Chapter Thirty-Five: Permanence

"Death doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints. It takes and it takes and it takes. And we keep living anyway; we rise and we fall and we break and we make our mistakes. And if there's a reason I'm still alive when everyone who loves me has died, I'm willing to wait for it."

~Wait For It by Leslie Odom Jr.~

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Revised: July 23, 2022

Warnings: abuse, anxiety, biphobia/homophobia, depression, domestic violence, slight eating disorder, language, panic attacks, sexual harassment/assault, violence, and other mature themes

A/N: I hate time skips and I apologize in advance for the disgusting but necessary one in this chapter and the next.

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Zion's POV

Flashback begin.

"Mom, please pick up," I mutter to myself as the phone rings. I was sent home from the hospital hours ago and I have yet to get an update on my dad. He wasn't doing well when I was there and at this point I just want to know if he's dead or alive. No news is good news, right?

"Hi, you've reached the voicemail of Janice Ambrose. Sorry I missed your call. Please leave a message," the phone sends me to voicemail, of course.

"It's me. Again," I say in frustration. "I keep asking you for details on dad and you don't answer, so I'm just going to keep calling." I'm not going back to the hospital because I'll just get yelled at and kicked out again. "I'm not a little kid anymore, Mom. Pick up and just tell me what's been going on. I've been trying to get in contact with you for five hours. Please."

Flashback end.

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"Hey, Sensei. I don't know if you have an update on Miguel, but um... if you do, please call me back. I'm sorry I've called you a few times already. I just... am looking for some reassurance that he's okay," I say into the phone. "Okay. Thanks. Bye."

I know I sound like a wreck because I chose to call when I woke up from yet another nightmare. I wasn't even planning on calling, but waiting to learn about Miguel has been killing me inside. News channels have yet to update their information and I didn't want to call Tory or Aisha and bother them and I definitely don't want to call Hawk.

All I can remember is that Sensei Lawrence offered more than once to help me and he also said to go over to his house or call him if I ever need. But his place is too close to Miguel's and Janice's, so I decided a phone call would do. I didn't expect him to not pick up. I guess I'll try again later. I just want to talk this out with somebody that understands.

Robby warned me many times that his father wasn't there ever, especially when it mattered. I never wanted to believe him, but my hope in Johnny is dwindling. I'm even more worried about where Robby is in the midst of all of this. 

Now I'm in the Walmart parking lot in my car, homeless. I left Jess' in the middle of the night and drove back to The Valley. I left a note explaining how I don't belong there and how I need to come back and not give up and become independent. I also told her not to worry. I'm going to get a job and then get back into karate and then school and I'll be okay... eventually.

I feel stupid and useless because I'm uninformed about Miguel. Maybe I should have gone to the hospital to see him... but maybe that would make everything too real. Or maybe Carmen would kick me out of the hospital and not allow me to see him. 

Because I can't help feeling that this is all my fault.

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A/N: Eight days later.

"Thanks," I say to the volunteer as I grab my bowl of oatmeal and walk/limp over to sit at a table with barely anybody at it. I'm trying to sit alone, as usual. And I'm wearing the most baggy and unflattering clothing while I'm here, as usual. The people are especially sleazy at this soup kitchen.

The past week has been rough. I was able to swindle a job at Subway to earn money, but right now I'm relying on the soup kitchen for food until my first paycheck comes in two days on Friday. It's minimum wage and not luxurious by any means, but my boss is decent and lets me sit to rest my ankle whenever there aren't any customers. I'm a fast healer and I hope to finally make it back to karate on Saturday.

I've been too busy for Cobra Kai. And too nervous to go back, if I'm being honest. Sensei Lawrence never responded to me and I haven't heard from Tory or Aisha. Hawk hasn't even reached out, but I guess it would be weird for me to expect him to. We aren't anything anymore. I should just forget about him because it's clear he's forgotten me. As for the other Cobras, I don't care enough about them and they don't care enough about me to try to get into contact.

Miguel's mom is dealing with her own problems and I can't blame her for that. He's been in a coma for over a week and every news outlet I've seen is basically saying he's going to die. 

