Please read this whole thing before reading the new chapter :)

I would just like to say that there is some drug use in this chapter. PLEASE, do not do drugs and just because the character says they've tried it before and it's okay does NOT mean it is okay and that you guys should try it, ok? Drugs are not okay and everything in here is fiction. I do NOT support drug use or any other type of self-destructive behavior; everything is for the sake of the story. Be cautious and smart :)

Before the chapter next week, I decided to make sort of a tiny 'Cold Water Q&A' chapter, in which you guys ask me question about the story/character/everything and I will put them all together and post it. It will not count as the weekly chapter next week!

I saw that a lot of you are asking me stuff about how I came up with the idea, about the characters, and even questions about myself, so I decided of doing sort of an 'interview/Q&A'. So ask me anything, either in the comments, on Twitter (ronniebennett94), on Snapchat (ronniebennett94), on Tumblr (ronniebennett94), on Instagram (ronniebennett94), on Wattpad or the characters' pages that I put at the end of the chapters.

I thought you guys would be interested in that sort of thing, and I would be more than happy to answer all your questions about anything, personal or about the story!

So, after you read this, feel free to ask me anything about myself or the books :)

Happy reading :D

---

Previously on chapter 18:

"Look, I'm sorry." I start.

I know that apologizing means admitting I did something wrong and maybe I wasn't the only one who did something wrong, but in a way, it was my fault and I just want to get it over with.

"For what?" he asks, clearly completely taken aback by my apology.

"For everything."

Then, after I short pause and two drags from the cigarette, I add: "I understand."

"What?"

"I understand Niall. Everything you ever told me, every single reason you gave me as to why you're still with her and why 'us' isn't such a good idea, finally makes sense."

"What?"

He still can't process everything I've just told him.

"I don't get it." he adds.

"I mean, I understand where you're coming from and I understand that you moved on and I understand that we would never work. And I'm fucking finally okay with it." I say, smiling. "Niall, I'm sorry for all those times I didn't listen and for all those times I still tried and just annoyed you."

"It's-it's fine." Niall says, not really knowing what else to say.

"I'm honestly sorry. I was a bitch when I kept butting into your relationship, but I just couldn't accept the fact that I still hadn't gotten over it...you. But I'm fine now, and I've moved on."

He looks at me for a few seconds and I take another drag before I continue my speech.

"I'm sorry, and I just wanted to let you know that we're okay, and from now on we're going to be just normal, platonic friends. I'm finally happy. It's okay."

He looks at me as he puts out his cigarette in one of the ashtrays.

"Renee, it's never going to be okay."

And just like that, he walks away with his hands in his pockets.

---

Rey's POV

I watch the door close behind him, and for a few moments, my head is completely blank. I don't know how to react, or what he meant.

Then, after everything finally starts making sense and I repeat his words in my head, a wave of anger rushes through me. How dare he? How fucking dare he?! I was trying to make everything okay between us and he can't fucking accept it?

Maybe I was never the problem. He was.

And then it downs on me. It has always been so simple.

He's a fucking player. He's a player who has always slept around and never committed and gave me false hope.

And I was the fool who fell for him and thought that I was the problem, when I was actually just too blinded by the attraction I felt towards him to notice that he was taking me for granted.

And I deserve more. Even though I don't have someone right now like Niall does, that doesn't mean I can be happy alone. I need to learn to be alone, love myself, and only after I feel complete just being by myself will I be truly happy.

I put the cigarette out in the ashtray before I head back to the club. And even though I know that kissing Bryan would just seem like I'm trying to prove something to Niall, I'm doing it because I fucking want to and I am doing it for myself.

Bryan and I kiss and dance for a while, and to be honest it's the most fun I've had in weeks, so I just let myself do it.

"I've got some E, do you want some?" he whispers in my ear and I nod.

So I follow him out into the VIP smoking area and we go into a far corner, where he pulls out a tiny plastic bag that contains two quarters of a full pill.

