Rose

"It's late, you should get some rest," he removes his hand from mine and a sense of emptiness fills me. I know I can trust him, I can feel it with everything in me. The last thing I can think of is going to the facility with my father. I should probably call Zach and make sure everything is okay.

"The last thing I remember... I was in the car going to the facility," I try to rack my brain as Colton gets up and runs a hand over his face. "How... how long ago was that?" I whisper and he stays with his back facing me.

"Just over a month ago," he says quietly and I hear his voice catch before he quickly leaves the room. A month? A month of my life simply gone. Vanished into nothing.

I wanted him to stay, to tell me everything that I had missed. A hollow feeling in my chest, distracts me from it all. I feel grief and pain but I don't know what for... who for.

The doctor comes in and takes the herbs from me before soaking them in hot water for me to drink. It smells foul but I can't live without remembering a month of my life. I remember the man saying that he didn't know if it worked but I am willing to try anything.

She hands me the cup and I take a sip, the taste is almost as sickening as the smell. I quickly drink it and hand her back the cup. She smiles softly and leaves the room.

I close my eyes, trying to welcome sleep. But I feel as though I have been asleep for the better part of my whole life, I am wide awake and my body is showing no signs of wanting to fall into slumber. Everything is moving a million miles per hour in my head, so many things but nothing all at once.

It's odd... to feel everything but nothing at all.

It's a feeling that I wouldn't wish upon anyone... not even my worst enemy. I don't feel like myself, it feels like something has changed in me.

Deep within me.

***

It's been a fair amount of days since everything has happened and I am still just as clueless as I was then. I keep drinking the tea, trying to trick my mind into remembering. I know that it's not doing anything, I figured that out on the third day. But I am more desperate than I have ever been in my entire life.

All I want is to just remember - nothing more, nothing less.

Colton has came to see me a few times but he had only stayed for a short while. I could see that it was draining him - coming in here and seeing me no closer to remembering him.

My dreams are vivid and keep repeating themselves. They're strange. I've had dreams of killing people and being in war. I'm not sure if it's the medication or what but I feel like I am going crazy.

Colton walks in, speaking of the devil.

"How are you?" he asks and sits down in the chair beside the bed. He looks as though he hasn't slept properly in days, much like myself in that department.

"I just want to get out of here," I sigh and he runs a hand through his hair. "Anything memorable happen?" I say and then laugh at the irony of what I just said.

"You can't leave... not until your memories are restored," he says and it makes me want to pull my own hair out. I am so sick of everyone expecting me to remember, its quite clearly not working. I stare at the IV in my hand and start trying to get it out. I've had enough of this.

"You know that's not going to happen Colton," my voice breaks and tears prick my eyes from frustration. Frustration at myself, the world, the people who did this to me. I rip the IV out and Colton places a firm hand over mine.

"I will rather die than have you forget me," his voice is raspy and filled with emotions that I can't decipher.

"I'm trying but... I just can't," I hate myself for all of this, I want nothing more than to go back to the way things were. However they were. I hate seeing the pain in Colton's eyes when he looks at me, he looks at me as if I am a ghost. The shell of the girl he used to know.

I'm scared that I won't ever be the girl he knew, ever again.

How can you move on from this? You can't... I can't.

"Then we will keep trying... we will carry on no matter how long it takes... you'll remember me some day," my heart hurts for this broken boy sitting before me. I want to take this strangers pain away and bare it as my own. "Whether that day is tomorrow, in a week, in a month.." he trails off.

"What if I never remember?" I ask the question that has been gnawing at me ever since I awoke from my slumber of sorts and learned of my memory loss.

"Then... we'll figure it out," ... we'll give up he means.

He'll stop trying and accept that this is what fate has in store for us.

"Tell me... tell me everything," I say and his eyes meet mine. If I can't remember then I'll just have to be reminded.

"Are you sure?" he asks and I nod, hesitantly.

***

My mind is whirling with all of this new information. "We hated each other?" I ask and he nods and laughs.

"A lot, I mean on the verge of killing each other hatred," he says with a faint smile as if he is reminiscing in the memories he has. Of the things I had said to him.

"I don't know how I could have hated you," I blurt out and look into those forest eyes of his. He's too beautiful to be hated.

"I can assure you that you hated me, you expressed it as often as you could," the smile fades from his face and he closes his eyes. "What I would give to hear you say that again," he whispers to himself but I don't comment on it.

