"You're acting like a lunatic."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I turn my head away quickly.

"Ray, I've known you since the fifth grade. I'm pretty positive I know when something's going on with you," Cole says, shaking his head in disproval.

"Yeah, come on. We all know about your adorable secret love for Jordan," Shannon says, leaning back in her chair and laughing.

"No, I-" My denial apparently gets me nowhere.

"Come on, there's no need to hide it anymore," Luke says, patting me on the shoulder. "Just man up and tell her."

"Tell her what?" Cole asks. "Sorry, I'm slow."

"Nothi-"

"His undefined love for Jordan, middle name I do not know, Green," Luke finishes firmly.

I elbow him in the side.

"Okay, there really isn't any reason to deny it anymore. You love her, yatta yatta. Now you just have to tell her so she knows," Shannon tells me, picking at her fingernails.

"I'm pretty sure the kiss kind of gave me away..." I say before I can stop myself. Then my eyes widen and I open my mouth to try and backtrack. Yet, I am interrupted by gasps and a yelp from Shannon.

"You kissed her?" Shannon asks, covering her mouth in disbelief.

"No...?" I turn away from them all, turning bright red. I've dug myself a hole now.

"No denying, your eyes tell it all," Cole says.

"When did you become a hopeless romantic, Ray?" Luke asks. "Last time I checked, you were the kid who was determined to live alone in an abandoned Walmart."

"Hey, that would be awesome," Ray laughs. "You have to agree."

"Okay, yeah, I guess," Luke nods his head thoughtfully.

"Don't try to change the subject!" Shannon scolds, pointing her finger at me.

"I wasn't-"

"Yeah, Ray, don't change the subject," Cole says. "When are you going to tell her, vocally? I mean out loud, not sent telepathically through locked lips."

And, no words can form an answer to that. I hadn't exactly thought about it, but now that it's brought up I realize that I really do need to tell Jordan. She is probably so confused about what all of this means. I feel like an idiot now, figuring out that I should have told her then, the night of the dance. It would have been perfect timing and a good moment, but no. I acted idiotically and kissed her, said goodbye, and just left. Gosh, when did I turn stupid?

The truth is, Luke is right. I didn't ever expect to find any girl that was for me. I never planned on setting my sights on a girl. When I got to know Jordan and spent time with her, I really just fell deeper and deeper in love with her. Yet, I didn't have the courage to tell her. And apparently, I still don't.

"Hello?" A hand waves in front of my face. "Earth to Ray."

My gaze flickers to Cole who is staring at me, his hand raised in front of my face.

"You zoned out for a minute," Luke states the obvious.

"You were thinking about you-know-who, weren't you?" Shannon asks, winking at me.

"Voldemort?"

"Shut up, you know what I mean," she rolls her eyes.

"Man up, dude," Cole says. "If you actually do like her, just freaking tell her! Things would go so much faster."

I stare at him for a minute, contemplating his advice. I take a moment of deep thought before nodding. "I can do this."

"Yeah you can," Shannon nods.

"I can do this right now," I say.

"You sure can," Luke nods.

"I'm going over to her right now and telling her how I feel," I confirm, smiling.

With that, I head out the door and in the direction of the bookstore, feeling determined.

***

I step up the stairs of the bookstore, determined and nervous all at once. This could really be either the dreamed of moment riding into the sunset, blah blah, or where she slaps me and throws a brick at my head. You never know.

With a last burst of triumph, I pull the door open and step into the building. In my mind, it was going to be one of those moments in cowboy movies where the guy comes in and everyone stops to watch in awe. Yeah, not exactly.

Instead, everyone continues business as usual, not even noticing me. I decide to go ahead to the counter where Jordan usually works. But instead of Jordan handling the purchases, there's a red haired girl on the stool, helping a customer.

She must notice my confusedness because she smiles and says, "Hello, sir. Do you need help with something?"

"Oh! No, sorry, just looking for someone," I try to recover myself from looking like an idiot.

"Maybe I can help," the girl says. "What's their name."

"Ah, Jordan. She works here," I look away a little.

"Oh, she doesn't work today, sorry," she frowns in concentration.

"Okay, thanks," I say halfheartedly, feeling defeated.

I head out of the store sadly. Of course, I chose the one day Jordan isn't working to get the courage. How great is that?

'Hey, my mom dropped me off at the mall and said you have to come pick me up.' -Martha

I groan, putting my head in my hand. This day just keeps getting better.

And a thought comes to my mind; I brought my car to Luke's house. Why didn't I drive it here?

Now because of my stupidity, I have to walk all the way back there to get the car to pick Martha up across town. Why, oh why, does Martha's mom have to be friends with my mom?

***

'Where are you?' I text Martha after five minutes of driving through the parking lot trying to find her.

'Stuck in line at Forever 21. There's this rude girl who tried to punch me. Can you come help me? I think I got a black eye.' -Martha

I frustratedly pull the car into a parking spot and lock it after exiting. Martha, seriously? You're getting into fights in clothes stores now? What an attractive trait.

