Chapter Eighty-Five: Loyal

"How can I live in the moment when my thoughts never feel like my own and don't know how to admit that I'm broken? How can I be all right?"

~i can't breathe by Bea Miller~

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Warnings: abuse, addiction, anxiety, biphobia/homophobia, depression, domestic violence, slight eating disorder, language, panic attacks, sexual harassment/assault/abuse, violence, and other mature themes

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Robby's POV

The door rings as I enter the abandoned dojo. I know he's here somewhere. I really, really need to talk to him. After today, I feel like we both have a lot to say; I know I do.

I turn and see my dad. "Robby? What's going on? What happened here?"

The nerves kick in as I remember what happened the last time we were both here. I remember fighting him and being pushed into the lockers and passing out. It wasn't even all his fault. I insisted that Kreese was a good guy and that Cobra Kai was the right path.

It took Zion - one of the most loyal people I know - to defect for me to see the truth. Turns out that being a mentor, like how Mr. LaRusso or my dad wanted to be for me, is hard.

I take in the empty space, "They're moving to a new location. Multiple locations, I think." The thought makes me sick.

"You kicked ass today," my dad tells me.

I look over at him in surprise. He never says anything positive about what I do.

"Could've gone either way," he adds.

"Yeah. Thanks," I nod slightly. I can already feel myself getting emotional. He's trying now and I fucked it up.

"Hey," he walks closer, "it's just a match. Don't let it eat you up. Trust me."

He thinks this is about the fight with Eli, of course. I've tried not to make the same mistakes as him. Instead, I make my own mistakes and somehow they feel even worse.

"It's not that, um... It's this kid, Kenny." I try to find the right words to explain it to him. I'm a failure. "I thought I could take him under my wing, be the mentor I wish I had when I was younger."

My dad looks down uneasily, "That isn't a role you should have to take on. You're still a kid, Robby."

"I haven't felt like a kid in a... in a long time." I feel my face heat up. "But, I saw Kenny today and it, uh, it's like looking in a mirror."

I know my dad pieces together that Kenny is the kid whose ass I kicked, which isn't what I wanted to do at all. I took Cobra Kai too far, just like I'd sworn to myself I wouldn't.

"I realized I screwed everything up. I had all this hate inside of me... for you and for Miguel. And, I thought I could use Cobra Kai to control that. But, it just made things worse and now it's never gonna get better."

"That's not true," he steps in. "Kreese is good at making you something you're not. Trust me, I know. I left you... I left you because I was scared. Over and over, it wasn't right, but I did. I thought maybe you'd be better off without me." He looks ready to cry, too. "You had a good thing going with LaRusso. I got in the way of that. Don't blame yourself. Blame me."

Tears fall and I can't even see clearly anymore, "I'm sick of blaming you, Dad."

I wipe my nose and within another second, he's pulled me in for a hug.

And I breakdown.

It takes a moment for me to even realize that I'm really hugging him. I can't remember the last time this happened.

"It's gonna be all right. We'll figure this out. Okay?"

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Third Person POV

The LaRussos walk into their mansion in defeat. Sam is scared and confused. Anthony is anxious for the months to come. Daniel is worried for everyone's safety under Silver. Amanda, of course, is concerned about her family, but she has some hope through the good she's seen in Tory since January.

Sam rushes up into her room and locks the door behind her. She lets the tears fall freely as she thinks about the worst coming true tonight: Tory Nichols is free to rain down hellfire and she can't train to stop it.

Daniel walks separate from Amanda and into his home office.

"Daniel," Amanda stops him before the door closes, "are you sure you're all right? I think sleep is beneficial."

"I can't sleep. I have so much to figure out," Daniel responds in a whisper, but his tone holds distress. "Leave me be."

Amanda closes the door behind her with a small smile as she passes her youngest on the sofa with his phone out.

"You've been awfully quiet," she sits in a chair near the sofa.

"Bad day for the LaRussos," he shrugs.

"Something happened at the tournament, didn't it?" Amanda takes to caring for her son more now.

"I don't want to talk about it. I can't."

"Okay," Amanda sighs before standing up. She walks over to him and hugs him from behind the sofa. "You know we're here for anything. I will stop what I'm doing, anything I'm doing, for you."