"You take one and I'll take one." He says and I smile, before I take one quarter out and hold it between my fingers.

"Are you a fucking idiot mate?" Niall's voice echoes from behind us before he's right there next to us. "We have a drug test next week."

Then he looks at me. "What the fuck are you thinking?" he asks me and I flip him off.

"Piss off Niall, I'm not yours to worry about." I tell him, before I actually place the pill on my tongue and swallow it.

I've tried Ecstasy before and it wasn't that bad, because I took the same amount I took just now.

I leave the two of them to argue, and ten minutes later, I already feel the effects of the tiny pill through my body. I am absolutely happy and feel like I'm in heaven, so I go down to the dancefloor between all the bodies and start dancing live I've never danced before.

By the time Jake and Sophia find me on the dancefloor, I'm completely sweaty and smiling. My lungs and throat hurt from how loud I screamed along to Cardi B, Rihanna and G-Eazy.

"Are you high?" Jake laughs and I nod.

"I am hiiiigh-ppy." I say, trying to make 'high' and 'happy' into only one word.

"Jesus Rey, what did you take?" Sophia asks, and I'm suddenly angry because it sounds like she's judging me.

"I just took a happy pill, leave me be." I argue and pull my arm away from her grip. It's so annoying when you're happy and people want to shit all over it because they can't get on your level of happiness.

"Am I saying the word happy too many times?" I ask Jake before we both burst out laughing.

"See? This is why I love you Jake. You always support me." I tell him and hug him. Sophia seems extremely offended and hurt, so she marches off. I can't feel bad right now, but I know that as soon as the drug wears off I'll feel really bad.

"I love you Jake." I tell him.

"I love you too bitch."

So the two of us spend the next hour dancing, and the drug slowly wears off because I moved so much I'm pretty sure I actually sweated it out.

"I need a smoke. And I need to go find Sophia. But first, I need the loo." I tell him and of course, he follows me to the bathroom. Even though he's a guy, it's like an unspoken rule that, whenever I need to go to the bathroom in the club and Sophia isn't around, he needs to come with me.

There are a couple of drunk girls by the mirror, who see Jake when he comes in but don't complain.

"Oh my GOD I love your shoes!" one of them exclaims and then I proceed to compliment her dress, so we go back and forth like that until one of their friends comes in an tells them that Hailey is finally making out with Josh, so they scream and run out of the bathroom.

After I'm done in the bathroom, I go outside for a smoke and see Sophia and Liam there, with Sophia looking pretty down. I instantly feel bad, and even though I can still feel a little bit of the effect of the pill, I decide to apologize. She accepts it and kisses my cheek, so I know we're good.

She knows how I can get when I'm drunk or high, but after all, that's how we all get and it's okay.

I have a smoke with the two of them before Niall suddenly makes an appearance, but I'm still too high to care.

Fuck you, I think.

"Re-" he starts but I put a hand up and can't help but giggle.

He wraps his fingers around my wrist. "You're high, what are-"

"Leave me the fuck alone already!" I exclaim and some heads turn to look at us. "I told you I wanted to be okay and you always have to go ahead and fuck it up. Well then, I'm done trying to be nice. Just leave me alone. We were better off when we didn't even know each other that well." I rant and pull my hand out of his grasp, before I let the cigarette drop to the floor and walk away. I'm proud of myself.

The rest of the night goes by quickly, and the drug eventually wears off completely when Jason and I are in a taxi on our way home.

After I finally remove my makeup, which is always my least favorite thing to do after a night out, I change into my pajamas and get into bed, a bit too tipsy to think about everything that happened.

But for once in a very long time, I fall asleep with a smile on my face.

Niall's POV

I get home after four in the morning, and my mother's old car is gone so I know she's at work already for an early shift.

I toe my shoes off in the hallway before I tiptoe up the stairs, careful not to wake anyone up. After I take off my shirt and my pants, I light up a cigarette and lean against the window.

The door to my room opens, and the fact that there wasn't a knock means it's my sister.