I saw the video of what really happened the first day of school between Robby and Miguel. I feel nauseous every time I think about it. Miguel was about to show no mercy, but then changed his mind and that caused Robby to attack and kick him over the railing. You could see Miguel's hesitation because of what Sensei Lawrence said about sometimes showing mercy and I blame Sensei Lawrence for that. He's been letting us down a lot recently and I don't know if I'll ever be able to look at him the same again.

Robby made a mistake backed by years and years of pain from Sensei Lawrence abandoning him and his mom not being there like she should and I hate to admit it, but I empathize with him. I know Robby. I just hope he regrets what he did, but I may never find out. The cops are still searching for him and he's going to be sent to juvie. If Miguel dies, he'll be a murderer... and it kills me because Robby deserves better. They both do.

I've tried moving on and tried to forget about Miguel and, so far, it's been kind of easy to distract myself. I don't sleep much anymore, though. I drink caffeine to get me through every day. I'd say my life is sad but content right now. If I go back to Cobra Kai - depending on if I can forgive Sensei Lawrence or not - I'm going to be reminded of what was there before and what's missing now. I don't know if I'm strong enough to face that.

I put a spoonful of the brown mush into my mouth; it's not that bad, I guess. Especially since this is all I have to eat. I haven't used Janice's credit card since she called me, except once to get a membership at the gym and for whenever I need gas; if you buy a membership, you get free showers. I've been living out of my car in a Walmart parking lot for the past week or so and I won't lie, it's been rough.

But I had to stop using Janice's credit card for things like food because I know she can use it to track me and I want to cut all ties off with her, with the exception of my phone because there's no way I can pay that bill.

Once I'm done with my oatmeal, I throw the styrofoam bowl and plastic spoon into the trash and make my way back to my car. 

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Later into the day, I'm at work on a shift by myself. The lunch rush just finished and I finally have the opportunity to sit down. When I do, I prop up my ankle to elevate and sit back to relax.

Then the bell on the door rings, signifying a customer is here. I groan and sit up, taking a moment to get from the back of the store to the register.

"Welcome to Subway. How may I- Sensei Kreese?"

I stare in disbelief when I see Sensei Kreese here, in regular clothes, ready to order a sub. I thought he was long gone.

"Z... Sorry, it took me a second to recognize you with the haircut. I didn't know you worked here," his eyes widen and I see he's just as surprised as I am.

"I, uh, yeah. It's only been a week or so, though," I say awkwardly.

"Everyone has been wondering where you've been," he says.

"I was wondering the same of you," I say wearily.

"Johnny... Sensei Lawrence," he corrects himself, "and I had a bit of an argument. But I own Cobra Kai again and he'll come around eventually."

"You own Cobra Kai?" I ask. I'm confused, yet kind of glad Kreese is running Cobra Kai again. I have a better chance of going back if he's in charge. 

"I'm ready to put us back on top," he nods and I smile a little at that. "And that starts with you."

"Me?" I ask in confusion.

"My best student," he echoes what he told me a little over a month ago. "The dojo isn't the same without you."

"I haven't been ready to come back," I admit, toying with my ring again.

"Understandable," he says and I nod, avoiding eye contact. "But you are planning on coming back?"

"I don't know. I'm torn," I explain and he stays silent. I look up to see him looking at me in concern and confusion. "I just... I don't know how to move on without Miguel. I don't know how to go back to how things were since everything is screwed up now."

Silence.

"Um, what can I get you to eat?" I try to change the subject since it seems we've both run out of things to say.

"A spicy Italian on rye. Footlong," he says and I go over to the bread on the shelves and grab a 12 inch loaf of rye bread. "They told me your ankle was injured, but you seem to be doing fine."

"I'm a fast healer," I nod and set the bread down, grabbing a knife to slice it. "Did you want this heated?"

"No, thank you," he says and I continue with the bread and then grab the pepperoni and salami. This is so awkward. "Your mom came into the dojo the other night." I tense, remembering her calling me about it. She must have seen Sensei Kreese instead of Sensei Lawrence. Apparently he threatened to beat her up. Well, either him or Hawk.

"You want to talk about my mom?" I ask coldly.

"I just wasn't aware you were dealing with all of that."

"What did she say while she was there?" I ask and he frowns, shaking his head.

"I don't think that matters. She seemed like she was looking everywhere for you, worried."

