Dylan screams in agony behind me and lets go of me. I spin around to see his body on the floor, his face pale and he's clutching his chest. I hate myself for caring but I can't help it. You can't just have no regard for someone who you once loved, it doesn't work like that. No matter how much they have betrayed you or how much you hate them, there will always be a part of you that still loves them even if you are no longer in love with them.

"What have you done?" I whisper before I clamp my hand over my mouth. Colton just shot Dylan. Dylan just got shot by Colton. He is struggling to breathe on the floor and I don't know what to do.

"He tried to kill you so I did what was necessary," Colton shrugs and I want to murder him. He tucks the gun back into his blazer and begins to walk off. What the hell is wrong with him?

I rush over to Dylan and kneel beside him. "What do I do?" I say frantically and he slowly shakes his head. My hands are covered in his blood as I try to move the fabric of his shirt to see the wound. The bullet is deep.

"I...deserve this," he chokes and tears are streaming down my face. "I'm... sorry Rose," he whispers as a sob escapes me. A tear falls down his face and my heart feels like it is physically breaking in my chest.

"You don't... please don't," I cry and his breathing becomes shallow and slow. "Help!" I scream.

"Goodbye... Rose," he whispers and his eyes fall closed. I thought I knew pain but this is immeasurable. It feels like it is consuming me and eating me alive. How do I escape all of this pain? When will it end? When will everything stop hurting?

"No...no," I whisper and my tears are endless.

***

I don't know how long I have been staring at his lifeless body but somebody screams from behind me. I look over my shoulder, my eyes probably swollen from how much I have cried, and look at the girl. Her eyes are wide and she's screaming.

I forget why for a second but then my eyes return to Dylan.

I hear footsteps pounding against the floor, getting closer with each step until I am surrounded by a bunch of people I don't know. Someone grabs me and pulls me away from Dylan and I snap. "Don't touch me!" I shout and claw at the person's arms. "Get off!" I scream and my whole body feels weak.

As soon as they let go of me, I walk and don't look back. I'm covered in his blood. I can't fathom how I feel right now. It feels like my heart has been ripped from my chest. So much is happening and there's not stopping it. I don't get a break... it's just one thing after the other and I hate it. I hate it so much.

My brain is moving at a million miles per hour the whole time I am walking back to my room, so much has happened that I can't even think straight.

I stand in my bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror.

Taking the knife my mother got me, I hold it to my neck.

I can't recover from all of this.

There's only one way I can see out.

All the people I have killed, all the pain that I have had to endure my whole life. Both from my father and the rebels. The emotional trauma and physical torture. The pain... the pain is so significant. Both that I have inflicted and have received. There's no light at the end of the tunnel... not for me. For others the light is so bright it's blinding but my light - it's barely a flicker.

The tunnel is too far, too tiring, too dark.

There's no bright side, no happy ending... not for people like me.

I slowly begin to slide the knife across my throat at an achingly slow pace. I know that once I go too far there is no turning back. That's the problem with life, there's no redo button. Everything that you do is irreversible. Forever sticking.

"What are you doing?" Colton shouts and I try to slide it as quick as I can but he grabs the knife from me. I was so close, so close to being rid of this pain. Of this numbness. I don't know what to tell him. I hate him.

I hate him for everything.

***

Colton

"I. Hate. You," she says and each word breaks my heart a little more. I can't wipe the image of the knife against her neck... I know exactly what she was doing but I needed to hear her say the words. The words that will confirm my nightmare or the words that will wake me up. "I hate you," she repeats and I let her. I let her say whatever she wants because I deserve it.

I knew what I was doing when I pulled out the gun, I knew how it would end and I couldn't care less how it made Rose feel. I can still hear her cries as I walked away, like the coward I am. I ruin things and walk away - it's all I am good at.

Things were going too well for me, I had gotten Rose back, I kissed her, I admitted to myself that I loved her. It was too good for me, she's too good for me and I did the only thing I could - I ruined the only thing I had.

She pushes me and I stumble back a little. "I hate you!" she screams and my chest tightens. I swallow the lump of emotion in my throat and let her get her anger out. I know she hates me, god do I know. "Fight back!" she pushes me again but this time I don't move. "Fight... back!" she screams, breathless. She is sobbing and I have reached a whole new level of self-hatred.

Her body collapses and I catch her just in time. I hold her close to me and she grabs a fistful of my shirt as she cries into my chest. Her pain is so powerful that I can feel it radiating off of her. Everything has just been building up and every time something new has happened I could see her fighting to keep it together. This was her breaking point... I caused this. I broke her.

Tears cloud my vision as I feel one fall down my cheek. I wish more than anything to take her pain away, to relieve her of this torture. I keep one of my hands on the back of her head and the other on her waist - holding her up. "You killed him," she whispers through her tears.

"I'm sorry," I whisper back and the words feel weird in my mouth. I have never apologised in my life. But I would do anything for her, even if I can't tell her, I will do my best to show her. "You need to sleep," I say and she nods her head a little. "Do you need help getting the blood off?" I ask gently and she shakes her head before padding into the bathroom and closing the door.

I sit on the edge of the bed with my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands.

She doesn't deserve this, none of it.

Rose has endured at least a million lifetimes worth of pain but I still make it worse for her.

***

She's silent as she leaves the bathroom and goes into her wardrobe to get changed. Her silence is worse, I can't tell what she is thinking. At least when she is crying or screaming at me, I know exactly how she is feeling. But right now... I can't tell.

Her eyes are swollen and her cheeks flushed but she still looks beautiful. I hold out my hand for her and she takes it before walking towards me. I trace patterns on her hand as she stands in between my legs. "I'm sorry," she whispers and I look at her, confused.

"What for?" I'm getting worried now. I have never been so concerned for someone's safety in my life, I have never wanted to protect someone as much as I do right now.

"For what you saw... I wasn't thinking straight," she says, her eyes full of emotion she is trying to suppress. I don't think I'll ever get that image out of my head. What would have happened if I didn't decide to go find her? What would have happened if I was too late?

"Come here," I whisper and pull her towards me. She straddles me and wraps her arms around my neck. If this were another situation I'd probably make a rude comment that would piss her off but it's not, so I wrap my arms around her and bathe in her embrace.

There's something so comforting about her being in my arms, like I can actually protect her and keep her safe. When she is with me, there is nothing I won't do to make sure she is okay. I don't know what has changed in me. I still feel hatred for her but it's not as strong anymore.

"Let's get some rest," I say and she hugs me tighter. I don't think I'll be able to let her go, both from how tightly she is holding me and from the fact that I don't want to.

I would hold onto her forever if I got the chance.

"Please stay," she says weakly and I rub her back soothingly.

I'm surprised she can even stand to be near me.

"Of course," I say as I stand up, still holding her. I place her down gently in the bed and I wish that things didn't have to be like this. I wish her life was easy and wasn't so hard on her.

I wish she wasn't so hard on herself.

But most of all... I wish that I would stop hurting her.

I get into the bed beside her after taking off my shoes and my blazer. As soon as I am in the bed she moves closer to me and places her head on my chest. I run my fingers along her arm soothingly and watch as it provokes goosebumps to raise. I smile to myself at the fact that she is just as affected by my touch as I am by hers.

"Everything will work out in the end," I whisper and she closes her eyes.

"I hope so," she sniffles and the world falls quiet.

***

A/N I know this chapter is shorter but I thought it was good to end there. I know that this was quite an emotional chapter but I hope you enjoyed it. I am also working on a playlist for Rose and Colton that will be featured in the last chapter.