Chapter Thirty-Eight: The Hansens

"I wish you knew that I'd never forget you as long as I'd live. And I wish you were right here, right now."

~I Wish You Would (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift~

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Revised: July 25, 2022

Warnings: abuse, anxiety, biphobia/homophobia, depression, domestic violence, slight eating disorder, language, panic attacks, sexual harassment/assault, violence, and other mature themes

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Zion's POV

I finish on the treadmill and go to grab my water. I'm sweaty, but it was worth it. I need to be in peak physical condition for anything life throws at me.

I drink the water like I need it to survive and then take a few breaths to calm my heart rate. Working out gives me the adrenaline I miss from fighting all the time. Sensei Kreese has just been having us practice our punches and kicks recently without any physical contact with others. I want to get back to sparring, but I guess that's all in due time. 

I walk to the showers and get ready for the school day. 

Once I'm done with hair and makeup and getting dressed, I walk out and head towards the exit. I feel great after a shower.

"Damnit," a guy on his phone says in frustration as I pass by to get to the door. 

"Um, excuse me," I push past the side of him slightly.

"I'm sorry," he says apologetically and completely moves out of my way.

"Z!" a voice squeals and I spin around to see the little girl from the day before running towards me.

"Oh, hi," I say as she stops in front of me and catches her breath. 

"Hi!" she says. "Daddy, it's the pretty girl from yesterday."

I blush at the cute compliment and see her looking up at the man beside of me and I realize it is, indeed, the same man. 

"That's very nice, sweet pea, but I have to find someone to babysit you tonight, so just hold on," the man goes back to his phone.

"What about her?" Ella smiles brightly as she grabs my hand and I stand in shock.

"What?" the man turns to me, his beautiful blue eyes looking between me and his daughter. "Ella, we barely know her-"

"Her name is Z!" she corrects her dad.

He sighs, "I don't think-" 

"Please, please, please, PLEEZUH," she grabs onto his arm and shakes it.

He slowly cracks a smile and turns to me, "Would you be wiling to babysit tonight? I'm in a bind to find a sitter because it's such short notice."

"Say yes! Say yes!" Ella says and I wonder why in the world she chose me.

"I mean... I..." I think about my day and realize I only have work this afternoon since karate isn't today. Plus, I could use the extra money. "I have to work this afternoon. What time?"

"Eight?" he asks.

I nod, thinking of my work schedule.  "I get done at seven."

"Then that works out well, if you're okay with that?" he asks.

I look down at Ella who is looking at me with puppy dog eyes, "I guess so."

"YAY!" she screams loudly and tackles the lower half of my body in a hug. 

"Ella, shhhh," her dad shushes her.

"Sorry," she giggles and I wait for her to let go.

"If you don't mind, can I get some more information from you?" he asks.

I nod, walking over to the side. I pull out my phone and check the time; thankfully, I don't think this will make me late for school. 

"So, is Z short for something?" he pulls out his phone to put my contact in.

"Zion," I nod, "but I don't usually go by that."

"Okay," he types it in. "My name is Adam. Adam Hansen." He extends his hand.

"Ambrose is my last name," I add as I shake his hand.

"So, Z, if you don't mind me asking, do you have experience with kids?"

"I used to babysit a lot, mainly in the summer," I explain.

"Oh, so you're in high school?" he wonders.

"Yeah," I nod. "I'm seventeen. I'm a junior. And, I can drive."

"Ooh," Ella smiles, "can you drive me to Disneyland?"

"No, sweet pea," he silences his daughter. "Uh, home address?"

I shift awkwardly. "I'm not in a permanent living situation."

"Oh?" he looks at me in confusion.

I debate on what to tell this stranger. "My mom kind of kicked me out." I hesitate. "Temporarily."

Adam's face drops, "I'm so sorry to hear that."

"It's all right," I try to focus on something else. "Um, I'm CPR certified, too."

"That's good," he rolls with the change. He glances over at Ella, "Sweet pea, can you go get me a water bottle from the counter?" He takes out his wallet and hands her a five.

"Can I get a CapriSun?" she wonders.

"Sure," he nods. "Z, do you want anything?"

"Oh, no, thank you." Ella runs off.

