𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙞𝙭𝙩𝙚𝙚𝙣 — 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙥𝙡𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙

☕

BRENDON WAS NOT A confident person. He was never sure of himself, he never took the forefront in anything, didn't have the bone of a leader anywhere in his body. It was hard for him to just say 'fuck it' and do something; he always had to think everything through and then chicken out at the last second.

          He was not confident and he was not up front. Nothing about him was blunt. Any time he even said something that hurt another human being he felt terribly guilty and he didn't know how others didn't feel the same when they did that.

          No, Brendon Winchester was more of the silent and scared type. He always thought of the conversations he could have people, thought about asking Peter out or having Peter ask him out, and then do nothing about it because the thought of rejection scared him too much. So he had thought of how to ask him out, although he hoped that Peter would be the one to make the first move, but it did not prepare him for actually asking Peter.

          But he had to because he had made the deal with Harry. Of course he didn't want to be rejected and have his heart tragically broken by his crush and future husband, but if it meant that it got one couple together...maybe it would be worth it. Maybe he would be miserable and never be able to see Peter ever again, but at least Bren and Harry would finally get over themselves and date. It was too long of a time coming.

          Originally, he had planned to ask Peter after Spanish. He even called Peter back to talk but...but nothing came out. He couldn't do it and ended up telling Peter to have a good day, which he returned back to the boy. So that failed.

          Then he tried when he was at work and Peter showed up with Harry since he had a morning shift and they didn't have another class for an hour or two. It probably wasn't his smartest choice to try and ask out a guy while he was working (he wouldn't be able to leave and cry alone in his bed right after), but he thought that at least in a public location Peter wouldn't make fun of him.

          Because he feared that. He feared that Peter would laugh in his laugh for suggesting such a thing, laugh that Brendon even thought he was gay or remotely interested in him. To scream it out to the entire world about how much of an idiot that Brendon Joseph Winchester was. But that wasn't Peter, he was too kind and quiet to do that, so that comforted him.

          At least when Peter rejected him it would be quiet and gentle as to try and mend their relationship, even though nothing would because Brendon would be too hurt and humiliated to ever face the Parker boy ever again.

          And now was his third chance. It was Thursday right after lunch and he had gotten Peter alone. His hands were in his pocket, partly because it was so fucking cold (why the fuck did he go to New York for college again?) but also because they were shaking he was so nervous. But he had to do this. There was nothing else to say but 'fuck it' and kiss him –

          Wait no.

          He was definitely not kissing Peter in the middle of their campus without his consent just to confess feelings. That would end terribly and Peter would surely slap him or something – which he would so deserve if it did that.

          But of course he wanted to kiss Peter, and it would most definitely be easier than trying to form the words together to ask him out on a date. Peter just looked so cute and of course he wanted to just kiss the boy and hold his hand and be so close with him. Then he had to remind himself that they weren't together, he wasn't Peter's boyfriend; he was just one of his friends. Not even a really good one like Ned or MJ, even Harry.

          "So, uh, how are your classes?" Brendon asked him awkwardly, his heart racing rapidly at the prospect of actually asking out Peter. God he was dreading asking the question so much.

          Peter shrugged, "They're okay. I mean, they're hard but nothing I can't handle."

          "That's good," he said back, wishing that he had the same attitude towards his classes. Biology was definitely too hard for him and he knew that the professor just had it out for him. He was terrible at all sciences and biology was no exception.

          "How about you?" Peter asked him, glancing at his face as he asked the question because looking back in front.

          "Well, they're fine. I mean, I really like my history and Spanish – but I'm fluent, so that doesn't really count – but my biology class is killing me," Brendon confessed to him.

          Peter frowned, "Do you want me to help? I-I mean, I'm pretty good at biology if you, uh, need any help..."

          God, he looked so cute when he blushed, all awkward and everything. It was so adorable and Brendon really just wanted to kiss him right there. To throw caution into the wind and bring their lips together. He could apologize later; he just needed a taste before Peter never spoke to him ever again.

          Still, he didn't do that. He was too scared to ever dream of actually doing that, but he could fanaticize about it all night.

          "Yeah," Brendon snapped out of his thoughts, "I might, uh, take you up on that."

          "Great," Peter said.

          "Yeah..."

