"Everybody's waitin' for you to break down. Everybody's watchin' to see the fallout. Even when you're sleepin', sleepin', keep your eyes open."

~Eyes Open (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift~

⭒⭒⭒

A/N: Okay, okay, I'll do my schoolwork now that this is posted <3

Warnings: abuse, addiction, anxiety, biphobia/homophobia, depression, domestic violence, gun violence, language, panic attacks, sexual harassment/assault/abuse, violence, weapons, and other mature themes

⭒⭒⭒

Zion's POV

 "Welcome to the dojo, Zion."

I can feel the disappointment and resentment in the air. I can feel the judgmental eyes. I decide this isn't the time to care because this is my chance to take back my life and love for karate.

I walk over to Sam and Aisha with Miguel. I ignore the hostile stares and whispers as we stand divided from them.

Eli catches my eye as he gives me a slight nod of approval. I smile in response; I don't know how to truly respond to that.

"Look at us, all back together," Aisha states as she looks around at everyone who was in Cobra Kai with us at one point. "I hope you're ready to kick some ass."

I look around the backyard of Miyagi-Fang in awe and nod.

"Fall in." Daniel announces in the most calm voice ever. "We'll be starting off easy today with some basic kata."

I line up with everyone and try to suppress every horrible memory Kreese gave me. This is a new era, this is something different, and this is a chance for happiness.

I glance over at Eli again and find Demetri walking away from him in dismay. Demetri joins the others as Eli stands beside Miguel in our little clump.

We immediately form three groups: my supporters, my opposers, and Robby.

It hurts when Robby doesn't side with me or say or do anything, but I understand because it hurts. I don't know if I could support him if it came down to it right now.

"Bow," Daniel instructs.

I bow with them for the first time ever.

Then, we move into our first movement. I try everything I can to tune out the world. All that should matter right now is my return to karate in a way that isn't harmful to me.

I see Johnny and Chozen move aside as Daniel continues to lead us. I glance around and see the others glaring at me.

"Good," Daniel tells us as we continue to follow his movements.

I close my eyes and try to find what Daniel calls "public solitude." Instead, I feel anxious. I try to hide it. I try. I can't let them see my weakness.

I open my eyes back up and follow Daniel as we move our hands up and down in the prayer position. I take deep breaths while we do this. I try to remember how it was one-on-one.

My peripheral vision catches Robby staring at me, and I try to focus only on Daniel.

Eli turns his head to look at Robby, and I lose all focus. I remember when Hawk and I broke up and how toxic we became. Eventually, they stop exchanging hostile looks, and Robby catches my eye again. I refuse to be that kind of ex-girlfriend again.

After a few minutes, we stop and move on.

"Let's continue our challenge from a couple days ago. Remember, I must be down for three seconds for it to count," Daniel instructs as we walk over the the sparring deck.

I stay close to Miguel as we walk over. I haven't had a split dojo like this since Eli broke up with me and swore I cheated on him. I feel like I'm reliving all of it.

Robby keeps looking over at me. I try to ignore it. Maybe we can talk later or maybe not. I don't want to worry about relationship drama right now. This is the time for me to focus on myself.

"Who wants to try first today?" Daniel looks down at us from the platform.

"I'll ref," Sam offers.

"Great. Who else?" he looks out at us. He makes eye contact with me; I look away quickly.

"I can start," Miguel shrugs as he moves from beside me and up onto the deck.

I feel alone with him gone now. I feel even more bare than before. I feel vulnerable. I step closer to Aisha.

"Three seconds," Daniel tells Sam. I assume the goal is to pin him. I've never been able to spar and defeat a sensei.

"So, you're the most loyal and promising Cobra?" Silver states in almost a questioning way. "Show me." He gets into a fighting position, and I stare at him in shock. He beckons me over. I'm not used to training with Sensei Kreese like this. "Come on. Don't be afraid to hit an old man."

I look back up and see Miguel on the ground under Daniel's foot. "Point LaRusso," Sam says.

Miguel gets up with a frown and retakes his spot next to me. I feel more secure now; I need to get past that.

"Nice try, Miguel. Who wants to try next?" Daniel questions.

"Triple or nothing?" Sensei Kreese eyes me with a smirk.

"I suppose," Sensei Silver agrees. 

"Z," Kreese says almost immediately. I jump up and walk over to where he stands.

Sensei Silver looks around the dojo to find someone who can spot my weakness. "Park."

I debate just leaving all together.

"Demetri, why don't you come try?" Daniel asks.

We all turn to him. I try not to show any emotion as he begrudgingly walks up. If Miguel didn't take him down, what are the odds that Demetri can?

"Aitz," Sam waves her hand and they fight.

Demetri circles Daniel who aggressively goes directly for him with a strong front kick. Demetri falls back and jumps to the side to avoid another hit. Demetri starts punching Daniel as he crouches from recovering from the kick. Daniel grabs Demetri's arm and flips him over before slamming him on the deck. He keeps the boy under his foot for three seconds.

