Chapter Thirty-Nine: Infiltration

"Why do you keep a comin' around playing with my heart? Why don't ya get out of my life and let me make a new start? Let me get over you the way you've gotten over me."

~You Keep Me Hanging On by The Supremes~

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Revised: July 25, 2022

Warnings: abuse, anxiety, biphobia/homophobia, depression, domestic violence, slight eating disorder, language, panic attacks, sexual harassment/assault/abuse, violence, and other mature themes

A/N: I promise that if you're here for Robby you only need to hold on a little longer for content. Either way, enjoy this roughly 7,000 word chapter :)

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Zion's POV

"Hey, Z," Jenna catches up to me after school in the hallway. 

"Hi," I smile at her as she walks beside me.

"I wanted to know if I could have your phone number?" she asks nervously and I look at her in shock a moment. "Y-You know, for biology homework," she covers and I wonder if that's really why.

"Uhm, yeah. Yeah, sure," I say.

"Awesome," she beams and hands me her phone. I put in my contact and give the phone back to her. "I'll see you Monday?"

"Monday," I confirm. Tomorrow is a teacher workday. She walks away and I smile happily. 

I walk out to the parking lot and unlock my car when my phone buzzes.

Jenna to Z: It's me, Jenna:)

I save her contact in my phone excitedly and debate on what to send back.

Z to Jenna: Hey

I look back down at what I sent. Stupid. I should have said something other than just, "Hey."

Suddenly, I hear motors roar behind me and I turn around to see some motorcycles coming my way in the parking lot.

"Z," a voice calls after me. I hear Hawk's voice and I see he's one of the guys on a motorcycle. The others must be Cobras, too.

I realize after a moment that I'm subconsciously biting my lip at how hot guys who ride motorcycles are. Stop. I'm basically talking to Jenna. 

Hawk flips the visor on the helmet up and shows me his face with a smirk, "I was going to ride over to see Miguel today since he's finally accepting visitors. Do you want to come with me?"

I tense at the mention of Miguel. I don't want to see him. It's too hard to face him after everything that happened, after what I caused.

"No, I..." I try to find something to say, "I have to get to work."

"Oh," he says and I see his smirk fall a little. I feel kind of badly. "That's all right. Some other time."

Assface speaks up, "Ready to go?" 

"Let's ride," he puts his visor back down and they speed off.

Sure, I lied about work, but seeing Miguel makes it too real that he's alive. I don't want hope back in my life. When I get too attached to people, I get hurt in the end. Or they get hurt. I already let go of Miguel and I realize I'm already slowly letting Hawk back in.

I have to stop with just Hawk because emotional attachment can make you weak. And weakness makes you lose. And I can't lose again.

⭒⭒⭒

Friday is a teacher workday, so we have Cobra Kai training in the morning. 

"At ease," Sensei Kreese says and we relax from our fighting positions. "You're dismissed."

I go change and then walk back out when I see Hawk waiting to talk to me; here I was, about to make it through a whole class without conversing with him.

"I hear that Miyagi-Do is holding a car wash fundraiser for Miguel," he tells me.

"For Miguel? They're the ones who caused him to get hurt in the first place," I say bitterly as I recall Daniel LaRusso's teachings.

"I know. Me and the guys were going to go check it out," he explains.

"Hawk, ready to go?" I look over to see Assface and Mikey waiting for Hawk.

"Do you want to come with us?" he asks me.

I have nothing better to do since I don't work until five again today. "Um, sure."

I see Hawk smirk a little as I follow them to the door and out into the parking lot.

I head towards my car and Hawk speaks up, "Where are you going?"

"Uh... to my car?" I say like it's obvious.

"Just come ride with us." I look over to see their motorcycles.

"I don't have a motorcycle," I argue and he smirks. I then realize what he means. "No way."

"Oh, come on, Z. Your car is lame," Hawk counters and I look at my old, trashy car and then to their bikes. "Haven't you ever wondered what it's like to ride on a motorcycle?"

"I don't want to ride on the back of your motorcycle," I say and he frowns as Assface and Mikey laugh together.

