Chapter Forty-One: Fallen Angel

"Love me, hate me, say what you want about me, but all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy"

~If U Seek Amy by Britney Spears~

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Revised: August 2, 2022

Warnings: abuse, anxiety, biphobia/homophobia, depression, domestic violence, slight eating disorder, language, panic attacks, sexual harassment/assault/abuse, violence, and other mature themes

A/N: Hint: Sound out the title of the song at the top quietly to yourself if you don't get the meaning haha. Also, this chapter was so fun to write, so I hope you enjoy:)

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Zion's POV

"So, how did your study date with Hawk go?" Tory asks. She's on her break and we're finally getting the chance to catch up. I'm sitting at the roller rink with her since she had to work and I didn't after karate.

"First of all, it wasn't a date. And second, it sucked. I feel like I'm being led on over and over again. He's just no good for me," I sigh in frustration.

"What did he do?" she asks in concern. 

"He was caring and sweet and then... I saw he put another tattoo over the 'Z' one he got for me and it was... a wakeup call," I say. "You know? Like, 'he's over you.' I don't know what he wanted out of the game he was playing, but I'm done being a pawn."

"That's totally valid. I felt the same way with... Miguel," she says and I frown.

"He really did like you, you know," I try to comfort her.

"Yeah? And how did that turn out?" she asks sadly. "I saw them kissing, Z. That was my moment when I realized he was over me. And I guess I went a little overboard with the revenge thing, but LaRusso just pisses me off so much and I wanted her to pay... and this happened."

"I didn't know you saw the kiss. I never really thought about that being how you found out," I say. I've been so caught up in my own problems that I haven't even thought about Tory's, especially after the school fight.

"Listen, I really don't want to badmouth him to you. I know you two are close and... I don't know. How is he?" she asks.

I look down, subconsciously playing with my ring again.

"I actually haven't been to the hospital. I haven't seen him since you last did."

She raises her eyebrows in surprise, "Wow. I thought I was the only one not going to see him with flowers and get-well-soon cards."

"I just can't..." I try to find the words.

"...can't face him after all that's happened," she finishes.

"Exactly," I nod sadly.

"So, what are your plans to get over Hawk?" Tory changes the subject.

"Well, I already changed my tattoo for him. An eye for an eye, if you will," I say and hold out my left wrist.

I show her the fallen angel tattoo I chose and her jaw drops.

"That is awesome," she says and picks up my wrist to examine it. "It goes so well over the bird that was there. You can't even tell!"

"Yeah, it was the most badass thing I could think of with wings because I didn't want to fully get it removed; I've heard that hurts more than the tattoo being applied," I say.

"It's badass for sure," she says and I smile at the confirmation from her. "Why did you choose a fallen angel instead of a regular one?"

"It felt right," I say and she urges me to explain more. "I'm not religious, but angels can also be mythological and they're throughout different cultures. I know I'm not an angel, not the 'good' kind we're taught to be, at least. While there are good things about me, I felt compelled to get the dark angel."

"So, you're just accepting that you're bad? I thought dark angels worked with Satan? You're not bad, Z," Tory assures me.

"The world is gray," I say. "Fallen angels are misunderstood because they were pure and white and perfect, but like all humans, they got caught up in the ambition and curiosity and found out the truth of the real world, of sin. They're misunderstood and I feel like that's what represents me."

"That's kind of poetic," she smiles and takes a sip of her soda. "What else is on the list to get over Hawk?"

"Well, I'm talking to this girl in my science class and she's amazing," I say.

"A girl?" Tory asks.

"Oh, I guess I never told you I'm bi..." I say and see she's smiling at this.

"Very cool. Tell me more," she says.

"She has red hair and beautiful blue-green eyes and she's a cheerleader," I say.

"Way to go," Tory supports.

"She has the cutest laugh and is so smart and-"

"Z, you're blushing! This is so sweet. You really like her," she pats my hand in excitement.

"I do. I do," I say. "And she doesn't like Demetri or LaRusso, either. She totally gets why I hate Miyagi-Do. She's perfect."

"Demetri... He's Hawk's old best friend, right?" she clarifies and I nod, realizing she barely knows him. "He looks like he needs to be knocked down a few pegs."

"Exactly," I say, thrilled she agrees. "He hates me and I hate him. Actually, I got some good hits in during the school fight and then I gave him a black eye a few months ago."

"You did what?" she laughs, choking on the soda she just drank.

"I punched him. He said some shit about me and I shut him up," I mumble. I wonder if she'll react in the same way Hawk did.

"What did he say?" she asks in concern. I remember it all so vividly. I had only just started Cobra Kai, trying to start over and be strong enough to get away from the toxic people in my life.

"I know you sleep over here a lot. I know you're going to end up using Eli and pressuring him to do things with you because you act like the good guy, but I know you're actually the villain. You were all over him tonight because you were drunk and slutty. I don't know who raised you, but they didn't do a very good job."

I tense at the memory, hating the pressure rising in my chest as I think about what he said.

