right now." They murmur, feeling a little guilty for walking right past her without any further information, but Josh can't be here any longer. They might explode.

Josh slips their keys out from their bag, walking back outside.

They pause when they see Tyler leaning onto the hood of their car. "Stop." They say.

"Please stay. Please." Tyler's intentions were never for this to happen. "You know I didn't bring it up to upset you. I just thought you might be in a better place to talk about it."

"Well, I'm not." Josh states, walking closer. "Get off my car."

"Let's forget about it." He decides.

Josh can't believe any of it. They roll their eyes, shaking their head. "No!"

"Baby, please. I'm sorry."

Josh ignores him, unlocking the door. "I'm going home." Is all they say.

"You're already home." Tyler whispers, eyes like glass.

"It doesn't feel like it." Josh throws their bag into the backseat and sits down in front of the wheel, closing the door before Tyler can say anything else. They start the car, and while they pull out of the driveway, they watch a tear fall down Tyler's cheek.

He wipes it away easily, shaking his head.

Josh is gone after that.

There's such an immense pain in their chest, it aches. They drive with their knuckles turning white from how hard they grip the wheel, crying to themself on the way home.

They just don't understand. Tyler's never that insensitive. But, as soon as they talk about Josh's issue, it's only ever about what he thinks is the best solution. It's no secret Josh is scared-- fucking petrified, really-- and fear is so much more powerful than any determination. Nothing he says will change that.

Perhaps, maybe the truth will never come out.

There's only so much comfort in that.