Rose

We have been walking for what feels like the better part of eternity and I don't even know if we are going the right way. I am about to suggest that we turn around and take a different route but then see the roof of the facility. I don't think I have ever been more relieved in my life.

I let out a long sigh of relief as we near the doors. I hope that they got everyone else out and got them back safely. I don't know what I will do if I managed to get out myself but everyone else was still stuck in that hellish place.

"I don't think I have ever been more happy to see this crap hole than I have in my entire life," Colton breathes and I laugh at the irony. Both of us hate this place to death, even if neither of us will admit it, we know it.

"I think we should probably go to the hospital wing..." I gesture between us and grimace at our bloodied bodies.

"That's an idea," Colton raises his brows before placing his hand on the small of my back and nudging me forward.

***

I can't help the uncertainty that rises in me as we near the entrance, the fear that they aren't here or that something incredibly bad has happened. Taking a deep breath, I open the door and Colton follows closely behind.

I feel his hand entwine with mine and my unease is instantly soothed. Loud voices can be heard down the corridor and Colton and I glance at each other. We quickly walk towards the several voices, them getting louder with every step. "Someone get me a stretcher!" someone shouts as we round the corner.

The sight before me was almost enough to bring me to my knees. The amount of blood that covered the halls, the floor, the people. I felt the colour drain from my face and the bile rise in my throat. What in the world had happened?

A man lay on the floor, surrounded by several medical assistants, blood dribbling out of his mouth as he clutches his stomach. I will myself to look at the wound he is clutching and have to force myself to not be sick. A gash is cut so deeply across his abdomen that you can physically see his internal organs.

A woman, I recognise from the conference room we was in earlier, is covered head to toe in blood but has no wounds. I don't even want to know whose blood is covering her or how it got there.

So many people are injured, on the brink of death. How did this happen so quickly? How were they so easily overpowered?

I turn around, facing away from everyone. I can't bare to look at it anymore. I cannot bare to look at the death and destruction that has been caused by the rebels.

"I'll um... I'll be back in a second," I breathe, voice shaky. I turn on my heel and rush towards the bathrooms before Colton can even muster up a response.

As soon as I am in the bathroom, I go into one of the cubicles and bend over the toilet - readying to haul my guts up. The pain in my arm only intensifies the need to be sick. Breathe, breathe.

So many people are injured that it's hard to even comprehend. All of those people who were practically forced to go are now laying on the floors of the halls on deaths door. I can't get the image of that man sprawled on the floor, his guts out for everyone to see, out of my head.

The pain he must be in.

I throw up in the toilet as the images just keep on appearing and re-appearing. The people I killed. So many people. The one person who I loved more than life itself, who Michael had killed, my mother. The things they had done to Colton. The people who now lay, dying, on the floor in the most cruel way. At the hands of the most cruel people.

I'm no better. I've killed people just like the rebels. I've killed without a second thought, without an inch of guilt and I could never describe how much I hate myself for it. But it was for him. I needed to do it for him. And I'd do it again in a heartbeat to get him back if need be.

If that makes me a monster then so be it.

The door to the bathroom flies open and I quickly compose myself, flushing the toilet and raking my hands through my muddy hair. The motion cause a flash of pain to seize my arm. I need to get this bullet removed but I can see how overwhelmed all of the doctors are already.

It can wait. I decide.

"Rose," Colton says quietly and knocks on the door.

"Yeah," I croak, my voice wavering. I hear him try to open the door but I quickly cross the small space and hold the handle with a firm grip.

"Open the door love," Colton says in the same gentle voice that still seems such a rarity compared to his usual cold, stern tone.

"I just... I need a minute," I manage to say through shallow breaths. I need a second and then I'll be fine. I'll be fine and then I can walk out of here and deal with what is beyond the door of this bathroom.

"What's wrong?" Colton asks from the other side of the door and I laugh. I laugh at the absolute irony of what he has just asked.

"What's wrong?" I laugh. "What's wrong....? What isn't wrong?" I tug at the roots of my hair and pace the small space between the walls. "People are dying... everywhere," I manage to say and he fumbles with the handle again but I stop him.

"Open. The. Door," he says but I keep my grip strong on the handle.

"Those people who are dying out there... the majority were forced to go... I didn't... I didn't even try to stop them from being forced to go... I didn't try to stop it... I could have stopped so much of this if I had tried," there it is. Out in the open.

"What happened isn't your fault and you know it," it may not be my fault but I could have done something, I could have prevented those people from losing their lives or at least getting injured. Something is better than nothing.

"He killed my mother," I say, barely a whisper. A silence falls between us and I go to open the door but then realise that this is much easier to say without having to look into his eyes. I know as soon as I see his face that I will breakdown and that is the last thing that I want.