"I'm going to make you feel good. And in turn, you can make me feel good. You do owe me, after all. I'm letting you stay here, so it's the least you can do," 

What he said can't be true. It just can't.

"Z?" Tory asks in concern and I snap out of it.

"Oh, right. He, uh, slut-shamed me, for starters."

"Fuck no. I would've punched him just for that," she says.

"And then he said I was... pressuring Hawk... into doing things... with me... sexually," I say angrily, wanting to finally talk this out with someone; I do trust Tory. It's nice to talk to a girl my age, like Jess.

"That is way too far! Who does he think he is?"

"All I know is that I always waited for Hawk's consent and tested for a comfort level. We didn't do anything more than what a normal couple would at that point in a relationship, which was months in. I even told Hawk not to 'flip the script' unless he was doing it for himself and his best interests. But did Demetri know any of that? No. He jumped to conclusions. All those Miyagi-Dos are the same," I shake my head sadly, but will myself not to cry.

It pisses me off that Demetri said all that when last Sunday I was the one being pressured; I didn't do anything close to what he did...

I feel myself become nauseous at the thought and try to forget it and control my shaking. I'm talking to Tory. I'm fine.

"He shouldn't say anything about your physical relationship with Hawk," she says in disgust. "Seems to me he's way too attached to Hawk for his own good."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"I don't know. Jealousy? Maybe he liked you? Maybe he didn't want to share Hawk?" she suggests and I stare at her in shock for a moment.

"And she's hot. I mean, you're hot," Demetri interrupts Miguel and talks to me. "Something must be wrong with you."

"Demetri did always stand up for him, even though he seemed to want to speak and think for himself sometimes. I guess he was a bit possessive of El- Hawk," I nod. "And I did feel like Demetri was always flirting with me in his own weird way."

"Well, yeah. I can't blame him there. Look at you," Tory interjects and I laugh and slightly blush.

"I don't know what his problem is, but those are some good points. I just wish he'd leave me the fuck alone... So, what have you been doing to get over Miguel?" I ask, changing the subject to refrain from talking about Demetri's insult to my parents right now. That's too depressing.

"Ignoring it," she nods.

"That doesn't seem healthy," I say and she shrugs.

"It's better than having it berate you 24/7 when you know you wouldn't even be welcome to see him," she points out.

"Well, do you have your eyes set on anyone?" I ask.

"No. I don't have time for a relationship when my mom is doing as badly as she is," she says and I wonder what exactly is wrong with her mom. Maybe one day I'll find out; it seems pretty bad and I sympathize with Tory.

"Being single can be fun," I suggest, but I know I'm lying. It's nice to be loved and I don't have that anymore.

"It's not," she says and looks at her phone. "My break is over in a minute. Are you going to stick around?"

"Yeah, I'll skate a bit and get some more food and wait for you to get off. It's not like I have anywhere else to be," I say and she nods.

"Okay. Sounds good," she skates away and I get up to skate around a bit and think.

Everything has changed. I've changed. I've tried putting Ella in the past, but I can't stop thinking about her and how I can't help. Sensei Kreese said for me not to waste my life in regret, but I left her there with that monster. And nobody knows anything about what happened that night besides Sensei Kreese... and even then he doesn't know everything.

The way he talked to me.

The way he touched me.

The way he manipulated me.

I don't really sleep anymore; I live off of short naps, coffee, and Red Bulls. I also don't go to the gym anymore in fear of seeing him; I workout at the dojo - where I've been staying every night since - and shower at a truck stop. They have showers for truckers, apparently. I found that out online and the lady who works at the gas station near the Subway I work at is nice enough to let me come right when they open in the morning.

I can't ever see Ella again and I think that hurts almost as much as the shit life has given me on and since that infamous night. I think I'll always miss her.

I look around the skating rink, trying again to suppress the bad things. I can't get emotional, not anymore.

I remember when I came here last. Before everything went down in that alleyway, I was here with Robby. Now, he's in juvie and I've been visiting him. I remember the last time I saw him Monday morning.

I rush over to the community center after training with Sensei Kreese before school. I told Robby I'd be here and I don't want to have him lose faith in me, too. When I make it to the line, I see some guys with ugly yellow shirts like Robby wore, but no Robby. I decide to ask, a bit uncomfortable with there being no girls to talk to.

"Hey, is Robby Keene here today?" I ask the tall boy who is grabbing my plate. I notice my confidence around him is significantly less after last night. No matter how much Sensei lectures me about fear, I have a feeling my body will automatically tell me to cower around males. The dojo is the only place I know I'm respected and even feared. Tory and I hold the power there.

"Sure, baby. Hold on a second," he smiles confidently with a playful and almost... evil gleam in his eyes and I look down. "Karate boy, your side chick is here." I wince at that, wondering what the hell his problem is. Somehow he must know about Samantha and the drama; now juvie has rumors circling about this? I guess it's public knowledge of what LaRusso did at the party to cause the fight.

