Cole's heart had been racing for the last thirty minutes since being around Noelle and Jacob. However, right now it felt like it was at its peak. Being around Noelle and Jacob had finally made him feel whole again, but their hesitation and distant demeanor with him was painful. Rightfully so though, since he didn't deserve to breath the Colee air as them anymore, but he still wanted a second chance and he'd do anything to get that. The fact that Noelle was giving him a few minutes to speak said more to him than anything. He had to be careful with his words though. He'd almost broken character with Jacob just moments ago and he didn't want to upset his mother and have her a crying mess as well. He'd already shed many tears with Jacob and he didn't know if he was hydrated enough to shed too many more.

With a deep breath and a mental slap in the face he started. "First, I'd like to apologize for the night of Jacob's Christmas show." Noelle froze for a moment, head still down, and Cole was ready for her to bolt. But she didn't and Cole wanted to cheer for another good sign. "I am so sorry for leaving the way I did and both of you deserve better from a friend.

"I'll be honest...I'm a coward. I might be tall and heavier than the average person, but on the inside I feel like a tiny insecure person. And all of that came to ahead that night," he finished in one breath before taking a moment to make sure she wasn't preparing to leave him in the dust. "The moment I first saw you and Jacob, I knew you two were different. I knew the both of you were going to mean something to me I just didn't know how much it would be. Then I lucked out and you both gave me some of your time, and that's when I learned you two were supposed to mean everything to me. It happened fast yeah, but it never felt wrong, and even though the little insecure voice in my head had seemed to have taken a backseat at first, it came back in full force the moment I knew I had fallen for you," the moment he was done he heard a gasp from Noelle and her head snapped up to him. Finally, she had looked at him and although her eyes were full of anger, he still wanted to get lost in them.

"Why would you say that?!" Her voice started heavy and ended light, with a crack at the end. He wanted to scoop her up into his arms like he had done Jacob, but he would probably end up with a hard kick in a place he didn't want. So he decided to continue and hopefully answer all of the questions swirling in her beautiful mind.

"Because it's true, Noelle. I started falling the moment I met you and Jacob as my, not as Santa, and I crashed the night of his show. That light and fluffy feeling hit me all at once and it terrified me. You and your son are two of the most amazing people I've ever met. Please don't shake your head, it's true. That night, the insecure voice in my head took over once that feeling hit me in full force, telling me I don't deserve you two. Telling me you wouldn't want someone like me in your life. You deserve someone younger, someone who has direction in your life. At that moment I felt like a washed up has-been. The career I worked my entire life for was done and your life is just getting started. Every little thing I disliked about myself seemed to magnify, just to remind me that I shouldn't want someone as perfect as you. That I don't deserve it. So, in my moment of panic I thought that leaving before you learned how I felt about you would be better. You wouldn't have to let me down and I wouldn't have to get too close to get hurt.

"The thing is," he chuckled humorlessly. "I was already in. I ended up hurting myself and left feeling a pain that I'd never felt before. How dumb was that? I hurt myself and then I realized that I may have hurt you and Jacob as well and I'd never felt as low as I did then. I guess I really didn't deserve you two, huh?" His eyes were wet and he hadn't realized it till he wiped across his eyes. All he had done was try to keep his focus on Noelle. Her stoned face was slowly crumbling. He didn't know what would appear after the wall fell, but he only hoped it was a chance.

"I could say I'm sorry everyday for the rest of my life," he continued, "and it wouldn't be enough. I just..." he let out another sigh before he could continue again. His chest felt tighter than ever and he only had so much more time to say what he needed to say before letting her go. I just want you to know that I'm so incredibly sorry for hurting you and hurting Jacob. I understand if you never want to see me again and I know I don't deserve to apologize to Jacob as myself, but I hope you let him know that I am. I will always be sorry. You've given me the best holiday and I'll cherish that forever while always remembering what I let go."

When he was done it was his turn to look down. He didn't have it in him to watch her walk away from him like she had probably done that night. He blinked away the moisture that had continued to collect in his eyes and tried to breath evenly, waiting to see her feet leave his sight as she walked away. He knew he'd crumble once that happened so he locked his legs in anticipation while his throat felt like it was closing at the same time. He felt like he was on a roller coaster, climbing up slowly and slowly and waiting for the dreadful drop.

Only, nothing happened. At least in the couple of minutes that he hung his head low. Her feet never moved nor made any motion that they were on their way out. It confused him as he deserved her storming away more than anything, yet there she was still. He took another deep breath before taking a chance and looking back up at her. Feeling like a dog who'd been caught chewing on a shoe he slowly looked back up at her and found her eyes waiting to meet his. Her face held something new than it did before. It looked like concern.

The new look on her face didn't help Cole feel any better or worse, it made him confused. Why would she be concerned for him right now? She should be anything but concerned. He didn't know what to do with her looking at him like that so he rubbed the back of his neck and decided to speak again. "Is something wrong?" He felt silly asking such a question, but it was the only thing that came out at that moment so he hoped for the best.

He didn't expect an answer. He'd resigned himself to the worst outcomes possible before the evening arrived so he was pleasantly surprised when she spoke up.