I am so taken aback by his unexpected action that I freeze. I pull away and he looks at me with confusion as if he didn't just randomly kiss me and it was all my imagination.

"What are you doing?" I ask confused and he smirks. Dylan brings his hand to my hip and squeezes.

"I miss you," his hand trails lower until it rests on my thigh. No, he misses my body - it's quite clear he doesn't miss me. But this could be the perfect remedy, I could use him just the way he uses me. He can make me forget - forget everything that has happened, even if it's just for a little while.

He leans in again but this time I don't fight it. Me three months ago would have rather of died than kiss him again, but this doesn't mean anything and it never will. Dylan bites my bottom lip before moving so he is on top of me.

"If we do this... there's not strings attached and it's a one time thing," I break away from the kiss, breathless. He nods frantically and meets my lips with his again.

There's a familiarity of being with him, a sense of normality that I don't find with anyone else. I'd given everything to him - my innocence and my heart and he felt nothing when he stole both of those things from me, without a care in the world.

His hands tug at the hem of my shirt, before removing it, and he kisses my neck and chest, making my breathing become heavier. Dylan removes his shirt and I run my hands along his bare torso, bathing in his familiar body that is even more toned than I remember. Our kisses are hastful and both fighting for dominance.

"Are you sure?" he asks and looks into my eyes. My body and mind are in conflict. My mind is screaming at me to run, run far away and don't look back. But, my body is telling me to just forget for a while. To let him take away the memories that I want so badly to rid myself of.

"Yes" I say, denying my heart.

Dylan rolls on the condom before slamming into me and I moan from the relief that floods through my body and the things I wanted to forget are now a distant memory. "Fuck," he groans and continues to thrust into me. I wrap my legs around his waist, pushing him deeper and kiss and bite his neck.

"I've... missed you so much," he says breathless as his pace quickens. My hips meet his and the feeling is exquisite.

"Shut up," I moan and he latches his lips back on mine. This is by far the most reckless thing I have done but reckless things have proven to be quite fun... maybe I'll make decisions like this more often.

I rake my nails down his back as I slowly get closer to the edge and Dylan palms one of my breasts in his hand. I never in a million years thought I would ever welcome Dylan back into my bed but here we are. I should be moving on and forgetting about him but he keeps finding his way back into my life. Whether his name simply pops up in a conversation or in this situation he shows up at my new "home".

He sucks harshly at my neck and I know it's going to leave a mark, bastard. My hate for him is similar to mine for Colton except Dylan is someone that's hard to dispose of I guess you could say. Whereas Colton is impossible to get rid of, he seems to be everywhere all the time. I can't escape him and his inhumane ways. Why am I thinking about Colton right now?

I hate myself for giving into him and his charm so easily, I barely even put up a fight. I trail kisses along his jaw and down his neck. The feeling is euphoric and I can't deny that I haven't missed this, missed us.

"I'm close baby," Dylan says before planting a kiss on my forehead and I clench my thighs together at his sides as he quickens. My hand clamps over my mouth to stop myself from screaming.

"Dylan," I moan and tangle my hands in his hair, tugging at the roots. I have to admit that I have missed how skillful he is in bed. He slams into me a few more times before I am pushed over the edge and he tenses before spilling into the condom.

"That was..." he says trying to catch his breath.

"Yeah," I breathe.

***

As soon as Dylan left I got in the shower. I realised straight after, that sleeping with Dylan was impulsive and an awful mistake. At least we both agreed that it meant nothing and that there were no strings attached.

I've come to the conclusion that there is not much point putting effort into how I look anymore, not when I look like a mess half of the time anyway.

I make my way to the cafeteria, hoping that Zach is already there. I couldn't help but feel disgusted with myself that I gave him my body so easily even after everything he has done to me. I thought it would fix my problems but it's only proven to worsen them.

I spot Zach straight away and notice that he's sitting with a few people. After grabbing a small salad, as I wasn't really hungry, I walk over to Zach's table and ask if I could sit with them. He makes space next to him and I thank him quietly.

He is sitting with a guy and two girls. "This is Natasha Burkley," he gestures to one of the girls and she gives me a small smile. She seems nice. "Nancy Love," he gestures to the other girl and she smiles but it doesn't meet her eyes. "And Zeke Delicata," he's very good looking I have to say.

He winks at me but I just smile.

"I'm Rose Waterstone," I smile and they all visibly tense. Let's just say that my last name doesn't give me a great deal of luck when meeting new people. They think that because I am the lead commander's daughter that I am some stuck up cow.

"The lead commander's daughter?" Natasha questions. She has beautiful dark skin and light blue eyes that could mesmerize someone for eternity they are so captivating.

"Yeah but don't worry, I'm not stuck up or prissy or whatever you think," I explain and they nod their heads in understanding. I hate that I feel the need to explain myself but I don't like people thinking the wrong things about me.