"Who... killed your mother?" the only thing separating us is this door and I want nothing more than to fall into his arms, into his embrace... but I can't.

"My father handed her over without a care in the world and Michael killed her and I quote, he'd 'gladly do it again'" I repeat Michael's words, each of them burned into my memory. "My mother would have liked you," I whisper and force myself to smile at the very few memories I have of her. "I mean she probably would've hated you at first but she would have seen the good in you," I laugh a little, trying to suppress the pain in my chest.

"Please... open the door Rose," Colton says but I ignore his request.

"You know this blade... it's what she had given to me before she was murdered, like she knew what was going to happen to her and she wanted me to have somewhat of a chance at preventing my own death because she didn't get to," I say, voicing my thoughts as I hold the dagger in my hands. "Like she knew it was inevitable for her..." I trail off.

I examine the blade in my hand, looking at the small carving on the handle that she had made. The blade slips from my hand and falls to the floor with a clatter. "Crap," I whisper and go to pick it up but the door busts open with such force, the hinges sound like they are about to be ripped off of the wall along with the door itself.

Colton's eyes are wide as he looks at me, his eyes scanning my face and my body as if looking for something. "Don't say things like that when I don't know what you're doing," Colton runs a hand over his face in frustration. "You need to get your arm looked at," I shake my head before grabbing the knife and putting it back into the waistband of my leggings.

"They're overwhelmed in there with people with much worse injuries than me... it can wait," I sigh. I feel utterly defeated. We did more harm than good today and we've most likely angered the rebels more than anything.

We blew up their base and proceeded to kill their troops, raid the place, and take their hostages.

I'm tired, so tired. I need a break from everything, from life, from war, from death.

"Let's go," Colton grabs my uninjured arm and starts hauling me towards the door, I'm too tired to fight back.

***

We're sitting on a bench away from the chaos, a woman on my left tending to my arm and Colton sitting beside me. "You need to get looked at," I say and gesture to his torso. I'm not sure how he is even able to stay upright let alone walk around and act as though nothing has happened.

"I can sort it out myself," Colton says and stares at my arm. The woman removes the piece of material wrapped above my wound and soaks a cotton pad in some disinfectant.

"This is going to sting a little," she says and I nod before looking away. If it's going to hurt when she disinfects it god knows how much pain I am going to be in when she removes the actual bullet.

"Don't you want someone to l-" I am cut off by an intense stinging pain in my arm and it almost knocks the wind out of me. I screw my eyes shut and will myself to take steady breaths.

"Sorry..." I just about hear the woman say over the loud thrumming in my ears.

"It's... fine," I strain against the pain. I rest my forehead against Colton's shoulder and close my eyes so tightly, I almost see stars. I feel his hand rub small circles on my back and I want to thank him but can't even open my mouth to form a coherent sentence.

"I'm going to remove it... just tell me if you need me to stop," the woman says and I manage to nod my head against Colton's shoulder.

***

Everything is a blur from the pain, it feels like she has been going at my arm for hours. I would rather her just cut my arm off completely at this point. It hurts so much that it's starting to go numb and I know that can't be a good sign.

"Are you okay?" Colton says from beside me and I try to respond but it comes out as more of a groan. It's getting hard to breathe. My face feels flushed and I can feel my temperature rising. "What's wrong with her?" Colton asks and I want to say that I'm fine but I physically can't.

"It's just her body's way of trying to cope with the pain, it's a foreign object in her tissue... her body's trying to do everything it can to get it out," the woman informs him and I feel an instrument of sorts going into my wound. Tweezers most likely. Please get it out, I want to shout.

She could have at least knocked me out or something. Something other than making me have to go through this without any kind of sedative. I just hope I fall unconscious in the next few seconds.

"Isn't there anything you can give her?" Colton's voice raises and I want to shout at him for being rude to her when she is only trying to help.

"Not at this precise moment, if you can't tell there is a lot of people in need of medical attention right now and if I walk away from her and something happens... well you can imagine what will go down," the woman says and I bite down on my lip as another shock runs up my arm. "I'm almost finished," she explains and I take a deep breath.

Colton presses a kiss to the top of my head and I bask in his touch and the feeling of being close to him. The sense of security that comes with being in such close proximity with him.

The sense of safety.

After what I am sure was an eternity, the woman finally lets go of my arm and says "All done, I'll be back in a moment to check on you," and she's off before I even get the chance to lift my head. Off to another injured person, another person knocking on death's door.

"I'm tired," I whisper after a moments silence. I'm still relying on Colton to keep me seated upright.

"Go to sleep, I'll be here when you wake up love," he says and I nod a little before giving in and letting sleep coax me towards the darkness.