taehyung was discharged.

* * *

one year later

yoongi silently padded through the hallways of the hospital.

taehyung's absence was now a numb, empty presence in his heart. he still remembered the dullness in his eyes and the life in his voice.

the hospital was nearly vacant today. he heard soft voices of people and doctors in the halls, and the lifeless sobs of patients in their rooms. he sat down beside hoseok in front of the front desk.

"do you feel like shit? cause i do," he said.

"yeah. i feel like i've been awake for forty eight hours straight. which, mind you, i've been awake for forty five," hoseok retorted. "catch me if i pass out."

"i'd let you fall off a building if you passed out on a ledge."

hoseok opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted by seokjin.

"hey, min, there's a new patient waiting for you."

seokjin shoved a folder yoongi's way, yawning and rubbing his eyes.

"yeah. what's the patient like?"

seokjin cleared his throat. "he's eighteen. we received a call from this seventeen year old who was sobbing and screaming about how his friend was dying," he said. "we got to where he told us to go and there was this boy just laying on the ground with blood on his face and cuts all over his wrist, with his friend next to him trying to shake him awake." his eyes narrowed, and yoongi saw the deep rooted concern in seokjin's eyes. "he's covered in bruises and at least twenty pounds underweight, and we think he tried to kill himself."

"you don't have a name?"

"not yet. his friend's sleeping in the lobby right now; he just got here last night."

"i'll just walk into the room and call him 'patient.'"

namjoon, sitting beside yoongi, rolled his eyes. "such a great first impression."

"it's better than hoe," hoseok muttered. "that's what he greets me with everyday."

yoongi laughed and stood up, brushing down his pants. "let me go see him right now. i have things scheduled for later today."

yoongi made his way down the hall slowly, drowning out the vapid sounds of the hospital. he focused on the slight taps of his shoes hitting the floor, breathing once with every step.

he finally reached the room of the mysterious nameless patient and pushed open the door slowly, trying to ignore the obnoxious creak that the door emitted.

"hi, i'm doctor min."

the boy sitting on the bed was turned around and looking out the window; he hugged his knees to his chest and sat hunched over, so small he could have been a mere child. he was all skin and bones, spine visible through the thin layer of skin and the shirt that covered his body. he turned around and yoongi wasn't sure if it was a blessing or a curse that he was greeted with a familiar face.

"doctor min?"

the boy's voice was timid and vacant, barely a whisper, but nonetheless his face lit up and he smiled. yoongi smiled back whilst trying to hold back the sob that threatened to rip through his throat upon seeing the state of the boy he knew as kim taehyung.

"taehyung."

"how have you been?"

yoongi responded as he sat down beside taehyung. "just fine."

he caught a glimpse of taehyung's wrist and saw how frail and small he looked. every bone was pronounced and protruding, and his skin was back to its sickly pale white. there was a dark bruise across taehyung's cheek, blue and purple, and his eyes were bloodshot red though he didn't look as if he had been crying; it seemed to be more of a sign of exhaustion.

taehyung was gray, and while he was still beautiful, yoongi had never seen him look so clearly broken; yoongi was scared.

"are you alright?"

the boy smiled. "doctor, i tried to kill myself again." his smile faded and he looked guilty. "i'm sorry. i know you... i know you didn't..." he trailed off, unable to find the words.

"it's alright, taehyung. although it isn't with the best circumstances, it's nice to see you again," yoongi said, smiling gently. "what's been going on?"

taehyung took a deep breath. he had grown quieter in the past year and his words were more careful. his hands were shaking again and yoongi tried to ignore the fact that now even his hands were covered in cuts. they looked self inflicted; they were all straight lines and angles.

"i went back home," taehyung said. "i stayed out on the streets for a few weeks and i nearly died. remember how i got discharged during the winter?"

yoongi remembered clearly.

taehyung had hugged him goodbye and left the room, and yoongi had stayed behind for several minutes watching snow fall relentlessly outside. he had been positive not even the devil itself would be able to sit outside for long.

"so i went back home, and my uncle was really mad," taehyung continued. he spoke slowly with downcast eyes. "he hit me until i passed out, and then hit me again when i woke up. and then he said i had to pay back the hospital bill and told me to get out and stay outside until i had some money in my pocket. i spent the past year just doing odd jobs for random people and i was scraping up a bit. and i thought i was going to be okay; i really did," he said. "i had a few bruises and i was a little hungry, but it was alright. but then..." he trailed off, swallowing hard. "jimin... he died, doctor."

the boy's eyes filled with tears immediately after he said that, and yoongi's heart skipped a beat.

"he got into an accident, and he just didn't make it," taehyung said. "jungkook's had horrible anxiety since, and i relapsed really badly again. and i lost it the other day and cut myself all over. i panicked and called jungkook and then i took pills and... and i woke up in here."

taehyung stopped for a moment, thinking to himself, and his eyes lit up suddenly. "jungkook. where's jungkook?"

"i sent him home just a while ago," yoongi said. "he's been here since you got here. it's against the rule for someone other than family to visit you right now anyways, so i told him to come anytime tomorrow."

taehyung hesitated. "is he alright?"

"he cried a lot, but i think he'll be okay."

"i can't believe i put him through this again," taehyung said. "i swear i didn't mean to. i just wasn't thinking straight. god, i'm such an asshole."

"i'm sure jungkook understands."

taehyung looked up at yoongi through glossy eyes, choppy hair framing his face with gentle lines.

"doctor, can we start all over again?"

yoongi wasn't sure what he meant, and it was clearly tacit to taehyung who immediately clarified his idea. "like... can you start off like the day we first met? and just go on again from there?"

yoongi then smiled a bit, understanding. "i can," he said. "should i just start with our first question?"

taehyung smiled back, nodding.

"let's start with something easy. how about your favorite color?"

gray, yoongi remembered. because it's empty and plain.

taehyung seemed to hesitate for a moment, pressing on the scars that decorated the back of his dainty hand, and the words that left his lips were anything but what yoongi had expected.

"yellow," he said. "my favorite color is yellow."

yoongi looked at taehyung, and taehyung was still a mess of gray and red and blue.

he blinked and saw the scared, timid seventeen year old boy that he had met a year ago. it rained outside, pitter pattering against the windows, and yoongi held a clipboard and a pen. he watched the boy run his fingers over his scars and speak about them fondly; he watched the boy blink away tears, and watched him waste away slowly as his cheeks hollowed out and his wrists thinned. and yoongi blinked again and the same, sad boy sat in front of him, only a year older; little changed yet something more than just gray laying in his eyes.

though the desire to die seemed to have never left his shoulders, yoongi looked closely and saw something more. taehyung was a mess of colors, mostly gray, but his heart was yellow.

his eyes lit up with a sudden smile and yoongi smiled back.