Rose

I have spent the last few days in bed, I'm in a slump I guess you could say. I've been left alone for the majority of it, thank god, other than Zach coming in a few times and offering if I wanted to join him and Natasha. Which I then of course said no.

I'm certainly not in the mood for some good old fashioned third wheeling - especially not with my best friend and his girlfriend.

I despise people in love, I despise happy couples. Anything to do with love.

Love is pointless and a waste of your time.

This annual event thing for the neighbouring sectors is coming up and I am sure that I will be surrounded by disgusting people in love. Everyone in fancy gowns, dressed to impress.

I couldn't think of anything worse.

Yes this completely has everything to do with Colton. He has ruined my very perception of love and I'm sure that the rebels brain washed me themselves when I had come back and admitted to myself that I had loved him. And slept with him.

I've convinced myself that it was all because I was lonely and that I had turned to the only person I could. I made some reckless decisions that I am sure will haunt me until the grave but I can get over it. Get over him.

Someone starts pounding on the door and I groan as I lift the covers over my head, hiding from the world. "Rose, open the door!" Melissa shouts from the other side and I groan again. "You need to get out of this room and do something with your life!" she shouts.

"Go away," I mumble but I hear her start fumbling with the lock. "What are you doing?" I grumble and the door flies open. That little...

"I know how to pick a lock... you'll find it's quite a handy skill," she says from the door way and I contemplate throwing something at her.

"What. Do. You. Want," I say as she closes the door and plops down on the bed beside me.

"For you to get out of this bed and stop feeling sorry for yourself," Melissa eyes me up and down. "And for you to take a shower," her nose scrunches and I bury my face in my hands.

"I am perfectly fine the way I am... thank you," I huff and she rolls her eyes.

"We need to get dresses for the ball," Melissa blurts out and I wish that I would just die right here, right now.

"I am not going to that," I profess and she looks at me as if I have slapped her.

"You are going and I don't care if I have to forcefully remove you from your bed to get you to go. Besides, you get to meet Bri," great, Melissa's girlfriend. More love. Why is everyone in love, it's insufferable. "And... added bonus... there will be hot guys," she raises her eyebrows suggestively.

"What makes you think that I will be swayed by a few good looking guys?" I mean it makes it more tempting, yes, but I'm not only about men. I've had enough bad experience with them to not want to involve more of them in my life.

"C'mon you think I don't notice all of that sexual tension between you and Colton? A blind person would be able to see it. You need to let loose and have some fun and the guys that will be there are perfect for that," the offer is tempting but I really and truly cannot be bothered.

"You're speaking as if from experience... care to explain?" I ask and raise my eyebrows in questioning.

"I like the best of both worlds," she laughs and I join her. "Please go," she insists and I roll my eyes at her persuasiveness.

"...I'll think about it," I say after a long pause and she squeals. Her face instantly brightening at me somewhat accepting her offer to go to the event.

"That is good enough for me," she beams and I can't help but smile. I didn't take Melissa for the type to get excited about fancy balls and gowns but here we are. "Leave everything to me... outfit, makeup, hair," she rambles and I'm starting to think maybe this was a bad idea.

"So we're really going full out for this?" I ask as she gets up.

"It's all or nothing girl," she tuts and I roll my eyes. "Don't look at me like that... we're gonna have fun," she sings and leaves before I can mutter a response.

***

I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling for another couple of hours before deciding that I really should have a shower and do something. Maybe go on a walk? Where to, I do not know. Maybe I could go down to the training room. But then I risk running into Colton which I cannot deal with today.

My head pounds as the water streams down my body in a gentle rhythm. The water close to scolding but I prefer it that way. It's a calming sensation. I can't believe that I have basically said yes to going to the ball. But then again, I have nothing to do other than wallow in my own self pity.

Maybe it will be good for me.

Maybe I can have a new start.

The simple idea of a new start incites uneasy feelings in me. I can't bring someone else into this messed up life of mine. My father sure would be happy about it though seen as he has some incessant need to remind me that I need to produce an heir for this godforsaken role he plays.

Seen as I am his only child, and a female, I am not fit for the role. So as soon as I "take over" for him, I am to produce an heir. The most bullcrap I have ever heard. I will in no way, shape or form be continuing this poisoned bloodline. Especially not for his needs and wants.

If I am ever to have children, they will not know of this life and this way of being treated. They will know love and not some deformed, warped version of it that my father possesses. And they surely will not be taking over the role of lead commander. I will not fuel my father's ego and desperation.