"You know," Adam sets his phone down, "my wife passed away a couple years ago... well, I guess more like five. It's been hard on us."

"I'm so sorry," I tell him.

"I didn't want to bring it up in front of Ella, but I have a date tonight and that's why it's so hard to get a sitter. It's my first time back out there in a year. Last time I tried something like this, Ella found out and threw a fit."

"It's hard to lose a parent," I sympathize. "I, um, lost my dad last year to cancer."

He looks at me in surprise, "Ella's mom passed from breast cancer."

We stare at each other in a comfortable and sad silence. 

"Ella is ten, but she's small for her age. I don't like to add any extra stress to her life, if I can help it," he elaborates. 

"I get it," I nod.

Ella rushes back over with drinks, candy, and a bunch of change in her hands. She dumps them all on the table we stand next to. "The lady gave me a lollipop!" She holds up her Dum-Dum with pride.

"Oh? What flavor?" I ask her with a small smile.

"Bubble gum," she says as she struggles to unwrap it. "And I told her to get you one! You get the mystery flavor." She holds up another one from the pile of objects.

"Aw," I whisper softly as I take the lollipop from her. "Thank you so much, Ella."

"You're welcome!" she beams.

Adam picks up all the change from the table.I unwrap the lollipop as he continues to talk. "So, I'll have a good dinner packed into the fridge tonight for both of you."

I tilt my head in confusion, "Oh, no, that's not necessary."

"What flavor is it?!" the little girl asks as I hold it in my hand.

"Um... let's see." I put the clear Dum-Dum in my mouth and nod before taking it back out. "Pineapple."

She scrunches her nose, "Gross!"

"I like it," I shrug. 

"I like bubble gum," she mumbles contently with the lollipop in her mouth.

"Anyway," I glance back at Adam, "I couldn't impose on your dinner."

"Do you like chicken nuggets?" he asks me anyway.

Ella gasps dramatically at the mention. He smiles down at her and then over at me.

"Um... sure," I nod.

"Are you getting the dinosaurs, Daddy?" she squeals. He nods. Ella jumps up and down.

"Let me give Z my number and then I'll take you to daycare, sweet pea," he opens her CapriSun for her.

⭒⭒⭒

"Hey," Jenna smiles as I sit down.

"Hi," I say and the bell rings right after; exchanging information took a while. I'm glad I wasn't late because that could be a reason for the school to contact Janice. It's going to be a long day today.

"Okay, turn to page thirty-five of your textbook and answer the comprehension questions one through six," Mr. Palmer says and I grab my book and notebook to do so. "I have to go talk in the hall with another teacher, so please keep quiet in here while I'm gone."

He walks out and shuts the door. The room erupts into talking and I focus on the questions, not wanting to fail this class; grades are another thing they can call Janice about. Academically, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells.

"Hey, Z," a voice says and I reluctantly turn around to see a group of guys huddled together, looking at me. "If you had the chance to cheat again, which one of us would you do it with?" I feel my stomach churn in disgust as I curl my fist by my side and remember that stupid rumor.

"It'd be me, right?" one of them speaks up with a laugh.

"No, no, it'd be me," another voice speaks up and I see it's Brad, Walker's buddy from last year.

"You're just a whore," Brad steps in. "Both of you."

I push out my chair, ready to confront these assholes.

"Z?" a timid voice says behind me and I turn to see Jenna staring at me in concern. "Just forget them. They're trying to get a rise out of you." 

"Yeah, well, it's working," I mutter angrily.

"Just ignore it," she says.

"How can I 'just ignore it?'" I ask.

"You don't need to solve this with violence," she frowns and I look at her in confusion. "No matter how hard you try, you can't change what people think about you. What's important is what you think about yourself. You shouldn't let those guys get to you."

"I guess you're right," I nod, knowing that the rumors about me are too far-spread to solve. I'll let people think what they want, especially since starting a fight here would lead to my suspension or something. What matters is Jenna believes in me and I know the truth:

There is no good. There is no bad. Only weak or strong and I am strong.

"Okay, let's discuss your answers," Mr. Palmer walks back in and I realize I've only done the first question. Shit.

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"Here are your papers back. The two quizzes we took are here," Ms. Brown, my math teacher, walks by and hands us the grades. I actually felt good about these.