"Winner, LaRusso."

"Damnit," Demetri curses as he gets up. I watch him intently as he glares over at me as he walks past; he looks embarrassed.

I glance over to him in his spot as the guys hype him up anyway.

"Good job, Demetri. Next?" Daniel looks out at us again. He looks at me directly, and I shake my head. I feel other eyes on me as they observe.

I shake my head again and sink back towards Miguel. 

Today isn't the day to rock the boat more. I just got them to tolerate me in the dojo. I know I'm already asking for a lot today. Plus, I don't want to push myself. Today is not the day to get past everything.

"Come on, guys. This is for the last original Miyagi-Do gi. The stakes are high," Daniel says.

I didn't know this was for something. I thought it was just for training purposes. And while it's cool, I still don't deserve the Miyagi-Do gi. I just got here, and I'm trying to get rid of Cobra Kai things still. It's not my gi to have.

"Bert, go on up there," Johnny speaks up.

We all turn to the boy as he sighs and walks up to the deck. He bows to Daniel. I think we all agree that Bert isn't this advanced yet.

"Aitz!" Bert moves in with offense, and Daniel counters everything. I remember what I learned about Miyagi-Do always having a countermove to the Cobra Kai style. Each punch and kick is blocked and eventually Daniel is close enough to pin the poor boy down. "One, two, three, winner!"

Daniel lets off of Bert gently and helps him, "You're getting better."

Bert shrugs off the words of encouragement and returns to his spot. Daniel turns to us in question.

Aisha speaks up, "Let me do it."

The process repeats itself. Aisha bows to Daniel and sweeps low and fails. She moves into a back thrust kick and then reverts back to her signature punches and jabs. Daniel counters everything and when Daniel finally throws a punch in response, it throws off the girl and Daniel sweeps her and pins her. 

I groan with her. She stands up and moves back down beside me.

"Bunch of pussies!" Johnny yells from the sidelines.

Daniel turns to him and waves him off, "There's no need for that, Sensei Lawrence. We're just trying something new each time."

"None of you are even close," Johnny frowns.

"Does anybody else want to try today?" Daniel looks out at us again. His eyes land on me; I shake my head once more.

Everyone else stays silent. I give Daniel an apologetic look as he sighs in defeat. 

"Well, looks like today is a good day to repaint the building," Daniel decides.

I feel everyone's mood drop at his words. I glance over at the little building with them.

"Didn't we just paint that not too long ago?" Chris asks.

"The sun fades the color. I want it to be as vibrant as possible," my sensei smiles in response. "I'll get the paint and brushes. Remember, it's always good to have some muscle memory."

Daniel leaves the yard, and Chozen follows him. 

I glance around awkwardly; Demetri and the others look at me angrily. Robby talks to Johnny. I step away to get my water.

"Are you okay?" Miguel stops me. I see Sam, Aisha, Anthony, and Eli watching me, too. 

I shift away awkwardly, "Yeah. I just need a break."

⭒⭒⭒

Robby's POV

I stay back from her intentionally. She looks really good. She looks healthy, and that's all I've ever wanted for her. I just know that what she wanted was a break - well, what I wanted - and that turned into a breakup - that I never wanted.

I'll give her her space. I feel blindsided by her joining, though. And I feel weird supporting her, though I know I can't not support her. I just worry about how she'll handle being back in a normal dojo after all the hell Silver put us through. It's part of what led to her drinking, and I don't want to see that happen to her again. I'll just stick in the space between for now.

"Robby," my dad calls me over when we move out of formation, "what's up? You look upset."

I nod, "Maybe because Zion is here, and you didn't even give me a heads up."

"I just found out today," he defends.

"You could have texted me," I remind him.

"Hey, I still don't know how that works," he tells me.

I frown at his lame excuse, "Yeah. Sure."

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't say anything, but Miguel and Zion didn't tell me, either." I shake my head as I walk past him. He calls after me, "Are you going to be all right?"

I think about the way she stood up for herself and suddenly doesn't even seem to want to fight. I wonder if I should be honest with my dad because this Zion is new, and I have yet to decide if it is good or bad for her.

"Don't worry about me," I assure him as I wait for Mr. LaRusso.

⭒⭒⭒

Zion's POV

"Paintbrushes and paint. All you need," Daniel sets it outside.

Everyone swarms the paint as I stand to the side and watch for a moment. It couldn't be more obvious I don't belong.

I shift uncomfortably as Chozen walks over to me, "What is wrong, Zion-san?"

I avoid his gaze, "Nothing."

"Then what are you doing?" he asks in an accusatory manner.

I glance at him in confusion, "Waiting." I watch them grab brushes.

"For the paint or for joining the dojo?" he asks knowingly.

I frown, "I already joined."

"Physically, yes. Mentally, no. Not fighting yet."

