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"grief is not as heavy as guilt,
but it takes more away from you."

— Veronica Roth, Insurgent —

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[ 3RD PERSONS VIEW。]

"Jeno-yah! What are you doing here?"

The teenage boy flinched, averting his gaze from the illuminating TV screen and onto his surroundings.

Dark. Cold. Empty.

That's what he felt right now. His blanket was draped over him as he kept running through the thousands of memories he gained from spending time with Haruki.

Blinking repeatedly, he shot his head beside him, seeing a girl filled with colors– the girl who brought warmth to his cold heart. "Haruki..."

"What are you doing here?" he mumbled, looking away and darted his eyes back onto the television.

Haruki chuckled and sat closer to him, "You're always so quiet, maybe that's why I like you."

Frozen in his spot, his heart began to beat fast. Memories kept flooding into his mind as tears welled up in the rim of his eyes. Gulping harshly, he took a deep breath and clutched onto his blanket.

"Stop," he uttered before looking to his side; no more Haruki.

A few seconds later, another memory pops into his head. The girl bursting into the door as she flailed her arm up in excitement. "Jeno! What are you waiting for? We're going to the beach with the others remember?"

Jeno hissed and threw a punch onto the vacant seat beside him. He glared at the door, "Stop making me remember her!"

His hot tears trickled down his cheeks, quiet sobs filled the dark room as he hugged his knees closer. "It hurts so much."

Pain swelling up in his heart, the void that Haruki left remained unforgotten. He yearned to feel her warmth again, the way she wraps her arms around him as they walked along the sandy shores of the beach.

"Promise me something Jeno." her sweet-sounding voice rang in his ears, slowly he looked up. He finds himself inside their classroom, again he was left alone inside and Haruki had to come and get him. "Hmm? What is it?" was he said at that time.

"Take care of the boys for me, I know it's been rough between you and... you know." she murmurs and grabs Jeno's hands, squeezing them for comfort. "I don't want any of you to break apart– the friendship you have right now is precious."

"Of course, Haruki. We will never break apart."

A lie. He broke the promise.

Burying his face deeper into the pillows, he cried hard thinking about it. "I'm sorry– we broke your promise... I- I broke your promise." Jeno's voice was weak and thin.

He had been avoiding them, he didn't even know why. Maybe because it felt different, without Haruki it felt... empty. Like something was definitely missing. After they heard about her death, everyone just distanced themselves from each other. He even fought with them because of it.

"I'm so sorry."

— • • • —

The next day, he walked into school looking exhausted. Dark circles, eyes clouded with pain, and his knuckles bruised from punching the wall too much.

Trudging towards his locker, he opened it, his motion slower than usual. His body felt heavy like he could collapse any minute now.

These didn't go unnoticed as the senior had his eyes cast on his friend. Grimacing at how Jeno looked terribly awful, he knew that the boy wasn't even in his right state of mind to function in school today.

He walked up, leaning against the locker beside Jeno's. Concern evident in his face and voice as he spoke, "Jeno, are you alright?"

Chuckling dryly, Jeno shot him a look, "Mark-hyung, do I look like I'm alright?"

Mark scrunched up his face, shaking his head as he pulled Jeno away, closing his locker as he did. "We need to get you to the infirmary–"

"I don't want to." Jeno stubbornly declines, prying Mark's hand off him.

This action created a little tension between them as slowly a crowd of students started to circle them. "Jeno, liste—"

"I don't want to!" Jeno raised his voice, "I don't need your help, okay? I'm perfectly fine on my own."

"Jeno, we both know that you out of all of us was the most affected– but you can't keep doing this to yourself!"

The said boy scoffed, the corner of his lips twitching as annoyance riled up in him. "Yes. That's right– I'm the most affected here– so back off and let me handle this on my own. You don't understand what I feel." he said through gritted teeth, his finger roughly pushing Mark by his shoulder.

Mark clenches his jaw, eyeing Jeno with dark eyes, "Stop acting like a dick– we all felt something when she died. Haruki won't be happy seeing you in a state like this."

Jeno huffed in anger, "Stop making me remember her!" he took this chance to punch the older boy with force, sending him nearly falling back if it weren't for Donghyuck who grabbed onto him.

Mark held onto his jaw where Jeno had punched him. A stinging pain as he watched Donghyuck cover him.

"What the actual fuck? Lee Jeno?!" Donghyuck exclaimed, his whole body burning in anger. "He was trying to help you!"

"I don't need any help!"

"You asshole! Stop acting like a jerk– all you did for the past few weeks was ignore us! You made a promise with Haruki and here you are breaking it."

Jeno squinted his eyes at Donghyuck, fists clenched as he tried to hold in the urge to punch him. "And who are you to talk? You were the one that hurt Haruki the most. You were nothing but rude to her when all she wanted was to friend with you." this time, Donghyuck was the one taken aback.

Memories of him being undeniably rude and cold to Haruki flashed right in front of him. Pursing his lips together, he remained silent which gave Jeno the upper hand, stifling a laugh at how he had caught Donghyuck off guard.

"See?" Jeno tilts his head, "Then when you grew close to her you realized how precious she is, didn't you? You ended up falling for her– but she chose me over you."

"Jeno enough!" Renjun yelled and stood between them.

A crooked smile creeping up Donghyuck's lips as he stared soullessly at Jeno, "Yeah, she chose you, but remember this." he took a few steps close, staring intently into Jeno's eyes, "I was always there for her when she's breaking apart, and where were you? Ahh, that's right, you ignored her."

"Enough! Both of you! Please–" Renjun pulled Donghyuck back and looked at Jeno, "They're right Jeno. All we want is to help you, stop pushing us away." he muttered before pulling an angered Donghyuck and a shock Mark.

Jeno watched as the trio disappeared into the hallways and slowly the circle of students that had surrounded them went away. He stood still, in the middle of the hallway, looking back at what just happened.

"It's not too late to say sorry, Lee Jeno– was it?" he glanced behind him and saw the girl that resembled his former lover. "I know my sister loved you with all her heart. Each and one of her friends is special to her."

"Who are you?" he croaked out, looking away. Seeing her pained him as he remembered Haruki so much.

"I'm Haruka. I'm here to help." the girl said softly, "Haruki knew this would happen. She said you shouldn't push them away like you always do. And she forgives you if you break the promise."

"After all, she loves you." and with that, Haruka proceeded to walk away, leaving Jeno deep in thought.

— • • • —

THAT just happened 😳👀