She lays the paper face down on my desk and I turn them over only to have my hopes shattered. A sixty-seven and a seventy-three. I didn't even pass the one quiz. Janice is going to lose her shit if she finds out.

I try to control my panic as the last bell of the day rings and everyone rushes out of their seats like a stampede. I cram the papers into my bag as the teacher speaks, "Zion? Eli? Would you stay behind, please?" 

I look over at Hawk awkwardly and make my way to her desk. It's so weird to hear him called "Eli." I only ever addressed him as "Hawk" since the name change, like he had with me as "Z," with a few exceptions.

"Did I do something wrong?" Hawk asks in a respectful tone, showing he cares about his grades, despite the asshole demeanor he usually has.

"No," Ms. Brown says and I look at her in confusion. "Zion, it's clear you struggled with this past unit."

Hawk turns to me in surprise and I stare down at the floor awkwardly. She had to say that right in front of him?

"Unfortunately, we have meetings every morning due to the new guidelines during the times I would hold tutoring. It's only for the first month or two of school, but it's required for me to be there. These are basics we're going off of from last year and I was looking at your report card from then and you just barely got a C."

I slide my snake ring around my finger anxiously.

"I want to help you, but I didn't account for anybody needing tutorial this early in the year and so, I didn't make time for it in my busy schedule."

I nod, wondering what her point is. Is this just so she can tell me I'm stupid? I already know.

"Eli, you got the highest score for all my classes on both quizzes," she says.

I roll my eyes. Of course he did. He's always been a genius, even after the makeover. I peek over to see him shift uncomfortably. He's probably thinking about how good grades make you a nerd and how he doesn't want to be labeled as such.

"I suggest you tutor Zion."

"What?" we ask together.

"It seems like the most logical answer," she shrugs.

"Ms. Brown, is there not another solution?" I ask and see Hawk frown in my peripheral vision when I say this. 

"I think you need some help with this work, Zion. If you don't understand this, your grades for the rest of the year will suffer," she says.

"But... isn't there someone else who can do it?" I ask nervously, hating that I have to ask this with Hawk standing right beside me.

"I don't know. Eli has the highest score out of all of my classes," she shrugs and I groan internally.

"What about the second highest?" I suggest and she looks between me and Hawk awkwardly.

She then moves over to her computer to look, leaving me anxiously rocking back and forth on the heels of my feet. I feel Hawk's gaze on me, but I look away. I look anywhere except at him.

"Do you know Demetri Alexopoulos?" she speaks up from the computer and I tense. "He also scored pretty high. If you'd rather-"

"I think Zion can manage to work with me. Isn't that right?" Hawk speaks up and looks at me expectantly. I hate that he used my full first name and I hate that this is happening right now.

"I..." I look between him and the teacher. I know I need to get good grades so Janice won't notice I'm not doing well. "I can work with Eli, yes."

He glares at me and I glare back at him at the use of "Eli." I hadn't said it in so long that I forgot what it sounded like and felt like to say.

"Okay, wonderful. Our next quiz is Friday, so maybe you two can work out a time before then?" she suggests. We both nod and she smiles. "Wonderful."

"Thank you," Hawk says nicely and I turn to walk out of the classroom. "Z, wait up."

"I know. This sucks," I say and he's taken aback by how blunt I am. "I want to keep it strictly about my grades, okay?"

"You didn't have to say yes," he argues.

The halls are emptying out as we speak since school is over.

"Yes, I did," I argue.

"No, you didn't. You could have just figured it out like you did last year."

"Last year grades didn't matter as much," I say, not wanting to bring Janice into this right now.

"Why do they matter so much this year?" he asks curiously.

"Forget it. It doesn't matter," I sigh and turn to walk away.

"You can come over right now to work on it, if you'd like," he calls after me.

"I have work in an hour and a half," I say.

"Then we'll work for an hour," he says. 

I walk back over to him and lower my voice, "Your mom kicked me out, remember?"

He looks down at this as I remind him of that night.  "She works until nine."

"I don't know-"

"Let me help you, Z."

I look up at him to see kindness in his eyes. I see him caring about me. And it terrifies me because I don't want to go back to how things started with us, with him helping me. I've evolved. I can't go back to these feelings.