"You can ride with me," Assface says and Hawk turns to him with a glare, causing Assface to cower. 

"I promise you'll have fun. Are you coming with us or not?" Hawk asks.

"Okay," I sigh and give in, walking their way. "But only because I want to ride a motorcycle. And this doesn't mean anything." I try to make it clear that this isn't me wanting to get back with him.

He gets on and I watch as he sets the helmet directly over his mohawk and it... fits with ease?

"How the hell did you get the helmet on?" I ask.

He turns to me with a tiny smile, "Never underestimate the power of The Hawk." I let out a small laugh at this and he tilts his head to the side. "Your turn to get on."

"I don't have a helmet," I realize and he grabs his Cobra Kai bag.

"Oh, right. Here, I have an extra in this," he says and sure enough, there's a second helmet. "I'll leave my bag in your car, if that's cool."

I nod and unlock the car as he walks over and tosses it in. Then he turns back to me and throws the helmet my way. I push the short strands of hair out of my face as I set the helmet on and he gets back onto the bike.

"Waiting on you."

I walk over and get on the back, the seat sloping me into Hawk's back.

"Oh," I say, immediately uncomfortable with the close proximity. I try to scoot back and put some distance between us.

"Hold on tight," he starts the bike and it makes a loud noise, scaring me a bit. "No need to be nervous. I won't let you get hurt," he says as if he can read my mind. "Let's ride."

He pulls out of the spot slowly with the other two behind him. Then he revs it up and speeds out into traffic and I clutch around his torso and hold on for dear life, "Oh shit!" 

He's probably going too fast down this busy road and swerves through traffic, heading to wherever the car wash is. I tense and close my eyes as the wind blows through my clothes. The bike slows down and I open my eyes, expecting us to be there. Then I realize we're only at a red light and there's more of this.

"Are you okay?" Hawk yells back to me and I nod and then realize he can't hear me.

"I'm good," I say, trying to be brave. I'm not a coward.

"I never thought you'd be scared to ride a motorcycle," he yells and I feel his chest vibrate as he laughs.

"That's just because you're driving," I counter.

"And it's not over yet," he says as the light turns green.

I hold on tighter as he accelerates and realize I'm very pressed up against him, but I can't change that now. I try to keep my eyes open as I look around us and see Assface and Mikey on their motorcycles trying to keep up with Hawk.

The world goes by in a blur as we go past cars and trees and houses. I find myself loving the adrenaline of it all and I can see why Hawk is so keen about riding them.

We finally make it to the less busy side of what looks to be a car wash. Signs are everywhere with pictures of Miguel on them and I see a long line of cars circling the block, waiting to support Miyagi-Do. It makes me sick to see Miguel's smiling face on some lame sign to somehow make the world forget they were the people who caused this whole mess.

Hawk, Assface, and Mikey flip up their visors and I follow suit to get a better look.

"They're literally using Miguel as their poster child," Hawk states. 

"He's not Miyagi-Do. They think they can get away with that?" Assface asks. 

I look closer to see Demetri playing with a spray bottle and talking to Moon and some of the other cheerleaders.

"They won't," I speak up and the guys turn back to me with a nod.

Then I realize my arms are still wrapped around Hawk and I pull away awkwardly. This feels wrong... but also right at the same time.

"What's the plan?" Mikey asks me.

I see Samantha walking around and get an idea. This can be phase one of me getting my revenge. 

"We need to get that money to Miguel and say it's from Cobra Kai. That way we can get back at them for what they did," Hawk says.

"I'm going in," I say with a smirk.

⭒⭒⭒

I walk up to the car wash and make my way over to Moon. She's in a bikini top and shorts and I have to admit she looks really hot.

"Z! What are you doing here?" she asks with a smile.

"I wanted to help out," I say. I'm going to act like I'm on their side and then get the money. It's not really stealing if it goes to the place it was meant to anyway; we're just changing the sender.

"Really? That's so great of you," she says.

"Yeah, you know, Miguel means a lot to me, so here I am," I say, noticing I tense whenever I talk about Miguel. I need to work on that. But what I'm saying is the truth; I do still care about Miguel.

