The motivation behind a person's actions defines their intentions. I had learnt this at a very early age, and had always made a point to investigate someone's motivations before fully trusting them. But Zachary's vagueness made it really hard for me to figure out what exactly made the gears inside him turn, especially concerning my situation. Not that I was ever going to trust him; the guy had found out things about me that were supposed to be hidden even from the government. That does not fit my criteria for a person to trust in. But then again, was I a person to be trusted in either?

After school, the bus ride to the orphanage allowed me to reorganise my thoughts. It was evident: I was helping Zachary because of the threat he posed to my liberty. Once that was eradicated, I'd be good to go. However, the first thing I had to do was update Doc on what was going on, so I asked for another meeting with him upon reaching the girls' dorms.

"Za-cha-ry O-wen." Doc typed the name into his computer, probably into a public database. "Orphan. Age seventeen. Found at the doorstep of Archway Orphanage at the age of four months."

"Woah. He's one of the first ones, then, right?" I said from across the table.

Doc nodded while still reading. "And you say his sister has contacted him?"

"Yep."

"That would explain the extremes to which he has come. He has another code which you're supposed to analyse tonight?"

"Yep."

"Okay."He turned to look at me. "Are you going to help him?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to?"

I stayed silent. I knew Doc knew he was on to something. Should not have given him one word answers. Idiot.

"Look, Neptune. I know this whole thing is affecting you. You're worried what will happen if you don't help him, but you are still unsure whether to help him. Why?"

It was no use denying it anymore. "The thing is, I know I shouldn't want to help him. I want to feel like I don't want to help him. But there are two things which stop me from doing that. One, his threats about contacting my mother, obviously. And two, the fact that he may actually have some family after all, and the only way to find his sister is by solving this code."

"Neptune, I've told you this before: it's not about how you should feel, but about how you do feel. It's okay if you don't like your mother. It's okay if you want to help Zachary."

"But he's threatening me! I shouldn't want to think of his life and how beneficial it could be for him to know about his sister!"

"In the end, it will be your call. This boy can threaten you, but if you decide to not help him, there will be nothing he can do. Yes?"

I huffed. "How can you tell me it's okay to help him when he clearly is dangerous? I mean, how could he even have found out all this stuff we kept hidden!?" My aggravation was blatantly discernible now.

"Good question." Doc organised some papers into a neat pile and pushed them aside. "Ultimately, you want me to tell you that you shouldn't help him. Because he's dangerous or because he's threatening you or because of something else. But I won't. I will not advise you against what is, in essence, the right thing to do. It is clear to me that you want to help him. Would you help him if he didn't threaten you?"

"But the fact of the matter is that he is threatening me!"

Doc sighed. "In my opinion, you don't agree with the way he's asked for your help. He probably only threatened you so that he could secure your help, he wasn't sure you would otherwise."

"Oh." I said in a small voice. "Didn't think of that."

"That's why I'm here." Doc gave me a reassuring smile. "Best thing to do would be to talk it out with him."

"And if I'm not happy with the explanations, I won't help."

"Sounds fair."

Satisfied, I was just about to leave the office when Doc called me. "By the way, Neptune, I figured out why my frog was red. I'm not supposed to get in the way. Mr. Owen thinks of me as an obstacle to his mission. Please let him know that I am anything but that. His intentions are now clear to me, and as long as he doesn't harm you or anyone else, I'm okay with what he's done."

I nodded and smiled. I wonder what it took for Dr. Richards to get mad.

◇◇

A few hours after dinner, I climbed up to what used to be my crow's nest, wondering if Zachary would already be there; I could do with some fresh air to calm down if he wasn't. From a distance though, I could already make out a hunched figure sitting on the vantage point.

When I got closer, I saw that he was holding a torch with his teeth while shuffling through some papers. I approached him carefully, not making a sound. I wanted to startle him as much as he had startled me the other day.

"So-"

"Don't even try." He took the torch out of his mouth. "I heard you ages ago."

"Alright then." I noticed he had left my corner spot untouched. I grabbed a blanket and sat down. "May I have the code?"

"Yeah, here. I've also printed these out." He handed me some Wikipedia articles and a spare torch. "I was doing some research and saw an article on cryptography."

"Which is?"

"Secret codes."

"Oh."

"There are many different ciphers and I was hoping you'd help me see which one was used."

"Okay." I eyed one of the articles, but after reading the opening line three times and not absorbing anything, I knew that the only way I could focus would be by getting rid of my doubts concerning Zachary. "Before I do anything, I need to know how you found out."

"Hmm?" He was busy scribbling the alphabet down on a plain piece of paper.

"Zachary." That caught his attention. "How did you find out?"