"What are you doing up so late?" I ask her and she doesn't even bother to look as if she didn't just ignore me.

"How was it?" she asks instead and extends her hand to grab my cigarette and take a drag herself, but I push her hand away.

"How was what?"

"The club."

"It was okay." I tell her, even though I kind of get an idea about where this conversation is headed.

"Did you talk to her?"

"Who?"

"Don't play dumb Niall. Did you talk to Rey." She says, rolling her eyes before she sits up on the windowsill next to me.

"More like, she talked to me."

Why the fuck am I talking to my little sister about this?

"About what?"

"Why do you even care Lilly?"

"Because you're my brother you idiot." She says like it's the most obvious thing in the world. "So tell me." she urges and takes the cigarette out of my hand before I can do something to stop her. So I light up another one.

"She said she understands and that we're okay and that it's okay that I moved on and that she's doing the same."

"Well, is she?"

"Yeah. With Bryan from my team."

She frowns. She obviously knows about Bryan and his drug habits. "And what did you tell her?"

"I told her that it's never going to be okay."

She lets out an exasperated groan. "You're an idiot for fuck's sake!"

"Excuse me?"

"You are! I mean, you tell her no, then when she finally gives up and moves on, you tell her differently. You're fucking with her head like a selfish fuckboy."

"Why does everyone use that term with me?"

"Because that's how you act! Leave her be Niall, you're just sending mixed signals to hide the fact that you don't know what you want and don't want to commit."

"Did you come in here to give me a lecture?" I ask, blowing the smoke out the window.

"No, I came to see if you apologized to her."

I shake my head and we stay in silence until we finish our cigarettes, which we then throw out the window.

"Niall. Listen to me." she says and doesn't go on until I look at her. "I know you. I've known you for sixteen fucking years. It's not okay how you treated her and what you did to her. What if I was Rey and was in the same situation with a guy who treated me the way you treated her? Would you like that?"

"Of course not." I frown.

"Then just stop. Get over it. Up until now, you complained to her about how you wanted her to drop it and get over you because it's never going to happen. And now that she is, you're selfish and you want her back, even though you know she's never going to be yours. Get over it, because she is."

She hops down from the windowsill and runs a hand through her hair.

Before she leaves, she turns around in the doorframe.

"Niall, just accept the fact that you lost her. After all, you let her know that that's what you wanted all along."

***

Rey's POV

As my mom promised, she scheduled me my first appointment with the shrink soon enough. To be honest, I actually expected to go to see a therapist way earlier in my life than at almost nineteen because of her. But of course, I don't tell her that to her face, even though I know she's thought about it.

Rey: https://www.polyvore.com/19.1/set?id=236321321

The therapist is a thirty-year-old women who also works at the hospital part time and smiles at me as soon as I open the door to her office. It's just like the offices I saw in the movies: a couch by the window, a large desk filled with papers and binders, a coffee table and a chair in which she will sit while I sit on the couch.

I take off my jacket and place it next to me before I sit down on the couch, facing her. I place my hands between my thighs and look around the room because to be honest, I have no idea what I should say or do.

She sits down across from me on that chair and places a notepad on her legs, tapping the pen against it.

"Why are you here?" she asks and okay, that's not a normal question to ask, is it?

"Because my mom told me to come." I tell her, and she scribbles something down on her notepad. I frown and ask her what she just wrote but she doesn't care to answer.

"Yes, that's the answer I usually get from all teenagers. But we both know the actual reason 'your mother' sent you here. Let's talk about that."

"Look, I'm really okay and I don't have PTSD or whatever."

"Well, then tell me about what happened. Should be really easy if you claim you're okay."

So I proceed to tell her everything that happened two days ago, in detail, and after she scribbles some more, she looks up at me.

"How do you know Niall?" she asks.

"What does Niall have to do with anything?" I cross my arms over my chest. She looks down at them and I know she sees it as a defense gesture, so I uncross them and leave them hanging by my sides.

