Ashkii had always known that he was a jealous person, but he'd also prided himself on the fact that he could mask his jealousy, and if worse came to worst, he would just let things go. At least he thought he could mask his jealousy and let things go. He'd been able to as a kid when his cousins got things that he wanted from his parents. He had been able to when the girl he had a crush on in high school had decided to date someone else, and he was regularly able to in an academic setting where teachers favored other students over him. But with Giovanni, it was just different. He was not only jealous; he was also often enraged and greedy.

     Since they'd had sex together, Giovanni was a lot flirtier and more open with him. He would randomly pull the younger man aside for a quick make-out season. Sometimes if Ashkii was around when the bar had quieted down, and Giovanni was about to close the bar he would get a blowjob.

     This should have been fine. This should have been enough. It was what he had wanted. What he had consistently dreamed about—but it wasn't enough. He craved something more.

     He was tired of seeing clothes that obviously weren't Giovanni's in the older man's closet. He was tired of watching people flirt with the bartender in front of him, and it hurt, even more, when Giovanni flirted back.

     Sure, he was enjoying the sex and all the kissing, but he wanted more. He wanted to go on proper dates. He wanted to hug and hold Giovanni in front of people. He wanted Giovanni to only smile and flirt with him. He wanted to monopolize the man's attention and feelings.

     Goddamn it. He wanted to be in a relationship with Giovanni and it was driving him insane.

     "Your grip on that steering wheel seems uncomfortably tight," Giovanni said, pulling Ashkii out of his thoughts. The younger man blinked, looking down at his hands before loosening the grip on the wheel. He was driving Giovanni to get a haircut, something small the man had allowed him to do after Ashkii had spent the night.

     It wasn't as grandiose as Nate dropping off a care package during Giovanni's shift last night or the man who was flirting with him dropping ten times the cost of his drink as a tip.

     That was another thing. Ashkii's thoughts often brought him a level of insecurity that he was handling badly. It didn't matter that he slept with Giovanni and got to stay over from time to time, he couldn't just stop overthinking small things like how he wasn't rich enough, tall enough, bulky enough, or old enough. He wasn't enough of anything that was Giovanni's preference, so hypothetically if Giovanni ever decided to date, he wouldn't be dating Ashkii—and that just upset the younger man even more.

     "You don't seem like yourself. Is something wrong?" Giovanni asked and Ashkii blinked, not too sure what to say in response. On one hand, he could very well point out that he was a steaming pile of jealousy and didn't quite like having to watch Giovanni go through a care package another dude had sent him, or he could shut up and not make himself seem like a clingy delusional friend with benefit who didn't know boundaries.

     "Nothing's wrong," Ashkii said, coming up at a turn.

     Giovanni was silent for a while before sighing. "It doesn't seem like nothing's working," the older man said, making Ashkii look straight at the road to avoid eye contact.

     "You can tell me what's bothering you," Giovanni pressed, and Ashkii seemed to think about it for a bit.

     "Even if it's something I'm not supposed to be mad about?" Ashkii asked in a small voice as he pulled into the street. It was downtown, so it was a little crowded and it was hard to find somewhere to park.

     "Huh?" Giovanni asked, a bit perplexed. The older man squinted. "What does that mean?"

     "Well," Ashkii sighed as he pulled into a parking space. "It's just that sometimes I wish you'd tell me things or be more mindful about how I might feel..." the younger man trailed looking out into the street.

     Briefly, he thought about bringing up how he was jealous, but he got cold feet, a bit scared that maybe Giovanni would say they couldn't see each other again if he couldn't handle it. He chewed on his bottom lip, deciding to focus on something else. Like how he'd switched from being super happy about Nate's present to being a little moody after checking on a text.

"For example," Ashkii started. "When I asked who you were talking to this morning because you were frowning, and I was worried, and you just shrugged and told me it didn't matter—"

     "But it doesn't—"

     "I know, I—" Ashkii sighed, resting his head on his seat. "That's what I mean by 'not supposed to be mad about', see?"

     "Oh," was the only word to leave Giovanni's lips, and for a while, the two awkwardly sat in silence.

     "I know the nature of our relationship. Or frankly, the lack thereof," Ashkii started to say. "But I do really like you, and care about you." The word 'liked' was weird to Ashkii now. Gosh, even saying he 'liked' Giovanni, felt like an understatement.

     Giovanni sighed, resting his head on the glass of the passenger seat. "You want to know who I was talking to because you care about me?"

