Ice decided something had to change when he had calmed down after the toilet-incident. He didn't tell anyone about it, not even Slider.

Iceman would be Iceman again. He wasn't going to search Mav's attention again. He would choose to live without warmth, but it was the only choice he could make. He didn't want to turn into the horrible person he had so nearly been.

So Iceman bit on his tongue every time a snark or jab wanted to come out, kept looking away and ignoring the smaller pilot. When Maverick looked at him, he still felt it, but it made his stomach clench and bile coming up his throat with the thought that he once had enjoyed and searched for that same warmth. They continued the program a few days later, but the cocky Maverick wasn't there anymore. He bailed out of the fight and screamed at his RIO when on the ground. His screams sounded a bit more like a plea for help and it made Ice's heart sank. He didn't know what he allowed himself to feel about Pete Mitchell exactly but seeing him in this subdued state was not pleasant. This was not who Maverick was supposed to be.

Rumors spread within the group of pilots that Maverick would stop Top Gun and despite the others congratulating Ice with the win since he and Maverick were miles away from the rest, Ice couldn't enjoy it. He knew it was better for his plan and decision that Maverick would leave from his life, but he didn't want that. When he thought that he would usually push it away because he knew he only wanted Maverick because of his warmth, but at night, when he was alone in his bed, tossing and turning when looking for sleep, he would allow the thought to linger, to grow, to become a dream, an intention, a plan for the day after, when he would go to Maverick and talk to him, talk him out of his plans to leave. He told himself it wasn't because he wanted Maverick's warmth, but just Maverick: his smile, his laugh, his bravery. In the nights, he would believe himself, but when he was with the other pilots and someone mentioned Maverick, all he could do was hate the man for his stupid smile and his stupid laugh and that stupid bravery that was so dangerous. Ice knew then that he could never trust Maverick, and that he had to forget him and live on.

"Maverick is leaving today," Slider told him when they were walking away from the locker room. Ice swallowed.

"Well, congratulations on your Top Gun trophy, Slider," Ice said, trying to be jovial, but hearing a grave tone in his voice.

"Just shut up, will you?" Slider spat and Ice turned to him, feeling on the edge from the little sleep and almost constant headache that had plagued him since the accident.

"With what?! Being the best there is?" Ice snarked and he saw Slider take a deep breath.

"Stop acting like you don't care!" Slider stopped walking and was looking at him furiously.

"I don't care about Maverick, Slider. I don't want to care about Maverick, I shouldn't care about Maverick, so I don't care about Maverick!" Slider's expression shifted. He closed his eyes and sighed softly.

"Why? Just why shouldn't you care about Maverick, Ice. It's ok to care, you are not your persona, you have feelings, it's ok," Slider said softly, but that made Ice even more agitated.

"No, it's not!"

"Why not?" That was it. That was the question that had been playing through his mind all day long.

"Because I only care about Maverick making me feel warm! I wish I would care about all the other things that make him Maverick, but I can't! I wish that I could trust him in the sky, or just hanging out with him without hating everything he says. But I just want his stupid gaze on me to feel a bit better! I was using Maverick, Slider. I was using him for my own benefits and that is not ok!" Ice just stood there in the hallway, ice covering his hands and creeping up his arms as he was heaving laboring breaths. His mind was spinning by what he just had said.

"No, that's not ok. You are right. But you shouldn't punish yourself for that. And its bullshit that you hate everything he says!" Slider brought a little heat back in his voice but all Ice could do was stare at the ground and sweeping the ice of his arms. The tiny flakes of ice crashed on the ground and melted, leaving tiny droplets of water on the linoleum carpeting.

"I saw you laughing about his jokes when you thought nobody could hear you and silent gasps of admiration when Maverick did something cool in the sky again. It sure didn't look like you hated Maverick, Ice. You can fool a lot of people with your persona, even yourself sometimes, but not me, man," Slider said before he clasped Ice on his shoulder and made him look up.

"Ice, I know this is pretty fucked up, but you can like Maverick and simultaneously not use him like you did before. You don't need to hate him for that, ok?" Ice was everything but convinced but nodded anyway. Slider nodded and let him go before leaving Ice in the hallway. Ice sighed. He wanted a shower. Now.

In the locker room however, he found the first person he didn't want to see right now and he stopped dead in his tracks. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell was slowly packing up his clothes, his shoulders slumped and his movements slow but deliberate. He looked so tired that Ice's heart clenched. Before he could think about it, he opened his mouth.

"Mitchell?" The sound filled the room and felt too loud for Ice's ears. Maverick cringed but turned around. His eyes were dull and Ice stepped back. Under these subdued, red eyes were black bags and Maverick's bright smile was nowhere to be seen.

"I'm sorry," Ice said, and his breath hitched. He was sorry. None of this was his intention. None of this was what he wanted and he felt so sorry. He didn't want his warmth anymore, he just wanted Maverick to be Maverick again, not this shell of a man in front of him.

"Everyone liked Goose," he added, thinking that was what Maverick needed, but the words brought him relief as well. Indeed, everyone liked Goose. He shouldn't have died. Maverick nodded and turned away, his shoulders shook once, but he regained his posture and finished up packing. He then strode away, leaving Ice in the locker room.

A soft whisper followed him.

"Please don't go."