I see Robby walk over from the back with a glum look on his face. The bruise looks a bit better today, but I see his body language is different. I look back at the tall guy and realize this is probably the asshole who hurt him. Robby's eyes land on me glaring at the boy and he shakes his head for me not to say anything. For Robby's sake only, I leave it be.

"Hey," I smile and his face brightens a little when he sees me. I have to admit I'm just as happy after last night to see a friendly, familiar face.

"Hi. I didn't think you'd come," he says. I frown at this.

"Well, I'm here, so I'll see you after again? If that's okay?" I ask and he nods.

"I hate to break up this adorable conversation, but you're holding up the line. Here's your food," the guy who originally was serving me says and I can see he enjoys interrupting us. I take the plate and glance again at Robby before walking away to sit with my food.

He later explained to me that he isn't volunteering there anymore and asked me to email him. I said I would, but I forgot to ask him what it was. Thankfully, my friend, Reid, is friends with Robby and Robby's old friends and I asked me to send him his email; he hasn't responded yet, but I know he's busy with his junior year.

And no, I haven't told anybody about me seeing him, not even Tory. They'll misconstrue me being friendly as romantic attraction to him. I'm over those feelings now... I guess. I have to be. I'm done with guys.

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"So, I heard the cheer team is joining with gym class for PE tomorrow," Jenna tells me and I turn to her with a smile.

"Really?" I ask and she nods.

"Coach said she has to fill in as a sub for Coach Meyers, so she's having you guys play soccer," she explains and my smile widens.

"Soccer?" I ask.

"Yeah," she returns my smile, not knowing why.

"I'm awesome at soccer," I say and she looks at me in surprise. "Well, I mean... I played for years before I moved here and I was really good, so I'm excited to play again."

"That's super exciting. I'll be there to cheer you on," she playfully elbows my arm and I blush a little at the touch.

"Sounds perfect," I say.

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"Never underestimate your enemy. Even if you think they're weaker than you," Sensei Kreese walks around us. I shouldn't have underestimated Demetri at the school. He was a better fighter than I thought. "You always have to stay one step ahead of them. That's the only way to guarantee a victory. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Sensei," we say and he makes direct eye contact with Hawk.

"Good. Now," he turns to the wooden pole in the middle of the dojo with a bonsai on top, "let's see if you truly understand the lesson. I want you to kick this tree off the top. Red, you start."

Big Red hesitates as he eyes the tree on top. He nods and tries to kick to get the tree, but fails because he isn't tall enough. I hear something rip and roll my eyes.

"Pathetic," Sensei Kreese says. "Rickenberger, show him."

Rickenberger nervously looks at the pole before doing a double kick flip in the air and landing wrong. He lets out a groan after falling on his arm.

"Stop your sniveling," Sensei walks around us in disappointment. I'm about to speak up, when-

"I can do it, Sensei." I look over to see Hawk is ready to take on the challenge.

I frown, knowing that if he does it accurately that he gets the points for it and is one step closer to being the champion. I don't want to lose to him.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Sensei Kreese asks and Hawk walks forward, right in front of the plant. "Don't you want a running start?"

"Don't need one," Hawk smirks and side kicks the wooden pole. It falls down and the tree falls and the soil explodes everywhere. I have a feeling I'll have to clean that up.

Hawk smiles happily as he looks at our sensei, "Not bad. Not bad at all." I hate that he got it before I did. Hawk moves back to his spot.

"But he cheated," Rickenberger says and points to Hawk, still clutching his arm.

"No, he didn't. Unlike you, he did exactly what I asked him to do," Sensei Kreese approaches him. "If your mind is agile," he turns to me, "so are you." He moves around more. "That's the best way to beat your enemy. Not just with brute strength. But you have to fight smart."

I smile a little. This is exactly the kind of training I need.

He stops in front of Hawk, "Do that and you'll always come out on top."

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Lunchtime rolls around the next day and I see Hawk playing with a soccer ball as I sit down with my food. I push it to the side, not hungry. I glance at him playing with the ball as the guys follow it with their eyes; he's trying to impress them, but I can see he's struggling a little. Soccer doesn't come naturally for everyone.

"Z, you know that girl you hang out with all the time? With the red hair?" Mikey turns to me.

"Uh, yeah, what about her?" I ask, trying to hide my concern for why he's asking about Jenna.

"She's a cheerleader, right?" another one of them speak up.

"Yeah, she's hot," Mikey says. "Anyway, do you think you could talk me up to her? Do you think she likes me?" 

I see Hawk listening into the conversation and I smirk, "Sorry, boys, but I think she's more into me."

The table practically goes silent as they all look at me. I laugh and take a sip of my water with an innocent look on my face,

"What?"

They mutter incoherent things and turn away awkwardly.

"Check this out," Hawk turns to the attention back to himself with the soccer ball and I catch a look of jealousy on his face. I'm to the point where I don't give a damn what people think about me. I'm a winner and that's all that matters. Jenna is right when she says for me to ignore it. Jess told me something similar before we first went out in public together.

