~ Dear Kylo,

I decided to write you a letter. I know I can talk to you and all but the trial is tomorrow and I haven't seen you.

Finn suggested I do this so here I go. You liked me when I was alive and I don't know if I like you. I believe I did: I remember my heart beating out of my chest whenever we talked and the blush that formed on my cheeks whenever you looked at me and touched me.

Snoke had used me, he manipulated me. What he did was use my relationship with you, against you and me. It was blackmail. He promised me things that I don't feel like saying. What I wanted then was shameful.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I killed you. I'm sorry I didn't save you in time. I'm sorry for a lot of things but my biggest regret is this: I'm sorry for not loving you.

We could've been something you know? Two college sweethearts paving there way through life.

I could've loved you but I didn't. Now I do, and I hate myself for it. Why did I love you when you're dead? When you're gone.

We are connected somehow. I murdered you when I wasn't supposed to and because of that, to me you are human. I could touch you, you could touch me. I could kiss you as if you were real.

I wished I had saved you. That I pleaded guilty and gotten my jail time. Then you would be alive and well. Maybe by then you'll have a girlfriend.

The connection is a worse punishment than jail time and losing you. At least you would be alive and happy if I saved you. Now I'm stuck with you and it's hard not to sink deeper in my feelings.

I think I love you Kylo. That's why this is a punishment. I love something I can't have.

~ Rey