"What are you doing here?" I hear Samantha say from behind me. I turn around to see Demetri is with her.

"She's here to help us," Moon explains.

"Like hell she is," Demetri says almost passively.

I fake a frown. "Miguel's my best friend and this is for a good cause."

"Z! I can't believe you came," I turn to see a familiar red-haired girl running up to me. "I would have invited you, but I wasn't sure if this was your type of thing."

"Anything to help out Miguel," I smirk towards Samantha and Demetri who look at me angrily.

"That's so nice of you," Jenna tries to ease the tension with positivity. I notice she's in a bikini top, too. It's dark blue and looks perfect on her.

"You're not allowed to help," the LaRusso girl speaks up rudely.

"Come on, Sam. We're all in this together," Moon quotes High School Musical, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

"I don't trust it," Demetri says.

"Any and all help is accepted," Jenna says and then she grabs my hand softly, making me look at her in awe. "She can work over with my group. You won't even know she's here."

She starts to pull me away by the hand, but LaRusso steps in and argues, "I want to have a talk with her first."

Moon sighs, "Sam-"

"No, that's okay. Samantha is running this thing, after all. We can talk," I interrupt Moon, causing Jenna and I to drop hands reluctantly.

I follow Samantha to a private section of the car wash, giving Demetri a secret death glare on the way.

"What's your angle?" she crosses her arms.

"Angle?" I ask innocently and she scowls.

"Cut the crap. I know you aren't here to help," she tells me.

"That's an offensive statement," I fake gasp.

"Do you think this is funny? We're trying to do something nice for Miguel," she tells me.

"Right. Because kissing him wasn't enough," I retort.

"It wasn't meant to happen," she tells me. "None of this was meant to happen, but we have to make the best of it."

"And you have to claim to be helping Miguel when you caused this? When your dojo corrupted Robby and got him sent to juvie? You're not at all what you think you are, princess," I spit.

"Corrupted him? We were helping him," she argues.

"Before he joined Miyagi-Do he didn't seek out fights or hurt anybody," I say. "You taught him the wrong kind of karate and he took it too far. That's on you."

"Well, you're just mad Robby chose me instead of you," she defends. 

"No, I'm more mad you hurt two of my best friends when you kissed Miguel," I argue on behalf of Tory.

"You don't even know Robby anymore. You met up with him that once and-"

"Oh, so that's why you hate me," I realize.

"What?" she's taken aback.

"You hate me because I knew Robby before you," I state and I see the doubt in her eyes before she responds.

"No."

"Liar," I narrow my eyes at her.

"He told me a lot about you. You're not perfect, either," she says.

"I never said I was," I argue. "...What exactly did he tell you?"

"I know about your dad dying," she says and I try to keep myself from showing weakness. "And I'm sorry to hear that. I know you're in pain, but I also know you hit Demetri and tried to attack him more than once. And then you also lead Robby on and hurt him that night at the boardwalk and I was the one there for him."

I have to admit I'm glad he didn't say anything about my mom to her; I was worried about that getting out.

"Demetri deserved it for what he said. You of all people know how much it hurts to be called a slut," I tell her.

Sam hesitates a moment before responding.

"It doesn't matter what he said. You had no right to punch him," she says.

"What?" I ask in disbelief. I don't get why she isn't siding with me.

"You shouldn't be hitting anyone. From what I understand, you were drunk and abusive and-"

"No," I stop her. "That- That is not what happened. I was defending myself."

"Then defend yourself with words," she scowls.

"And further more, I lead Robby on and hurt him? What the hell do you call what you did at the party? The whole time he knew I was dating Hawk. We only met up as friends."

I wonder if he was truly hurt when I kept bringing up my boyfriend at the time. It makes sense, but we were friends only then. I have to admit that I felt a similar way when he was with Sam, but I always chalked it up to something normal with an ex.

"Sure you did," she rolls her eyes.

