I struggled with the knitting needles in my hands, my tongue tucked to the side of my mouth between my teeth in concentration as I looped the yarn with determination, making a thick pattern while flipping to the next page of Friendship for Dummies with my right foot.

After last night's nightmare Harry was exceptionally patient and even somewhat playful in his own way with me.

He didn't push me to tell him what had made me cry during my sleep and I didn't.

I have never told anyone.

I hummed a random Christmas song to myself, my television blaring with some advertisement in the background before I paused and raised the knitted white sweater I was making for Harry.

Or at least I think it was a sweater...

Oh sweet sour patches did I really make three sleeves?

I had decided to give Harry a break, not wanting to bombard him since we've been around eachother for three days straight already so he was doing his own thing today and as was I.

Rule number #109 of Friendship for Dummies was space.

I continued to knit, reading the book before I brought my eyes up, wondering what happened to the background noise only to find my television off.

That's funny, I don't remember turning it off, maybe I accidently sat on the remote.

I shifted on the floor, not finding the remote anywhere near me making me place my knitting needles down, rising to my sock covered feet and approaching my tv, crouching and playing with the buttons.

The screen was completely black, shut off as I glanced at my confused expression in the reflection before looking down at buttons once more.

Then I felt his presence, a sudden familiar feeling overcoming my whole body making me tense before I looked back up to the black television screen only for my eyes to be met with a small boy behind me in the reflection.

It was him.

I turned around, the six year old boy just standing there, looking the same as he did in the past nights I had seen him, his whole body, face, hair having no color to him aside for the different shades of gray on his clothes and skin.

He looked like a character from an old black and white film, so out of place in my colorful living room as I stared at him with wide eyes.

All his colors were gone.

The only color the little boy possessed were in his eyes and they changed everytime we encountered eachother.

This time his eyes were a familiar, piercing, green.

"You're here- what are you.. what are you doing here?" I asked on a shakey exhale, quickly going over and falling to my knees in front of him so we were eye level, framing his small soft face with my hands in worry as I swept his brown choppy bangs away from his face.

He just stared at me with those green eyes, softly smiling and copying my actions by placing his little hands over my face making me smile.

"You know what, it doesn't matter. You're safe here and I won't let them get you." I promised, just like I did everytime we met, my eyes briefly flickering down to his gray uniform before I looked back at his face.

The un-named boy hugged me and I welcomed his little arms, refusing to cry as I stroked the back of his head, trying to steady my breathing.

"Come on, it's not safe here." I told him in a cautious whisper, knowing he wouldn't answer.

He never did, never said anything.

He always stayed mute.

I grabbed his small hand in mine, getting to my feet and turning to bring him to my room where I could lock the door and keep him safe, away from them.

"Come on sweetie you'll be safe-" I began, already walking towards the hall before I stopped in my tracks, whipping my head behind me to find the little boy gone.

"No," I breathed, looking around in horror before I heard his small, pained, cries in the kitchen.

"Let him go!" I screamed, immediatly running over to the source of the little boy's sobs, turning the corner to where my kitchen was supposed to be, only to find myself in a dark, gray corridor that I knew all too well.

I tried to catch my breath, my head turning in different directions, taking in my new gray surroundings before looking down at my clothes, my socks and sweater gone, replaced with the same uniform identical to one of the little boy's.

Another cry echoed through the halls, bouncing off the could steel walls making the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

"I'm coming!" I called out to him, running full speed down the never ending hallway that seemed to stretch and expand to infinity before the lights went out, making me screech to a stop, my prison shoes sliding against the tiled floor.

Then one spotlight appeared, peering down upon the little boy who was on the ground a few feet in front of me, curled into a ball crying.

"I'm here, sweetie I'm here." I panicked, rushing over to him and raising his small shaking body, taking in his newly shaved bald head, his brown locks gone as I wiped at his puffy, teary eyes, catching the small hint of smoke emenating from the back of his head.

He winced when my hands brushed against the spot, making me gently turn his head to discover the barcode numbers they had branded into the skin of the back of this little boy's head.

He had officially been initiated into the agency.

"Hey, hey, shhh.. shhh it's okay. Look, look I have one too." I told him, watching his lip quiver, his eyes half closed from all the puffyness as I brought his small hand up to feel the evident marks underneath my hair, watching the saddened look on his round face as I nodded.

"Do you still have what I gave you?" I asked him in a soft voice, cradling him close to my body as I wiped at his nose with the fabric of my suit before he pouted, carefully taking out the macaroni necklace I had made and given him.

I took mine out in return, lightly clinking the hard pasta shells together with his own calming him down as I smiled at him.