"Well, from what I gathered up until now, you certainly don't have PTSD but you do have some unresolved issues with Niall, whose father caused the whole thing. And you also told me that he came to talk to you and apologize for something."

I shortly tell her what he came to apologize for.

"So you have strong feelings towards him." She concludes and writes down something.

I'm not sure I like this random person reading me like an open book.

"I do have feelings for him, but I'm getting over it."

"Why are you getting over him?" she pushes.

"Because he's with someone else, and after a long time of going back and forth, I finally accepted that nothing's ever going to happen between him and I."

"But you want to."

"I thought I did." I tell her, leaning further back into the couch to get more comfortable. "But now I think he was right. It would be too complicated."

"Why would that be too complicated?"

"Because he's got commitment issues and I've started liking him so much that I would always be afraid that something will happen and it would break us up."

She nods but doesn't say anything.

"Maybe you're right." She contemplates.

"So aren't you supposed to find a solution for this? Tell me how to get over him?"

She looks down at her notes. "Well, it seems to me that you did a good job so far. And that the problem is actually his, not yours."

"I know, right?"

Wow, she may even be better than Jake. Almost.

She looks at the clock on the wall above her desk to see that the session is coming to an end, before she stands up. "Well, it looks like you don't need to come twice a week because you definitely do not have PTSD, but a weekly visit would be advised to talk about your situation with this guy who seems to be the center of your current issues."

I nod. "So I'll come by next Wednesday? Same time?"

She nods and we shake hands before I grab my jacket and my purse.

Maybe a bit of therapy never hurt anyone.

***

The next day, Thursday, at school, I tell Jake and Sophia a summary of yesterday's therapy session.

Rey: https://www.polyvore.com/19.2/set?id=236645924

"Bitch, I could have told you that for free." Is what Jake finally says.

Liam comes up to us in the hallway.

"There's a Manchester United vs Arsenal game tomorrow night, and Bryan's dad got ten tickets from his firm, so a bunch of us are going and we have three tickets left."

"My dad always has some tickets so Jason and I will use those." I tell him. I never go to the matches my dad gets tickets to (he usually gets them from his clients as sort of a thank you), but now that everyone's going and it's a big match, why not?

Sophia and Jake take one, and Liam decides he'll give Luke the last one.

Then we make our way towards History, because our teacher has been threatening us with the final project that 'will be 30% of your final grade' the whole semester.

We take our usual seats in the back of the class, and the teacher comes in two minutes later.

"Alright my beloved class, this year I decided to change the way I usually do things, therefore, the project will be done my groups of three people, not individually. But I will grade each and every one of you individually, so don't even think of slacking off because I will notice and you will fail." He says and looks in Niall's direction.

"I already made the groups to get you out of your comfort zone and to make sure that work will actually be done." He continues and pulls out a sheet of paper from his binder.

"Jake Malik, Liam Payne and Gigi Hadid is group one. Sophia Smith, Harry Styles, and Katherine Parker is group two. Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik and Jed Elliott is group three. Renee Parker, Lucas Hemmings, and Niall Horan is group four."

I don't even pay attention while he names the rest of the groups, because of FUCKING course. Of course. It's Murphy's Law. Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong, and it just fucking has.

Welcome to my life.

"The project is to be done by the end of February, which is exactly a month away. Do not start on the last day, because it is not a 'one day' project. I can tell if you did it in one day, do NOT test me."

Then, he proceeds to read out the assignments for each group. Luke, Niall, and I are supposed to do a project on the Boston Tea Party, which isn't a hard assignment, but we have to dig through history books in the library to actually write 3000 words about it.

This is so fucking cliché, and I just know that my therapist will have some 'this is how the universe works' bullshit explanation as to why this happened, and how, out of all the twenty-something people in my class, I had to be put in a group with Niall.

But the fact that Luke is in the same group makes me feel more at easy, so I throw a smile in his direction and he winks at me, before he focuses back on our teacher.

As soon as the bell rings, everyone is out of their seats and walks towards lunch. The main subject at lunch is the upcoming game tomorrow, Manchester United vs. Arsenal, and everyone has different opinions as to how it's going to turn out.