"It must be hard being the lead commander's daughter, so many expectations," Nancy says but I can't tell if she is being sarcastic or not.

"Well... he's not as nice as he looks," I admit. This is by far the most awkward conversation I have ever had, I know they don't trust me so I'll just have to earn it.

"I always knew there was something more to him, you can just see it in his eyes," Zeke says as if he's lost in thought. I'm glad he doesn't think that he is an amazing person and someone people should look up to just like everyone else I have come across, it's refreshing in a way.

I nod and Zach looks worriedly at me, he knows partly of what my father is like but not all the details. No one knows everything, I don't think I'll ever tell anyone the full extent of the devil that seems to have possessed my father.

I pick at my food with my fork as the others converse. My thoughts are elsewhere - as usual. Times like this, when I don't have much distraction, my thoughts get the better of me and it's like I am being brought back in time. Taken back to the things I try to forget every day of this supposed "life" that I am supposed to be living but am only just about surviving.

This is why I prefer distractions and something to do because if I don't, I can't stop the voices and the thoughts get so loud that there's no way to drown them out.

"I just um... remembered that I have something to do," I blurt out randomly and they all look at me confused but I don't wait for them to respond before getting up.

I walk out of the cafeteria and go find the fire exit.

***

Who knew fresh air could be so therapeutic for the mind. It calms the voices by a fraction. I decide on going to the place I always go when I need to get away from the world. I've been there a couple times now since being here and it's quickly became a place of comfort and a place where I can forget the world around me.

I slowly walk down Henry Way as the sun sets behind the houses, creating a beautiful scene. Everything in the world always looks better through your own eyes, no camera or photographic device could ever capture the beauty your eyes do.

As soon as I am in the house I walk up the stairs, that creak with every step I take, and I cringe at the noise. I've decided to keep a journal and I usually write in it when I come back here because it's the only quiet I get and it's the only place I can keep it without worrying that someone will find it.

I grab it and tuck it into the waistband of my leggings, so I have two hands to climb onto the roof. Every time I climb up here it feels like the roof has worn down even more but I feel even more uneasy today. Once I am sat comfortably, I look around and take a deep breath. I take the notebook out of the waistband of my leggings and grab the pen in it and start to write.

Dear Diary,

This still feels so weird writing down all of my thoughts and feelings but I think it always will. I don't even know where to start, things don't seem to be getting better and time doesn't seem to be healing. I made another mistake today but what's new. I just feel so lost. Like I'm at a crossroad with everything but either way I go, I am no closer to peace.

Every decision I have made has just completely backfired in my face and the desire to give up gets stronger with each passing moment. I managed to get away from my father so I should be happy right? But I am not... not even close. Everything reminds me of him and I can't do a single thing without being tortured by his words.

Everything is tainted by him, I can't do anything without remembering him. Sometimes I wish that someone would come along and wipe my mind whilst I am asleep because trying to forget by myself is becoming an even bigger mess.

I wipe away a tear that I didn't know had escaped and my head quickly snaps up when I hear someone clear their throat. What the...

"Hello love," Colton smiles and I have to stop myself from lunging at him and strangling him to death. He saw me when I was vulnerable and made no point to make it clear he was here with me.

"Why the hell are you here?" I spit and try to contain the rage burning in me. This was my place, my place to get away from everyone and him. But he has ruined it, just like everything else in my life. I can't have one thing to myself.

"Calm down, I followed you," the urge to strangle him is growing by the second. "What you got there?" he asks and his eyes flicker to my journal. I hold it close to my chest, it's weird how this small little notebook contains so much about me that no one else knows about and will never know about. This notebook knows me better than anyone in my life.

"Nothing," I say and look away from him. It's getting dark now that the sun has disappeared behind the other houses. The people in the modernised part of the town just look like little dots, so small that it looks like you could squish them. "Why'd you follow me?" I ask more calmly than I feel.

"I was intrigued as to where you go for hours at a time," oh so he keeps track of how long I am gone too, how normal.

"Well, quite frankly, it has nothing to do with you," I say harshly and he chuckles to himself. I can't fathom my hatred for this guy sitting on the opposite side of the roof to me. How could a simple person provoke such ugly feelings inside of me?

I'm not too sure what it is about him that draws me to him, that allows me to know when he is near but also that hates him so deeply it blinds me.

"I don't really give a crap, Rose," that's it. I'm done. I jump to my feet and all of a sudden the roofs caves beneath me, not enough to give way completely but enough that if I move a muscle I will fall straight through. Wow... what luck I seem to possess.

"Colton..." I say nervously and he looks over at me, confused, before he sees the caved roof beneath me and his eyes widen.

"Crap," he breathes.