"Let's go." I told him, my voice suddenly sounding squeaky and child-like as I grabbed his hand, my eyes widening when I realized my hand was almost the same size as his small one.

The little boy peered up at me with wide green eyes that were filled with admiration and hope, no longer crying as I blinked down at the reflection of myself that I saw through his eyes.

I was no longer a woman... but a little girl.

I was a little girl again.

"Where'd those two go." A harsh voice that sent chills down my spine echoed around the corner, making the little boy tighten his hold on my hand, cowering behind me with a small whimper as I brought my pointer finger to my lips.

We both ran in the opposite direction of the voice, our small feet padding against the gray, tiled floor, the both of us panting before we crashed into a large, mountain of a man.

A faceless, suited man.

"Aw, look they're holding hands." The man roared with a patronizing laughter as I maneuvered the little boy behind me in an attempt to protect him from the large brute.

"You don't make friends when you're an assassin. You two must learn that." A woman joined in, approaching with a blurred face as well, backing the boy and I into the wall.

The little boy screamed when the man lurched out and grabbed him, trying to yank him away from me as we continued to hold onto one another while I cried out in alarm.

"No! He's my friend! Don't hurt him!" I yelled in my tiny voice, desperation and terror clear in my tone as the woman grabbed me, the two adults pulling us apart as the little boy flailed in fear, still holding my hand and shaking his head, speaking in a foreign language that I couldn't understand between choked sobs.

I watched in horror as our small, sweaty hands slipped out from eachother's tight grasp ever so slowly, until each and every one of our little fingers were pried off before my friend was pulled away as we reached out to one another.

"Friends," The woman spat, her breath near my ear as I fidgeted in her grasp, struggling against her hold before she grabbed my chin, forcing me to watch her accomplice strap my friend down to her a chair as he cried out for me.

"You two are assassins, trained to kill and look out for only yourselves. What happens when that little friend of yours grows up into a man, a killer. You think he'd hesitate to put a bullet through your head?" She sneered, her manicured fingers digging into the skin of my face as she kept my head straight while I cried.

"No. He'd never do that." I choked out in defiance despite the obvious fear that was coursing through my shaking body before she grabbed my small wrist in her large cold hand, forcing me to grip onto the gun she placed in my grasp.

"What about you..." She trailed off, trapping me to her and clasping her hand over my own on the gun, forcing my finger to hover right over the trigger as she moved me like a puppet, bringing my arm up with hers, aiming the weapon at the little boy strapped to the chair in front of us as his eyes widened.

"No! No you can't! You can't- please! Please!" I panicked, realizing what she was doing as she tightened her hold on me when I started to kick and flail around in horror, making eye contact with the little boy, his green eyes staring straight into my heart and soul as the man laughed.

"This, is what happens when you have friends in the agency." The woman hissed, and before I could stop her she pressed her finger down on mine, making me pull the trigger of the gun-

Bang!

I jolted awake at the abrupt sound, sitting up from the hard floor with Harry's unfinished knitted sweater over my lap as I immediatly wiped at my tear stained face, my heart pounding abnormally fast before the knocking at my front door continued.

I looked around, my television still on and my Friendship for Dummies book still open to the last page I left it on as I quickly stood to my feet with slightly wobbling knees, still a bit shaken by my nightmare.

"Coming." I called out with a clear of my throat, hoping it didn't sound too hoarse as I made sure to check my face when I passed the mirror in the hallway, quickly patting my face and praying I didn't look like I was just crying.

"Yes?" I asked in my usual cheery voice, just happy that I survived another terrible dream and that I had a visitor as I opened the door, wondering if it was maybe a friendly neighbor who wanted to welcome me.

Even if I have been living here for eight years without any neighbors knocking on my door.

But that still didn't let me lose hope.

Fortunately, my unexpected guest was much better than just a regular nice neighbor as I took in Harry at my front door, leaning against the door frame with a blank expression, arms crossed over his chest as he looked at me.

"Well hi there-"

"Get your jacket. Angelo wants to meet us at the bar down the street to talk about our temporary suspension." Harry cut me off in a clipped tone, looking like he meant business as I blinked and nodded in understanding, about to close the door before he brought his arm out, stopping me.

"Oh sorry, did you want to come in?" I asked, sending him a welcoming smile, slowly retracting my head back when Harry slowly leaned his face forward until we were only inches away, his green eyes reminding me too much of the little boys' in my repetitive nightmares.

"Were you crying bambina..." He trailed off in a surprisingly gentle tone, still staring hard at me, observing my face with furrowed brows as if trying to find an answer while my eyes widened slightly.