"Look, bitch," I begin to get irritated. "He didn't cheat on you with me and I didn't cheat on Hawk. You were the one exchanging saliva with my best friend. Stop claiming you know everything about me, LaRusso. You don't know shit."

"Everybody has a sob story. That doesn't give you the right to be a bully," Samantha looks at me with an angry stare and I just about lose it. But it isn't apart of the plan to fight here. Not today.

"You wouldn't know a sob story if it hit you in the face, princess," I say in rage.

"Everything sorted out?" Moon walks over with a smile.

She probably saw our tense body language with each other. I note that both Samantha and I have our fists balled and ready to hit each other.

"Yeah," I say and relax my stance. "One question, though, Samantha, if I may?" She doesn't respond and I continue. "Why hold a car wash for Miguel when your rich daddy can just pay for the surgery? It's only fair your family pay for the damage they did, right?"

"I thought you were here to help?" Moon asks in confusion.

I smirk at Samantha. I've gotten under her skin; it feels great.

Suddenly, she pushes me back and into a few buckets of water that are on the ground. I trip and knock them over, deciding halfway through that I'll pretend to lose my balance and fall back on my butt. The water spills all over me and I get soaked.

"Sam!" Moon yells and the attention of some people turns to us.

"Woah! Are you okay?" Jenna walks over with a towel and helps me up.

"Yeah," I frown and dust myself off. Everybody takes pity on the vulnerable girl, so that's exactly what I'll be. "What's your problem?"

"You are. I didn't even push you that hard," LaRusso responds and Jenna wraps the towel over my shoulders.

"Come on. You can help my group clean up over there," she leads me away from this end of the car wash.

I glare back at LaRusso as we walk away and see an unhappy look on her face.

"Clean up?" I ask.

"The car wash is almost over," she explains and we make it across the pavement to the other side. Good. The next part of the plan will begin soon. "Are you all right after all that?"

"She hates me," I frown, "and now I'm soaked. I have to get to work after this."

"I'm sorry she was so mean to you. It's a bummer you didn't wear a bathing suit, but... at least you're already wet so I can do," she holds up a hose, "this!"

She sprays me a little and I shriek when the cold water hits my face. She giggles and I smile at her excitedly.

"It is on!" I exclaim and grab a bucket of water, bringing it over and dumping it on her.

She laughs as the water causes her hair to falls over her eyes and she flips it back and out of her face; god, that's so hot.

"Guys, you're wasting water. That's bad for the environment," Moon runs over and Jenna sprays her with the hose, too.

I laugh and before I know it, we get into a water war with some other cheerleaders who come over and join in the fun.

I grab a sponge and ring it out over Jenna's head. She gasps and sprays me again with the hose. I laugh as about ten of us run around chaotically with buckets and hoses.

I haven't had this much fun in a while.

"I'm coming for you, Jen," a voice says and I see one of the cheerleaders who came to help today aiming a hose at Jenna.

"Get down!" I say and grab Jenna's arm, yanking her onto the ground with me. She falls down quicker than I expected and I lose my balance, rolling back on the grass and Jenna follows suit.

We look at each other and Jenna and I burst into a fit of laughter. This is so stupid but so fun and I'm happy I'm hanging out with her.

"What are you doing?" a voice asks and I look over to see Samantha, Chris, and Demetri glaring at all of us. 

"We were just having some fun," one of the cheerleaders says.

"This isn't being productive and it isn't helping anything," Samantha says.

"Yeah, and you weren't even invited," Demetri says to me.

I sit up with Jenna and flip my hair to the side to look a bit more presentable. 

"I think you should leave, Zion," Samantha says my full first name and I frown, hating that I'm getting kicked out. But then I remember the plan and figure I have to find a way to stay longer.

"I started it," Jenna stands up. "I'm sorry, but you can't blame Z for that."

"Yeah, she just made things more fun," Moon laughs. I'm shocked that they're standing up for me. Nobody ever stands up for me - not since Hawk and Miguel.

"I'll actually help clean up. Promise," I say, playing the good guy again and the three Miyagi-Dos look at each other wearily.

"No. You need to go," Sam stands firm.

