Ashkii pulled away suddenly, avoiding the kiss as his eyes darted away from Giovanni.

"Um, I don't think I want to..." he trailed off, and Giovanni stared at him, blinking as his lips parted slightly and a frown formed on his face.

"Really? Oh—um, okay then," the older man mumbled, squeezing the hand he'd used to reach out to hold Ashkii's cheek as he took in the rejection. He wasn't too sure what was happening, but what he was sure of was that he wasn't taking too well to the embarrassment.

The older man forced himself to smile before he started to get up. "I think I'm going to go now—"

He paused in the middle of his words when he felt Ashkii grab him by the wrist.

"Ash..."

"Did you sleep with him?" Ash asked in a low tone, staring up at Giovanni with pleading eyes.

The older man blinked, licking his bottom lip as he tried to figure out what was going on. "Do you mean with Nate? Why would you want to know that?"

"Giovanni, please answer the question," Ash said in a more serious voice, squeezing Giovanni's wrist as his voice quivered. "Please? It's going to help me sleep at night."

Or maybe break his heart. But Ash wasn't really focused on that right now.

He'd been up all night wondering where Giovanni had been and what he and Nate had been up to. His imagination had run wild and was torturing him. He knew he assured Giovanni he would handle his jealousy better, but it was hard—how was he supposed to cope with the fact that the man he was in love with probably had someone else's cock buried in their mouth just hours ago? Of course, he couldn't kiss him. The thought of Nate pressing up against the older man drove Ashkii insane.

"I didn't sleep with him. I didn't kiss him, and I barely even stood next to him. Are you happy?" Giovanni said, pushing back a strand of hair from his face. The younger man seemed to visibly calm down, and then his eyes seemed to light up with something that made him flush the brightest of reds.

"Can I ask you another question?" Ashkii asked, making Giovanni sigh. The older man was clearly a bit unsettled, but Ash couldn't help it. He was a ball of nerves, seeking any soothing he could coax out of the older man's words.

Giovanni nodded after a while. "Sure," he said, shrugging. "What is it that you wanted to ask?"

"Is Nate better than me?" the younger man asked, making Giovanni raise a brow.

"Now, how am I supposed to answer that?" Giovanni asked, and Ashkii sighed, cocking his head to the side.

"I don't know." The younger man shrugged. "I guess I just wanted to know who you preferred."

Giovanni frowned a little. "Don't do that."

Ash bit down on his bottom lip before shaking his head. "I'm curious."

Giovanni felt his face burn as he tried to think. "Why does it matter?"

"I just want to know—I need to know," Ash started and Giovanni looked at the space between them on the sofa.

"I think I've had the best sex with you."

"You're not just lying, are you?" the younger man asked after a while.

Giovanni shook his head. "I think it's the dynamic. It's new and exciting—"

"It's the dynamic and not me?" Ashkii asked, cutting Giovanni off. The older man squinted a bit, thinking about it. Today at the cafe with Nate, he remembered comparing the man to Ashkii unprompted. From the way he laughed, or finding the man's crudeness a little insulting when he used to find that quite attractive. It seemed that hanging out with Ashkii had really changed the dynamic he was comfortable with—shifting what he found attractive to an extent. It wasn't that Nate was suddenly no longer attractive. It was that Nate was obviously not Ashkii. Visibly or behavior-wise. Nate was still attractive in theory—height, muscles, and a beard — couldn't forget the fucking beard. It was just that he was not Ashkii. It was weird. Even if someone had Ashkii's traits one for one, Giovanni wouldn't be interested either. The main component of it all was that it had to be Ashkii.

Giovanni realized that engaging with the man had affected his ability to comfortably be with other people, and the wheels in his head started to turn. This felt familiar.

It felt like he liked him.

Was infatuated with him.

Maybe in love with him.

The words made Giovanni shiver a bit. It had been a long time since he'd contemplated that word.

Love.

But he shook it out, and said the following instead, "I like you just as much as my other sex partners."

Ashkii rolled his eyes. "It would feel that way if you let me finger you or eat you out, too."

