82. don't wait

QUINN

     'TAKE YOUR PICK,' CAROL SPOKE AS SHE PULLED FOUR different guns out of her bag. She looked at Daryl, her eyebrows raised when he made no movement to take the gun from her.

'Look,' he started with a small shake of his head. 'I've been thinkin'. Do we really need these?'

Carol shared a small glare with Rick but Quinn kept her gaze focused on Daryl, wondering why he was suddenly changing his mind. It couldn't just be because of Aaron's offer. They were supposed to leave in an hour, Aaron was still making things ready and so with the two of them gone, only Rick and Carol were left to truly defend their family. She couldn't grasp why Daryl thought it was a bad idea to have those guns as a back up all of a sudden.

He noticed her staring at him and like he could read her mind he added: 'I mean, things go bad, yeah, sure we do what we gotta do, but it's like ya said we don't need these for that.' He gestured towards the guns with the hand he wasn't holding his crossbow with.

'Right now we don't,' Carol countered, not seeming able to understand his train of thought either.

His gaze went to his best friend. 'Ya wanted me to try, righ'? I'm good.' He sounded sure of himself, confident that he was making the right choice. And while Quinn couldn't fully understand it, she did respect his choice and apparently so did Carol because she nodded and turned away from him, handing Rick a gun instead. He took the weapon and put it behind it belt, hidden beneath his jacket. With one last look at Daryl he turned around and headed back into the direction of the community.

'I'll hide the others, you can have them when you get back,' Carol told Quinn as they started to make their way back to Alexandria. She was allowed to have weapons outside the walls and her hands were itching to hold her daggers again. The small knife hidden in her boot wasn't enough to make her safe, not the same way her trusted daggers did. But that wasn't the only reason she was excited to go out there again. It felt like she was finally allowed to breathe again. Like she was set free from a cage. It was strange to her how safety had shown her that she longed for danger. She longed to be out here, having to look over her shoulder and not worry about being nice to people she hardly cared about.

The sound of a car engine starting made her look up from the ground, a small smile appeared on her face when she saw it was Aaron, waiting for them at the gate. Carol and Rick told them to be careful before heading their own way and Daryl went to get his bike.

'You got everything?' She questioned Aaron as he lowered the car window.

A small smile appeared on his face. 'If you mean your daggers, then yes, I got everything.' He pointed to the seat next to his.

Quickly she walked around the car, opened the door and took the belt with her beloved weapons from the chair and bound it around her waist, where they belonged.

'I also got you this,' Aaron spoke up and reached inside the glove compartment. He took out a Glock 19 and handed it over to her. 'Thought you could use something beside daggers.' He smiled and then added: 'Oh and there was someone who wanted to say goodbye to you.'

She didn't need to ask who he was talking about and while putting the gun behind her belt she looked around, her eyes landing on her brother. Smiling slightly she walked around the car to meet him and pulled him into a hug.

Milo held her tightly, burying his face into her shoulder. She honestly believed he never wanted to let her go. 'Please be careful,' he mumbled, his worry clear in his voice, no matter how hard he tried to hide it.

She untangled herself from his tight grasp and smiled at him. 'You know I will,' she told him, knowing he would always worry about her but wishing he would have faith in her skills more.

Slowly he nodded and mumbled: 'yeah.' He stared at her for another second but she didn't allow him to say any more goodbyes, afraid he would say something that made her regret saying yes to Aaron about doing this. So she turned on her heels and headed towards the car, sitting down in the passenger seat. Aaron started the engine while Daryl drove his motorcycle in front of the car, seeming just as eager as her to go out there.

She didn't even look back as Aaron drove out of the safety of Alexandria and into the danger of the outside world. It felt good to be out here, like she was free again. Leaning back in her chair she watched the landscape pass them by while listening to the sound of Daryl's motorcycle leading the way. She knew it probably wasn't healthy to crave danger, to feel like she was only complete when she was out here, like she was the best version of herself when she held her daggers and charged into danger. Never before in her life had she succeeded and only when the world ended she found her purpose. She hardly cared if it wasn't healthy or wrong because to her it felt right. The only thing that had ever felt right was to be out here, to fight and...

