I return back to Colton's bedroom to find the space unoccupied. No doubt he is probably stuck in another meeting of sorts with his father, planning and plotting - what he does best. 

I find myself standing by the nightstand, my hands practically itching to feel the notebook. To feel the soft leather on my fingertips. I want nothing more than to read the letter, read the words that I am sure will take my breath away but I am scared.

So scared. Why, I am not sure.

Maybe it's because I am afraid that this will change everything. That my vision of who Colton is, truly, will change... but this is what I want, isn't it? To see the real him. 

Slowly, my shaky hands reach for the handle of the drawer. Pulling it open, my eyes meet with the soft blue cover of the diary. My heart pounds wildly in my chest as I reach for it, my fingers brushing against the smooth material. 

This is what I want, I want to read it. 

Without another thought, I close my hand around the journal and cradle it in my arms as I walk over to the bed - perching on the edge. I flicker to the last entry. The day I was at the house on Henry Way. I was a whole entire different person back then.

I had mistaken my love for Colton as pure malice. I was so in denial about my feelings towards him that I fuelled them into hate and anger. It was justifiable though, Colton wasn't one of the kindest people I had ever come across upon meeting him.

It feels like another lifetime where I would bicker relentlessly with him, where he would constantly push me around and call me names. 

I never knew I could hate someone with so much passion but the hate quickly turned to love.

I finger through the pages until I find writing that I know for a fact is not mine. The writing is beautiful and endless. So many words, so many feelings. 

I take a deep breath before my eyes land on the first word. 

I want nothing more than to show you how much I love you. To show you so badly - that I can barely breathe. But I want you to know that it's going to take time to show you just how much. And it's not because you are not worthy of my love or because I do not trust you, it's quite the opposite. You are worthy of all of the love in the world, of the love of every soul in existence. If anything I am not worthy of you, of your soul that quite literally outshines the brightness of the sun. It is because I am so in love with you that it scares the hell out of me. It is because I have never allowed myself to ever love someone before, or even consider the notion of love. I've always been denied the luxury of having someone, until you. I had always thought that love was for the weak and I still do think so. I am weak... weak for you, your smile, your laugh, the way your eyes light up. I am utterly defenceless against you, against my feelings for you. You take away every inch of darkness that covers this world, you have warmed my cold soul and kept it as your own. You have stolen my heart and I wish for you to never give it back. It is yours to keep, to do as you wish with. Even if you decide to break my heart, to shatter it into smithereens. It was only and ever will be yours to break. I wish I knew how you made me fall so completely and utterly in love with you with a single look. I wish I knew why I crave your touch so much, why your hand is the one thing I never want to let go of, why your laugh is the one thing I never want to stop hearing, why your lips are the one thing I never want to forget the feeling of kissing. I wish I knew why this one girl, who I declared that I had hated, has now turned into the one person I will love for the rest of eternity. All I know is that I fell for you blindly, I fell for you without warning. I fell unbelievably and undeniably in love with you Rose Waterstone and I will never be able to recover. I want to be the only person you will ever love, I want to be the person you turn to, the person you trust. I want to be everything you need and more. I want to give you the life you yearn for, the happiness you deserve. I want to touch every inch of your skin, I want to learn every detail about you, I want to show you my love for you. I want to do all of this and more. With you and only you. I know that I have treated you so poorly, that I have done things that make you resent me just that little bit more. But I am sorry... I am so sorry my love. I hate myself for the things I did to you, for the way I treated you, for the things I called you. I will forever be in your debt and at your mercy. I would rather pierce my own chest with a blade than do you so wrongly again. All we have is time and I plan on spending every moment of it with you, making up for all of my wrong doings and showing you the love that you deserve. 

My eyes are bone-dry of tears by the time I have finished reading it for what felt like the millionth time. It is everything I could have ever wished for and more. I have never loved something so simple in my life. Words that are so simple but mean so much.

It was nothing like I was expecting... it is far better. Knowing the extent of his love for me brings me more joy than I fear I am able to contain. 

I was convinced for so long that I wasn't worthy of love. That I was sent into this word to give more love than I would ever receive. To give more happiness than I would ever feel. But I was wrong... so wrong.

This letter has changed something in me. Given me a new sense of hope. Hope for us, for our future, for this world. Hope that one day we will get out. A hope that is burning deep inside me.

I clutch the notebook tightly to my chest, as if it will disappear if I let go of it, and let the warmth of the words bleed through me. I read the letter so many times the words are now burned into my memory - never to be forgotten. 

I will take this treasure with me to the grave. This tiny bit of hope that will never burn out so long as I have him with me. 

****

Colton

"Any word from Scarron or Peter?" I question, watching as my father paces the room - the motion making me feel sick. I have much better things I would rather be doing so if he would just hurry up and spit out what he wants to say, it would be much appreciated. 

"Both sectors have agreed to join us... if we do this, we have to do it right," my father halts and I nod. We are forming an alliance with our neighbouring sectors, an alliance that could possibly get us killed or could either save us from certain death. 

"We have no other option but to put our faith in them, they know that if they let the rebels go ragged the same situation will happen in their own sectors," I explain.

This is life or death and we have exhausted all other possible options. None as safe as this one. We simply do not have the resources or the will power to take down the rebels without any assistance. This is going to be a major bloodbath but it's a risk we are willing to take. If I do not walk away from this battle then at least I died for something.

"I will send word if anything changes," my father sighs and I stand up, adjusting my suit jacket. "Stay low for a while, keep Rose out of harms way," he says and I roll my eyes. The man underestimates her, massively.

"She can look after herself," I say, a smirk tugging at my lips. "But yes, I will do everything in my power to keep her safe," my father's eyes meet mine and a small smile plays on his lips.

"I know you will," he says and I turn around, stalking towards the door before things can go any further. I refuse to discuss anything other than our opposers with him and I intend to keep it that way. 

As soon as I am in the corridor, I can't help but notice the eeriness and how quiet it is. Everyone is still shaken up by the events of the ball. I need to discuss the matter with Rose. Now that the lead commander is dead, his heir needs to take his place. Rose needs to take his place.

Speaking of the devil, I see her rushing down the corridor. I can't help but smile at the sight of her but my smile quickly drops when I see her tear stained cheeks and her franticness. 

"What's wrong," I ask as I near her. Every possible scenario runs through my head. Rose immediately stops in her tracks, her bloodshot eyes wide. I look down at the blue notebook in her hands and my heart stops. "You read it," I say just below a whisper and she nods her head. "And?" I question and she lets out what sounds like a sob of relief.

Before I can even process it, she is hurling towards me - tears running down her cheeks. I open my arms for her and she wastes no time in nestling her head in my chest and wrapping her arms around me. 

I lean down into the crook of her neck and breathe her in. If I could bottle this feeling and get drunk off of it every night, I would. If I could live in this moment forever, have her in my arms for the rest of time, I would.

"It was beautiful... thank you so much," she whispers and I pull back to wipe the tears from her face. Her beautiful, heavenly face that I wish to never stop seeing. Her next words almost knock the breath from me. "I see you Colton, I see the real you and I love you," she says.

I have never felt such a raw happiness in my life. I have never loved someone so much, so intensely. Rose is it for me. She is my beginning and my end. She is my first and my last.

"I see you, my love, more than you know," I whisper, I have always seen her. No matter how hard she tried to hide from me, I saw her... all of her. 

****

A/N Thank you so much for 16k reads! It means more to me than you know. I am currently in the process of editing the earlier chapters and making them the best that I can because I am thinking about plans for publishing but I am not sure. Thank you all so much for the ongoing support throughout all of this. I hope you are loving this story as much as I am loving telling it.