Christmas is growing eerily closer, and I still haven't done a single shred of my shopping. So, I decide, what better day than today?

I grab my purse and throw on a sweatshirt before heading out the door and into the chilly winter air. The mall is only about a ten minute walk from my house, which is a good thing. It's got pretty much any store I need.

I suppose I'm not the only one choosing last minute to shop for my Christmas items, since the mall is crowded with people. I let out a sigh and hurry through the crowd and into the first store I come across that isn't too packed.

Who's first on my list? Ah, mom. What on earth am I supposed to get my mother? I could always go the easy route and grab her a nice looking scarf. Or I could get her a good ole cook book.

After a few minutes of debate, I decide to get her a necklace that reminds me of her. That works.

Next is my dad on my list, and I just grab him another pair of socks. I really hate shopping for him because I never know what to get him.

Then there's Jacob. As soon as I see the unicorn vampire onesie, I know that's what he'll be opening on Christmas morning.

Then there's Sierra, and that's an easy one. I grab the turquoise flats that she wanted last time we were here.

Lastly, is Ray. Everyone else was fairly easy to shop for, but him? I can think of a thousand possible things to get him, but none seem to measure up. I need something that's more meaningful than a gift card or candy bar for him.

"Jor?"

Only one person calls me that. I turn around slowly, and sure enough, there stands Ray. The one I just so happen to be shopping secretly for. I suppose that'll have to wait.

"Hey, Ray." I smile.

"What're you up to?" He asks, leaning against a decorative table casually.

I shrug and lift up the shopping bags. "Christmas."

"Oh, right. That." He grins.

I tilt my head. "And what are you here for?"

He smiles. "Nothing in particular. I was just at the bookstore, where you were actually not working and decided to come here. Lucky I did, I suppose."

He went to the bookstore looking for me? The thought sends the butterflies hibernating in my stomach jumping off a cliff and into a pit of marshmallow fudge.

"Yes, I suppose so," I reply with a small smile.

"Where are you off to next?" Ray asks.

"Nowhere particularly. Just wandering and choosing something that looks suitable for a gift," I shrug.

"Would you mind if I accompany you 'nowhere particularly'?" Ray asks.

I sigh. "I actually do mind, but I suppose it'd be rude to say no. So, fine."

Ray smiles. "Oh, the kind words you give me."

With that, he takes my hand in his and pulls me off towards a new destination that is clearly unknown.

"What are you doing for Christmas?" Ray asks me, turning to look me in the eye.

"My family celebrates together. The whole extended family is actually spread all over the country, so we don't see much of anyone. It's just us," I sigh. "Any holiday traditions in your house?"

"We do things different every single year, actually. Last year, we hauled the family to Washington, for a family reunion. Two years ago, we didn't do gifts. We wrote each other letters about their qualities," Ray explains. "Mom always has ideas. I actually think this year, we are celebrating around the fire pit at midnight."

"That sounds amazing," I tell him. Whenever I have my own family, I want to start traditions, as well. I want to try new things and have adventures with them and make memories. I want to have a happy, smiling family.

"It's always memorable," Ray nods.

And Ray suddenly stops walking, do my shoulder collides with his and I stumble forward. Ray laughs and helps me back to my feet. I brush off my jeans, my face turning red in embarrassment.

"I want to tell you something," Ray says finally.

He pulls me towards a bench where we both sit down side by side. He looks down at our intertwined fingers.

"Jordan," he starts, "now could be a terrible time to tell you this. But I'm going to tell you anyways." He looks up into my eyes. "I am in-"

"SHAKE IT OUT, SHAKE IT OUT! SHAKE IT OUT, SHAKE IT-"

I scramble to find my phone in my bag and apologize to Ray before placing it to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Jordan, you've got to come home now and help put up decorations," my mom tells me.

"Alright, be there soon." I hang up my phone and place it back into my purse.

I turn back to Ray who is looking away, at his feet. "I'm so sorry, Ray. Um, that was my mom. What were you saying?"

Ray sighs and smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. I can see that something is bothering him. "Oh, nothing. Nothing." He says it so quietly and is acting so unlike the Ray I know.

"Ray," I say. "What is it?"

He smiles again. "I told you. It's nothing."

Then he offers to drive me home, and drops me off at my house silently.

*********************************

"Have a holly, jolly Christmas! It's the best time of the year," my mom sings, placing ornaments on the Christmas tree.

You know how there are families who get really nice, fresh trees each year that smell like fresh pine and remind you so much of the holiday? Yeah, that's not us. We have a set-up tree that smells of plastic and neon Christmas lights that surround it. Though, it reminds me of Christmas all the same.

I take the wreath from one of the decoration boxes and place it out on the front door. My dad announces that he is going to go put our lights up on the roof.

"Dad, can I help?" I ask. I haven't ever been on a roof before and it's sort of on my mental bucket list.

He smiles. "Why not?"

"Jordan, grab a sweater! It's chilly," my mom calls to me.

As soon as I have my navy sweatshirt thrown over my head, I rush outside. There is a ladder reaching to the roof, the bottom buried in the snow for stability. I grasp the first ring and pull myself up slowly.

My dad is already at the top with his handy dandy roof stapler thingy, forcing the lights into place. I cautiously stand up and admire the view around me. I have a clear view of the snow covered rooftops and footprinted snowy lawns. The cold freezes my face and numbs my ears as a breeze flow by. I take careful steps up the slant and sit down on the covering snow.

My thoughts begin at the most obvious subject, which is the season to be jolly. I think about the gifts I've gotten, about the possible reactions, and then I realize that I still haven't got a clue what to get Ray for Christmas.

There has to be something that's good enough for him. I could write him a heart felt song that you always see in movies, and I could even add a jig to it. But then again, it would probably go something like this:

Oh, Christmas Christmas is so fun

You're so lucky you're not a nun

You can celebrate with me today

You ate my chocolate, say goodbye to day.

"You alright, Jordan?" My dad looks back at me.

I force a smile and nod my head, even though I've got a massive headache and feel quite pathetic.

"I think I'm just going to head back inside," I say quietly. "I feel a little queasy."

I crawl down the ladder and step back through the snow into the house. I go straight up the stairs and into my room. I replace my wet and cold clothes with warn pajamas and flip down onto my bed.

I pick up my phone. One new message. My eyes widen as I place my passcode in the slot to read the text. Maybe Ray decided that he should tell me what he was going-

No, it's from Sierra.

'Hey, Jordan. Want to catch a movie later?' -Sierra

I sigh and fall back on my bed and rest the phone on my stomach, staring at the ceiling.

And I muster up the courage to send a message to Ray:

'Hey.'

The answer comes almost immediately.

'Hey.' -Ray

I let out a relieved breath before typing again.

'What's up?'

Quite a pathetic question, but I can't think of anything suitable to send right now.

'Nothing really, just sitting on my porch. Being a cold, miserable little elf.' -Ray

'And you can't possibly walk inside.'

'The snow looks so beautiful that I don't want to leave. I love winter.' -Ray

'Really? Just shove a handful of snow into a jar and put it on your bedside table.'

'But then tomorrow morning it would be a jar full of water.' -Ray

'That is exactly my point, snow can't be beautiful forever. Therefore, don't waste your time on it.'

'But our beautiful lifetimes can't last forever, and you don't see us giving up on them.' -Ray

'I suppose I can see your point. I just hope you like having to have your frozen solid toes chopped off later on.'

'What's life without a little sacrifice?' -Ray