"You have to own your truth. This is who we are and we make no apologies and we don't change ourselves," Jess says with a smile and grabs my hand."It's like Lady Gaga said, we were born this way."

"Twenty-two in a row. New record," Hawk says into the camera as Big Red records him juggling the soccer ball on his feet and knees.

Some of the guys who are paying attention smile and I follow Hawk's gaze to the table Moon sits at with Yasmine and Demetri.

Moon is smiling happily as Demetri talks and points to some Lego model and I glare at the boy. Why does she insist on being friends with everyone?

"Watch this," Hawk smirks and throws the ball as hard as he can over to the table, destroying the model and I see the legos fly everywhere.

"Ooh," the boys high-five each other and I laugh a little when I see Demetri's shocked and disappointed face.

One of the guys run over and get the ball as I stand up and watch Hawk walk over to Demetri and catch the ball. "Oh, sorry, man. Looks like my ball just got away from me," Hawk lies.

I smile, liking this idea. High school drama is a refreshing change of pace from real world shit, I must admit.

"That took me three weeks to build," Demetri says and I see he looks really sad and angry.

"Eh, took me three seconds for my ball to destroy," Hawk smirks and turns back to us. He sends a smirk my way like he really did something and while I'm glad he's no longer taking shit from Demetri, it's not going to "win me back" or anything.

"Another week, another pissing contest," Demetri walks over to us and Hawk turns around, surprised. I was not expecting him to confront us; this should be fun. "Although, I shouldn't be surprised since you love pissing so much."

I glare at him, upset that he's still using this as his only material.

"Demetri, he doesn't even do that anymore. Shut the hell up," I say and Hawk turns to me in surprise. All the Cobra Kai boys do, actually. I don't know why I'm defending Hawk; it slipped out.

"You landed one kick. You got lucky," Hawk says and steps closer to the boy and I worry this could get physical and I could get sent to the principal and they'll call Janice. I can't have that.

"You'd better back off or you won't be lucky," Samantha walks over and I roll my eyes. 

Hawk scoffs and the Cobras move in more behind us, closer and closer to the boy and girl. I look behind them and see Counselor Blatt walking around. It makes me nervous because one wrong move could get me into serious trouble.

"Yeah, like you'll start anything, princess," Hawk says and I see he's trying to get a rise out of her on purpose. "Actually, why don't you go sleep around with someone new and break his heart?"

I'm shocked by his words. LaRusso shoves him back into the rest of us and I cower with them in front of Counselor Blatt, sending a glare in Hawk's direction. Why the hell did he slut-shame her? I thought I made myself clear when I said not to do that.

"What's going on here, Ms. LaRusso? You know our new guidelines against physical contact," Counselor Blatt asks the two and they spin around in shock. "Did she enter your personal bubble without your verbal consent?" she turns sympathetically to Hawk. What kind of bullshit is this?

"Yeah, she definitely triggered me in my safe space," Hawk says and curls into himself. I realize he's acting more like Eli before the mohawk and fighting smart.

"What are you talking about?" Demetri asks. "He started it by destroying my science project." Counselor Blatt looks at him expectantly.

I don't want to get involved, worried she'll call Janice.

"That was an accident! You probably shouldn't bring your toys to school, anyway," Hawk defends innocently.

"I don't want excuses. I just want you all to respect each other," Counselor Blatt says.

"She's right, guys. We should stop the aggression. Micro and macro," Hawk nods and I have to try not to smile at how stupid it sounds.

"Oh, give me a break," LaRusso speaks up with a glare. Demetri is looking at me angrily and I curl into myself, as well, my shoulders hunched.

"Consider this a warning, Ms. LaRusso," the counselor says. "And get these Legos off the ground. Someone could get hurt." She turns away.

Hawk smirks, stepping towards them, "For you pansies, no space is safe." Hawk laughs and turns back with the guys. I do, too, until I hear Demetri.

"I guess you'd know all about Eli's pissing, huh, Zion?" Demetri asks, finally having a comeback for my remark earlier. I turn back angrily, the rest of Cobra Kai backing me up. "What, with how much you sleep around, right?"

The cut is deep and the wound is fresh. I know I need to handle this without becoming emotional. I try to calm myself and think of a way to respond that won't result in a call to Janice. I have to keep my mind agile.

Then I have it, remembering what Tory said earlier. I smirk a little, putting my hand up for the guys not to follow me. I make it right in front of Demetri and cross my arms,

"You so desperately want to convince everyone you hate me..."

Sam watches us and I see some more people listening in on our conversation, knowing what went down between Demetri and I during the school fight. I step into Demetri's personal space to intimidate him that much more, but to my surprise he looks at me with a smug look on his face: confidence.

"...but I know the truth: you're just jealous that I chose to fuck your ex-best friend instead of you," I smirk.