"Thank you..." I say softly and he looks at me again. His eyes roaming my face and I his. I take in every inch of his face, remembering it.

"What for?" he asks and I look down at my hands in my lap, nervously playing with them.

"For trying to help me... I know this hasn't been easy for you," I say and feel the bed dip beside me. I look up at him, our close proximity making us inches away from touching each other. I want to touch him, my body is begging me to touch him.

"It doesn't matter about me," he tucks a loose strand of my hair behind my ear and I lean into his touch, closing my eyes. I feel safe when I am with him. Who knew you could have such a connection with someone you can't remember.

"You matter," I whisper before opening my eyes. His expression is something I have never seen before and I'm afraid that something is wrong. "What?" I ask and he shakes his head.

"No one's ever said that to me before," he whispers and my heart breaks a little.

"You matter," I repeat for him and he smiles but it doesn't meet his eyes. His thumb rubs my cheek soothingly and I am silently pleading to remember this man before me. I have never craved something so much, have never wanted something so badly.

"You wanna leave?" he asks gently and I nod. I can see he has changed his mind about keeping me cooped up in here until my memories are restored.

He unclips the machines and scoops me up into his arms and I laugh a little. "I've missed that sound," he says as he carries me out of the room.

I can't stop the blush that rises in my cheeks and he chuckles lightly.

"Where are we going?" I ask as he carries me down a quiet corridor. Is there anyone actually here?

"My room... it's the only place you will be safe," the corridors feel so familiar, like I have walked down this very one before.

***

When he carries me through the entrance to his room, I am beyond shocked by the amount of black. Everything is black... everything. "I've been in here before," I say and his eyes go wide.

"You remember?" he asks and I slowly shake my head. The hope draining from his eyes.

"I just... I remember you saying," I say quietly and he nods. I hate to bleed him dry of hope.

"Well, this is where you'll be staying... with me, if that's okay with you?" he questions and I nod. I would rather stay with someone than be alone whilst I'm in this state of mind.

"I have some work to do but you can stay here and rest and I'll bring you dinner later?" he suggests and I thank him before he walks out.

The room is eerily quiet, the whole place is quiet and I wonder what time it is. I look over at the digital clock on the nightstand. How am I wide awake? Bursting with energy.

I walk over to the mirror and look at myself, I look different from what I am used to. My hair is longer and my skin is paler. I notice a scar on my neck and move closer to look at it. A small line - it looks like it is from a sharp blade. I don't remember getting it.

I am skinnier and I look half dead. Don't I just look like the picture of health. I sigh and face away from the mirror, tugging at the roots of my hair. I pace the room and try to find any glimmer of a memory. I look around the room and try to find a trigger of some sort.

I rummage through countless drawers, trying to find something... anything. My hands hits something metal. I hesitantly clasp my hand around the object and take it out of the draw... a gun. Something comes to life inside of me, dread and pain. Lots of pain but I don't know why.

I shove the gun back into the drawer and slam it shut before backing away from it. I run a hand through my hair and calm my breathing. I fall back onto the bed and try to close my eyes, try to slow the millions of thoughts racing through my mind.

Why does he have a gun?

Why does the gun make me feel so much dread and regret?

Is this something I can't remember?

I need to sleep, I need to forget about everything for a while. It's ironic when I want to remember so badly but also want to forget just as bad.

***

I hear the door open and jolt upwards, a sharp feeling going up my side. I wince and put my hand over the spot. Colton's back, food in hand. I lift up the side of my shirt to reveal bandaging on my ribs. "What is this?" I ask frantically and Colton sits down on the bed, opposite me.

"It's where they extracted the chip, it was embedded quite deep in your body and the rest is from what the rebels did to you," Colton explains, pain flashing in his features, and brushes his fingers gently over the dressing. I flinch a little and he looks into my eyes.

"So all of this happened because I got... poisoned?" I ask.

This all seems a little dramatic for a bit of poison.

"Yeah," he shrugs and takes his hand away. I can't understand why so much has happened because of it. I simply can't wrap my head around it.

"Don't you think it's all a little much for some poison... are you sure there isn't more to it?" Colton furrows his brows - obviously deep in thought.

"I hadn't thought about that... thank you love," he smirks and it's my turn to be confused. I don't even want to know what he's thinking about or what revelation he has made.

***

A/N I hope you are all enjoying the story so far! I'm off school for a bit now so I should be able to upload a lot more and possible more than one chapter a day! Thank you as always <3