I don't really feel like eating, so I just tell Jake that I'm going out for a cigarette instead of eating lunch.

Outside, I find Bryan and someone I don't know, talking in hushed tones about something.

"Hi." I say and light up my cigarette before I let out some smoke. Then I realize they're high as fuck.

"Hiiiigh." They laugh and I frown, sort of wishing I felt as good as they do right now.

"Do you have some for me?" I find myself asking.

"What?" Bryan asks.

"What did you take?"

"Weed." He says and of course I should've known because I've smelled it from like a hundred meters away.

He lights up a joint he was keeping in the pocket of his jacket and the three of us share it in the next ten minutes.

"I also have some E if you want." He tells me and I shake my head.

"Don't you have a drug test tomorrow?" I ask him and he shrugs.

"I don't really care about that. They're not going to kick me off the team because my father is a big donor for the school and the team." He laughs and his friend laughs with him.

I know that if I wasn't high just now, I would've definitely think his gloating is a big turn off, but right now all I can do is laugh.

Have I really become this person? Someone who laughs when people speak of their parents' money like it's something to be proud about? Someone who does drugs at school when they have less than five months left until they graduate? Drugs on school premises are strictly forbidden and it's grounds for expulsion.

But I couldn't give a shit right now because I'm laughing with these two guys I've never had a connection before. I don't even know one of them for fuck's sake.

But I don't care.

It's such a good feeling not to care.

When I get back to lunch, no one seems to pay attention to me and no one says anything, so I'm even happier.

***

The next afternoon, we all meet in front of the stadium half an hour before the game is supposed to start. Bryan, Liam, Zayn, Jake, Sophia, Niall, Louis, Harry, Gigi and Luke are waiting for Jason and I by the time we get there.

Rey: https://www.polyvore.com/19.3/set?id=236645957

We get in line with our tickets, and Bryan leans over to me to whisper something in my ear.

"I've got the good stuff if you want before the game."

I smirk and nod, not really thinking too much about it.

As soon as we enter the stadium and walk towards our seating area, Bryan says he wants to get some popcorn and I say that I need to go to the bathroom because of a 'girl emergency'.

We find a place in the smoking area that isn't too crowded right now, and he lights up a spliff, which we share, not really caring that other people can smell it.

Then, he takes out a small plastic bag, which contains exactly the same stuff it did five nights ago in the club.

"I don't know." I tell him when I see him throwing back two quarters of the pill at once.

"Oh come on Rey, why not? It's going to be fun." he laughs, so I shrug and take a quarter, but that's it.

"Where do you get your stuff anyway?" I ask.

My bag feels really heavy in my hand as we smoke a cigarette before we decide to go back to the others. I am so focused on the fact that my limbs feel heavy, that I don't even notice that he hesitated and in the end chose not to answer my previous question.

I'm seated between Jason and Jake, but I feel like I'm about to suffocate so I stand up and walk away to lean against the railing that separates us from the field.

I ask Jake to take some pictures of me with my football team scarf, before I hand it back to my brother. Jake is the best person to ask to take photos of you, because he'll literally get down and lie down flat on his stomach to get the perfect shot, even if that means he'll get really dirty.

"Are you okay Rey?" Jake asks and then I realize that I've had my eyes closes all along.

"Mhmm. Just a bit hot, that's all." I say and take my phone back to look at the pictures, before I post one on Instagram.

"You don't look okay. Did you take something?" he continues in a hushed tone.

"Of course she did." Niall's voice comes from behind us. He's been drinking beer since we got here, so I think about making a comment about that.

"Who asked you to give your opinion?" I ask him, and suddenly I have flashbacks of those times when we used to absolutely hate each other and the only conversations we had would consist of swear words, snarky remarks and rude comments.

"No one, but I said it anyway." Niall retorts. "You're high."

"Oh, look who's talking, mister 'I've never gotten high in public before'. Give me a break Niall and stop with your hypocrisy."