His expression drops. I can feel the shock in the room from the people watching us. The new look on Demetri's face confirms I'm right. His confidence is gone now. I hold in a laugh and turn to walk away, glancing at the Cobras; Hawk is probably the most shocked of all, looking between me and Demetri in awe, his face as bright red as his mohawk.

I go back to sit in my spot, satisfied. Hawk looks away; it's obvious he's still embarrassed. The guys turn to me and erupt into laughter and praise for me while the rest of the cafeteria starts gossiping. I see Demetri walk out with his head down, humiliated.

"That was badass, Z!" Rickenberger says.

"Way to go," Mikey holds out his fist and I fist bump him. I'm finally being treated like one of the guys, it seems.

"Hawk, you good, man?" Assface asks and I turn to see the boy look at them, his face a little less red now.

"Yeah, uh... I'll see you guys in PE," Hawk grabs his food and throws it away as he walks out.

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Gym rolls around and I change into the ugly gray t-shirt and uncomfortable shorts that are my uniform. The person who designed these obviously didn't take into account women's curves. The elastic is pinching my hips and overall my hourglass figure is lost, but I'm thankful that I still look pretty and modest at the same time. Something inside of me doesn't want to attract male attention after that night.

I walk out of the locker room and to the soccer field. In general high school is nothing compared to the real world and I see this now. After what happened Sunday... this is a cake walk.

I join the other Cobras in a huddle on the soccer field as they grab red jerseys to slip over their uniforms. I put mine on and they follow Hawk to the field, leaving me to trail behind. We pass the cheerleaders warming up and I wave to Jenna.

"Hey," she runs over to me. "Your comment in the cafeteria today was so attractive. I-I mean awesome... I thought it was awesome how you stood up for yourself."

"Oh, I'm glad you thought so," I smirk, excited she isn't mad. I have to remember she agrees with me on the whole Demetri thing, unlike Hawk.

"Yeah, I did. I can't wait to cheer you on. You're going to be spectacular," she says happily.

"Thanks," I say as butterflies form in my stomach. She's so cute.

"Good luck," she says and before I know what's happening, she plants a tiny and quick kiss on my cheek.

I try to hide how happy that made me and smirk, "Thank you."

"Jen, get back over here," one of her friends call and she turns away with a wave, leaving me with an explosion of butterflies as I bite my lip. And oddly enough, the fact that she's a girl makes the physical contact easier; this is perfect.

I turn back to the guys who are already on the field and are obviously staring at us in shock, except for Hawk who is looking away. I laugh, "Real subtle, guys." They turn away collectively as I run out to the field.

"Look who we're against," Rickenberger says in an angry tone and I look over to see Sam and Demetri and the other Miyagi-Dos.

"This should be fun," I smirk. I'm going to win.

"Okay, strategy. Big Red, you get the ball and pass it to me and I'll put it in the goal," Hawk says to us.

"I have an idea, actually-"

"We already have one," Hawk says rudely and I frown. He's mad about me and Jenna and probably the comment earlier, but I can help us win this thing.

"Okay! Two teams, line up and figure out defense and offense," Coach blows her whistle.

"Big Red, Mikey, Rickenberger, and myself will be on offense," Hawk says and then names a few people for defense. "Z, you can be goalie."

"What the fuck?" I ask.

"We need manpower on offense," Hawk shrugs. I'm so mad at him right now AND on top of that, he slut-shamed Sam earlier.

"We'll switch out," Rickenberger assures me and I glare at Hawk.

"No. I'm on offense. Big Red is kind of tall and should go in goal," I argue.

"Are you questioning my strategy?" he asks me.

"Yeah, I am," I say. "And you're being an asshole about it. I'm on offense. End of discussion," I say.

"Red team, are you ready?" Coach yells.

"Yes!" I yell and get an angry glare from Hawk in return.

"Okay. Coin toss for who gets it first," Coach has a coin in her hand.

"Heads," Hawk says before I can say tails.

"Tails," Coach says and I roll my eyes. "This side starts with the ball. Ready?" We get into positions and she blows the whistle, walking back over to the cheerleaders.

Sam takes the ball and passes it to Demetri. He passes the ball around to a kid with red hair and he passes it to another. I realize they're just fooling around with it; I came to win.

I rush over and block Sam as Hawk covers Demetri. The ball moves to the middle of the field and Hawk rushes to it, dribbling around people and making a goal.

"Whoo!" he yells and screams, celebrating his victory. He turns to the cheerleaders and gives Moon a wink. I feel an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach; I'm not jealous... but it does make me happy when she rolls her eyes and turns to a male cheerleader beside her with a flirty smile. Hawk's face falls at his failed attempt.

Hawk shoves some Miyagi-Do student to the ground and Coach yells, "Take it easy on the physical contact!" I wonder why when he can get in trouble, but then I realize Counselor Blatt is nowhere in sight. We're free to do what we want.

Demetri runs over to Hawk and whispers something. They talk for a moment and it makes me concerned. Hawk's face looks angry a second and then Demetri shoves him and sweeps him onto the ground, landing Hawk on his back. I'm not even that mad about it because that's payback for his comment to Sam earlier.

