When the doctor called Sheriff Whitehorse it didn't take very long for word to get out to Eden's friends that she was in the clinic. Thankfully none of them made too big of a fuss about it since Jean had told him it was to monitor Eden's blood pressure.

     Still, Eden spent the whole day lying awake in that clinic bed, alone in that familiar room, staring at the clock as it counted down the seconds, minutes, and hours. Her mind couldn't help but worry if Jacob was going to tell someone about what really happened. And of course she was worried about someone finding that bloody scene in her driveway. Scenarios played out in her head, her friends being worried about her, them forcing her to stay home or even worse, stay at the clinic.

     She thought about the conversation her and the doc had before she left the room to let Eden sleep. Thought about what she said...'If you don't focus on yourself every once in a while, you're not going to be able to save anyone'.

     It made sense, perfect sense actually. And the thing that nobody realized is that Eden understood that. She knew that when she was down and out she couldn't help anyone but she couldn't bring herself to stop trying. The thought of stepping away from the meetings made her stomach turn and her heart heavy, so she just kept pushing herself. Eventually she had to get better right?

     Apparently wrong.

     It was frustrating to see that she wasn't getting any better, if anything she was getting worse. Something about this pain was so different than anything she'd ever fought, and yet somehow felt so familiar. She'd almost turned back to alcohol, something she promised herself she'd never do, and she almost couldn't bear to imagine what would have happened if she hadn't dropped the bottle. She couldn't bear to think about what version of herself her friends would have found.

     The image of her spiraling that severely again scared Eden, but she couldn't make it go away. It was like her brain enjoyed torturing her with the past.

     A small knock on made Eden open her eyes. Nick was standing cautiously in the doorway, hesitant to wake Eden if she was sleeping. To be fair the room was dark except for the dingy wall lamp casting warm light and dark shadows across the entire room.

     "Hey, Nick." Eden greeted him as warmly as she could manage, adjusting her position in the bed. She forced herself to keep a neutral expression as the surgery incision screamed in pain.

     "Hey there Dep, just wanted to swing by and check on you, see how you were doing." Nick was careful as he walked into the room, it almost seemed like he was scared to do anything too quickly.

     "Kim asked you to keep an eye on me, huh?" Eden tried to crack a joke but Nick just shook his head.

     "Nah, not this time, this time I just wanted to talk to you." Nick said and pulled up a chair next to Eden's bed.

     "Ok, what did you want to talk about?" Eden asked as Nick lowered himself into the chair. Looking at Nick made Eden realize how much he'd changed since she had gotten to Hope County.

     Fatherhood had made the bags under his eyes heavier and his face thinner. His skin, especially in the shadowy dark, showed deeper concern wrinkles than Eden remembered him having a few months ago. When she first met Nick he was stressed out but energetic, stubborn as shit, and damn proud of standing up to the cult. Now...well now he was a dad, and even though he was still all of those things as he was before, he had his family to think about.

     "I wanted to talk about you." Nick said and settled back into the uncomfortable chair. "I saw you at the last meeting, you looked pretty beat up man."

    "Yeah...I'm just tired, Nick. Damn tired."

     "Oh c'mon Dep you don't have to try and protect me! I know that you being in the clinic ain't about your blood pressure or medication or whatever the doc said it was about. I know this is deeper than that, so just tell me what's wrong so I can quite worrying about it? Please?" Nick was earnest, very earnest. And that made it even harder for Eden to hide the truth from him.

     "Look Nick I know you're worried but it's ok, really it is. I'm fine, I've got a doctor right in the other room, I'm thinking about the next meeting, I'm honestly ok! You don't have to worry about me so much, you've got Carmina to worry about now, don't let me distract you from her and Kim." Eden tried to convince Nick but he just shook his head.

     "This ain't just worry. Have you looked in a mirror recently? Do you even know what you look like? Cause if you could see what I see you'd understand."

     "Gee thanks Nick, bet I look great." Eden said monotonously with a hint of sarcasm and Nick shook his head.

     He rubbed his face with his hands and sighed. "I-uh, damn, I didn't mean it like that Dep, I'm sorry I just...I can tell you need help. I can tell. Everyone can, we just don't know how to say it!"

   "Nick listen to me, I understand that, and I'm going to work on that ok? I'm already getting checked out by the doc to make sure everything's going the way we want it to and after that I'll take it easier, I promise. I appreciate the concern I really do, just don't focus too much on me. You still have to work with everyone at the meetings."

     Nick scoffed at the last sentence. "Those damn meetings, I know you meant well by making those but damn. It's just a bunch of adults sitting around bickering like little kids fighting over the same toy. Personally I wish I could say 'fuck you' to those things and leave but Kim wants me to go so I'll go. And to support you of course." Nick said to recover but Eden knew he hated those meetings.