     "You looked upset—"

     "It was my ex, and I told him to fuck off," Giovanni said, cutting Ashkii off before sitting up in his seat. The younger man looked over at him, gauging the petty rage in his eyes. He looked annoyed—more annoyed than Ashkii had ever seen him. He decided that whoever the ex was, was clearly someone Giovanni had no interest in anymore.

     "Sorry..." Giovanni said, sighing before resting on his seat again. "I just don't really like talking about him. I wasn't trying to brush you off this morning."

     Ashkii stayed quiet.

     "It's been years and he still won't leave me alone. I don't understand how persistent someone can be..." Giovanni was rambling to himself now. "He broke up with me. I don't get it."

     There was another period of silence.

     "Sorry," Giovanni said before letting out a small, short-lived laugh. "This is why I don't talk about it. It gets me so angry."

     "I see." Ashkii wasn't sure what to do. He wanted to comfort Giovanni. Hug him, and listen to him rant about this person who seemed to be annoying him so much, but Ashkii didn't want to overstep or do anything that would make the bartender pull away from him completely. As much as he hated this box of sexual intimacy without exclusivity or romantic expectation, he would hate it more if he wasn't allowed to touch or see Giovanni ever again.

     "We didn't have the best of breakups," Giovanni explained. "It was complicated. Humiliating and it just overall sucked, so I moved."

     "I'm sorry," Ashkii said, not too sure of what else to say.

     "It's okay," Giovanni said, smiling a little before letting out a sigh. "I think he's going to be in town soon. I just hope he doesn't come looking for me. I told him not to, but of course, that's why he fucking would..." Giovanni trailed, his voice becoming inaudible as he started cursing under his breath. His demeanor changed; he didn't look angry now, just concerned.

     Ashkii picked up on this. "Ignore me if you don't want to, but if you don't want to be at your place when he's here, you could always stay at mine for a bit." Of course, having Giovanni just be there day in and day out was simply going to drive Ashkii senseless with want. He wouldn't be able to concentrate or stay, but he wanted to offer something to Giovanni right now, and if letting him stay at his run-down basement apartment was helpful in the meantime, then he was willing to throw away the ability to study and stay relaxed in his own home.

     "I..." Giovanni started, but paused, frowning a little before resting back in his seat. "That's actually a good idea, thank you."

     "You're welcome." Ashkii could feel his heart crawl up his throat. He hadn't been expecting Giovanni to say yes.

     "It'll probably be in and out for like a week, but if I'm getting in your way, just let me know and I can maybe ask Ben if I can stay over for a while."

     Yeah, Benny. Ashkii thought, remembering one of Giovanni's friends. The hairdresser he was supposed to meet today, and one of the first people Ashkii had freaked out about, wondering if Giovanni was sleeping with. Well, he'd seen the man up close once, and his blue hair, short build, and lanky frame had quickly told Ashkii he was definitely not Giovanni's type.

     "I don't think you'll get in the way," Ashkii said, squeezing the wheel of his car. Now that Giovanni had said he would like to come, he was suddenly self-conscious. Giovanni had been over a few times, but it was another thing to stay days at a time when Ashkii couldn't hastily clean up messes before he came over. Also, he started to wonder about small things like what food Giovanni would be into or whether the shower pressure would be too much. "Can you just let me know when? So I can get things set and everything."

     "Sure, I'll let you know," Giovanni said, before looking out the window. "I should probably go get my haircut now. Fuck, you're probably late for class," he chuckled and Ashkii just shrugged. No one was going to crucify him for stepping into a lecture ten minutes late.

     "It's okay. I'm one of the few people that actually attend in the first place," Ashkii said, and Giovanni laughed even more. The younger man's heart fluttered. It was nice seeing Giovanni smile. It was even nicer when he was the one who caused it.

     "That reminds me," Giovanni said. "We weren't really talking when your birthday came around. You're twenty-one now, right?"

     Ashkii nodded. "Yeah."

     The bartender hummed, cocking his head or the side before giving Ashkii a smile. "I'll get you a present, I promise."

     "Oh, okay," Ashkii said, watching as Giovanni opened the door and abs stepped out. He hadn't been expecting a gift. Heck, he never even celebrated his birthday himself. "You don't have to, though."

     "I want to. It'll be a surprise," the older man said, closing the door behind himself.

     Ashkii watched as the bartender wandered down the street with his hands tucked into his grey coat. Ashkii only looked away when the man was out of sight, and for the rest of the day through his morning and afternoon lectures, he wondered what Giovanni was going to get him.