Her eyes drifted to the man seated on his motorcycle before them. She was becoming more afraid of her feelings towards him with each passing day. She was being pulled towards him and it was impossible to resist the current. Each time her eyes caught sight of him, her heart stopped for a second, the air was sucked out of her lungs and the entire world seemed to slow down. She couldn't explain why but knew that besides fighting he was the only other thing in her life that felt right. And she wasn't sure if she should fight it, or embrace it. The fear of his rejection was like a hot knife that cut through her by the mere thought of him not feeling the same thing about her. If she lost him, she would lose herself, that much was certain to her.

'You think we'll find anyone out there?' Aaron questioned, pulling Quinn out of her thoughts.

'Anyone left out here knows how to take care of themselves,' she answered, 'so no matter if we find someone or not, we have to be careful.'

Aaron smiled slightly. 'Anyone ever tell you you're a little suspicious?'

She sighed deeply. 'You'd be too if you spend most of your life running from people.'

His smile turned into a frown. 'You were running from people before all of this?'

She didn't reply, not feeling like ripping that particular wound open right now.

'You know, I've been wondering,' Aaron started and she braced herself for his next words. 'How did you learn to use those daggers? Did you know before?'

She exhaled slowly, this was a question she could answer. 'I found them when all of this started. I taught myself. Milo taught me to use a gun but I wasn't great at it in the beginning.'

He chuckled lightly. 'Can't imagine it.'

'Imagine what?' She questioned.

'Well, it's like you said, anyone out there knows how to handle themselves, so I'm having trouble picturing you not knowing how to use a gun,' Aaron explained, his eyes focused on the road before them.

She tried her hardest to suppress a smile as the memory of Michonne and Milo teaching her how to shoot in the courtyard of the prison slowly came drifting up to the surface. 'Even Carl was better than I was when I started out,' she admitted, now fully smiling.

Aaron laughed. 'Well, his father was a cop, so I'm truly not surprised. That kid is the future of this world.' His laugh slowly faded. 'We have to make sure they have a future.'

Suddenly she remembered Daryl his words when she confessed she wasn't sure if she'd ever find peace again. He told her that maybe they weren't meant to find peace, that they were only supposed to find Alexandria so Carl and Judith could have a future. She believed him, realised that they had to make sure Alexandria had a future so Carl and Judith could grow up and become adults and live a normal life. 'Do you think finding people is making sure Alexandria has a future?' She questioned.

He took a second to think about it and then nodded. 'Yeah, I do. People have knowledge, skills and the more people we have, the more hands we have to work on protecting the walls, on expanding the community.'

'Yeah,' she mumbled, 'maybe.' She leaned back in her chair, her eyes going back to the world outside their car. No matter how much she distrusted people, maybe it was time to start seeing beyond the darkness in this world. If she wanted to make sure her family survived, she had to make sure the community would keep standing. And Aaron was right, the only way to do that was to make sure they had as many capable hands as possible. And then she realised that maybe for the first time since this all started, she was using her newfound talent to fight for something could. She was going to find people, safe them, give them a home, a chance to live and built something better for themselves. She'd been selfish to think that going beyond the walls would only be good for her, that she'd feel better about herself. That wasn't the reason she was supposed to be happy she was out here. She should feel happy because she was giving people who were lost, a chance. Much like Michonne had given her a chance when she saved her life on that road. Like they'd given Andrea a chance when they saved her. Like Aaron had given them a chance...

She was so incredibly selfish that it made her heart ache. This wasn't the first time she wished she'd been given more of her brother's faith in the strength of other people but it was the first time that the thought hit her with so much intensity that it hurt. 

Her thoughts were interrupted by the cease of the roaring sound of Daryl's motorcycle. Frowning she turned to look out of the front window and saw he had parked the bike at the side of the road. Aaron followed his example and parked the car just off the road. The two of them stepped outside, grabbing their gear.

'There's a town that way,' Daryl gestured towards a road taking a turn to the right.

Aaron nodded. 'Could be a good place to hold up.'