"I guess that's why the Europeans call it foot-ball," Demetri smirks and turns away, getting pats on the back from his friends.

I run behind Demetri and glare at him and he curls into himself a little when he sees I'm right there. I see Hawk getting up with some of the other Cobras around him. As much as I want to hurt Demetri, I have to be smart. A full-out fight here is a bad idea; luckily, I know both karate and soccer.

Sam's team has the ball now and she goes through Mikey's defense, kicking the ball between his legs and sweeping him to the ground, as well. Then she stomps over his chest and continues with the ball. I glance over and see Jenna watching and decide I need to make my move.

I rush over and easily take the ball from in front of her. She's surprised as I don't waste time and run down the field. A Miyagi-Do student comes my way and tries to steal the ball, so I kick it behind me with my right foot and then push it to the side of me.

Then, I step forward and trip the boy, causing him to face plant. Then, I rush over to the ball and dodge the defense, flicking the ball with my toes into the air and then crescent kick the ball over the goalie's head and into the goal.

"Hell yeah!" I say happily. I forgot exactly how fun this game is.

"GO Z!" a chorus of voices cheer and I look over to see Jenna and some of her friends waving their pompoms in the air for me. It makes me feel so happy.

"What was that?" Rickenberger asks in shock.

"Oh, yeah... I'm awesome," I smirk and he returns my smile. I make it back to my spot on offense and Hawk is obviously trying to ignore me. Of course.

"It's their ball. Fight smart," he reminds us.

"And don't lose," I add.

The Cobras nod as the whistle blows and a Miyagi-Do student takes the ball. He moves downfield and I keep up with him, rushing over and tripping him, too. He falls in pain and I take this opportunity to grab the ball and take it to my knees.

I juggle it, waiting for somebody to come my way. I see Demetri come toward me hesitantly. I remember that hesitation causes you to lose.

I kick the ball out in front of me in the air and then spin kick it towards Demetri at full power. It hits his crotch and he doubles over in pain on his knees. I wince because I only meant for it to hit his stomach, but oh well.

"Oh, sorry. My bad," I fakely apologize with a laugh as Mikey grabs the ball and passes it to Hawk. Demetri glares at me as I run by him and Sam helps him up.

Hawk goes for the tap into the goal, but his overconfidence causes him to overshoot and it flies over instead. The Miyagi-Dos cheer and Hawk hangs his head.

"You can't overestimate yourself or underestimate your opponent," I tell Hawk smugly.

"You're just so perfect at this," he says angrily with sarcasm in his voice.

"I'm glad you agree," I smile and wait for the goal kick.

"Whoo! Go team red!" Jenna cheers and I turn to her with a smile and wave.

The goalie kicks the ball high into the air and it soars downfield. I see Hawk and Demetri both going for it. Hawk head butts Demetri and he falls to the ground in pain and I hide my laugh. He had it coming.

The ball is back over my way and I pass it to Rickenberger, who passes it to Big Red, who passes it to me when I make it to the other end of the field. I correctly get it into the goal and smirk at Hawk.

"That's how you were supposed to do it," I tell my ex-boyfriend.

"Why are you being a bitch?" he asks and a different uneasy feeling rises in my stomach I try to suppress.

"Why are you?" I argue and turn away, not even wanting to look at him. I find it best to just not even engage.

The other team has the ball again and they still have no goals. Demetri is clutching his shoulder in pain and I see Sam is still unharmed. The whistle blows and she kicks the ball high, aiming for my face. I realize this a second too late and it hits my chin, sending me back in pain.

"Hey! Be more careful!" Coach blows her whistle.

"Whoops," Sam glares at me and I have to stop myself from starting a full-out brawl like Tory did.

"You all right?" Rickenberger checks on me.

"Yeah, I'm not made of glass," I say almost too defensively. "Hey, it's our ball now. Kick it to me?" 

"You've got it," he nods. I smile and rush to the the goal as he grabs possession of the ball.

I glance over at Jenna and blow her a kiss. She reaches out her hand and "grabs it" playfully with a smile. It makes me smile. Life is pretty shitty, but she makes it better.

The ball comes my way like Rickenberger said and I head butt it to just in front of me. I try a new trick and kick the ball over LaRusso's head, who isn't too far from me. She turns to watch the ball, assuming I missed.

Big Red has possession of the ball now and I yell, "Send it back!"

He passes it to me and I shove her to the ground as I go for the ball with my feet. I run and then stop, causing two defenders to collide into one another. I still have the ball and kick it at the goalie, hitting him in the face and he falls to the ground with a loud thud.

"Shit, are you okay?" I fake helping him. "I guess I don't know my own strength."

"Leave me alone," he gets up without my help and I roll my eyes, walking away.

"Slut," a Miyagi-Do student says and his friend, the goalie, laughs.

I freeze. After Sunday, I never wanted to hear that word again. But in the real world you can't expect people to be courteous of shit like that.