"No, no of course not silly. I was just yawning." I quickly lied with a light laugh, shaking my head and playfully patting his rock solid chest, making Harry furrow his brows as he looked down at his chest where my hand had been before he looked at me with a straight face.

"I'll just... go get my jacket." I told him with a nervous grin, awkwardly rubbing the back of my neck and turning before he suddenly grabbed my wrist, stopping me and pulling me into him until I felt his arms wrap around me in a  very short yet very warm hug.

I let my eyes roll to the back of my head in complete euphoria at having his scent fill my nose and enjoying the hug, smiling and letting out a sigh of content as I leaned into his body before he pulled back.

I was a bit dazed, my skin still tingling from Harry's wonderfully amazing hug as I quickly shook my head in surprise, staring up at him.

"Thank you, but I told you I wasn't crying. I didn't need a hug, although I thoroughly enjoyed it." I assured him, just in case he was still suspicious about my slightly red face.

I would never complain about recieving a hug, especially if it was from Harry.

"Who said that hug was for you neonata." He scoffed, a ghost of a smirk on his pierced lips before he stepped back into the hall.

"Get your jacket, I'll meet you downstairs." He said, closing the door and leaving me in my apartment before I could even respond.

It was official.

Harry gave the best hugs.

Shoot, he even beats me at it and I put my all in giving people my hugs.

And yet, I was surprisingly very okay with that.

**

"What do you think love tastes like?"

Harry glanced up from the apple he was casually slicing with his pocket knife, leaning back in his chair as he sent me a look like he was wondering if I was aware that I was stupid or not while we sat at one of the tables in the cozy bar.

"You know how some people say that food tastes better when it's made with love?" I elaborated with interest, hugging the mug of warm cocoa to my chest as I brought my legs up on the chair.

"No." Harry said, not paying attention to me anymore as he ate a slice of his apple straight from the tip of his knife, working his sharp jawline before he continued to cut the fruit, his rings gleaming on his tattooed fingers.

"Exactly, I was wondering how it tastes you know? Does it taste warmer, sweeter..." I trailed off in thought, smiling softly at the idea as I rested my chin in the palm of my hand, looking far off to the distance.

"Tastes shittier." Harry spoke up, snapping me back to him as I looked at his uninterested expression.

"I try putting love into my food-"

"Well that explains a lot." He commented, taking a drink of his own mug of coffee, bringing his lips inward and running his tongue over them afterwards as I pursed my lips and made a face at him.

"Do you like hot cocoa?" I asked, still enjoying his company as I bit back a grin.

He mumbled something under his breath, avoiding my gaze making me lean forward more until I was practically across the entire table, tilting my head to the side with an expectant expression making Harry flicker his gaze up to glare at me, obviously irritated at the close proximity.

"I said I never had it- you make one over energetic squeak I swear to god." He warned, pointing at me when I opened my mouth to scream in shock making me immediatly clamp my lips shut as I placed a hand over my mouth with wide eyes, nodding obediently as I slowly sat back down in my chair.

Harry continued to glare at me with narrowed eyes before he turned his attention back to his fruit, slowly cutting through the apple again as I held in my breath with puffed cheeks, sending him a desperate look while my face slowly became red.

I then begun to frantically fidget in my seat, making a choked wheezing sound from the back of my throat, still not letting out a breath and keeping it all in causing Harry to close his eyes as he slowly inhaled.

"Fine. Let it out." He grumbled, opening his eyes to look at me as he tossed his apple and knife onto the table in defeat before I opened my mouth and inhaled in a whole lot of oxygen before speaking.

"I can't believe you've never had hot cocoa!" I blurted out, probably startling everyone in an ear range which I must say was quite rude of me but I just had to express how I felt.

Harry pinched the bridge of his nose, looking like he was mentally counting to ten before I held out my mug to him with a warm smile.

I then shook the mug a little in front of him with wide eager eyes.

"Yes, I see your hot cocoa." He stated in a monotone voice, looking completely and utterly done.

"Just a taste. I promise you won't regret it." I gently urged him on, keeping my cup out in front of him as his hesitant gaze flickered down to the drink then to my face.

"If I drink this will you stop bothering me..." He rasped, leaning forward and meeting my eyes as I nodded.

With a heavy sigh and a slight eye roll he placed his hand over mine that was holding the handle of the mug, his warm fingers clasping gently over mine before he brought both the cup and my hand that was holding it to him.

I watched, much more enraptured than I should be as Harry took a small sip of my drink, smacking his lips and staring down at the cup before looking at my awaiting expression as I bit the knuckles of my free hand from the anticipation.

He stared at me for a long time, then at the cup before gazing back up at my face with an unreadable expression.

"It doesn't taste like shit."

