CHAPTER THIRTY SIX
desire.
season three, episode twenty one.

THE INTERNS WERE GATHERED AT CRISTINA AND BURKE'S APARTMENT WHILE THEY STUDIED FOR THEIR INTERN EXAMS. Over the last few weeks, the engaged couple had made up and began to prepare for the wedding.

Meredith and Derek were still happy, Izzie and George slept together and had yet to tell anyone, and Cassie was putting all of her focus and energy into studying to avoid thinking about Mark.

There was a lot going on, to say the least.

"What are the signs of a central line infection?" Alex asked Meredith, who was sitting in the hot seat.

"Puss, redness and fever."

"What's Kahn's syndrome?"

"Wait, wait, I know this," Meredith cringed.

Izzie pointed to her watch. "Tick tock, dude."

"Um—"

"Cracking under the pressure?" George exclaimed.

"No! Um... hypocortolis... cortolism..."

"Primary hyprodostrolonism!" Cassie shouted, a wide grin on her face. "Out of the seat bitch, my turn!"

Izzie got up, sprinted forward and beat her to the seat. "No, it's my turn!"

"No it's not," Cristina disagreed. "It's my turn!"

"I answered the question!" Cassie huffed, sitting back down on the edge of the couch.

Burke walked into the room, standing between Cristina and Cassie, holding a piece of potential wedding cake. "Try this one," he told his fiancé. "White sponge with vanilla butter cream."

Cristina scoffed. "Okay, yeah. I'm trying to study for the most important test of my intern career. I don't have time for wedding cake."

"Just try it."

"Go, go!" Cassie interrupted, gesturing to the cards George was holding. "We don't have all day!"

"What is the strongest layer of the small bowel?" he asked dramatically.

"Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it," Izzie mumbled, racking her brain.

"It is not snot," George hinted.

"Damn it!"

"Submucousa!" Cassie yelled out, pumping her fist in the air when George nodded and gave her a high five. "Yes, suck it blondie!"

"Wait, wait," Cristina held a hand up. "How do you know that? Even I didn't know that."

Cassie shrugged. "I'm a genius. I know a lot."

"Ugh, you don't even need to study," Meredith huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "Totally not fair."

"What about you? Are you studying with the wife's cards, George?"

"What cards?"

"Callie was ranked number one in her year after this test," Cassie explained. "She has legendary flash cards!"

Izzie scoffed to herself. "So? We don't need the flash cards. We are independently brilliant."

George nodded. "Dream team."

"Yeah, yeah, I wanna hurl," Cristina rolled her eyes, pushing Izzie away. "Out of the seat."

"No, no, my turn," Alex said standing up.

Cassie stood as well. "No, it's still mine!"

"Oh, come on!"

Burke entered the room once again, going up to Cristina with even more cake. "This is the lemon, might be a little tart."

"What is atenicaratosis?"

"Uh, atenicaratosis is, uh," Alex stuttered, "premalignant lesion!"

"In old people," Cristina corrected.

"In anyone."

"Is it too tart?" Burke interjected.

"Baby, I don't care," Cristina said unapologetically. "I mean, is Alex right or am I?"

"You don't care? Well I'll get another bride."

Cassie awkwardly looked between them and stole a bite of the cake. "It's good," she grinned. "A little tart, but it's tasteful."

"Thank you, Harper," Burke scoffed sarcastically.

Cristina rolled her eyes at her fiancé. "I love it. I love all cakes. Now break the tie."

Burke hesitated. "Karev's right."

"Boo-ya!"

"Oh!"

"Go Alex!" Cassie cheered, stealing the cake from Burke in the process. When he gave her a look, she simply shrugged. "What? It's not like anyone else was going to eat it."

☆

The next day after a long and hard shift, Cassie was getting off the elevator, ready to go home and study until she got a migraine. With exactly three weeks until the intern exam, she was ready to step into her study mindset.

To her, this basically meant sleeping, eating, and breathing medicine every day until the exam; no personal issues or emotions getting in the way. It worked with every test all eight years of college, and she'd be damned if it stopped working now.

"Cassie!" Mark said, gaining her attention. "Free to grab a drink, catch up?"

"Nope, sorry," she shook her head, continuing straight and not even bothering to look at him.

"Oh, okay, maybe another—" when he looked up, he saw that she was already walking out the doors. "—time."

"Don't take it personally," Addison smiled, coming up from behind him. "The intern exam is in three weeks, so she's in her—"

"—study mindset," Mark finished for her, now realizing why she was so cold. "Yeah, I uh, I knew that."

Addison eyed him. "No, you didn't."

"Well, I do now."

"Mark," she sighed. "You can't go there."

"Go where?" he frowned, oblivious.

"Cassie. You can't... you can't have feelings for her."

"I don't have feelings for her."

"Yes, you do. It's written all over your face, and it has been for a while now."

Mark thought about it for a moment.

Cassie was the only person he never got tired of. He found her physically attractive, obviously, but was always fascinated by her mind, as well. He could listen to her for hours, talking about nothing in particular. If he really thought about it, she was the person he wanted to come home to at the end of the day.

"Fuck," he widened his eyes. "Maybe I do."

Addison shifted her weight, and looked him dead in the eye. "But you can't. You cannot have feelings for Cassie. Not only is she your best friend, but she's basically Derek's little sister. Also, she's... she's fragile right now, Mark. And based on personal experience... if you fall for her, and she falls for you, and it doesn't work out? She'll break. The only difference between Cassie and I, is that she'll stay broken. So keep it in your pants around her and get over it, all right?"