"She was probably drunk," I retort. I see Sensei Kreese smirk a little and I wonder why, but continue putting things on his sandwich. "What else?" I ask in regards to the vegetables.

"Lettuce, tomato, oil and vinegar," he tells me and I put them on. "My mom was sick, too." I look up at Sensei Kreese and see a look of genuine sadness on his face.

"I'm sorry to hear that," I say and start to roll up the sandwich in the paper.

"You still have time with yours," Sensei Kreese suggests and I look over at him with a glare.

"I don't want or need to spend anymore time with her. She knows what she did and you have no right to say anything about that," I snap and he nods.

"I'm sorry. I thought I could help," he says.

"Well, don't," I say and his eyes meet my angry ones. 

"I'm sorry," he says again and I put his sub into the bag and walk over to the register, trying to calm down.

"Did you want a drink or chips?" I ask and he shakes his head as I ring him up.

"I heard you lost a fight," he says and I look down awkwardly, thinking of how I was losing to Demetri and how we all lost at the school. "I didn't think I trained a loser or someone who'd hide away from her problems rather than face them." I frown and it comes up with his total.

"Six dollars and seventy-eight cents." He hands me the money in cash and I make change from the twenty.

"You're a winner, Z. It's within you. I've seen it," Sensei Kreese tells me. I hesitate a moment, searching for something to say. 

"Here's your change," I hold it out for him to take.

He puts a hand up, "Keep it."

I'm definitely shocked by the large tip he gave and I put it into the tip jar as he grabs his sub and walks towards the door.

I'd like to be a winner.

"Sensei Kreese?" I call after him and he turns back to me. "When can I come back?"

"Whenever you'd like," he tells me. "The dojo is always open for you and we have a class Saturday at fourteen hundred hours." I nod as he walks out and the bell rings and the door closes behind him.

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Saturday comes around and I'm excited yet nervous. My ankle feels normal again and I'm glad I  can finally get back to karate. I just changed into my gi at Planet Fitness and I realize how much I've missed it. Karate is a part of me I don't want to lose again.

I drive towards the dojo, my adrenaline running at a high. This is the first time I've seen any of the Cobras since the fight, including Hawk.

I park and get out, walking into the dojo confidently. I see everybody is stretching and they all stare in shock when they see me. I take off my shoes and set them to the side, bowing before I enter the mat.

It's then that I notice the dojo is redone. The color scheme is different and there are weapons everywhere, but the creed on the wall is the same. It's almost different enough to help me forget about how empty it is without Miguel... almost. I look around at everyone and realize Tory and Aisha are missing, but Hawk is walking over my way.

"You're back," Hawk he says with surprise in his voice.

"Like you care," I raise an eyebrow.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asks defensively.

"You had two weeks to check up on me and you didn't, so don't act like you care now," I say.

"I was giving you your space. It's not like you made an effort, either," he argues.

"At least I knew you were okay. Did you know I was okay?" I counter. He stays silent. "Right," I turn to walk away.

He said he loved me and then he said he wants to work his way through girls and then acted like I didn't exist for fourteen days. 

He catches up to me, "What did you do to your hair?"

"I cut it," I say in an obvious tone.

"Why?" he asks.

"I felt like it," I barely look at him.

"What does that mean?" he asks in frustration.

"Fall in," I look towards the back room where Sensei Kreese emerges from. I move to my spot only to see another Cobra has occupied it.

"This is my spot," I demand and he moves so I can stand next to Hawk at the front. It's then that I realize Hawk has assumed Miguel's spot and I feel a bit angry. You can't just replace Miguel.

"Welcome back, Z," Kreese acknowledges me with a nod as he moves to the front of the class and I nod in return, glad to be back. "Fighting positions." I move into my stance and Sensei Kreese calls it out, "Forward strike. Aitz!" 

"Hai kyu!" we shout countless times as we practice our punches. I visualize my opponent of the day; it varies depending on my mood. Today it's Demetri, the boy I was losing to that day. "Hai kyu!"

Suddenly, a student falls to the ground with a loud thud and I turn to look and notice everyone else does, too. It's then that I realize Sensei Kreese is leaning over the boy on the ground and that he was the one who knocked him down. What the hell?