"No, I-"

"As friends," he suggests.

"As friends? You think we can just be friends?" I ask and he looks away.

"We can try," he tells me and I roll my eyes. "Do you want to pass this class or not?"

"Fine. I'll meet you at your house."

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"I'm too stupid for this," I groan in frustration. It's taken a while to get past the awkwardness of the situation, but we finally started working on the quadratic formula and I am not getting it.

"No, you're just overthinking it," Hawk says.

I sit on the couch and he stands on the other side of the table in the living room, leaning over to point to the problem I'm currently working on. I feel like I don't belong in this house because I truly don't.

"What's the formula again?"

"I don't know," I tell him and he sighs, walking over to my side of the table and sitting next to me. 

"You do. I believe in you. You've got this," he says confidently and it makes me nervous to be back around this boy who's nice to me. His hand covers the equation on my paper, "X equals..."

"X equals," I think about it, "negative b plus or minus... the square root of b squared minus four a c divided by 2a..?"

"That's it! You got it," he praises me.

"I still don't know what that means, though," I complain. "So what? I memorized some numbers and letters."

"It'll make sense when you plug in the numbers and apply it to the problem," he assures me.

"Yeah, sure it will," I say sarcastically and look at the paper. This is hopeless.

"Hey," he puts his hand to my cheek and turns my head to face him, "you're doing great so far."

I feel weird at the close proximity between us, but at the same time I want to give into it. My eyes meet his and then I see them look down at my lips for a split second. 

"Um, thanks," I say awkwardly and turn away as he gets up again and goes to the other side of the table. That was close.

"Yeah... so, you have a job?" he asks.

I nod, glad we can ignore what happened... or, almost happened.

"Subway," I say.

"Cool," he responds and a silence then falls over us. "Uh, can you believe Demetri was almost your tutor?"

"Oh my God," I laugh in annoyance. "That was so awkward." I want to say more, but then remember Demetri is a sensitive topic between me and Hawk. "That's the only good thing about you being smart."

"The only good thing?" Hawk takes offense.

"Well, maybe not the only good thing. It was also pretty important when you explained to me the snake stuffed animal was a python and not a cobra," I say playfully without even thinking about what I'm bringing up.

"You remember that?" he asks softly and I hesitate, wondering what he thinks this means to me. But there's no way for me to deny it. It's one of my favorite memories. Our first official date will always be so special to me... and it hurts the most to remember. "I knew that was a lame move."

"Yeah, it wasn't the most 'alpha' of you," I tease.

"I got better," he argues.

"Yeah, I know. For one night," I laugh, thinking about one of the best nights of my life.

But then it hits me like a truck that I don't belong here. I don't live here, I'm not his girlfriend, and I don't have any interest to be again. Because as nice as it's been to hang out with him today and as caring as he's been, I know it won't last and I'll get hurt again. Nothing has changed since I told him off at the party.

He stares at me, reaching for the right thing to say. Or, anything to say. I just made this the most awkward conversation ever unintentionally.

"I should, um... get to work," I gather my books and stand up.

"Yeah, I'll help you get your stuff together," he grabs my bag and holds it out for me. I put the books in and then take it from him.

"Thanks," I say awkwardly and walk out.

"Anytime," I can hear the small smile in his voice from behind me.

⭒⭒⭒

After my shift at work, I go over to the Hansen house. The GPS takes me down a bunch of different roads in a cliche, suburban neighborhood until their house appears on the left. I park on the street and check this is the right place. It's an average house they live in and I get out of the car and walk up to the door. I ring the doorbell and hear a squeal from inside.

"Ella, wait for me to open the door," I hear Mr. Hansen say. After a moment, the door opens and he stands there with a smile. "You're five minutes early. That's perfect. Come on in."

"Thanks," I walk in and look around; it's barely decorated. You can tell they lack a woman's influence in this house.

"Z!" Ella runs over and tackles me in a hug. I laugh a little as she clings onto me for dear life and I actually end up slightly hugging her back.

"I guess you two will have a lot of fun tonight together," her dad observes. "You have my number?" I nod. "Do I have to run you through the safety protocols again?"