"What did you just call me?" I ask, balling my fists in rage.

"A slut," he repeats.

I look over at Jenna and she's cheering without looking at me right now, but I remember what she told me. You don't need to solve this with violence and you can't change anybody's opinion of you.

I find myself wanting to give into the bad emotions, but I also remember what my sensei said about emotions on the battlefield.

"Yeah?" I ask and they nod. "Just not yours."

This catches them completely off-guard, expecting me to be hurt by it. They both look away, similar to how Demetri had earlier; I'm sure their balls are deflated now.

I hear a chorus of Cobras "ooh" behind me and I laugh. Then, I pick up the ball and toss it to the goalie.

"Your ball," I say and turn away.

I see Hawk staring at me with a frown. I don't even want to deal with him.

The goalie kicks the ball and Hawk grabs it first, kicking it up and over to the boy who just called me that word. The momentum of the ball knocks him off his feet and he falls and Hawk smirks.

He turns to me with a dude head nod, again, like he really did something. I can fight my own battles.

"Stop!" Coach yells.

Demetri does the Miyagi-Do throw-in to LaRusso and she grabs the ball as Mikey and Rickenberger approach to steal it. She kicks it back just in time for them to collide heads and I roll my eyes, jogging over to Rickenberger.

"You good?" I ask.

"I'm good," he nods and accepts my hand up. He gives me a smile and his stare lingers on me a moment; is there a way he has a crush on me? Please say no. I don't need more boy drama.

I turn to see that Miyagi-Do finally scored a goal and sigh in frustration. It's our ball now.

I move into position with Mikey and Rickenberger. I have the ball and move it around so none of them can grab it from me. Then, I kick the ball high and pass it to Rickenberger, who then passes it to Hawk. Demetri grabs it from him and Hawk runs over to Demetri and then kicks it out of bounds like a dumb ass.

Demetri gets another throw-in and I move to block Samantha, remembering last time. He throws it my way and I kick high, stopping it from going further. I have it in my possession and start running, but Samantha is right behind me.

I go to pass it, but the next thing I know she jumps in front of me and kicks my face, sending me to the ground and leaving my nose to throb in pain. I don't think it's bleeding this time, though.

"You know what? That's it! Everyone to the principal's office now!" Coach yells.

Oh no.

Everything inside of me stops functioning as I lay on the ground and hear that.

The principal's office.

Janice.

"Z?" I look up and see Hawk with his hand extended. I feel like collapsing into myself at the thought of Janice being contacted. I can't go back to her; I don't know what she'll do. I'm terrified. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I stand up by myself and turn away. I see Jenna looking at me in concern, but I ignore her in embarrassment.

"You don't look fine. You have that look on your face when something is worrying you," he says and I try to mask it. "I already saw it, Z." I frown and keep walking away with the Cobras towards the office. "We can convince the principal it was all Miyagi-Do's fault."

"It doesn't matter. He'll still call parents. It's in the new no-tolerance guidelines, remember?" I ask and try to control my shaking. Nothing good ever lasts. I was finally feeling okay again and now-

"They're going to call Janice," it dawns on the boy.

"Wow, how'd you figure that out?" I ask in irritation.

"That's why you've been on edge all day," he says and I decide it's best to let him think that's all that's bothering me. Trust is a weakness. Emotions are weaknesses. I don't lose. "Don't worry, I'll help you convince them not to call her," he grabs my right hand.

I turn back to punch him, but he grabs my fist and wrestles me onto the bed, pinning me underneath him. "Be quiet, babygirl. Don't you want to be so good for me?" His hot breath coats my ear and the smell of alcohol fills my nose. 

I panic, pulling it away. My eyes are wide as I look away and stop walking, my body shutting down from fear.

"Sorry. I-I shouldn't have done that. We aren't together anymore... I know. Habit," he says and I wrap my arms around myself like a protective hug as we stop outside the offices. It's just Hawk grabbing my hand. I don't know what's wrong with me.

"Ms. LaRusso, you're first," Counselor Blatt emerges from her office with a stern look on her face.

"It'll be okay," Hawk whispers in my ear with a soft tone of voice. Why does he still care? Why is he still so nice? He's supposed to hate me like I hate him.

⭒⭒⭒

"...and Demetri came out of nowhere and flipped me onto the ground," Hawk explains in a quiet voice like he had before the mohawk. "I'm just trying to change it up with my new haircut so I'm not bullied for my lip anymore, but..." he fakes a sniffle and Counselor Blatt looks at him in sympathy, handing him a box of tissues.

We're playing the victim card, knowing that this is the way to get out of parents being contacted.

"That is so awful, Eli. I'm so sorry you've had such a hard time with these bullies and that Demetri turned on you," the counselor says. "And Zion, what happened with you?" I don't know if she likes me much.