"Sam-" Moon tries to interject, but she holds up her hand. This is what a plan b is for.

I stand up and turn to Jenna, "I'll text you later."

"Here, take my towel," she offers.

I smile, accepting it before my happy expression falls again as I walk away from the crowd and over to behind the building where I know three Cobras are waiting for me.

"What happened to you?" Hawk looks up from his phone when I come around the bend. He's sitting with Assface and Mikey because they were waiting for me to successfully complete the mission and also be here as backup.

"Water fight," I smile a little and then look down at myself to realize my white tank top is soaked and clinging to my bra, as are my shorts to my ass.

"Did you get it?" Assface refers to the money as he stands up and I notice Hawk's eyes lingering on me.

"No. LaRusso kicked me out," I roll my eyes.

"Then we go with plan b. Wait until everyone leaves and then get the stack of money," Hawk says and the guys nod. Then, he takes a step closer and whispers to me with concern in his voice, "You had some girl drama?"

"You could say that," I hang my head.

"Hey, don't beat yourself up over that. You didn't fail alone. It's like Sensei said. We all lose together. But with this plan, we'll win together," Hawk says supportively and takes my hand.

Like he used to all the time. Like Jenna did about a half an hour ago.

I take my hand out of his slowly and go to sit on the curb by myself, waiting for everyone to leave and for the money to be out in the open. I can't even look at Hawk. This is so frustrating. 

⭒⭒⭒

"Nathaniel has the money. He's alone," Hawk says.

We're in position already with me on the back of Hawk's bike yet again. They took forever to clean up, so I'm practically dry at this point. Our new plan is to grab the money and then give it to Miguel from Cobra Kai and if Nathaniel is their only defense it'll be easy.

"Good. He's an easy target," Assface says and Hawk moves the motorcycle I'm on with him one way as the others go another. We're going to circle him so he can't leave.

Hawk brings the bike to a stop and I see the look of fear on Nathaniel's face. As I take off my helmet, I wonder if this is the right thing to do.

"You picked the wrong side," Hawk says and Assface grabs the bag from Nathaniel.

"Hey, give it back!" he says as Assface takes the thick envelope filled with cash out. "Hey!"

Hawk puts Nathaniel into a headlock and I walk over to admire the money with Assface as he says, "Nothing like a long day of charity. We'll make sure Miguel knows it's from Cobra Kai." He hits Nathaniel on the head and he desperately tries to grab it.

"Don't even think about it," Hawk says.

"Come on, guys. We all wanna help pay for Miguel's surgery," Nathaniel pleads.

I remember what Sensei Kreese said about our enemies always thinking that they're doing the right thing. Maybe Nate is young and arguably innocent, but he's affiliated with Miyagi-Do and has to learn the hard way.

"Oh, you're gonna pay, all right," Hawk says with an evil smirk.

He throws Nathaniel onto the concrete and the guys start kicking him as he tries to crawl into the fetal position.

This wasn't discussed as apart of the plan. I thought we were just grabbing the money.

"What the hell?" I ask Hawk and he turns to me.

"Come on, Z. This is payback for everything Miyagi-Do did to Miguel," he says.

I look at the defenseless boy on the ground. I was once that helpless little kid. I didn't know any better. I walk over and pick Nathaniel up by the collar of his shirt. 

I have to remember that this is the way you need to handle life; it's eat or be eaten. I paid the price and learned the hard way.

Nathaniel will have to, too.

He panics as I hold him and say, "This all could have been avoided if you'd stayed at Cobra Kai."

Samantha had real nerve to accuse me of cheating with Robby earlier; everyone believes I'm a cheater or a slut and maybe this is one way to get the point across that I'm not. I channel my anger for Samantha and Demetri, hoping that when they hear what happened to Nathaniel they'll be scared of us.

I punch his face with my free arm and he falls to the side. His nose starts to bleed instantly and I set him down. I wipe his blood on my soaked shirt and decide one punch was enough.

Unfortunately, I turn around and see the excitement in Hawk's face as he hits Nathaniel a little bit at a time, kicking him around.