"That you weren't an orphan?" I nodded. He continued creating a table out of the alphabet whilst talking. "Well, when I received the first letter three weeks ago, despite considering myself to be pretty good with computers, two weeks later I still couldn't find the pattern. So I started to look around for someone with brains to help me out. To my surprise, you got the highest GCSE grades ever recorded at school and I knew you were a bookworm. So I thought I would ask you. But, of course, I saw you every day on the bus stop and figured out that you weren't really a... an open kind of person. And it's not like I'm in the position to pay you... So, I just thought about doing the evil thing and digging up some dirt on you."

"But we'd made sure that dirt was hidden."

"Anything uploaded onto the mighty Internet, even for a second, leaves a trace."

"Damn. And that's how you found out."

"Yeah."

He continued with the task at hand and I went back to reading the article which I now realised was about the Caesar Cipher. The following articles on the Vigenère and Atbash Ciphers were linked to the Caesar one and basically involved shifting the alphabet around to create the code.

"Hey, Computer Wiz. Why don't you-"

"Shit! I can run this passage through checks on a computer!"

I rolled my eyes. "And you're 'pretty good with computers'?" I asked, mimicking him.

"Just because I didn't make the connection earlier, you act like a smart ass?"

"Pretty much." I smiled.

"I'll do the checks tomorrow then." He started to collect his pens and papers off the ground.

Just as he was about to stand up, I remembered something which didn't fit into the explanation he'd given me. "Hey, wait a second. You already had the first code figured out when I gave you my solution."

"Because I'd only figured it out the day before." Zachary shrugged. "I happened to search the name of the characters and found out about Lemony Snicket and the nature of those books. I eventually found out about Gustav Sebald and deciphered the passage. But it was too late to contact you and take you out of the game, so to say, and upon receiving the second code that same morning, I guessed I could do with your help."

"Would it have killed you to ask me politely first?" I noticed I'd clenched my jaw.

"Would you have accepted if I did?" He turned to look straight into my eyes.

I broke away from the stare and focused on the stars across the sky. "Doc was right. You only wanted me on board."

"And I thought that that was the only way."

"Whatever." This was the only time in my life I ever wished to have been more approachable person - it would have saved me a lot of trouble.

A silence settled over us. I thought he would leave, but he put his stuff aside and dangled his legs over the edge, thinking. It was so weird that I could laugh at the jokes he made but then still be extremely mad at him. It had been long since I'd asked Doc for a formal therapy session or a diagnosis, but I did remember reading something about the slight possibility of a cyclothymic disorder in one of my first reports. This minor form of the bipolar disorder had never been confirmed by Doc, so I never really worried about it.

"Why would my sister contact me through codes?" Zachary asked out loud, still looking across the plains.

"The same reason why I wouldn't want my mother contacting me," I said, pulled out of my thoughts. "So that nobody finds out I have relatives they can send me off to."

"Why would she contact me if she didn't want to meet me? For all I know, this could be a random person trying to kill me," I could see his fists tightly clench, shaking, if ever so slightly. "I mean, "Hey, brother"? Wouldn't she address me by my name? This is just. So. Stupid."

"Maybe there's an explanation in the second letter." I carefully said, "Doesn't the slight possibility of having a sister make you..." I trailed off, not finding the right word. Happy? Clearly not. Curious?

"It makes me hopeful." He was looking at me again. "And I only have a limited amount of hope in me; I can't afford to waste it."

And I understood, I understood what he meant perfectly. The feeling of losing all hope, abandoning it because you just can't hold on anymore, is one I knew all too well. I wouldn't even wish it upon my worst enemy.

The sky above us wasn't that dark anymore. Lighter hues were starting to dissolve into the black-blue canopy which surrounded us before. The less bright stars, those which were too far away, became less and less discernible, much like my thoughts.

"You ever thought about where you would be if you'd succeeded in your escape?" He asked me.

"Not here."

He smiled. "No shit."

"But here isn't necessarily bad." I thought about Doc and how he pulled my pieces together and made me the person I am. I remembered Eve and how without her cheerful attitude my take on life would have been so much darker.

"No it isn't."

I hadn't really stopped to think about the little family I'd made for myself. I had someone to show me the ways of life and I had someone else to explore new things with. Could I have said the same, had I reached Le Havre? These people had become an essential part of my life and I had learnt to trust them. Their intentions had never been bad, yet I had been suspicious of them at the beginning. I began to question whether Doc was right in not minding Zachary's actions. Would Zachary really be so thoughtless to cause me such despair considering his own situation?

◇◇

A/N:

Accidentally went on hiatus, sorry :/

I feel like I'm always asking for forgiveness in these :')

Aaaanyway, I just felt inspired and am currently on holiday so here you guys go. I am extremely sorry for the slow updates, but if you've stuck by me for so long, you know that I can't help it, try as I may :(

Hopefully you guys liked this and I hope I have been able to convince you to postpone your murder plans for a little bit later hahahahaha

Love you guys if you're still reading my rambling,

-{Del}