"I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. Samantha always makes fun of me for not being as rich as her and Demetri eggs on his friends to slut-shame me and it's only because I'm unique. I don't get it. I just... I want it to stop," I fake cry. Hawk looks over at me as I act; somehow he got us both to go in at the same time. "She kept kicking me in the face a-and I didn't even do anything."

"Don't worry, sweetie," Counselor Blatt soothes, "I know that is no way for fellow students to address each other. I will make sure this is handled." I nod.

Hawk speaks up, "We don't want to stress our parents out with any more stories about being bullied, especially while they're working." Hawk pushes it a bit and I tense, worried she won't agree.

"Of course, Eli. You two have been through so much. Don't worry about your parents," the lady says and I sigh in relief.

"Thank you, Counselor Blatt," I say and we all stand up walking to the door. I walk out in front of Hawk, ready to leave this tiny office.

She opens the door for us and Hawk and I walk out. I immediately walk over to the Cobras as Counselor Blatt speaks up, "Caldwell, Johnson, Rickenberger, the three of you and Eli and Zion are free to go."

I sigh in relief and share a smile with Hawk. We did it.

"Unbelievable," Demetri says and I see he has something in his nose to stop the bleeding. I don't even remember him getting hit in the face. 

"You're kidding me!" LaRusso says angrily. "What about us?" The Cobras turn away, but I stay behind and wait against the lockers to hear this.

"The rest of you will be receiving rehabilitative, not punitive, Saturday detention," she says and I smile. Serves them right; they even started the fight out there. Why should we be penalized?

"Detention? Oh, great. There goes another blemish on my permanent record," Demetri whines and I turn to walk away happily.

"This is bullshit!" Samantha exclaims angrily and I turn back around to watch again.

"Miss LaRusso! That is not how we express ourselves here," Counselor Blatt scolds. "I think you need two weekends of rehabilitative detention." No fucking way. Wait until I tell Tory.

"This school SUCKS!" she yells and slams her fist into a locker before storming off.

"I-I don't know her that well," Demetri argues. I smirk, turning around and walking down the hallway to change in the locker room.

Once I'm done, I walk out with all of my things and see Hawk talking to the other Cobras.

"Hey, can we talk?" I walk over to him and he looks at me in surprise.

"Sure thing. What's up?" he asks and we step to the side.

"Thanks for... helping me," I say.

"It was no problem," he says like it isn't a big deal and I nod. Of course it's not a big deal. It didn't mean anything.

"Um, can I ask... why? I mean, why did you... help me?"

"You were pretty awful to me today," he says and I look down, knowing we were both awful to each other, "but I couldn't let you have Janice drama. She was psycho when she showed up to the dojo and nobody deserves to go back to that. This stuff shouldn't be bothering you right now. The whole act in Counselor Blatt's office was to keep you from stressing out and hearing shit like that," Hawk says.

"Um, when Janice showed up at the dojo-"

"Z, you don't need to know this stuff."

I know he's right. I know this isn't healthy for me to ask about, but, "I deserve to know."

"No, it's not a good idea," he says and walks by me.

I grab his left hand with my right one to bring him back out of instinct and he spins around to face me in shock. I realize our hands are entangled and I drop them, my voice shaky.

"Please, just... tell me if she looked okay? Like, I know she was drunk, but..."

I don't want to admit I still care about her. Why the fuck do I still care about her? After everything she's done? She's a monster. She's the cause of the majority of my problems in my life and even still... I want her to be okay.

"She didn't look great," he admits. I hang my head because I feel like it's my fault for leaving. "But, Z," Hawk says, "you're so much better off without her. I can see the change in you since you left. You did the right thing." It's like he can see the doubt in my face.

"I know," I lie, still unsure of if I did do the right thing after all.

I'm being too open with him, too emotional. I need to stop trusting him. He needs to grow up... No. I need to get over him.

"I'm going to get to class, but I'm here if you need to ta-"

"We both know that isn't a good idea," I say and walk past him to get to my next class.

"Hey! Why did you say that earlier in the cafeteria?" he calls after me, his sympathetic tone gone.

"Why did you slut-shame LaRusso?" I turn around and respond.

Hawk has a guilty look on his face and I roll my eyes. I shouldn't be surprised. He's the one who spread rumors about me being a slut at the party; I guess I still had hope he wasn't really like that, but he is and it makes me physically sick to think about.

As I continue walking down the hall, I think about Janice. I still care. But why? It's not good for me to fall back into that trap with her and her manipulative ways. I wish my mom had cared, but she didn't. I wish I had someone there to help me, but I didn't. I had Jess and our friend group, but even my contact with them was limited at the time.

I need to stop wasting my time in regret like Sensei said.

I check my phone and see I have two unread messages.

Reid to Zion: Hey, here's his email

Reid to Zion: So, how have you been?

⭒⭒⭒

A/N: Whew, that was a fun chapter to write.

I love Demetri, I swear! I know it doesn't seem like it, but trust me, I do.

I'm behind in writing, so I probably won't update again until next week. I hope you enjoyed this longer chapter, though. Thanks for reading!