Anthony only nods as she wanders off to her bedroom and leaves the door cracked for any family member who may want her help.

Daniel sits on the phone in his office, "It's unfair to call you out here, I know, but they've ruined the sanctity of Miyagi-Do by putting us out of business for good. You're the only person I know who can help. I'll pay for your ticket to get here and we have a room for you to stay in. Just, please say you can come."

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Zion's POV

I look up and see Carmen crying as Johnny holds her hand.

"I'm bringing him back home safely. I'm going after him to Mexico, okay? His dad doesn't know he was even born. I'll go because I'm the one who put this pressure on him and I'm the one who has to make this right," Johnny tells us.

"I'm going with you," I stand up.

"No," Carmen shakes her head, "you are not going, too. I can't leave because of work and you can't leave because we all need you here and safe."

"I'm sorry, Carmen, but there's no other choice. Miguel is like my brother. I won't let Johnny go after him alone," I demand. "Johnny, please."

He looks into my pleading eyes and gives in with a nod. A chill runs through my body.

Well, this is one way of running away like we'd promised. Now, I just need to get Robby to agree.

"I still say no," Carmen insists. "You'll get hurt. It's no place for a young lady, let alone someone - some girl - who knows nothing of the country."

"I speak Spanish," I argue, "and I just went up against the most badass people in The Valley of all genders and got runner-up. I'm more than capable of going. Besides, Johnny needs me."

"If my suspicions are right, he'd be going to Tijuana. I mentioned it to him throughout his childhood and now I regret it. It's a bad place for anyone to be, no matter how qualified you think you are. Even my ex himself had a hard time blending in at first," Carmen continues.

Johnny glances over at me. I know he can see the worry painted on my face. "Let her go. I'll keep her safe," Johnny assures her.

"I need to think on this. I-I can't lose you, too, " she says as a tear slides down her cheek.

"You won't. You can't lose me, not again after everything it took for us to get back into each other's lives," I assure her. "But, do you think time is really on our side?"

"No, she's right," Johnny nods. "It's a lot to take in. Think about it and we'll be back tomorrow."

"In the morning," I say.

Johnny ushers me to the door. I rush over and give another hug to Carmen and Yaya. We just stay in our group hug for a moment. It's nice, therapeutic almost.

I try to be some sort of support for them, though I know I easily crumble.

I walk out with Johnny as he sighs in defeat and I see the devastation and guilt fully hit him.

"Are you all right?" I wonder.

"I screwed up again. Again. I can't believe this," he says and I see tears in his eyes.

"Well, you got me back on your side. And, I mean, did you talk to Robby?" I ask it nervously since I still have no idea what happened since Robby and I split at the arena.

"Yeah. Cobra Kai abandoned the strip mall for other locations and he talked to me there. We're doing better," Johnny explains.

I smile excitedly. Johnny definitely means well. I forgot that when I was under the influence of Kreese where I had it out for any non-Cobras.

"Shit. Right as I do better by Robby, then Miguel leaves the country because of me. I can't go to Mexico right when Robby finally has faith in me again. I can't mess our relationship up, but I can't not find Miguel. I-I don't know what to do. He's not going to want either of us to go after Miguel because he hates him so much."

"Johnny, can I speak honestly?"

"Always."

"Robby doesn't despise Miguel in the way you think he does. His anger for him is wearing out. What always angered him most was how you chose Miguel time and time again over him. It's not all about Sam. He saw an absent father in his life becoming close to some random boy he's never met. He saw your relationship and was jealous of the bond and you can't keep abandoning him."

"Wait," Johnny sighs, "okay, so what do I do? Take Robby to Mexico?" He laughs.

I stare at him.

"You can't be serious."

"Robby and I have talked about getting out of here for a while. So, if you're taking me, you could take him," I suggest.

"I can't expect him to do that. I can't expect you to even go. This is insane, Zion."

"The only way to fight insanity is with more insanity," I shrug.

"I... I need a drink," Johnny rolls his eyes and walks towards his apartment.

"It isn't good for numbing the pain. Trust me," I follow him. "It's not worth it."

"It's just one drink."