Three of them turned right, into the direction of the town. Town turned out to be a big word. There was one street with several shops and a few houses scattered around it. Far in the distance a lone walker roamed but other than that there wasn't any sign of danger. She scanned the names of shops, hoping to find both something worth taking home with them or a good place for people to hide. Her attention was taken by a clothing store. The windows gave a good view on the street and there was a sign of an emergency exit on the side. Any place with two exits was worth looking at. She nudged Daryl and pointed at the store.

He nodded and walked forwards, his crossbow ready in his hands. Reaching the window he lifted his hand and knocked on the glass a few times, then took a step back a waited.

She gave him a side eye glance and smiled slightly. 'Let's hope the ceiling won't come down,' she muttered, so softly that Aaron, who was standing behind her, couldn't hear it but Daryl, standing next to her, definitely could.

Shaking his head he scoffed. 'Ain't supposed to joke 'bout that,' he muttered back, but his eyes were sparkling with amusement that he failed to keep hidden from her.

'What are you guys whispering about?' Aaron questioned from behind them.

'Just the good old days,' Quinn sighed, then walked up to the door and opened it, hearing the footsteps of the two men following her into the shop behind her. Even though Daryl had knocked on the glass, she still kept her dagger firmly in her hand and scanned the place carefully. There could always be a walker stuck somewhere. If there was anything she learned from her time on the road, it was to always be careful.

Walking down the aisle, she couldn't help but notice the black coats hanging on her right. With the days growing colder, she could use a new coat and even though she brought one, shopping wasn't something they could much nowadays. This was just too good of an opportunity to pass up. She reached out and took the coat from the hanger and tried it on. She walked up to the dusty mirror on her right and smiled at reflection.

'Seriously?' Daryl's voice came from behind her. She could practically hear him roll his eyes and smiled at him in the mirror.

'Yes, seriously,' she responded before turning around and facing him. His eyes lingered on her for another second before he shook his head and walked to the door. Biting her tongue to hide her growing smile Quinn followed him but was stopped in her exit by a scream.

Swiftly she turned, rushing back into the shop with Daryl right behind her. In the aisle right before them, Aaron was laying on the ground, struggling to keep a walker away from his face. She didn't hesitate and ran forwards, only to face another walker that came stumbling around the corner. It came straight towards her with its arms outstretched and the sound of snapping teeth. She stumbled backwards and collided with the mirror behind her. A small gasp left her lips but she managed to jump aside at the very last moment. The walker collided with the glass and a loud cracking sound echoed through the small shop. Before the corpse could change it course and come after her again, she ran up to it and took its head in her heads, smashing it against the mirror over and over again.

Another crack painted the mirror like a spiderweb and when she pushed the walker against the glass once again, it finally broke completely. Shards of glass rained down on her but she used the corpse as a shield.

Snarls from behind her took her attention and her eyes widened when she turned around to see another walker coming straight towards her. She caught sight of the emergency exit and saw Daryl fighting his way through the small herd to try and get the door closed. Apparently the walkers had been stumbling around in the alley behind the shop.

But he was taken out of her sight but the walker coming for her. With her free hand she reached for her dagger, drew back her arm and threw the blade. It flew through the air before landing, perfectly between the eyes of the corpse, making it drop the ground. Her victory was short lifted however as the walker she'd been holding with her other hand managed to turn around in her grasp, her hand sinking away in its skin like it was made of paper. She had to bite her tongue to keep her food inside. The corpse snapped its teeth right at her face and her startled reaction made her stumble backwards and lose her balance. One second she was standing and the other she was laying on the ground with the skinless walker on top of her.

She couldn't reach the daggers that were attached to belt and keep the walker its teeth away from her. Groaning as she struggled against the corpse an idea flashed through her mind. With her free hand she reached for the mirror and hit the glass as hard as she could. The already broken glass came falling out of its frame. She picked up a shard, yelling in pain as it cut into her skin and with a shout she pushed the shard into the brain of the walker. It fell silent and stopped struggling.

Gathering her strength she threw the corpse aside and looked around the shop. Daryl was just helping Aaron get back on his feet. She counted ten dead walkers on the ground, most of them gathered at the door. Maybe having a second exit wasn't always a safe choice.

'You okay?' Daryl asked, moving towards her, his eyes focused on her bleeding hand.

'Gotta be,' she replied with a small smile, pushing herself back on her feet.