As soon as I can, I will be getting as far away as possible from this life and my father. Hopefully, soon it will all be a distant memory and I can look back on said memories and realise that all of this pain and grief was worth it. That I got the happy ending I had wanted.

I clean my wounds before putting more dressing on and getting changed to go get something to eat. I've got about 10 minutes before I miss dinner and my stomach isn't going to be too happy if I don't feed it and soon.

The corridors are fairly empty as I walk to the cafeteria which is odd for this time of day. Usually it is bustling with people chatting, laughing, people on their way to training or coming back from dinner. It's never this quiet.

Even fewer people sit in the cafeteria but I spot Zach before getting my food and sitting down with him. "Where is everyone?" I ask as I place down my tray and sit opposite him. I've only spoken to Zach a handful of times the past couple days and it's odd for us.

"Some grand mission that I wasn't invited on," he rolls his eyes and takes a bite of his food. Mission?

"What... kind of mission?" and why hasn't anyone told me about this? He must notice the meaning behind the expression on my face as he looks at me and shakes his head.

"Rebels and you are not allowed to go on any... not for a while," Zach points at me with his fork and fury fills my blood.

"And why exactly am I not allowed to go?" I swear to the heavens if Colton has anything to do with this, I am going to murder him. Without hesitation.

"Rosie if you hadn't noticed you've been through the runner the last month. You're not in a stable way to go on a mission that could put you at risk of getting killed especially when the mission is to do with the rebels," he says as if that wasn't the most degrading thing he has ever said to me.

"I'm not mentally stable you mean..." I laugh even though I certainly don't feel that way. "And whose wondrous idea was that then?" I already know the answer before the words have even left his mouth.

"Colton's worried about you... so am I," he says gently and I have to force myself not to roll my eyes. Them and their constant need to control me.

"Yeah well Colton's also a piece of crap," I spit and take a bite of my food. Zach chuckles a bit but doesn't try to say otherwise.

"He's only looking out for you," I take a long drink of water before answering.

"That's not his call to make," I say quietly and Zach nods a little. Colton doesn't get to make my decisions for me, it's not up to him. I know that he has some authority over me because of my blasted father but he doesn't have the right to tell people what is and isn't good for me. Especially when he hasn't even asked me on the matter.

"We don't have much sway with Colton... when it comes to you his mind is already made and there's no way of changing it," Zach stabs at his food and I understand what he means but that doesn't make it okay.

"Well... then we need to stand up to him," I shrug and Zach practically chokes on his food.

"You make it sound like it's easy," he manages to say and I sigh.

"I can sway him using several tactics," I say and it takes him a second to get it but when he does his face scrunches. I laugh at the sight.

"Rosie, I don't want to hear that kind of crap come out of your mouth," he grimaces and I roll my eyes. Always so serious, he needs to lighten up.

"It was a joke..." I laugh and he throws a piece of bread at me. It hits me on the cheek and I consider throwing my whole plate of food at him. I'm still hungry but it would be worth the reaction.

"Don't even think about it," Zach says cautiously when he sees me eyeing my plate of food. I shrug but he knows I'll get him back at some point. It's all about the element of surprise.

We may be seventeen and eighteen but that doesn't mean we act like it.

"Anyways, why are you here? Why are you not out on the mission?" I ask and take another bite of food. At first I thought the food was really bland and quite tasteless but now I've grown accustomed to it and thoroughly enjoy it. It's so simple and easy.

"More orders from Colton," he sighs and I know exactly what he means.

"So... you're playing babysitter," I say and he nods his head. Great... just bloody great. "What happened to the Dimitri guy?" he can't have been fired already. He hadn't even started.

"I don't think Colton is too happy about having some random guy sworn to protecting you... I'm guessing that's why he's told me to stay behind," he clears the final bits of food from his plate.

"Is Colton... on the mission?" I ask hesitantly and Zach nods. I can't help but feeling uneasy about this, especially when I'm not there and don't know if he's okay.

"He can look after himself Rose," Zach says and I furrow my brows.

"That's not-" I say but Zach cuts me off with a laugh.

"Sure Rose... sure," he trails off and I grab a few fries and throw them at him. Hitting him straight in the face. See. The element of surprise.

"You're lucky I'm not in the mood for a brawl Rose Waterstone," he says and I laugh a little. I've missed him and spending time with him more than anything.

"Like you'd win anyway," I scoff and he looks at me as though I've just said something completely vulgar.

"You're on a fine line here," he says and I raise my hands in mock fright.

I have missed him so much.