Giovanni's eyes flew wide open. "Ash—"

"What? I'm sure Nate gets to eat you out—"

"For fuck's sake, Ashkii!" Giovanni said, ripping his arm away. "Can you not do that? What the hell?" Giovanni's anxiety was climbing, and he wasn't sure what to do with what he could only describe as a mental breakdown on Ashkii's part.

It felt like Ashkii was pushing his buttons just to get a rise out of him. He wasn't sure if he was trying to make him feel bad, though. It felt more like the younger man was trying to elicit the same anxiety and urgency that he was going through.

He shouldn't have tried to fucking kiss him in the first place.

The younger man could feel multiple emotions run through his head. He was bouncing back and forth between anxiety, fear, anger, and just plain helplessness.

That was how Giovanni made him feel.

The whole thing.

The stupid stay detached and non-commitment rules he couldn't follow.

He fucking hated the whole situation.

"Gio, sometimes it actually feels like I'm going to die..." he trailed, looking at the older man. His voice was quivering. "I think about some things and my heart breaks three times over, and then it breaks again when I realize there's nothing I can do about it."

"After getting back, I sat here all day and just thought about what you two were doing. I thought about how he was better looking and how if he lived in town, you'd probably be at his place and not mine."

Ash brought his hands to his face, feeling himself shake a bit. "I kept thinking about how I'm not your type and how he is and how you'd probably cut this off when you figured out that you weren't enjoying yourself."

"I want you to like me and want me back..." Ashkii trailed off. "I feel resentful that you'll never feel the way I feel about you."

"What do you want me to do?" Giovanni said, feeling trapped in this one-sided monologue.

"Will you let me finger you and eat you out?"

"Will that help?"

"I don't know. Maybe it'll calm me down. Get shit off my mind, since I can't ask for the things I actually want," Ashkii admitted. "But I'm also afraid I'll take things out on you since there's really nothing else I can do. I don't want you to hate sleeping with me. Frankly, I want the opposite. I want you to love it so much you give up everyone else."

Giovanni scuffed. "Trying to hypnotize me with your dick?" the older man chuckled a little and the tense atmosphere loosened up a bit.

"God, I wish I could get you obsessed with my dick. You don't even know," Ash said, smiling a little. Giovanni could see the layer of humor in all of it, but a park of him told him Ash was partially serious.

"I want to fuck you so hard for making me like this," Ashkii said, gesturing to his whole meltdown. "I'm sure you have men obsessed over your ass like this all the time."

Giovanni didn't answer that, deciding that he wasn't going to let Ashkii's jealous ramblings piss him off. "Babe," Giovanni mumbled, reaching his hand out to touch Ashkii's lips with the base of his fingers. "You're throwing a tantrum."

Ash blinked, taking in a deep sigh as Giovanni's hand moved to touch the side of his face. "I know. I just can't help it."

"You feel like punishing me, right?" Giovanni said. "For making you feel this way."

"Yes—no. Somewhat, yes," Ashkii mumbled through a range of answers. "I don't actually want to hurt you—I never would do that. I just want to blow off some steam. Let you know how I feel..."

Giovanni nodded, scooting so close to Ashkii that he was only a fraction away from sitting on his lap.

"How about we take this to the bedroom and you get to say what you want within reason—with my permission..." Giovanni said. "It's not a hate fuck—or at least I sure hope it isn't."

"Hell no, I don't hate you," Ashkii said. "I'm just frustrated—mostly with myself—the unrequited thing is killing me."

It's not unrequited.

Giovanni leaned in and pressed his lips on Ashkii's lips before he could say the quiet part out loud. Soon enough the younger man was lost in the touch and warmth, dwelling in the little comfort their bodies molding together provided. Ashkii groaned, reaching to pick Giovanni up before lifting them both off the couch. He walked carefully towards the bedroom door, adjusting his hold on Giovanni as his shaking hands opened the door.

As soon as the door flung open, Ashkii tossed Giovanni on the bed and began to strip.