"Name?"

"Jordan."

"Full name, please."

"Jordan Olivia Green."

"Parent's names?"

"Amanda Leone Green and Brad Green."

"You have a brother?"

"Yes."

"And he's good to you? You get along well?"

Yes, my mother thought it was a brilliant idea to bring me to a counselor. She is convinced I'm depressed and I'm done with life. And I very well could be. But this is the last place I want to be right now.

"He's very kind and thoughtful, yes."

It's been three weeks now, since Ray died. His parents have been in pieces. They had a really nice funeral for him, with all his family and friends, but I had to be taken home within five minutes of getting there. I basically had a mental breakdown in front of everyone. I was on the floor crying my eyes out and screaming about how unfair life is, and how I don't deserve this, how Ray didn't deserve this. Now I'm known as the unstable girl to be careful around.

"His name, please."

"Jacob."

Jacob was true to his word and stayed with me. He's been here to comfort me and has given me light in my life. I can't express my gratitude to him enough.

"Are there any friends in particular that you like to be around, you enjoy their company?"

I have to turn this thought over in my mind for a few minutes. There still hasn't been any word from Sierra. Her mom called about a week after Ray died to apologize. She told us that Sierra is very sorry but doesn't feel like she can handle someone else's problems along with her own.

There is Jack, though. He's been so nice, and he's come over to my house a lot lately. He provides some comical relief to my life. That light really keeps me going. Though he is a very good friend and I am lucky to have him, he and I will never be on a romantic level. We are far, far from that.

Besides, it's not like I'm just going to go get into another relationship. The thought of Ray lurches my stomach and forms tears in my eyes. The memories are buried in my heart and locked away there, held dearly.

The paintings I made for Ray on Christmas of our favorite memories was returned to me by his mom. She started tearing up and pulled me into a hug. She thanked me over and over for coming into his life. She told me that he loved me so much. She said that I meant the world to him and was all he could ever talk about. I made him happy. That was when I started crying as well.

We stood, huddled on a porch, crying while it was raining behind us. I shared the stories behind the paintings. It was harder than anticipated to get the words out of my mouth. But when I did, I would feel happiness rush through me. The thoughts made me laugh, and the sarcastic comments Ray made forces a smile onto my face. I realize that I will never stop loving him, even if he isn't always right next to me.

"I have a friend, Jack."

"Do you have a job?" Dr. Andrea asks.

"Yeah, I work at a bookstore," I nod.

Sheryl has been letting me come in more than usual lately. She talks to me and gives me a place to be so I don't have to just sit around. She laughs with me and tells me about her crazy baby boy, Samuel. It is a real day brightener.

"And you go to high school, still? You are a senior?" She asks.

"I recently graduated," I say, clasping my hands together on my lap.

"Did you have a good high school experience?" Dr. Andrea jots down notes on her clipboard. Her hand moving against the paper gives me anxiety. It's like I'm being evaluated.

"Fairly well, yes," I nod. "I had a friend, Sierra. She was super nice."

"You say 'had' and 'was.' What happened to her?"

I nod sadly. "She abandoned me when she found out I have 'problems.'"

"I am so sorry," Dr. Andrea says. "But listen here, Jordan. If she left you, she was never worth it. You'll find better friends who'll stick with you through everything. More people like, say, Jack will come into your life."

Yeah, because you can be so sure that people want to be besties with the fragile little girl whose boyfriend and practically-sister died in one accident. Sure sounds like a good time to me.

I just nod.

"Is there any subject you feel particular need to talk about?" Dr. Andrea clasps her hands over her crossed knee, pen behind her ear.

"Not really..." I study the uneven knot of my shoelaces.

Talking about what happened is about the worst possible thing someone could ask me to do. When my dad came home and asked how I was doing and for details, I started screaming and threw things across the room. I had a complete meltdown. It wouldn't surprise me if a doctor told me I am mentally unstable because I surely feel that way.

Sometimes when I get back from a day out with Jacob or a night where I finished a good book, I pick up my phone and dial Ray's number to tell him about it and laugh and hear his voice. When it goes straight to voicemail, I remember that he's not here anymore.