"I wasn't interested in the one exercise Daniel had," I tell him.

"Will you be interested in any?" he asks. I look at him, confused. "Daniel-san tell me you excel in all you learn, Zion-san. You have the power within you."

"Maybe. But with either outcome I'm screwed," I admit with a whisper. 

Chozen turns to look at me fully as I break it down for him. 

"If I win, it means nothing. I'm still fake or a bitch or a show-off or the Queen Cobra for defeating the sensei of defense," I explain. "And, if I lose, I'm not good enough or I still don't fit in. Nothing I do will change it."

"Must try to see," Chozen advises.

"You saw how they reacted to me joining. I can't," I tell him.

"It isn't them you're afraid of," Chozen states.

I look at him in surprise, "I'm not afraid."

"Not of them," he repeats. "But of something deeper inside you."

I look down when I realize what he means.

"What happened with Hansen still haunts you. Walk face first into the fire," Silver responds. "Learn new ways to hide your emotions."

I also realize that this may just be another manipulation, a tactic to get me to fight - all without even caring about me.

"I do not think this was too soon, Zion-san. But. Must get out of comfort zone," Chozen tells me. "Safely."

I watch as he walks away knowingly. I take in a deep breath. He sees right through me somehow, but in a different way than others have before. 

"Safely," I whisper to myself with a small smile. All I've ever wanted was a sensei that truly, honestly cares.

"Side, side," Daniel instructs Anthony as I watch from afar. 

I think these senseis do care, and that's what makes me walk over and grab a brush to face this head-on.

I regret it a little bit when I  notice some people painting, some talking, some doing both. I can't avoid the stares and glares.

I take a spot beside Miguel as he talks to Sam, and they turn to me happily.

"Did the water help?" Sam asks since she knows Chozen came over.

"Enough," I nod. 

"How are you holding up?" Miguel wonders.

"There's a lot to take in again," I tell them honestly as I lower my voice. "Robby, Eli, training..."

"Is it too much?" Miguel wonders.

"No," I shake my head. "I can do this. I want to change and be better." I'm not afraid.

I take my brush and paint back and forth. Miyagi-Do is new to me, but I know I enjoy it already. There's not too much expected of you too soon.

"Hey," Anthony walks behind us to dip his paintbrush in our paint. 

"Hi," I give him a small smile.

"How's your first day?" Anthony asks as if that's not an obvious answer.

Nobody else is even on my side of the building anymore. It's just me and my friends, as if I'm poison. "How do you think?" I ask. My tone is more flat than sarcastic.

"Yeah..." he looks around regretfully. "I'm sorry. They're just being stupid and self-centered. You just have to make them try to understand. I know you can."

I nod, and he walks away. Baby steps. This can be different than with Kenny.

Miguel turns to me, "You know he's right."

"First time for everything," Sam jokes.

Bert, Nate, Little Red, and the friends their age walk around the building to just behind us.

"I can try," I admit as I turn away from the group wearily, "but I can't change how they feel unless they want to."

"Oops." I hear a voice mock from behind me. 

I turn around and see the five of them laughing as they move away quickly, especially the blonde one I don't recognize.

I glance down at my leg and see blue paint splatters all over the back on my leg.

I hear a gasp. I turn to Miguel as he looks at me with wide eyes.

"Sorry," one of them snicker over his shoulder while they all rush away in a clump.

Aisha comes over, "What was that abo- Ohhh."

"Shit," I say when I realize what may have happened. I feel the back of my body now; it's wet. I hold out my hand to find paint splattered all over. 

"There's a bathroom right inside," Miguel tells me. 

Aisha adds, "I can help if you want-"

"I've got it," I decide as I walk to find the door, my tone more harsh than I intended.

I notice Eli, Demetri, Chris, Mitch, and more standing outside the door into the building. I see Robby at the far end. They all look over at me.

I do the walk of shame into the building as if nothing happened. I hear some people laughing behind me. I know it probably looks horrible, but I don't even care. I just want to go home and sleep.

The door to the bathroom closes behind me. I lock the door and check it twice to make sure. I then take my shirt and shorts off to buff out the paint on my clothes effectively. 

In the process, I notice that blue splatters that ended up in my hair, too. I don't know why they thought this lame prank would be such a great idea. 

But, after what I've done, don't I deserve a little paint for payback? I understand their anger. 

I try to get the paint off of my shirt first so it doesn't stain.

When I realize water without detergent or stain remover won't do much, I try to dry my clothes out again and then put them back on. I feel like an idiot for trying to fix it now.

I walk out the door only to find Robby right there. We stare at each other; I feel like a deer in the headlights.

I clear my throat awkwardly, "I'm done. You can go ahead in." I duck my head and walk past him.

⭒⭒⭒

Robby's POV

I paint my side of the building absentmindedly. I'm too distracted by other things right now. The only thing people are talking about is Zion and how she doesn't belong. I think they're idiots.