"Yes! I knew you'd like it." I couldn't help but cheer, bringing my fist down by my side in celebration, the both of us still holding my cup in between each other as Harry watched me with a sly smirk.

Taking advantage of my distracted state, he grabbed the cup out of my grasp, swatting my hand away before tilting his head back and drinking some more causing my eyes to widen at the sight.

"Aw, I'm glad you like it." I smiled, retracting back and letting him enjoy the hot cocoa because I didn't mind sharing at all, that was until I realized after a few moments of waiting Harry was full on chugging my delicious drink down.

"Oh wait- wait I want some too please." I timidly spoke up in sudden alarm, wanting to have a taste as well only for Harry to ignore me, turning his chair to the side to avoid me as he continued to drink.

"Wait, me too." I rose from my seat, going over to him only for him to raise his arm and block me, playfully shoving me away as I laughed and reached out for the cup.

He brought the mug away from his lips, making sure it was out of my reach as he blocked me and chuckled at the sight of me leaning forward, practically on him to retrieve my hot cocoa.

"Come on you poor sport, share." I laughed, trying to reach over his arm.

"¿Cosa? Spiacente bella ma non parlo una parola di inglese." (What? Sorry beautiful but I don't speak a word of english.) Harry said, switching to Italian as I paused to give him a fake scowl, only to break into a grin when I saw the amused expression on his face.

"You do speak English. You can't fool ol' Malu twice mister." I pestered him with a disapproving head shake as he scoffed and took another sip of my cocoa before opening his mouth again.

"Non sai nemmeno cosa sto dicendo stupido. Potrei dirti come cute si guarda con il viso arrossato tutto così e saresti ancora a pensare che ti sto insultando." (You don't even know what I'm saying stupid. I could tell you how cute you look with your face all flushed like that and you'd still think I'm insulting you.) Harry said with a low chuckle, looking up at me with a bored expression as I stopped all together at his words.

"You think I'm cute." I paused, my arms falling limply to my side in surprise as I stared at him with wide eyes, causing Harry to give me a second take as his whole body stiffened.

"When the hell did you learn Italian." He growled, actually looking thoroughly pissed that I had caught his hidden compliment as I smiled.

"Well, I actually know a lot of languages. It takes me a day to learn a whole language, I just never wanted to learn Italian because I knew you'd be insulting me and I didn't wanna be insulted in both English and Italian cause it hurts my heart." I explained with a goofy grin, scrunching my arms to my chest before I beamed down at him with joy.

My photographic brain just worked that way, it was quite strange.

"Harry that was very nice of you-"

"I'm not talking to you." He grumbled out, turning his chair again to avoid me like a scolded child making me hold back a small giggle, not wanting to further embarrass him.

"And you probably need more studying because I definitely did not call you cute manichina." Harry said with an obvious frown as I placed my hands over my heart, restraining myself from giving him a hug.

"I'm sorry, you're right. It was probably another word that I got confused with." I said in my most believable tone, lying for his sake as Harry sent me a wary look.

"Yes, yes it was." He said, looking away.

It was very difficult not to smile when I was around Harry, it truly was.

"Malu?" A familiar, velvety smooth voice suddenly said, making me snap my head up away from Harry to the source as my eyes widened at the sight of her, my smile wavering a bit in shock before I quickly recovered.

Jasmine stood there in front of me with her jet black waves of hair, dressed in a black turtle neck and matching tight pants that shaped her curvy body well as I held my ground, meeting her light, hazel eyes with a friendly gaze.

"Haven't seen you in a while." She said, her voice and face had always somewhat reminded me of that Jessica Rabbit cartoon woman which made my skin prickle as I maintained my smile.

"Yes, it has been a while, how are you?" I asked in a polite tone, watching her gaze flicker down to Harry who was still seated in his chair besides me, his arms crossed over his chest as he sent her an uninterested glare before she looked back at me.

"I'm good. Are you going to introduce me to your little friend here?" Jasmine asked in a low sultry voice, keeping her eyes on me.

"Oh right, of course," I blinked in realization before I looked over at Harry who was already staring at me with a questioning gaze, patiently waiting as I took in a deep breath.

"Harry, this is my ex-girlfriend Jasmine."

_____________________________________

AN: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  Well, now you know why so many people thought Malu was a guy in the first chapter with her inner comments.

If bi people disgust you then I disgust you. Woopsssss...

This story is different from my other ones in many ways, and I like how you start knowing more about the characters the more you read and it's not just black and white.

Btw, the slow transition to regular font to italics during her dream symbolizes Malu getting deeper into her dream the more the words were in italics. Idk just wanted to try that out lmao.