"Yeah," I look down in dismay. He just doesn't get it.

"You're welcome to come in, if you'd like," he offers once he unlocks his door.

"I'll head to Shannon's. I don't want to be out too late and worry Robby," I respond.

Did I want to talk with him? Yes, of course. I wanted to tell him about Janice, but he's going to drink the pain of Miguel away. I can't be another burden and, for all I know, I need to keep things to myself still. Robby is my one true confidant - despite how much I wanted to fix my relationship with Miguel so we can trust each other again - and one decent conversation with Johnny can't make me forget everything.

"Take care of yourself," Johnny says.

"Thanks, you too," I say before walking to my car.

As I drive, I try to make sense of everything going on. I try to make sense of the situation at hand and find a solution. Nothing is an easy solution.

I hit a red light as two roads diverge for a choice: deeper into Reseda or the highway. I could go straight to the Keene apartment and talk it all out with Robby. Or, I could go to the Payne house to talk to Kenny and pray for some sense from him.

The light turns green. Everyone moves forward as the empty turn lane lingers.

I take the road less traveled by.

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Eli's POV

"You're incapable of growing facial hair," Demetri says rudely, "so why do you have so many products for shaving?"

"Demetri, stop going through my bathroom," I groan for the sixteenth time.

He stands in my bathroom to rummage through everything as I sit on the bed and game.

"Is this the hair dye you used for the mohawk? Because Splat is just fabric dye, my friend," he walks out with a box of purple.

"When you said you wanted to come over after the breakup, I didn't know you meant to come over and ridicule my toiletries," I smirk.

"Have we met?" he crosses over to me. "Hi, I'm Demetri Alexopoulos and I'm bad at talking about feelings so I use sarcasm to cope." He extends his hand.

"You're such a nerd," I laugh before standing up and grabbing the dye from his grasp.

"Says the boy who's been playing Minecraft since we got home."

"It's a good way to avoid thinking about feelings," I shrug as I set it back in the bathroom. I'm glad we're back to a place where we can playfully joke with each other.

"You basically got dumped twice last night. How can you avoid all that?" he wonders.

"Repression is kinda my thing now," I walk back by him and sit on the couch.

"You need someone better than Zion, regardless," he sits, too. "She's a pathological liar in love with Robby Keene."

"She didn't cheat, though."

"No, she just lied about cheating to get an ego boost," he grabs a controller. "Can we play Mario Kart?"

"I felt bad for leading on Moon. I didn't even realize that's what I was doing until Zion showed up at the tournament," I explain.

"Is this the part where I take you to a strip club to feel better?" Demetri questions. "Because, I'm ready if you are."

I change the game to Mario Kart, "Nope, just play me in this."

"So, no more talking about girls... What about karate? What are we going to do with Cobra Kai being set free?" Demetri asks.

"Right now I'm more focused on senior year. I screwed up junior year when I began to prioritize karate. I was falling behind in all my classes."

"You were still ranked in the top ten," Demetri reminds me. "You weren't as great as me, of course, but you've always been better at math." I remember tutoring Zion like an idiot. "So, anyway, you can have the best of both worlds: school and the ongoing karate war."

"Zion and Robby aren't at Cobra Kai, as far as all of us are concerned. Kyler went down easily. Their only other threats are that Kenny kid and Tory. Kenny is a middle schooler and Tory, well, enough of us can take her down at once," I say.

"And the demonic duo that leads them?" Demetri questions.

"Kreese is smart, but he wasn't smart enough to keep me around. I'm more worried about Terry Silver, I suppose, but I don't know much about him at all except that he got Sensei LaRusso into being a Cobra so anything is possible," I shrug.

"And then there's the fact that we aren't allowed to fight anymore," he frowns.

"Unless we join Cobra Kai," I mutter.

"I'm being Luigi," Demetri decides.

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Tory's POV

"Thank you," I say to the elderly woman in my apartment complex as I pay her. "I'll let you know if we need you again."

"The little one was a joy," she accepts the money before walking out the door.

I walk down the hallway with my trophy that feels like a weight of guilt even though the plastic isn't very heavy. All my Cobra Kai gear feels heavier knowing now that I don't deserve to be on top of the world.