"No, I think I've got it," I say. It's the same kind of thing everywhere I babysit. He told me where the fire extinguisher is earlier and things like that.

"Okay, thank you so much again for doing this," he thanks me.

"Sure," I nod.

"Oh, and the dino nuggets are in the fridge with corn. You can use the microwave to reheat them. There are also strawberries in there," Adam adds.

"Thank you," I say awkwardly. I feel like I'm charity and it sucks.

Then, he crouches down to be on Ella's level. "Be good while I'm gone,." Ella removes herself from me and rushes into his arms for a hug. It makes me miss my dad a bunch.

"I will, Daddy," she says.

He smiles and then stands back up. "Bedtime is nine thirty. I'll be back around eleven. I love you, sweet pea."

"I love you, too, Daddy!" Ella smiles. I watch as he walks out the door and they wave goodbye.

The door closes and I look down at Ella. She has a stuffed unicorn in her hand.

"What did you want to do tonight?" I ask her.

"There's this really cool show I want to watch," she smiles.

"Okay, we can watch that," I say, thinking about how easy watching TV is.

"Yay!" she squeals and grabs my arm, pulling me into the living room. She goes to let go of my arm and is distracted by the ink on my inner wrist. "You have a tattoo?" she gasps happily.

"Yeah," I say.

Her eyes grow wide. "That is so cool," she says and touches it excitedly. "Why did you get a tattoo?"

I look down at the bird and a bittersweet feeling rushes over me.

"This bird reminds me of... someone special," I say with a smile, trying to keep the tears from falling. I hadn't thought about the tattoo in forever because I always just wanted to ignore it.

Eli isn't very good with words, so he comes over to me and gives me a timid side hug to which I immerse him in a big hug. I try to hold in my tears as I let all the pain out into this hug. I didn't realize how much I needed it. "Thank you," I whisper and pull away. He wipes my tears and gives me a timid smile. Eli is someone special to me. I can already tell he will be in my life for a while.

"I want a tattoo of a unicorn," Ella tells me.

"Okay, but wait until you're older to get one," I tell her with a slight laugh. 

She nods and jumps on the couch. I sit with her as she uses the remote to find her show.

"What's the show called?" I ask, changing the topic.

"Avengers Assemble," she tells me.

I smile softly, remembering how Eli and I would watch Marvel movies together.

"Who's your favorite?" I ask.

"Black Widow," she says without a second's hesitation.

"That's a good one. Girl power," I say and she smiles.

"She's really pretty, too," Ella says and hits play.

"Yeah, she's gorgeous," I agree and get comfortable as the show begins.

⭒⭒⭒

I'm half asleep on the couch when I hear Mr. Hansen come back home. I sit up and collect my things. Ella went to bed an hour and a half ago, leaving me to watch reruns of Friends.

"Hello?" Mr. Hansen whispers for me.

I stand up, walking towards the door. "Hi,."

He turns to me with a relieved smile, "How did things go here?"

"Good. Ella is asleep and everything and everyone is in one piece," I report.

"That's good," he says and sets his keys on the table. "I guess I have to pay you, huh?"

He grabs his wallet and counts out some cash and then hands it to me.

"Sixty dollars?" I ask in shock.

"Twenty per hour," he tells me.

"What?" I ask in surprise.

"There's more where that came from, if you'd like to watch her again this Saturday?" he asks and I smile. I had a good time with Ella and apparently it pays really well.

"Sure. I work the morning shift at work and then I won't be free until three," I think about karate. 

"I won't need you here until about five. I have another date," he explains. "It, uh, didn't work out tonight."

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that," I tell him awkwardly. "But, yeah, five on Saturday it is."

"Thank you for being so generous and helping with Ella," he places his hand on my shoulder. "It's been hard without a woman's influence and I know she's really connected with you, so I just want to let you know how much I appreciate you."

I stand awkwardly as his hand doesn't move for a moment, "You're welcome, Mr. Hansen."

He gives me a handsome smile and I make myself look away and walk by him, "Call me Adam,"

"Thank you, Adam," I say and then turn to open the door to leave and feel his eyes still on me. I feel a bit uncomfortable, but maybe that's just because of my bad experiences in the past; I'm paranoid.