     "I hate them too, I really do, but they're a better way to solve our problems than we were before." Eden admitted and Nick shrugged.

     "Eh, are they? Back before those damn meetings we solved everything we needed to the old fashion way, fighting for it. Now we're fighting but we're not actually doing shit, just arguing." Nick pulled his hat off and brushed his hair back, putting his cap back on his head.

     Nick leaned in closer to Eden's bed so that he wouldn't be talking too loud, "And I know those Peggies ain't listening to shit! They're just sitting there, biding their time till they can do something sneaky I can feel it." Nick nodded and leaned back in his chair again.

     Eden took in what Nick was saying and nodded. "I get it, but all we can do is try and be reasonable and hope they hold up their end of the bargain." She told Nick and he nodded.

     "All I know is I ain't trusting 'em yet, not after everything they've done." Eden knew that Nick was definitely stuck in his mindset and nothing she could say would change his mind but she understood what he was saying. 

     As much as she wanted to say that she believed that Joseph agreed to the meeting as a way of making peace, something deep inside of her has always been suspicious about it. She just didn't know if she could truly trust Joseph's word. Even though he was a 'man of God', Eden has seen his dark side. She doubted that his old ways just went away. 

     "It's good to keep your head on a swivel, but I really do think that they're doing what they can. They're in a similar situation to us, trying to protect what they think is theirs." Eden tried to explain as best she could, but her brain was already getting scrambled from the conversation. 

     Nick could notice the way Eden's eyebrows were furrowing from trying to concentrate and decided to change the subject. "I guess you're right." He said and straightened up in his chair. "Oh I almost forgot!" He got up from the chair and pulled something out of his back pocket. 

     Eden watched as Nick flipped something around in his hand. It looked like a picture. 

     "Someone actually found a photo printer and asked me to fix it up, in return they said that me and Kim could use it if we wanted to. We both thought you should have this since you gave us your camera." He said and handed Eden the picture. 

     It was the picture Kim took at Christmas of Eden and Carmina. Eden couldn't see it very well in the shadow of the light but when she turned it into the light it was incredible. It had been a long time since Eden could look in a mirror and see that Deputy looking back. 

     Although she was a little thin and pale Eden recognized herself. She had a bright smile and bright eyes that stayed trained on the baby in her hands, and of course it was Carmina that brought out that joy she could feel quietly ebbing from the picture. And Carmina had grown so much since that picture was taken, she'd gotten more hair and had only gotten cuter. 

     Seeing the picture made the Deputy smile, and Nick liked to see her smile but he could tell that there was a certain sadness that went with it. It was almost like she was grieving over the picture while also being happy? 

     "Thank you, Nick." Eden finally said after staring at the picture for a long minute. "I'd almost forgotten about this." She said and rubbed a thumb over the picture. 

     It was a little creased from being in Nick's back pocket for God knows how long but Eden didn't care. It was amazing to see a photograph that looked so...colorful. Just from looking at the picture Eden could remember that moment perfectly. 

     She remembered how soft Carmina's onesie was, and how perfect her baby giggles were, and how incredibly content Eden was in that moment. If she could go back to that moment, Eden was certain that she'd never want to leave it. If she could, she would just sit there in Nick and Kim's living room, listening to them talk about their childhoods and first Christmases together. 

     Nick smiled at Eden smiling and sat back down in his chair. "Kim really wanted you to have that." He said and Eden nodded. 

     "Definitely tell her I said thank you, this means a lot." She thanked Nick again and he nodded along. 

     "Of course, I'll make sure I tell her that." Nick looked down at the watch on his wrist and frowned. "Speaking of Kim, she made me promise to be home by supper, said she's making soup." 

     Eden looked up from the picture. "Oh yeah you should go, don't want to be late for soup." Eden agreed with him and smiled. 

     "You want me to bring you some later? I'm sure Kim would have my hide if I didn't at least offer some." Nick offered as he stood up.

     "Oh no that's ok, you already brought me this picture I couldn't possibly ask you to bring me soup too." Eden refused and shook her head. 

     "You sure? It's not that far of a drive." Nick reasoned but Eden was firm in her decision. 

     "I'm sure, don't worry about me I'll be fine." Eden waved him off and Nick tilted his head into a shrug. 

    "Ok then, you get some rest now." He said and straightened his hat on his head. 

    "I'll try, say hi to Kim for me!" Eden said and Nick chuckled as he walked to the door. 

     Nick turned around one last time and looked back at Eden sitting on the bed. "Will do, Dep." He gave her a friendly salute and walked out the door. 

     Eden laughed softly and looked back down at the picture in her hands. She stared at it for a long time, wondering if it would ever be possible to have a normal day like that one again. If she would ever look like that again, healthy, strong, full of passion and bravery. 

     She really hoped so.