He then passes the boy over to Mikey and Assface so they can have their turn beating him up. At this point, he's unrecognizable and I see they're enjoying this a lot. Nathaniel looks like shit.

I speak up, "Stop playing with him. Finish it and then we can go."

The boys look at me and then back at Nathaniel. Mikey backs up and then gives a good kick to the smaller boy's face, sending him to the ground and leaving him unconscious.

"Let's go," I say in a more aggressive tone and put on my helmet.

Hawk sets his on, too, and I hop onto the back of the motorcycle again. My eyes linger back to the boy on the ground, but I make myself face forward and try to ignore the guilt.

⭒⭒⭒

"That was fun," Assface says as we get off the bikes once we make it back to Cobra Kai.

"Give me the money. I'll take it to Miguel later," Hawk says and Assface hand the envelope to him.

"I've gotta go, man," Mikey says.

"I should, too," Assface agrees. "We'll see you tomorrow."

They both get on their bikes and speed off.

"Do you want to come with me to the hospital?"

I'm taking off my helmet and then realize Hawk's talking to me. I can't face Miguel.

"No, I have work," I say and actually mean it this time.

"Okay, then tomorrow?" Hawk asks and I shrug.

"Maybe. I have work from nine to one and karate from one to three and then I babysit at five, so..." I explain my schedule and Hawk stares at me in shock.

"Oh. I thought we could get a study session somewhere in there," he says and I set the helmet on the bike.

"Shit. I forgot about the whole tutoring thing. I don't know when that'll fit in because Sunday is just as busy," I anxiously spin the ring around my finger as I try to think of a time to work on math before the big test Monday.

"You could come over for an hour after karate. My mom works again," he says.

I look down. I really don't want to go back to his house and have him tutor me again, but I still don't understand math and know I need his help. Otherwise, I'll feel the wrath of Janice.

"Okay."

I see Hawk smile a little. "It was fun riding my motorcycle, right?" I nod. "I told you so."

"I guess you did," I smile slightly and then remember I have to be at work soon. I check my phone for the time and see Jenna text me.

Jenna to Z: Today was so much fun. I'm sorry you got kicked out hehe

Z to Jenna: That's all right. It was worth it;)

"Who's texting you?" Hawk moves over by me and I react by shutting my phone off. It was an instinct and I know it looked bad. "Fine. Don't tell me."

He turns away from me and I realize it's like when I was hiding Robby from him. Hawk and I seem to be in an okay place with each other - as far as exes go, at least - and I don't want to lose him again because of something so stupid.

"It was Jenna. She was just texting me about today," I say.

"The red-haired chick from bio? What's, um... what's going on with you two?"

"I don't know," I say awkwardly. It's apparent he's trying to hide his jealousy. "I should... I should get to work."

"Right," he says tensely and I try to ignore it as I walk to my car. "Z?"

"Yeah?" I turn back in confusion and our eyes meet for a moment. He hesitates before speaking again,

"My bag is in your car."

"Oh, yeah," I say and unlock it, grab it, and then throw it to him. 

"Thanks," he says .

I nod, getting into my car and taking a big breath in and letting out. I think I still love Hawk and it terrifies me. Getting back with him will somehow end in disaster again.

And then there's Jenna. She's perfect. She makes me happy and I love how I feel when I'm with her.

And the scary truth is that I don't deserve either of them.

⭒⭒⭒

I make it to the soup kitchen the next morning before work. I don't really want to eat, but I know that I should. If I'm going to eat, I might as well come here and not spend my money on food when I could save it.

I walk through the line and see it's disgusting oatmeal again. I go over and sit down to eat it with a frown.

After eating about half of it, I dump the bowl in the trash and head to work.

⭒⭒⭒

After my shift ends, I bust my ass to get over to Cobra Kai, which includes speeding. I've never been late with Sensei Kreese and I never want to be.

I make it to the dojo and rush out of my car; thankfully, I'm already in my gi. I make it through the door and Sensei Kreese looks at me in surprise as I see the rest of the students are already in formation. I'm late. Shit.