          And then there was silence. Just awkward, anxious silence. Brendon hated it and he wished that this never happened between him and Peter. He wished that they could just have conversations like the ones he had with Cindy where there could never have an awkward pause of silence, but this was Peter. And everything about Peter was awkward, as it was with himself. Of course they were bound to have the most awkward and anxious silence.

          But this was his moment. He had Peter alone right now, walking back to dorms, and he had to just ask. He blew out a breath quickly before breathing in another to try and soak up courage. Thinking fuck it, might as well get it over with Brendon started, "So, Peter...I was thinking – and you can totally say no to this, I'd understand – but I was thinking that you might wanna go on a date with me?"

          They continued to walk as he asked but Peter hadn't said anything. He was just silent, a shocked expression on his face, and Brendon knew that he had fucked up. Of course Peter didn't want to go on a date with him, why would someone as smart and amazing as Peter settle for someone like him?

          "I totally get it," Brendon rushed out, "I mean, I really should've have asked. Just – forget about it. It's fine."

          He began to walk away from Peter, leaving him behind as shame filled inside of him. He felt so humiliated and ashamed for even thinking for a second that Peter would actually say yes. He felt so dumb for believing that for a second that the shocked expression on Peter's face was out of shock that Brendon liked him back.

          Of course it wasn't like that. Of course not. Because he's Brendon Winchester and nothing good ever happens to him, why would asking Peter out be any different?  

          He was just so fucked.

＆

          "Cindy, I've made a terrible mistake," Brendon announced once his roommate entered their dorm. He was covered in blankets on his bed, having been there since lunch because he didn't want to go out in case he even saw the silhouette of Peter.

          The Moon girl paused, taking off her scarf with a suspicious look on her face as she asked, "What did you do this time?"

          Brendon made a noise of offense because he didn't make mistakes all the time, that was just being rude, but he did sigh and lift his head down. "I asked Peter out."

          There was a pause but Brendon didn't lift his head back up to look at her. "And how if asking out Peter a mistake?" Cindy asked him, "I mean, you like him a lot and he likes you, so how if this some terrible thing you've done?"

          Brendon groaned. "But Peter didn't say yes, he just – he stared at me and wasn't saying anything and I booked it. I mean, I was so dumb to think that Peter ever liked me. But you know, I made a deal with Harry that I would ask Peter out and I did and I thought that maybe Harry wasn't going to lead me towards heartbreak."

          "Wait, hold up," Cindy put her hand up to stop him, "You made a deal with Harry when?"

          "Like last week," Brendon answered with a sigh, "You were on patrol and he was over here with Bren and Betty."

          "And why did you make a deal with him?" Cindy questioned.

          He shrugged. "I don't know. He said that the only way that he and Bren were going to go out on a date was if I asked out Peter. So do get them together finally, I did and now Peter will never talk to me again."

          "Oh, Brennie," Cindy sighed sympathetically, sitting down on his bed beside him, "You didn't even give Peter a chance to answer?"

          "Why would I? He was just staring at me and he looked so shocked that I would even ask him that and I knew what it meant. I didn't wanna wait around for the whole 'it's not you, it's me' speech and cry in front of him. I don't wanna seem weak," Brendon said.

          "But, honey, you are weak. Incredibly so. You're just a delicate little flower but that's okay," Cindy assured him, "But are you sure that Peter wasn't just shocked that you, you know, made the first move and asked him out which he's been too scared to ask you?"

          Brendon frowned. "Of course not. You know, I told you that Peter doesn't like me but you never believed it. Well now here's the facts."

          "No," Cindy started to correct him, "Here is you asking him out on a date and then leaving before he can respond because you got too scared and automatically thought the worst when he didn't immediately respond."

          "Whose side are you on?" Brendon snapped at her.

          "Yours, obviously. I just – look, I love you, Brendon, I do, but I also know that Peter likes you. A lot. And I'm not trying to make you the villain here for not sticking around, I get it, but if you don't wait for him to say something, you can't just say that he rejected you either."

          Brendon frowned at her. "Boys are complicated. I wish everything was just so simple, like I wish I knew what he was thinking so I knew if he really liked me or not."

          Cindy laughed at him, petting his hair as she nodded, "Yeah, boys are complicated. And dumb, like you."

          "Hey!"