"You lose concentration in a fight and you're dead meat," Sensei Kreese holds his fist not far from the boy's face and I stare in shock. I mean, he has a point...

"Yes, Sensei," the boy says weakly.

"What's that?" he looks at the scared boy on the ground.

"Yes, Sensei," he says with more conviction.

"Get up," Sensei Kreese demands and I watch as the boy rushes to his feet. "One hundred pushups on your knuckles." The boy goes to the side to do so and I stare in shock. Sensei Kreese looks back at us, "Did I say for you to move from your positions?"

"No, Sensei," we respond and I immediately go back to my stance from before.

"Fighting positions. Now. Aitz!" "Hai kyu!" "Aitz!" "Hai kyu!" "Aitz!" "Hai kyu!" "Aitz!" "Hai kyu!"

He walks around us, observing and critiquing us every now and then.

"Fear does not exist in this dojo, does it?"

"No, Sensei!"

"Pain does not exist in this dojo, does it?"

"No, Sensei!"

"Defeat does not exist in this dojo, does it?"

"No, Sensei!"

I will not lose to Demetri or Samantha or any of the Miyagi-Dos again.

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After class, some of the guys come over to me.

"It's good to have you back, Z," Rickenberger says with a smile on behalf of himself, Big Red, Mikey, and Paul. 

"Thanks," I say confidently, trying to hide my surprise that they cared I was gone.

They nod and walk away. It's good to know they still respect me.

I look around and make my way over to Hawk, "Where's Tory and Aisha?"

"Aisha moved," Hawk tells me like I should know this.

"What?" I ask in shock.

"Her parents transferred her to a private school after the fight and they're selling their house," he explains and I feel my heart drop into my stomach that she's gone.

"Wait, Aisha just... left? Without saying goodbye?" I ask.

"Her parents made her cut all ties with anybody in karate here, I think. They're pretty strict," Hawk explains. It's obvious he isn't super impacted by this change because he wasn't close with Aisha, but I was.

"And Tory? Where is she?" I ask.

"I don't know. She left not long after you did," he says and I frown.

"Is she okay?" I ask.

"I don't know. She was expelled," he says.

"She was?" I ask, wondering why I sound so surprised. She started the fight, after all. I hope she's okay.

"Listen, I know the whole fight thing was hard on you and Miguel is-"

"I'm fine," I say and he looks at me in concern.

"Z, you didn't seem fi-"

"I'm fine," I say again and raise my voice a little. Heads turn our way and Hawk lowers his voice for just me to hear, trying to calm me down.

"I'm just worried about you," he admits and I find myself doing anything to avoid falling back into his arms like I had before. I'm not that girl anymore. I'm not his girl anymore. I can't be.

"Don't worry about me," I say and turn to walk away.

These past few months I'd been on top in Cobra Kai. I had a boyfriend, great friends, and my best friend who always had my back. I've seen good and bad in the world and once I think things are finally beginning to figure themselves out, it all goes back to being confusing and unfair. I should know by now that's how life is.

Everything I love somehow disappears. I had to leave my friends after I lost my dad and I had to leave my mom because she was abusive. Hawk and I had to breakup because we're both stubborn and he didn't want to believe me and act like a mature adult, despite him saying we'd be together forever. I had to stop talking to Robby since he chose LaRusso and is now on the run and it's likely I won't see him again. Aisha is moving and Tory is MIA. The only constant thing in my life was Miguel, but for all I know he could be dead and there's nothing I can do about it. Just like there was nothing I could do about my dad dying.

Nothing in life is permanent except death.

I feel so useless and I'm sick of being useless and I'm sick of being taken advantage of and I'm sick of crying because I'm at a breaking point and I need to do something. I made a fool of myself by crying in front of the everyone on the first day of school. And I need to get back to the top at any cost, with or without Miguel and my other friends. Karate is the only thing I have and I can't let it go for anything.

Cobra Kai is for life.

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A/N: This chapter was fun to write, even though I know it isn't apart of the show 100%. The next chapter will be based on season 3 episode 1 and it's about their second first day of school, which I'm excited for.

I loved writing the interaction between Z and Kreese here. Kreese is one of my favorite characters, even though he's scary and kind of evil and stuff.

Thanks again for reading, voting, and commenting.