"Z, you're late. Fall in" Sensei Kreese says as I slip off my shoes and bow before entering the mat. 

"I'm sorry. I was held up at work-"

"I'm not looking for excuses," he says and I nod, looking down before moving to a spot at the back of the class. This is embarrassing. "One hundred pushups on your knuckles."

"Yes, Sensei," I say and move to the side of the dojo without hesitation. It's my fault for being late.

"Aitz!" "Hai kyu!" "Aitz!" "Hai kyu!" "Aitz!" "Hai kyu!"

⭒⭒⭒

"Ready to go?" Hawk walks over to me after class and it's then that I remember he's tutoring me today before I go babysit.

"Oh, yeah. Let me just grab my things," I nod and walk over to put on my shoes.

"Z, great job sparring today," Tory says and grabs her shoes, as well.

"Thanks," I say appreciatively, thinking of how I beat Mikey easily.

"It's been a while since I've seen you fight. It's nice to have you back," she says.

"And better than ever," I finish and she gives me a smirk. "I'm glad you're back, too. It's nice to have another girl. We still need to hangout sometime when we're not working."

"Good luck finding time for that," she jokes.

"Tell me about it," I smile.

Hawk walks over, clearing his throat. "Are you ready?" 

"Yeah," I say and turn to say goodbye to Tory when I realize she has a certain look on her face.

"Are you two...?" she gestures between us and I shut it down immediately.

"No, only studying," I assure her and she looks at Hawk skeptically. 

"Studying only," Hawk restates and then walks towards the exit awkwardly.

"See you later, Tory," I say and she waves to me as I head out behind Hawk.

"So... want to ride on my motorcycle again?" he asks.

"I would, but I have to babysit tonight and in the interest of time I should take my car over to your house," I respond and see him nod... disappointedly?

"Okay. Race you there," he puts the helmet on.

"That's not fair!" I yell as he hops on and moves out of the parking lot before I can even react. I get into my car and start it, realizing there's no way for me to beat that jerk.

⭒⭒⭒

"Took you long enough," he holds the front door open for me as I get out of my car.

"You cheated," I say and he rolls his eyes.

"You gotta do what it takes to win," he reminds me.

"I'll give you that," I walk into the living room.

"I'm gonna grab a beer. Do you want one?" he asks me casually.

"I'm babysitting tonight, so no thanks," I decline and sit down, getting my stuff out.

"You're being responsible. It's weird," he jokes and sits down on the other end of the couch with the can. 

"Yeah, I'm like an adult. It's kind of freaky," I say lightheartedly, despite how truly terrifying it is to be on your own in the real world. "Hawk... do you... feel bad for what we did to Nathaniel?"I want to see if he feels anything about it; I still have hope that maybe he isn't soulless.

"I mean, it didn't feel as good as I thought it would," he responds and I look at him in confusion. "I thought it would make me feel better about getting back at Miyagi-Do for what they did to Miguel, but... it didn't."

"Yeah, I feel the same way," I say softly. "Nathaniel is so much smaller than us and... the whole time I was just wondering if that was the right way of going about getting even."

"I could see you were hesitant," he nods. "But it's okay. We're learning more about ourselves with everything we do right and wrong and ultimately we got revenge and came out on top, so..."

"Yeah, we won," I agree, still having a weird feeling about the whole situation. I know deep down that Nathaniel didn't deserve that.

"Can I ask you a question?" Hawk asks me.

I turn to him, "That was a question."

"Then, can I ask you another question?" he asks.

I smile, deciding to tease him, "That was already your second question."

"Why do you keep declining my offer to visit Miguel?"

My smile drops and my body goes rigid, not knowing how to answer this. I certainly don't want to tell him the truth. It would only make me look weak, but I'm not weak. I'm strong.

"Z, you can talk to me. This whole Miguel situation is hard. I get it," Hawk sympathizes.

I look over at the boy I trusted with everything. I look at the boy who practically had my heart in his hands and decided to crush it almost two months or so ago. I look at the boy who is all I have left in my life, besides Jenna and Tory. I don't want to open up to him. I don't want to open up to any of them. I already tried that with Jess and it only made me an emotional wreck and I can't do that again.

