Things weren't okay. Cole thought everything was going to fail that evening and Noelle and Jacob wouldn't show up and he'd never get to beg for their forgiveness and grovel. He kept trying to remind himself that if they don't show up, it isn't the end. He could go to her home and beg at her door. He could reach out to her brother and beg through him. Anything at this point just to make things right. To make Noelle his.

As he paced around the room in his Santa getup he tried to think of the right things to say in advance, but nothing was coming to him. He was sweating profusely from the constant movement and willed the time to go faster. Soon enough it was time to head outside to wait near one of the sleighs used to take people on rides. His uncle, his cousin and he each dressed as a Santa in order to have three rides going at a time. Of course they left at different times and areas to avoid kids seeing more than one Santa and becoming suspicious. Fortunately the trails used were far apart enough to allow it. Now he just had to wait.

He didn't expect them to be the first group he took around the farm, nor the second. However, by the fifth group of people he had started to lose hope. Through his earphone, he heard his sister constantly updating them on groups arriving, but none were them so far. Since his sister was the one greeting all visitors, she agreed to make sure they'd end up at his sleigh and let him know in advance with the code words "two turtle doves en route" but he had yet to hear it. His heart was heavy and he tried to hide it as best as he could and to make the families he was currently working with, the ride of their lives.

When he finished the ride around his set trail with the happy family behind him, he was ready to admit defeat. He took a quick sip of hot cocoa from the thermos he had stashed away and sat in silence. The radio had yet to relay anything for the last few minutes and it signaled to him that there was no one else left for the night. His plan had failed and he didn't have anyone to blame but himself for the feelings he was dealing with at the moment. He'd lost plenty of of games throughout his football career but this loss felt momentous. The hole in his heart felt endless. Why did he have to be such a coward?

It felt like he sat there for hours until a crackling of the radio made him jolt. His heart felt like it stopped and his breath was stuck in his throat, waiting to hear what anyone had to say. When the words finally came through, his ears began to ring and his heart felt like it was lodged in his throat. "Two turtle doves en route, Colemy boy," his sister's voice sounded giddy. After letting out a broken breath he closed his eyes and felt a tear role down his cheek. They came. He had a chance.

Realizing they'd arrive any moment he took a deep breath and prepared to become Santa for Jacob. He only hoped he'd get a moment with them after to make things right. He needed to if he wanted the life he dreamed of.

He heard people approaching and his palms became sweaty. He could hear his aunts voice, walking them to him and giving advice and safety precautions before they climbed onto the sleigh. It took everything in him not to turn around and greet them as Cole, but he had to do it right. He didn't want to ruin Jacob's image of Santa especially the night before Christmas so he took one more quiet, deep breath and turned to greet the two people who owned his heart.

"Ho ho ho! Are you ready for a quick ride with my lovely friends before I have to take off and deliver some presents?" His eyes took in Jacob at first who looked giddy yet guarded. The smile that took over his face didn't quite reach his eyes and he felt a sting at the back of his eyes knowing he may have had something to do with that. He felt the sharp sting of his mother's eyes and he wanted to be a coward once more and turn back around and start the trip. But if he wanted even a fraction of a chance he couldn't do that. With an internal mantra to be brave he move his eyes over to Noelle and the moment their eyes connected, he felt whole again.

Yes, her glare was venomous, but for a small second it looked like there was something else that flashed in there. Something he hoped meant longing. "Are you two buckled up and ready?" He looked back at Jacob who nodded and he took that as enough and faced forward to begin their ride.

It started out quiet with the sounds of the 'reindeer' trotting and the wind as the only noise between them. When they took their first turn and passed the small sheds that his aunts and mother decorated with lights to look like gingerbread houses he heard a squeal come from the little man in the back. He felt his lips curl and then his smile lifted even more when he heard the little boy giggling. It felt like his heart was healing with that sound. The only thing that could make it complete would be to hear Noelle's laughter mixed with Jacob's, but he didn't think he'd get that luxury soon. Maybe after plenty of groveling and a miracle.

Throughout the rest of the ride Cole threw in some 'ho ho ho's' and shouted at his 'reindeer' to go faster at certain times. Those times were his favorite because he could hear Jacob's laughter and excitement and him telling his mother everything he saw. He didn't hear much coming from Noelle other than her explaining some things to him, but she didn't sound as excited as he did. He knew it was because she was completely aware that Cole was the one driving them and it had been a setup. He wondered how the interaction with his sister went when they arrived and if Ashley had given a lot away beforehand.