When she turns the corner to the side where I work near some others, we all look at her and fall silent. It's eerily silent for only a moment, and she looks uncomfortable. I see her put on her tough facade as always to walk past them and into the building.

As she does so, I see the paint splatters all over her back. I watch as Chris, Mitch, and Demetri smile a little and struggle to contain their laughter.

I frown immediately when I realize someone did that intentionally to her when I know she didn't do anything malicious. They're so intent on seeing the evil in her that just isn't there.

"Hey," Eli interrupts the boys' laughter, "stop it."

"Come on. You have to admit it's nice to see her knocked down a peg," Mitch tells Eli. "I mean, come on, you remember how mad you were at her. It's going around."

"She already dealt with enough from Cobra Kai," Eli argues.

"Man, she's got you down bad," Chris laughs in response. I wince a little in jealousy. "Don't you remember what she did?"

"Whatever happened when Cobra Kai attacked her is separate from her ever apologizing here and today for punching me. Twice," Demetri says.

"She apologized for the other things," Eli states. "I'm only saying that she's trying."

"Not enough," Chris decides.

I give them a disapproving look that they completely miss before walking inside to find Zion.

Maybe I should be defending her the way Eli is. Maybe I should be more supportive. Maybe I should talk to her and clear the air. I don't know what I can do to win her back. All I know is that taking a break was a huge mistake I want to fix.

I stand outside the bathroom to wait for her. I change positions a couple of times to look more normal for when she comes out. I feel stupid. I should just act like myself.

The doorknob turns, and she emerges. I stand up straight, ready to say something, anything.

Her eyes widen slightly in surprise at my presence - and not in a positive way. She speaks, "I'm done. You can go ahead in."

I falter for words as she addresses me so clearly without a hint of emotion in her voice. I try to think about what I was saying or what I intended to say.

But, she walks out before I can. 

⭒⭒⭒

Zion's POV

My whole body deflates from exhaustion once I get into my car. I had to play the role of being okay all day when I was anything but okay. 

Miguel get into the passenger's side, "Are-"

"If you ask if I'm okay I'll throw you out of the car," I tell him. "I'm not a piece of glass. I'm a human. And, no, I'm not okay right now, and, no, there's nothing you can do to help, and, no, you shouldn't feel guilty about that. Let's just go home."

Miguel actually stays silent the rest of the ride as I try to collect my thoughts.

Of course I wasn't welcomed back. They outwardly opposed me and spoke behind my back and taunted me. Fitting in wasn't even this hard at Cobra Kai, as much as I hate to admit it.

And then, there's Robby. A day full of people who hate me, of memories that threaten to break me down, of trying to join something new, and my mind can only go back to the boy I love. 

Maybe Johnny was always right. I was dependent on him. I loved him more than myself. We were toxic.

I feel a familiar yearning jolt through my body. I'm scared of what I want, because I know what I crave.

I pull up at Miguel's and know immediately that I can't go inside yet.

"I'll be back later," I tell him. 

"Where-"

"Eva's. I'll be back later," I assure him as he gets out. 

I put the car in reverse and drive through Reseda as I try to ignore every instinct inside of me.

⭒⭒⭒

Eva opens the door and lets me in. "We're upstairs."

I follow her up two flights of stairs before entering the room where Liv sits on Jai's lap.

My heart aches. Slightly. Enough to hurt.

"How was the first day?" Liv asks like a stereotypical mom.

"What happened to your clothes?" Eva asks when she gets a good look at my backside.

I sit down near them, "Don't say I told you so because I was also partly right."

Eva frowns, "I wouldn't want to say that."

I look down in embarrassment, "Today was what I needed for my training. It was what I needed to be with my friends. It wasn't at all what I had hoped for, though. I have to work through getting away from Cobra Kai and existing near Robby. But, um, I think the biggest problems are the stares. Everyone hates me and wants me gone, and I don't have it in me to fight back."

My friends nod as they listen. I take in a deep breath as I prepare to tell them the truth. I can't go back to how it was.

"The moment I got in the car afterward," I avoid eye contact, "I wanted a drink. I wanted something to take the edge off."

"You can't do that," Liv speaks up.

"I know," I tell her curtly. "That's why I came here. To talk it out. I don't want to shut you guys out anymore. You... You said you'd be there for me, so I figured..."

"Duh we'll help," Jai speaks up. "We'll take your mind off karate."

"It might be helpful to know, how much are you wanting to drink right now?" Eva sits down.

I shift uncomfortably, "Right now? Not a lot. Just a little bit. I'm in control of myself right now."

"I think we should make a cuddle pile," Liv suggests. "We're about to watch 13 Going On 30 anyway. Squish in."

I smile a little as her and Jai open their arms for us. I scoot in as Eva sandwiches me between her and Liv.

We get comfortable after a moment. I stare at the dark screen.