'We should go,' Aaron said, looking around the shop with wide eyes. Neither Daryl or Quinn was about to argue with that and they left the shop as quick as they could. They did a quick scan of the other shops but except for more clothes and some rotten fruit, they found nothing. 

By the time they made it back to the car, darkness had fallen. Luckily they hadn't faced anymore walkers, Quinn had her fill of them after having seen the skin of one of them come off like it was a mask. She had used a piece of cloth as a makeshift bandage for her cut but as they set up camp for the night, she realised it was deep enough to probably need stitches and so as Aaron made a fire and Daryl started to skin a squirrel he shot earlier that day, she sat down with the first aid kit Aaron had brought alone and sought for needle and thread.

She only realised how deep the cut truly was after she'd cleaned it with water. With a heavy sigh she picked up the needle but before she could make a move to push it in her skin, a shadow fell over her, taking away the light from the fire. She didn't have to look up to know who it was. He knelt down in front of her, blue eyes filled with worry. She wasn't sure he'd ever stop worrying about her, even if it was about something as little as a cut. Wordlessly she raised her eyebrows at him, silently challenging him to do it himself if he was that worried. Of course that was stupid, because he'd always accept a challenge and so he took the needle and thread from her and took her wounded hand in his.

Flames licked her skin where he touched her and she took a shaky breath to try and hold it together. It was ridiculous how her body reacted to his presence but at the same time the butterflies in her stomach had made themselves at home. She trusted this feeling more than she trusted her judgement and knew that no matter how hard she'd try to deny it, she could no longer shake the fact that this man had slowly made its way into her heart.

She studied him shamelessly as he worked carefully to stitch up her wound. She had always loved the concentrated look on his face when he worked on something but when it was such a delicate task at his, she loved it even more. She'd seen him fight, skin animals, be ruthless and although that was sexy as hell, this part of him that he usually kept so carefully hidden, she loved the most. His rough hands that could handle every situation, even one as delicate as this, the soft gleam in his ocean blue eyes that made her heart flutter. He was gorgeous and she found herself wanting to get completely lost in him more and more each passing day.

She winced when he carefully cut the thread and blinked to pull herself out of her thoughts. She moved her gaze to her newly stiched up wound before he were to look up and catch her staring. 'Thanks,' she muttered, moving her hand to get a feel of the thread in her skin, it felt weird, like it was pulling at her. But at least this way the wound would heal correctly.

Daryl gave her a curt nod before standing up and getting back to skinning his squirrel. Meanwhile Aaron handed her a can of beans. The man looked disgust at the thought of having to eat the little animal. Smiling she took the can from him. She didn't mind the taste of the animal anymore but if the choice was between squirrel and canned beans...she'd pick the beans.

After finishing her food she lay down on the ground, trying her hardest to get comfortable on the forest floor. She figured it would be easy to go back to sleeping on the floor but even though she had only spend a few days sleeping in a normal bed again it seemed like she was going to have to get used to the hard floor all over again. After twisting and turning for a while she finally managed to get somewhat comfortable and closed her eyes, after making Aaron promise he'd wake her when his watch was over. She knew Daryl probably wouldn't sleep but still, she liked to at least give him the option to by taking care of the watch.

The blissfull nothingness of sleep had almost taken over her completely when she could hear Aaron's voice. He was trying to talk softly but with no other sounds except for the crackling of the fire, it was hard to miss.

'You know, when I first met Eric I knew right away that he was the one,' he spoke hesitantly, as though he wasn't sure he should be talking about this but something made that he kept going on anyway. 'It took me a year to tell him though,' he added with a small chuckle. 'I always figured there'd be the perfect moment, the perfect time to finally tell him how I truly felt.' 

He fell silent again and she tried her hardest to pretend like she was sleeping. Somehow she believed he wouldn't be saying this unless he thought she wasn't listening. This was something meant only for Daryl's ears, too bad she was still awake.

'Turns out that the perfect time doesn't exist,' the man continued, 'you have to make it perfect yourself.'

It took a full minute for Daryl to reply and Quinn was pretty sure it was because he was very much aware she wasn't truly sleeping. 'What're ya sayin'?' The redneck questioned.

She could hear the smile on Aaron's face as he answered. 'Don't wait.'