"Hey," I look in on Brandon in the laundry room on his small bed, "you all right?"

He nods contently. He points to the trophy in my arms.

"Yeah, bud. I won." A bright smile shines on his face. "Go to sleep soon, okay?" He nods as I slip out the door.

I walk down to my mom's room and peek in. She's asleep as the machines around her beep to signal that all is well.

My exhausted figure collapses on my bed at last as I try to figure out what to think of today. I don't know who the good and bad guys are anymore.

I pull the orange and pink bear Piper gave me close to my chest. I practically strangle it as I try to cry. I need to cry, I feel it inside, but I just can't get the emotions out. It's infuriating. I'm helpless.

My therapist has been too kind to me. All I've done in my sessions is reject her thoughts on karate and the tournament. I kind of hate her for being right.

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Zion's POV

The darkness surrounds me as I stand on Kenny's front porch and wait for an answer from within. The Ring doorbell spots me as I try to figure out what the hell to say.

The door opens to a woman, "Yes?"

"Oh," I stare in surprise, "hi. I'm Zion. I'm looking for Kenny."

"Zion. Sure. Well, Kenny is out with some friends tonight. It's also kind of late to make house calls," she nods wearily.

"Kenny and I do karate together and I was-"

"I know who you are, but I don't need you teaching my son for me," the woman turns defensive. "We haven't met. I'm Diamond Payne, his mother, the one who works to provide for us."

"Oh. It's nice to meet you," I offer.

She doesn't look pleased.

"Um, I don't mean to step on your toes, Mrs. Payne... but I think Kenny deserves a constant role model in his life," I explain. It sounds more like an insult and I regret how it came out.

"I know the whole story about you and Robby, as if I'm not a good enough mother on my own," she says condescendingly.

"That's not what either of us ever thought. I just figured that he could use some extra guidance through middle school," I assure her. "It's nothing against you and I hope you realize that. We all are looking out for Kenny's best interests."

"His best interests?" she asks knowingly. "What I saw tonight was Robby kicking my son in the face until he cried."

A car pulls up behind mine in the driveway and its headlights blind me. Ms. Payne waves to the car as I watch curiously.

Kenny emerges from the car with a bag on his back. Through the lights I can see the driver's arm waving to Ms. Payne: Kyler. I feel my heart drop.

The boy wanders up the path and to the bottom of the stairs, "Why are you here?"

"Well, I came to see you and talk," I manage to smile.

"I don't want you here," Kenny's eyes dart between me and his mom.

"Well, then she can leave," Ms. Payne speaks from behind me. Her tone is lighter now that her son is around.

"I don't want you or Robby coming back here again. You're traitors," Kenny walks up the stairs beside me and then into his house.

The picture of his angry eyes burn into my retinas as an everlasting memory.

"Good night," Ms. Payne says and closes the door on me.

"Ella, it's time for bed," I whisper. She doesn't move. I pick her up after a moment and carry her down the hall to her bedroom. I tuck her under the covers and smile at her little, angelic face, "Sleep well, sweet girl."

Kyler's car pulls out and the lights swing onto the other house before the car speeds down the suburban neighborhood. There's no way he's sober.

I feel defeated as I walk back to my car. I turn on my headlights and glance at my phone. Robby has been trying to contact me, of course.

I call him back as I pull out of the driveway. "Hey."

"Hey, are you okay?" he asks in concern.

"Yeah, um, yeah, I'm fine." I hope he can't hear the fact that I want to cry. "I ended up talking to your dad for longer than expected and then... well, we can talk when I get there."

"Okay...?" he asks. "I'm happy you're good. Uh, are you going to be here soon?"

"I'm leaving now," I assure him as I merge onto the highway.

"...You promise you're okay?"

"As much as I can be after today."

"Yeah."

Silence - besides the sound of my old car reaching 55 mph.

"See you when I get there," I tell him.

"All right."

"Love you."

"Love you."

The call ends and I drive back to Shannon's in silence.

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A/N: I missed updating so here's a gift for us both. I love when you guys engage with this book!

I definitely had to rewrite the scene between Robby and Johnny just a bit. I hope this is a better version.

Also, PLEASE comment any ideas you have for Zion or just season 5 in general!