Since I haven't exactly been to this mall in a long time, I don't know which direction I should head. With a moment of thought, I walk straight.

'You find her?' -Luke

I roll my eyes, chuckling to myself.

'Not quite.'

'You're so lame. What's that supposed to mean?' -Luke

'She wasn't at the bookstore.'

I sigh and press forward, clueless as to where Forever 21 may be. Sure there are maps, but I can't read those. They're so complicated and difficult.

'And that's the only place on earth she can possibly be?' -Luke

'Very funny. See, I'm laughing so hard.'

'I know, I'm a comedian. But what's that got to do with the situation?' -Luke

I pass the crossroad and decide to turn right. Why not? I'm pretty lost anyways.

Walking across the sidewalk, I see a girl wearing the exact same boots Jordan always wears. They're all grey and fuzzy. Oh, hey Jordan loves floral shirts. She also has the same color hair and looks fairly similar-

Oh, that is Jordan.

"Jor?" I ask, getting closer.

She turns around in confusion and when she sees me, the familiar light in her green eyes appears.

"Hey, Ray," she says, pulling a shopping bag further on her arm and smiling brightly at me.

I sort of melt inside.

Sort of.

Casual, Ray. Act casual.

I lean up against this decoration table with a little village set up on it, and my elbow knocks down a little house. I just hope Jordan didn't really notice that. "What're you up to?"

"Christmas," she holds up her multiple bags of what I assume to be gifts.

I nod in realization. How has shopping for presents escaped my mind?

"Oh, right, that," I laugh. I shouldn't have laughed, ah come on. That sounded so weird. It's like I don't want to talk to her when I laugh like that. But I do! And she probably thinks that I want to leave now. This whole conversation is going to go awkward now just because of that single laugh. Great job, Ray. You successfully screwed that one up.

"And what are you here for?" Jordan asks, breaking me from my trance.

Wait... What am I here for again? Why on earth am I at the mall? Am I forgetting something important...?

So, I smile. "Nothing in particular. I was just at the bookstore, where you were actually not working and decided to come here. Lucky I did, I suppose."

The words remind me of what my original plan was. I was going to tell her what I feel about her. Oh, gosh. I'm going to die right here. I'm going to die right now of a heart attack.

"Yes, I suppose so," she responds with a small smile, her cheeks tinted pink.

I catch myself staring and quickly look away. "Where are you off to next?"

"Nowhere particularly. Just wandering and choosing something that looks suitable for a gift," Jordan sighs, looking down at her shoes.

"Would you mind if I accompany you 'nowhere in particular'?" I ask, smiling.

"I actually do mind, but I suppose it'd be rude today no. So, fine," Jordan says, leaning against a wall behind her.

I stare at her for a moment before cracking a smile. "Oh, the kind words you give me."

I take a huge gust of courage before grabbing her hand and pulling down the sidewalk with me. Standing makes me feel so anxious. Walking is so much better.

"What are you doing for Christmas?" Oh gosh, now I'm beating around the bush. I just have to come out and say it.

"My family celebrates together. The whole extended family is actually spread all over the country, so we don't see much of anyone. It's just us," she says with a sigh, moving her eyes away. "Any holiday traditions I'm your house?"

"We do things different every single ear, actually. Last year, we hauled the family to Washington, for a family reunion. Two years ago, we didn't do gifts. We wrote each other letters about their qualities. My mom always has ideas. I actually think this year, we are celebrating around the fire pit at midnight."

She looks up at me, a grin on her face. "That sounds amazing."

I shrug, nodding my head. "It's always memorable." It's true, I still look back on the years of Christmas and smile at the memories.

No, Ray stop getting off topic! You're here for a reason. You've got to tell her, before you start doubting yourself. Remember Luke's words. I've got to man up and tell her. Seriously, why am I even nervous?

Oh, right. She might hate me and just feel really bad for me so she hangs out with me. Or she could be a murderer on the run, looking for a place to live. Or my mom could be paying her to talk to me. Or she could-

Okay, stop. Now's not the time to think about that.

I stop where I am, preparing mentally for what I'm about to do. And, Jordan runs into my shoulder and she stumbles ahead. As soon as she falls, I can't help a chuckle from slipping my mouth. I grab her hand and help her off the ground. Now I seem like a jerk who laughs at injured people.

I pull her over to a bench and sit beside her. She looks at me in confusion and I intertwine our fingers.

"I need to tell you something," I let out a deep breath.

You can do this Ray. Tell her, she needs to know.

"Jordan," I take a deep breath, "Now could be a terrible time to tell you this. But I'm going to tell you anyways." I stare straight into her beautiful green eyes. "I am in-"

"SHAKE IT OUT, SHAKE IT OUT! SHAKE IT OUT, SHAKE IT-"

My focus turns to her bag, where she hurries to grab out her phone and answers it in a hassle. "Hello?"