The last turn on the trail before they arrived back at the end point was approaching so he turned his head to inform them and his eyes collided with Noelles once more. She was glaring at him as hard as she had been at the beginning, but there was still an anger in them. Anger was good. It meant she still felt something for him at least and he figured he could work with that.

As they began to slow, he heard Jacob let out a sigh and tell Noelle that he wanted to do it again and her telling him that they couldn't hold Santa back for too long because he had a busy night ahead. The 'okay' he gave her was sad and disappointed but understanding and Cole wanted to pull his favorite little kid into a hug and tell him it would be okay. He would make sure it was okay, he only had to hope they'd give him the opportunity.

When the sleigh came to a stop, there was silence for a moment before Cole gathered the courage to jump down and help them down rather than let his aunt who was waiting for them do the honors. They had successfully unbuckled themselves and he held his hand out to assist Noelle down first. With his hand held out towards her she looked at him then his hand in hesitation. He silently prayed she would take it and he could relay everything he possibly could in that small moment for now.

When her small, leather gloved hand landed in his, he let out an audible sigh of relief that caught him off guard as well as her. When he tried to open his mouth to say something to her, she shook her head and quickly walked down the steps and let go of his hand immediately, the coldness could be felt instantly.

He then turned back to help Jacob down and was met with his two precious eyes and arms crossed.

"Mr. Santa. I need a word with you," was all he said in the most serious voice he ever heard coming from a child. Cole turned back to look at Noelle who was watching them with a mortified look. Once her eyes connected with his he gave her a reassuring nod, trying to convey that things will be okay. She didn't look less worried, but she tipped her chin down once and then took a few steps back to stand next to Cole's aunt. She kept her eyes locked on Jacob and Cole would have done anything to make sure she knew he would do anything not to hurt him.

Cole cleared his throat and turned back to Jacob. "Hello, young man. What can I do for you?" He did his best to keep in character even though he just wanted to scoop him up into a hug and apologize endlessly.

"Do you remember what I asked for for Christmas? I only wanted one really big thing and you said that you would try?" Cole nodded his head lightly, trying to remember the conversation fully. He remembered telling Jacob he would try, but he didn't think there were any stipulations or guarantees since a human as a gift doesn't usually go as one would expect. "Well I decided I don't want a dad anymore." Cole's heart stopped at those words and his eyes practically bulged out of his head. He didn't want one anymore?

"What makes you say that?" Cole wanted to know why the change of heart happened, and he was worried it was because of him. His hands became sweaty and his heart raced as if he'd just finished running ten miles.

"I don't want a dad anymore because old guys are mean and they just make my mommy sad and me sad and I think it's better if I don't have a dad." Cole's eyes stung at the sad words spilling out of Jacob's mouth. This was all his fault. He'd ruined everything and now he had a sad child before him on Christmas Eve. He felt like the worst kind of person.

"Jacob," Cole said in his normal voice, unable to pretend. He hoped Jacob wouldn't realize it, but he was going to grovel as Santa anyway. "Did someone recently make you sad?" The little boy, with his arms still crossed and a stiff upper lip nodded instantly. The glistening in his eyes almost brought Cole to his knees. "How did this person make you sad?"

The little boy blinked his tears away before answering. "He ran away from us and stopped talking to us and didn't even say anything," he rambled. "Do you know Cole? He lives here."

"I do know Cole and I know he has been very sad lately," Cole told him.

"Why is he sad?"

"Well, I think he made a big mistake and now he has to suffer alone because of it. Is Cole the person who made you sad?" Jacob's eyes began to water again as he nodded. "I think Cole has been sad here because he knew he made that mistake."

"Why did he do it then?" This little boy was too smart and perceptive.

"He didn't tell me directly, but I think he told his sister it was because he got scared." At least that was the truth. Ashley was the first to learn of his stupid reasoning.

"Why would he be scared? He's huge! He's almost as big as you!" Cole wanted to laugh at Jacob's observation. If he hadn't been wearing extra fluff around the tummy area he would def be the Colee size as Jacob's Cole.

"He was afraid he didn't deserve the good thing that was happening to him," Cole said earnestly. The confused look on Jacob's face told him he was doing a very poor job of explaining things. So, he took a deep breath and tried to relay the truth to him. At least as close to it he could get without blowing his cover for Jacob.