angst angst angst;;; lmao writing at night makes my stories angsty-er. [& this was only roughly proofread so please feel free to point out mistakes!!]

"i asked to be discharged, doctor."

"and what did they say?"

"they said no," taehyung murmured. "not until i put on enough weight and become mentally stable."

yoongi could see the heartbreak in taehyung's eyes, how he wanted to leave so desperately. why exactly was that?

"tell me, taehyung," yoongi said. "why do you want to leave so bad?"

taehyung bit his lip.

"i feel trapped in here," he replied, blinking rapidly and breathing slowly. "like the walls are constantly closing in on me. and it's so sad here. everyone's so sad and depressed and desperate to die. i'm one of them, i suppose, but i liked being surrounded by people who were happy. they helped me feel happy too, even if it was short."

"anything else?"

taehyung played with the ends of his sleeves, pulling them over his fingers and then pushing them back again, covering and then revealing his scars repeatedly.

"i really want to die, doctor."

yoongi nodded, silently telling taehyung to continue.

"i want to starve and purge and cut without people stopping me," taehyung said. "those things... they were my escape. being hungry took away from other things that hurt, throwing up emptied my stomach and my head and it let me forget... cutting made me feel. and i can't do any of that here, let alone slit my throat and let myself bleed out to death." he looked up at yoongi, eyes desperate and innocent. "i really want to die. why can't i just die?"

"you're so young, tae," yoongi said. "you have a whole life ahead of you. you're at an age when you could do anything."

"doctor, you don't understand," taehyung choked out. "there is nothing left for me. nothing. i've got friends that say they'll stay with me, but i've gotten to this point in my life where i just can't trust anyone anymore. my family fucking hates me, and depression and anxiety have just taken so much away from my life that with these grades, i'll never get into college, let alone find a job." he smiled almost manically, but at the same time sad and bitter. a multitude of emotions flashed between him and yoongi, and yoongi felt each and every one of them like a hurricane sweeping away trees and houses. "do you see now? do you see why i want to die?" taehyung's voice trembled and every syllable was stressed, pain and bitterness too evident in his mannerisms for yoongi to ignore.

yoongi smiled softly, knowingly. "i do understand, taehyung," he said. "the point of me helping you is to find a reason for you to get better, and then to help you get better."

"but there's nothing for me to live for!" taehyung sounded exasperated, frustrated at the doctor seemingly lying straight to his face. and he was so desperate to die and so reluctant to breathe and live. wretched breaths left his lungs, quiet and jagged as if they were merely his body forcing him to function.

"you say your friends will leave you, but have they ever said that they were done with you?"

"no, but-"

"the rule here at the hospital was that only family could visit you at the moment," yoongi said. "but your friend, jimin, i believe, was begging the nurses so much, and the other kid was crying so much they had to make an exception."

taehyung stared wide-eyed, biting his lip as he hesitated. "jungkook was crying?"

"they care so much about you, taehyung. i've never seen such genuine friends."

and at that, taehyung smiled softly, lips still sealed but nonetheless folding to reveal a slight smile.

* * *

"want some coffee?"

hoseok stood by the water dispenser, filling a small plastic cup with hot water as he spoke.

"yeah, i'd like that," yoongi groaned, stretching his legs.

"you sound extra tired today," namjoon pointed out, a smile playing at his lips as he pushed some papers into a white folder.

yoongi merely nodded before slumping onto the table in front of him, entire body limp.

"maybe one of my jokes will cheer you up," seokjin said. "what do you call bears with no ears?"

"no. fuck off. fuck you. i hate you."

"b."

namjoon and seokjin broke into hysterical laughter at the same time, and hoseok merely snorted as he brought a cup of coffee to a scowling yoongi.

"rest in peace, min yoongi," hoseok said.

"i'm another dad joke away from quitting my job."

"cool. how does-"

"shut up!"

* * *

the door to the hospital room opened slowly and then shut with a hard thud. taehyung flinched a bit, feeling a shiver run down his spine when he saw who had walked in.

"uncle?"

"you've landed yourself in the hospital," he spat. "again. do you know how much this is going to cost us?"

taehyung bit his lip, looking away from his uncle as he played with his sleeves. he felt his hands start to shake as his uncle stepped closer.

"look at me when i talk to you."

taehyung reluctantly faced him.

his eyes were cold and piercing, dark orbs harshly meeting his own eyes.

"you're so useless that you can't even kill yourself properly," his uncle muttered. taehyung looked down again, fear rushing through his veins. "i told you to look at me when i talk to you!"

he didn't even have time to even flinch away before a harsh slap cracked against his cheek. taehyung's head snapped to the side, eyes filling with tears from the sharp and unexpected pain. he was forced to face his uncle again by strong fingers pulling his chin upwards. taehyung bit his lip to keep it from trembling and buried his hands under the blanket to hide how much he was shaking.

"you get out of here and you're paying the damn hospital bill," his uncle said. "you'd better work that useless ass of yours to death until that bill is paid back to us. and you can expect the beatings to get worse if you don't pay this fast enough. you understand?"

taehyung nodded quickly, letting a small whimper leave his lips when his uncle roughly removed his fingers from beneath his chin. his eyes were filled to the brim with tears, from fear and hurt and resentment towards the man he had to call family. his uncle left the room without another word, leaving the door cracked open, and then taehyung let the tears fall.

and when his psychiatrist came and sat down beside him, taehyung whispered through a broken voice.

"i don't think i want to leave the hospital anymore."

"and why is that?"

taehyung let out a single sob before responding. "he's going to hurt me," he said. "he's not going to kill me. he'll hurt me. if he'd just beat me to death or lock me up and let me starve to death, it'd all be so much easier."

and as taehyung spoke, yoongi saw genuine fear in his eyes.

nothing but fear.