"Where's the remote?" Jai asks.

Eva groans, "Frick. Hold on."

She gets up and walks across the room to get it out of a drawer; of course her house is just that fancy and organized.

"You know, there's nothing wrong with admitting you're not ready," Liv tells me.

"Babe, we're done talking about that for now," Jai rubs their shoulder.

"Sorry."

"It's okay. I just can't let any of them win by thinking I can't handle it," I state. "Besides, tomorrow is only the second day, and I have therapy right after."

Eva settles back on the couch with us. Liv rests her head on my shoulder, "Good. Because I hated not speaking to you for so long."

"Me too," I admit as Eva turns the TV on. "I'm glad I didn't ruin this, at least."

⭒⭒⭒

"We will never forgive you," a voice says.

I sit on a cold, metal chair in a mainly dark room. I try to find anything else here; there's nothing.

"No matter what you say or what you do or how much you apologize. There's no redemption for you."

A light comes on. My eyes land on Demetri as he stands with Kyler and Brucks. My breathing hitches.

"You forgave Eli," I remind him. "He broke your arm."

"You're a girl." Hands land on my shoulders as a voice comes from behind. I lean my head back and look at Walker. He holds me helplessly. "Don't you know you're different?"

"Weaker?" Brucks asks.

"Easier to manipulate?" Kyler asks.

"How else would Cobra Kai have such an easy grasp on you?" Demetri crosses his arms knowingly.

"Unless it was your dad dying, 'Star,'" Silver moves out of the shadows.

"Or Hansen," Kreese's voice echoes in my mind.

"Or your mother," Brad suddenly stands beside them.

"Or Miguel's fall," Mitch circles me with the others.

"Whatever it was," Demetri leans over me with a wicked grin, "made you this broken, little girl. How do you come back from that?" 

⭒⭒⭒

The next day, I put some frozen waffles in the toaster after my morning workout in the living room.

As soon as they pop up, Miguel appears and steals them before I can take them.

"Mine. Good morning," he says with a mouthful of waffle.

I frown, "Those were mine."

"Funny. They're in my mouth," he smiles with his mouth full.

"You're disgusting," I state.

"I'm surprised you're up," he says as he pours some orange juice. 

I put some more waffles in the toaster, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"After yesterday, well, I just figured you were done."

"I can't let one bad day define me," I tell him. "If I did, I wouldn't be much more than a drunken loser or a victim."

"That's not what I meant," he sighs when I get defensive.

I take in a deep breath and try to let the tension in my body go. "I'm sorry. I'm just on edge for today. I shouldn't be taking it out on you."

"You act different at the dojo, like you're walking on eggshells," he frowns.

"Not today," I say. "I'm not allowing myself to be afraid."

Miguel shifts in confusion, "Afraid of what? Those guys? They're stupid."

"Of what Kreese and Silver did to me," I turn to him.

He sets down his waffle. "I keep forgetting how bad you had it." Miguel looks down in dismay. "That's foolish, I know."

"I wish I could forget," I nod. The waffles pop up. "The least I can do is try to move on. From everything."

"You know I'm always there if you need something," he reassures me.

"I know. Thank you," I say as I take a bite of waffle.

⭒⭒⭒

We pull up to the abandoned factory I've been to once before when I tried to get in contact with Devon.

"Welcome to Eagle Fang. You're in for an insane ride," Miguel whispers to me as we get out and walk in. Miguel pushes the door open for me.

"I guess she decided not to show," Demetri tells everyone with a happy smile.

The heavy door slams shut behind me and Miguel, and it makes everyone jump and look at us.

"You guessed wrong," I say as confidently as I can. I note the small smiles Sam and Aisha give me.

"Diaz, Ambrose, you're late," Johnny ushers us towards the group to fall in. He gives me a small smile to acknowledge that it's okay. 

Even lined up, I keep a substantial distance between me and the others. I don't want to fight with them. I just want to learn and grow without the drama. I will, however, defend myself. 

"The natural instincts are fight or flight," Johnny walks in front of us.

I glance over at Robby who I don't think has ever trained with Johnny like this before. I want to talk to him about it. I can't.

"As eagles, we are fight and flight."

I hold back my smile at his teaching.

"First step, pushups on your knuckles," Johnny states.

"Get up," Sensei Kreese demands, and I watch as the boy rushes to his feet. "One hundred pushups on your knuckles." 

They all look around at each other as I move into a plank with no hesitation. Demetri gives me a glare. I stand back up in embarrassment.

Johnny gives me a quizzical glare before looking at Demetri with furrowed brows and yelling, "Now!"

The boy goes to the side to do so, and I stare in shock. Sensei Kreese looks back at us, "Did I say for you to move from your positions?"

"No, Sensei," we respond, and I immediately go back to my stance from before.

I look at Miguel as he moves into position with me. I can do this. This is going to be different.