"Stay away from Bryan, he's-" he starts and I turn my face away from him. I don't need to hear his lectures thank you very much.

"Who died and made you the fun police?" I ask him, before I burst out laughing because to me, right now, it's the funniest thing I've heard in my life.

"You're a mess, you don't need to prove anything to me, you know that right?" he asks, lowering his voice in case our friends who are sitting a few meters away, loudly talking to each other, might hear us.

"Niall, leave me the fuck alone already! I'm done with this. Mind your own business! Just because you're not getting any more attention from me and you're a selfish prick..." I had no idea where I was going with the sentence, or with life in general.

"This is not you. Getting high at a fucking football game after you got high at school." He hisses.

Oh, so someone did notice I smoked some weed yesterday.

"Why do you even care? You told me to 'drop it', and I did just like you fucking asked me to do. Why isn't it okay now?"

"Because you're my friend-"

"No, Niall. I tried to be your friend and told you that I wanted us to be okay, but you went ahead and shitted on me and told me that we are never going to be okay." I tell him, and I suddenly feel the urge to slap him.

But I don't.

"Is everything okay?" Jake asks, who in the meantime walked away to leave us alone, but now came back because I started raising my voice.

"Yeah, we're fine." I tell him. "He's just a self-absorbed selfish asshole."

"And she started hanging out with Bryan." Niall tells Jake, and his expression immediately changes, like he understands the gravity of the situation.

"Rey..." Jake starts and I am so angry right now because Jake is taking Niall's side.

"Leave me alone. I. Am. FUCKING fine." I tell them, before I start laughing because the whole situation seems funny to me.

Then I go over to Bryan who's sitting next to Zayn, and sit down next to him for the rest of the game.

***

The next day, on Friday afternoon after practice, Luke approaches me just as the cheerleaders and I are planning on going back to the lockerooms.

"Hey Rey!" he says and jogs over to me. I never really noticed how good he looked in his football gear.

"Hi. What's up?"

"Well, I won't be in London next weekend so I thought Niall, you, and I should meet up at his place in a couple of hours and get started on the project."

I don't like the idea at all, because I haven't talked to Niall since the game yesterday, nor did I plan on doing it ever again. But the project had to be done, and I would have rather done it sooner with Luke by my side, than just with Niall.

Then, just as I am about to suggest my house, I remember that they are practically neighbors so I should be the one to drive there.

"Alright, I'll see you around six?" I ask and he nods.

I smile at him before I walk towards the girls' lockerooms, knowing very well that he's watching me walk away, so I put some extra effort into swinging my hips in my tiny cheerleader skirt.

When I get home I do some work in Algebra, before I see it's time to get going. I pack my laptop in one of my bags and put on the first pair of sneakers I find in my closet. I don't bother changing out of my sweatpants and sweatshirt, so I grab my keys from my desk and head downstairs.

Rey+Niall+Luke: https://www.polyvore.com/19.4/set?id=236646010

On my way to Niall's house, I think about all the fucked up ways this whole group assignment could go, but before I can even figure out how I'm supposed to behave around the two of them, I already reach their neighborhood and spot them in the park.

They're both wearing sweatpants because it's sunny outside, and Niall is smoking while talking to Luke, who is standing on his skateboard without even moving.

I sigh as I grab my bag from the passengers' seat.

This should be interesting.

---

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---

Hope you liked it; let me know what your favorite/least favorite part was :D

Here are some questions I'd like you to answer, because I always look at them and get ideas for the story:

1. which was your favorite part of the chapter and why?

2. what do you think about the rey and bryan situation and rey's new 'habit'?

3. what scenes would you like to see during their upcoming 'assignment group' meetings?

4. what would you like to see in the next chapter/chapters?

Don't forget to leave your questions about me or the story here, or on any social media you want :) I will gather them and post them next week x

p.s. Follow them on Instagram, Twitter and Wattpad if you want previews of the upcoming chapters !

xoxo,

Ronnie