I watch her, feeling defeat once again. Really, today's just not my day. Of course. I let out a short sigh.

"Alright, be there soon," Jordan nods, hanging up her phone and putting it back in her bag.

She looks at me and I quickly look at my feet, unable to being my eyes to hers.

"I'm so sorry, Ray. Um, that was my mom. What were you saying?" Jordan asks.

I put on a smile, finally looking up at her. Gosh, she's so beautiful. "Oh, nothing. Nothing."

Nothing. Understatement of the century. I have so much to say, but it's obvious that now isn't the time.

"Ray, what is it?" She looks concerned now.

"I told you, it's nothing," I confirm.

She looks down at her feet, obviously not believing me.

"I'll drive you home," I say after a moment, "if you want."

She smiles. "Sure, that's be great. Thanks."

***

"Here you are," I pull up next to her house and unlock the doors. She smiles at me before opening the car door.

"Thanks, Ray," she says.

"Of course."

She shuts the door and walks up her front steps before opening the door and waving. As I drive away, I flip the radio from station to station.

My phone starts vibrating, so I pick it up and answer it. "Hello?"

"Hey, man! I saw you drive by with Jordan in the car. Did you tell her?" Luke asks.

I roll my eyes. "You were just staring out your window, deep in thought?"

He laughs. "No, I was standing in my yard deep in thought,"

"How convenient."

"Okay, really. Did you tell her?" Luke presses.

I sigh, making a right turn onto my street. "No."

"No?" He sounds seriously confused.

"I was going to. I was actually mid sentence. But then she got a phone call and it went downhill from there," I frown at the memory.

"Oh," he says shortly.

"Way to make me feel better," I laugh dryly.

"Luke, you idiot, hand me the phone," I hear Cole's voice. "Look, dude. Today isn't the last day to tell her. It was just one try. You've got time, plenty. I mean, unless the earth is smashed into the sun. That's beside the point. Point is, it is so freaking obvious that you both feel the same way about each other. So, maybe today wasn't the day. There's always tomorrow," Cole takes a deep breath.

"Thanks for the pep talk," I laugh.

"Anytime. Hey, just let me know when you do tell her, okay? My man's growing up."

"Alright, sure," I smile, turning into my driveway and stopping the car. I exit and head to my front porch and into the house.

"See you later, bro," Cole says.

"Bye."

I jog up the stairs and into my room before throwing myself down onto my bed. Today was officially the opposite of success. I feel like a total loser.

And, my phone starts vibrating again. I, very annoyed, pick it up and answer it. "I told you, I didn't tell her. Okay?"

"What are you talking about?" That's a girl's voice.

Martha's voice.

Crap.

"Where the heck are you, Ray? I've been waiting for half an hour!" Martha squeals. I pull the phone away from my ear and close my eyes.

"I'm sorry, I got distracted," I say, a lame excuse.

"Distracted? You have got to be kidding me. You know what? I don't care. I'm walking home. And you can't stop me," she says with a 'hmph.'

"You're right, I'm not."

I hang up the phone.

***

Later, I decide to go out onto my porch on this really awesome bench swing. Snow and winter, they just lighten my mood a lot. I love wintertime. Minus the cold. I hate being cold. Thus, the thick blanket I have.

The stars are shining above me, adding to the effect of beauty outside right now. There are Christmas lights hanging on all the houses surrounding.

My phone vibrates and I look down.

It's from Jordan. I take a deep breath before opening it.

'Hey.' -Jordan

Wow, so heartfelt.

My reply: 'Hey.'

Lame, right? Yeah, and she responds:

'What's up?' -Jordan

This is like a conversation for middle schoolers talking to their crush. Gosh, this couldn't get more awkward.

'Nothing really, just sitting on my porch. Being a cold, miserable little elf.'

'And you can't possibly walk inside.' -Jordan

I shake my head and let out a laugh. 'The snow looks so beautiful that I don't want to leave. I seriously love the winter.'

I guess I could just look through my window, but then I would feel like a cheater. You've got to experience it all.

'Really? Just shove a handful of snow into a jar and put it on your bedside table.' -Jordan

I look at the text in confusion, before answering back. 'But then tomorrow it would be a jar full of water.'

'That is exactly my point, snow can't be beautiful forever. Therefore, don't waste your time on it.' -Jordan

I shake my head, typing my reply. 'But our beautiful lifetime can't last forever, and you don't see us giving up on them.'

The response comes a minute later, and I look down to read it.

'I suppose I can see your point. I just hope you like having to have your frozen solid toes chopped off later on.' -Jordan

I let out a laugh. 'What's life without a little sacrifice?'

I stand up and walk inside the house, blasted by warm air. Now encouraged to tell Jordan once more how I feel, I walk up my stairs and into my room with a smile on my face. The clock now reads 11:53. I kick off my shoes and climb onto my bed. Staring at my ceiling unable to fall asleep, I realize that I really have fallen deep. Deeper than I thought was possible.