"Give me fifty!" Johnny yells. He hesitates and looks back at the group. "...Hell, give me ten and I'll be happy."

I start the count in my head as I excel. I took a break from training, sure, but I went right back to training in the morning. My strength seems almost as good as it was two months ago.

I hit ten and stand up straight again, content with myself. I look over and see I'm first done. Johnny gives me a small nod of approval.

Surprisingly, everyone handled them well, and the only people really failing are the ones I don't know as well.

"Feel that concrete burning into your bones? You're becoming a man," Johnny states.

I glance at Aisha and Sam. I think my nightmare last night had some truth to it about the misogyny within the dojo.

Johnny curses, "Shit. I mean, uh, adults."

I smile a little as we all stand up. I take in a deep breath; I turn eighteen super soon. "Adult" is very real. 

"Now comes the fun part. If you hated school gym, then this may not end well for you," Johnny admits as he walks us around the space.

I hear Demetri groan as I walk with Miguel to the next corner. I always did pretty well in gym, so I'm excited.

"This is a pitching machine. It's one of the first things I taught Miguel with," Johnny states. "Today, it is the first part of my training with you. The machine is going to pelt you with balls. You wear a couple of these pads and try not to get hit. You get hit, you move to the back of the line and start over. We'll keep going as long as we can until everyone makes it past."

"I hated this thing," Miguel whispers under his breath to me with a smile.

"Diaz, you go first," Johnny claps his hands obliviously.

Miguel's face falls. I hold in my smile in response. He steps forward as we all move away from the danger zone. He puts on the pads as Johnny grabs the remote.

"The best defense is more offense," the man instructs. "Go!"

The machine starts off by throwing Miguel one ball. He deflects it with his forearm until another comes. He uses his leg for the next one. The cycle eventually speeds up and he struggles to keep up. Miguel gets hit once in the hand and not on the pads.

"Stop!" Johnny yells. "Take off the pads. Back of the line. Next!" His eyes scan the group. "Robby."

I glance over at him. I don't know how to feel as he puts on the pads. All I know is that he's going to excel at this exercise because I don't know anybody better at defense.

"Ready?" Johnny asks.

"Yeah," Robby tells him.

"Go!" He presses the button.

The first ball is deflected by Robby, as are the many others after it. I watch in awe as he effortlessly uses his hand-eye coordination to pull it off. He gets everything right.

I see everyone else watching in surprise. I remember that they haven't trained with Robby in a while. He's truly one of the best.

The machine runs out of balls as Robby breathes heavily and looks to his dad for validation. I see a little sweat on his forehead.

I look away when I realize what I'm doing. I hope nobody saw.

"Great job," Johnny nods with a smile. He looks at us, "That's what this should look like, okay?"

Robby takes off the pads and walks by me. I look at his shoes only.

Mitch steps up next. He gets out within seconds and groans in frustration.

Little Red is the next victim as the machine practically pelts him with balls. 

"Ambrose." I look up in surprise as Johnny addresses me. He gives me a small, supportive smile, "Step on up."

I take in a deep breath as I glance over at the judgmental class. I put on the pads and remember all of the good that got me here. I was the runner-up in the All Valley. Politics aside, I'm good at karate. This is my chance to show it in addition to what Daniel taught me over our time together.

"Ready?" Johnny asks me as I get into a stance. I nod. "Go!"

The machine pitches one ball at me. I block my face and deflect it immediately. Another comes that aims for the space beside me; throw out my arm to have it hit the pad so it aims away from Johnny. Two fly at me right after the other, so I cross my right arm over my chest to deflect the first one and bring my knee to my chest to hit the lower one.

I feel my heart rate increase as I try to keep the pace steady and calculated. 

Arm up. Deflect. Leg out. Deflect. Arm out. Deflect. Leg up. Deflect. I continue the cycle until the balls stop coming.

"There is no time for tears in a war. Every second you waste crying is one person dead. Every minute you spend wasting in regret is hesitation. Hesitation causes you to lose," Sensei Kreese says loudly in my ear. 

I keep my eyes focused on the target. I wait for some sort of trick.

I stand still, trying to make sense of all of this. My mind runs in circles around me with the bad and scary thoughts, but I focus on my sensei's words. He's going to help me.

Johnny's hand touches my shoulder. I snap out of my stance and look at him in surprise. He gives me a weary smile.

"Nice work. Yet another example of how this should go," Johnny addresses the class.

I stand up taller and relax before turning to look at the class. I see their sour faces. I see the few supportive smiles. I see that Robby actually smiles, too, this time. 

My breathing is heavy as I recover from everything I just did. I walk back into formation.

"Hell yeah," Miguel holds up his fist for a fist bump with a smile.

I give him the fist bump with an excited smile. I'm finally remembering that I got back into this mess for myself, not for Kreese or Silver. 

"Moskowitz," Johnny calls.