It was strange, graduating without him. I felt lonely. I felt empty. The excitement around described the complete opposite of what I felt. The thought that kept going through my head was that Ray should be here, he shouldn't have had such a short life. He didn't even get to live half of what he should have. Instead of getting in the car afterwards partying with music blasting, celebrating the end of school, I got in and cried.

"Would you consider yourself a talkative person lately?"

"No."

"And why is that?"

"The only people who try to talk to me are people I don't even know by name. I can't stand it. When I'm all happy and cheery and yatta yatta, I never spoke to a single one of them. But all of a sudden, when my life takes a flip flop, I'm their new favorite person to talk to. No thank you."

"You say your life took a flip flop. What kind of flip flop do you mean?"

And, there's the question I've been waiting for. The one I don't want to talk about. The one that makes my head feel dizzy to speak of. I suppose there's no getting out of this.

"Um, two of my friends died in the same car accident..." I look at the carpet.

"I am so sorry. Truly, I understand, it can be hard," Dr. Andrea says.

"You understand? Seriously? How can you understand what I'm going through?" I tilt my head to the side and narrow my eyes.

"I understand because my mother died in a car crash on the same day my father cracked his skull open falling off a five story building."

My eyes widen and my words stop in my mouth. "I'm sorry. I'm... Gosh, I'm sorry." Now I feel like the biggest jerk in the world. I'm not the only person alive who has their problems.

"It's fine, it's fine. You didn't know, honey," Dr. Andrea sighs.

A silence passes through, and my focus is anywhere but at her.

"I think that'll be all for today," Dr. Andrea says.

"Thank you," I stand up and head towards the door.

"I'll see you next Tuesday, Jordan."

*******

Jacob is waiting outside for me when I come out.

"Hey there, missy. How'd it go?" Jacob asks, leaning against the car.

"Terrible," I get in the passenger side.

Jacob hurries into the car and looks at me, eyebrows raised. "Terrible, hm? What happened?"

"I was told to leave after I offended Dr. Andrea about her dead parents..."

"Smooth. Great first impression," Jacob laughs.

"Hey, it's not funny, okay? I felt really bad," I frown, crossing my arms.

"Except for it is funny," Jacob says.

"Is not!"

"Is!"

"Is not!"

"Is!"

"Is not!"

"Is!"

"Is not!"

"Is!"

"Is not!"

"I can't even remember what we're fighting about," Jacob says, turning on the A.C.

"Good. Wait, you passed the house, you idiot."

"I know."

"You know you passed the house or you know you're an idiot?"

"Ha. Ha. Hilarious, you are," Jacob rolls his eyes.

"Alright, Yoda, where are you taking me?"

"Taking you out for ice cream, I am."

True to his word, we end up in front of my very favorite ice cream shop. Just on cue, my stomach growls loudly enough for both of us to hear.

"You eat our cat for breakfast?" Jacob laughs.

"Shut your face."

"My face is too beautiful to shut," Jacob laughs again.

"That's a matter of opinion."

We enter the ice cream shop and the smell brings delight to my soul.

"What can I get for you?" The girl behind the counter asks.

I look over my options, but go with the flavor I've been getting every single time since I was about ten years old. "I'll have cotton candy with gummy bears, please."

"Really? Still getting that, are you?" Jacob asks. "I'll have strawberry cheesecake with graham cracker topping, please."

"Laammmeee," I say, sitting at the first table when we receive our ice cream.

"Not lame, delicious. Get your vocabulary skills together, man."

"I have extraordinary vocabulary skills, thanks."

"I see what you did there," Jacob eats a bite of his ice cream. "Sorry to inform you, but extraordinary is like a fourth grade level super-awesome-vocabulary-word-because-it-looks-so-long, Jor."

The ice cream melts slowly in my mouth as my smile fades. Dozens of memories flash through my mind and try to break me. There's flashes of the best days of my life, the best days that will never come again, and my heart sinks. I can feel my eyes well with tears, so I stand up and push my chair away carefully.

"I think I'll go finish this in the car," I say, stepping away.

"Wait, what did I do? What's wrong?" Jacob grabs my wrist.

I feel the tears fall down my cheeks. "Please, let me leave," I beg. The people in the shop are all staring at me now.

"What did I do?"

"That's what Ray called me, Jacob. Jor, that's what he called me," I shake my head and turn around.

"I'm sorry," I hear him whisper.