"I've just had to work is all," I say.

"That's not why," he frowns, not believing me.

"It is," I assure him. 

Silence falls over us and I look down at the math study guide that was assigned for homework.

"So... what did you get for number one?"

⭒⭒⭒

"Do you understand it a little better now?" Hawk asks.

I smile. I did the last few problems by myself and I even got them correct.

"Yeah. Yeah, I do," I say. I'm so proud that I can be better than I was.

"I think you owe somebody a thank you," he teases and takes a sip of his beer.

"Ms. Brown isn't here right now, but I'll write her a card," I assure him.

He slaps my arm playfully. "Ms. Brown didn't do shit. I think you should thank a handsome guy you know with a red mohawk."

"Handsome? Where?" I look at him.

Our eyes meet again and I feel myself wanting to give into that urge again.

Maybe we can work through our problems. We're better together, right? He was so nice to help me this past week. Maybe he was just an asshole that one night he was drunk. Maybe he didn't mean what he said. Maybe him being jealous is just his way of caring about me.

"Right," he leans in, "here." 

He tilts his head and I return the gesture, leaning in myself. I wait for our lips to connect when suddenly his hand ends up on my thigh to stabilize himself.

I jump at the unexpected touch and break the moment. Hawk moves away from me and curses. It's then that I see he spilled beer all over his shirt, pants, and the couch.

"I-I'm so sorry," I whisper and he shakes his head.

"It's fine," he gets up and rushes to the other room, surely to get a rag to get the stain out of the couch.

"I don't know what came over me," I say, knowing full well what the problem was. Turns out I don't only panic in my dreams. 

He walks back in and it becomes awkward as I try to pack up my things, "It was a dumb move."

"It... It wasn't dumb," I find myself admitting and I see a smirk tug on his lips as he cleans up the beer puddle on the cloth.

"I'm going to have to Google how to get that out before my mom gets home," he says.

"I really am sorry," I say, thinking about how mad she'll be.

"It'll be all right," he assures me and I remember that his mom isn't Janice. She won't react the same way Janice does. He'll be okay. 

"There's beer all over you, though," I take note of his stained clothing and he sighs.

"Yeah, I'll just change my shirt."

I continue setting my things in the bag. Then I zip it up and look over to see Hawk is, indeed, changing his shirt.

His back is turned to me, but I see his back muscles and tattoo as he slips off the dirty shirt. Damn.

He must sense my stare because he glances back my way with the new t-shirt in his hands, "Take a picture. It'll last longer." I look away in a panic and blush. "It's okay for you to look, you know. Nothing you haven't seen before." 

"I know; it's just not the same," I look back at him and blush. He's shirtless and turned fully to me now. I take in the sight of his abs and biceps and beg myself to stop staring. 

But then I notice something on his left peck.

Where his tattoo for me was.

He covered the "Z" tattoo with a Grim Reaper one. It's fresh, too.

I feel my heart sink into my stomach and instantly become nauseous. I don't know why I hoped that somebody out there still cares for me. Of course Hawk doesn't care and so Jenna will never truly care, either. Some people are meant to be alone.

Hawk follows my gaze and looks down to see what I saw.

I stand up and grab my things, trying to stop the tears from forming.

"Z, wait! I can explain-" 

I rush out of his house as quickly as I possibly can.

"Don't go!"

I ignore him yelling behind me and make it to my car. I look over to see him running through the front door to catch me, but it's too late. My car is started and I'm already backing out.

Every ounce of hope leaves my body.

⭒⭒⭒

A/N: That's a sad ending... Everything gets worse before it gets better.

This was a pretty long chapter, I know. The next one will be even longer:)

The next chapter will be out in a few days and let me just warn you know it's an emotional rollercoaster with more mature parts and almost every trigger warning I've given will be in it, so please don't push yourself to read it.

Also, keep in mind that Zion has been dealing with her narcissistic, abusive mother for a while now and is more susceptible to being manipulated by people... that's important for this book and the next chapter especially.