⭒⭒⭒

"Like LaRusso, I have a challenge for you to complete. This isn't as easy as sparing with him, though. This is the challenge of if you have the will to beat Cobra Kai." Johnny walks us to a different corner of the warehouse.

"Sparring with Sensei LaRusso is the easy part?" I hear Demetri ask incredulously.

"You see this chain?" Johnny points behind him.

We all look over to see a thick, metal chain that connects to the ceiling; I can barely see all the way up.

"Some of you have the strength to conquer it, which is good," Johnny tells us, "but that strength is nothing without the sheer will to reach the top, which is what you're gonna do."

My jaw drops a little when he says that. I look at Aisha and see her nervously look back at me.

"All right. Who's going first?"

Silence falls over us. I don't have that amount of upper body strength, at least not anymore. Climbing that feels impossible.

"Douchebag, you first," Johnny tells Chris.

Chris frowns, "My name is Chris."

"Come on, Douchebag. Move it or lose it," Johnny tells him sternly.

Chris shakes his head as he looks at his friends, "Lose it. I can't do that."

Demetri agrees, "Sensei Lawrence, with all due respect, I don't know if any of us can get up that high. The physics alone suggest that it's impossible-"

I roll my eyes as Johnny puts him in his place, "Quiet! Nothing is impossible. Not beating Cobra Kai, not beating LaRusso, and not this climb."

We all stand silent. I want to prove Demetri wrong and succeed, but even I doubt the chance of me pulling this off.

"We're not leaving here today until somebody tries," he decides.

We stay silent as Johnny looks at us expectantly.

"Have the Queen Cobra do it if she's so superior," I hear Mitch whisper to Bert and Nate.

They giggle quietly in response, but it's apparent that everyone heard it except for Johnny. I see smiles on the faces of most everyone, including Demetri. I'm so sick of this bullshit.

"What's so funny?" Johnny picks up on their laughing, though. "Is that you volunteering to go, Bert?"

Bert looks at the man and shakes his head no. I still feel judgmental eyes on me. The silence kills me.

Three. Six. Nine. Twelve. Fifteen. Eighteen. Twenty-one.

"I'll try," Sam speaks up. I look over at her thankfully. She steps over to the chain; I worry because she genuinely doesn't seem up for it after going against the pitching machine twice.

"Don't look down," is all Johnny says in encouragement.

I see Robby shift in dismay at his dad's teaching style. I look away from Robby. 

Sam starts to climb up the chain. She makes it a few feet before her hand slips and she skids back down to the ground safely enough.

"Brave start," Johnny nods. "Don't expect to come back in two days and try to get out of this again. We're pushing you to a new level. Get ready."

"With two senseis, you will receive twice the instruction. That means twice the work, and if you are not prepared to put in two-hundred percent then you can leave right now," Sensei Kreese continues.

"But, if you dig in and follow our lead, we're gonna take you to the next level," Sensei Silver finishes.

I turn away once we're dismissed to get to my car to get to my bag to get to my sensory slug so I can calm the fuck down.

I try to be discreet as I pass by Miguel in his white shirt to get to the dark gray steel door that is so heavy to open so I can get to my off-white car to get to my rainbow sensory slug. 

I unlock my car with my silver and black keys and grab my small purple bag immediately. I start to play with the slug as I breathe in and out while it moves in a satisfying way.

The passenger door opens when Miguel pulls on the handle and gets in, "What was that? You just ran out?"

I focus on the slug as I try not to respond or even think about a response right now. My chest burns.

"Oh, shit, are you having a panic attack?" Miguel realizes. I think he's making it worse. "How can I help?"

"Don't," I mumble as my leg shakes up and down while my chest burns and my face flushes and my sensory slug doesn't help.

I barely register the tear that falls when my eyes shift focus to the group of people going to their respective cars. They're going to see me. I have to get away.

I set down the slug and put the car in reverse to drive to an empty spot of the parking lot. I swear I've stopped breathing.

"Z, what are you doing?!" Miguel shrieks as I speed away from them and into a secluded area. 

I park the car again and fully breakdown as my breathing becomes shallow. 

"Terry Silver is the kind of powerful I want all of my students to become, especially you, child."

Miguel's hand touches my arm.

"Your waist is your weakness," Sensei Silver decides after he scores a point and I end up on the ground once more. "You don't want me to come near it."

I jump out of the car and pace around to feel something. My brain is foggy. The sun is hot. My face begins to burn. 

"You see that emotion? Bury it."

An ice cube is placed in my hand. Everything stops as I look down at the cold, wet thing in my grasp. My lungs allow me to fully breathe again, slowly but surely. 

I glance up at Miguel who holds open his water bottle lid to reveal more ice. He looks at me wearily.

"Thank you," I whisper as I cup the ice cube and then let it fall onto the ground.

I wipe the cold water on my hands on my face and relax. I take a couple cleansing breaths as I bend over and rest my hands on my knees.

I look up at Miguel, "I'm sorry."

"You can't control it, I know," Miguel nods in understanding. "I was just worried you'd kill me in the process."

I look down guiltily.

Miguel tries to take it back, "No, no, I knew you wouldn't. It's okay. It's okay."

"I got so scared," I whisper as I sit on the curb. "Johnny said something that... that was scarily reminiscent of what I was told at Cobra Kai. It threw me. I didn't know how to deal with it."

Miguel sits with me. He holds in his response as I process everything.

"I really, really want things to be different. But, it's the things that remind me of Silver and Kreese. And, the people who will never let me forget what I was. I try to apologize. I try to act confident. I try to be unbreakable so that maybe they'll see they can't get to me and they'll leave me alone. They don't, though. I'm scared that's all I'll ever be to people."

"I don't get it. I thought you didn't care what people thought?" Miguel asks honestly.

"I was lying. To you. To them. To myself. I think maybe I'm not cut out for this. But, I really," a small, sad smile plays at my lips, "enjoyed myself today with that pitching machine. It reminded me that I'm more than just a piece of flesh. I really, really like karate. I just hate what it represents and what it means when you add me to it."

I take in a deep breath. I stop Miguel before he tries to speak again.

"I hate them for ruining this for me," I whisper. "I try so hard, and for what? It all goes back to them."

Miguel looks down sadly as he tries to find a response. I pick up my phone in dismay.

"Great. I have therapy in twenty minutes. I have to get you home," I stand up and reach for the car door.

"Wait," Miguel stops me, "you don't have to go today. This is a lot. I can even drive home, if you want."

"I have to go," I tell him, "if I ever want things to get better."

"I know, but you-"

"I'm okay," I tell him. I reach for the handle again.

He presses his hand on the door to keep me from opening it. "At least let me drive you there."

I frown, all my fight gone, "Fine."

⭒⭒⭒

"...It took everything in me to avoid finding a drink," I whisper.

Dr. Hillard smiles slightly, "But, you didn't. You had the willpower to go to your friends."

"It was only the first day," I shake my head. "And today I lost it even more. I don't understand how this is happening. I hate what I love to do."

"May I suggest working on some things on your own outside of practices?" she sets down her notebook. "Perhaps in a less structured setting you can find those happy moments for yourself and trick your brain into only thinking about the good things."

I shrug, "Maybe. I'm supposed to start working again soon, though. I don't know if I can do that."

"Okay, well, it doesn't have to be everyday. Maybe you can even bring a friend with you so you don't feel so alone?"

"Maybe," I nod.

"If you ever feel the need to drink again, take my phone number," Dr. Hillard writes it down and tears out a sheet of paper to hand to me. "I'll answer anytime. Anytime ever. You have people who love you, but I'm also in your corner if you need."

I try to calm my shallow breathing as I nod in response, "Thank you."

⭒⭒⭒

I walk out to the car with my head down. I get into the passenger seat next to Miguel. I look over at him and see that he's trying not to ask an invasive question that might piss me off.

"It went well," I offer him a little insight.

He sighs in relief and his body relaxes, "Good."

I nod. Awkward silence fills the car as he reaches for the gear shift.

I stop him, "Um, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what?" he wonders.

"Would you want to train with me outside of scheduled practices?" I ask. "I just... I think I could use all the catching up I can get."

Miguel smiles a little, "Sure, that'd be fun. Where? Like, at the gym?"

"Z!" a voice squeals, and I spin around to see the little girl from the day before running towards me.

"No," I say quickly. "No, no, I was thinking like at Miyagi-Do. Outside. Not at the gym."

When Miguel realizes, his face falls, "Z, I'm sorry-"

"I know, I know, you forgot, why would you remember, right?" I say as my leg shakes up and down. "Just drive home."

"...Okay," he says after a moment of realizing that I'm not okay. He changes gears, and we pull out of the parking lot. 

We sit in silence as my car chugs along slowly but surely. 

"I think it's a great idea to train on our own," Miguel says as we drive down the main highway. 

I nod. I thought so, too. Just not at the gym.

"Do you want to try for tomorrow morning?" he asks.

"Sure," I say softly as I look out the window.

We pass the old Cobra Kai dojo. I frown. There are so many bad memories from what happened there, but it was my home at one point.

I think what hurts most is that Cobra Kai wasn't all bad. I had friends like Tory and Piper, I had support and respect from the other students, and I developed new skills I never thought I could achieve. 

All under the wrong leadership.

With decent ideals that were taken to the extreme.

I don't know how I mourn something so awful. 

I don't know how to move on as someone different.

⭒⭒⭒

A/N: I feel so badly for not updating sooner so here's a chapter I may come back and edit a bit if I need to since I haven't started on the next chapter quite yet.

I'm really excited to update, though!

I'm so excited to write more for Zion's dynamic with Demetri, Anthony, and Robby hehe. 

Let me know what you're excited to see!