☆

"Hey Mark," Cassie smiled, stepping onto the elevator in the morning only a few hours later.

"Hey, Cass," he greeted, subconsciously stepping closer to her. "Wanna grab a drink tonight?"

"Can't," she shook her head. "I have to study."

He scoffed. "No, you don't. You have a photographic memory and an IQ higher than Eintein's. You're amazing, and you're going to ace that exam, no question about it."

Cassie blushed slightly, and looked up to meet his eyes. "Thanks."

"So... drink?"

"Can't," she shrugged. "I have to study."

"Cass!" he groaned.

"What?" she asked innocently. "You know me. Until that exam is over, all I can think about is medicine. Which means no drinking, and—" she raised her voice slightly, "—no sex."

Mark sighed. "Fine. But I'm buying you a drink once you ace it, alright?"

"Oh, obviously."

As the elevator ascended, he focused on her side profile. While he was admiring her, his eyes drifted to the dark circles under her eyes, and her hands, which were shaking slightly.

"Cass," he said slowly, "have you eaten today?"

"Yeah, I had—" she paused, thinking about it. "Crap, I must have forgotten."

Mark grabbed her shoulders and turned her to face him, causing her to notice his serious facial expression. "You can't do that anymore, okay?"

Cassie sighed. "Okay. But I honestly just forgot."

"Here, take this-" he handed her a granola bar he kept in his bag for her, just in case. "-and eat it before rounds. I'll check in with you at lunch as well, alright?"

Cassie stuck her lips into a pout. "I feel stupid, like I can't take care of myself."

Mark took a moment to admire her lips, before he snapped himself back to reality. "You can take care of yourself, you just... need a little help sometimes. That's what I'm here for."

"Thank you," she said sincerely. "You're a great best friend."

"Best friend," Mark smiled tightly. "Right."

The elevator dinged, and the doors opened. Cassie smiled a goodbye at him, oblivious to his thoughts. "See you later!"

He watched her go, a slight pain in his chest.
"See you."

☆

The interns walked into the conference room, where they saw about a dozen cakes lined up on the table next to Burke.

"Oh, cake!" Cassie grinned.

"Um, what are you doing?" Cristina frowned at her fiancé.

"The bakery wants me to make a decision by tomorrow, so if you can tell me your favorite by then that would be great," Burke said, leaving the room as soon as they entered.

"Cakes and little place cards?" Cristina scoffed. "Okay, he's turning into a girl."

Izzie shrugged. "I think it's sweet. He obviously cares about this stuff."

"This white one tastes pretty good," Alex said.

"I should bring a piece to Derek, right?" Meredith wondered. "That's what good girlfriends do. Take their boyfriends cake and communicate."

Alex shook his head. "No, the best ones just keep all that stuff to themselves."

"Shut up," Cassie laughed, whacking him on the back of the head.

"Did you bring Callie's cards?" Cristina asked George.

"Uh, no."

Cristina grabbed his fork and gave it to Cassie, who happily inhaled another mouthful of cake. "Then no cake for you."

"Dr. Bailey," Meredith said as the resident entered the room. "I saw hemiglossectomy on the board. Can I scrub in?"

"No, your not doing surgeries today."

"What?"

"Your intern exams are in two weeks," Bailey said. "You need to spend every available minute studying for them. Believe me, when you won't have to repeat your year as interns, you'll be thanking me for this opportunity. So, Grey, Harper, and Yang, you're doing scut. O'Malley and Stevens, you'll be joining me in the clinic. Karev, you're with Ava."

"Oh, I don't always have to be on the case," Alex shrugged. "Someone else can have her." Bailey gave him a stern look. "Or not."

☆

"Which fluid resuscitation technique is used in acute burns?" Meredith quizzed, sitting on the floor between Cassie and Cristina.

"The Parkland formula," Cassie answered instantly.

Cristina scoffed. "Come on Mer, step it up."

"What is Virchow's Triad?"

"Virchow's Triad is a fu—" Cassie started, before she was cut off by Cristina, who was glaring at George from across the hallway.

"Oh, I hate George. He married into the cards." She turned back to Cassie and Meredith. "You think he knew? You think that's why he married her?"

"Yeah, that's why he married her," Meredith deadpanned.

"I need those cards."

"We don't need the cards," Cassie disagreed.

"No," Cristian scoffed. "You don't need the cards, Dr. Genius."

"What is Virchow's Triad?" Meredith repeated.

Ignoring her, Cristina jumped up and stopped Callie in the hallway. "Dr. Torres, Dr. Burke and I are trying to choose a wedding cake, and there are some samples in the conference room. If you have a moment, I'd really love your opinion... because you have such great taste."

Callie smirked. "You're not getting my cards, Yang."

Cassie rolled her eyes "We don't need the cards, Cristina! We have me!"

☆

A few hours later, Bailey walked into the room where Meredith, Cristina, and Cassie were studying. "I know, I said you could use the day to study, but we've got an all hands on deck situation."

"A bad car accident?" Cristina asked.

"Multiple gunshot wounds?" Meredith guessed.

Cassie tilted her head. "Ferry boat crash?" The other three stopped what they were doing, and looked at her with concerned expressions. "Too soon?"

Bailey shook her head. "No, a penis. Chairman of the board's penis."

"What's wrong with it?"

"His testicles have swollen... which is the understatement of the year."

"Fantastic!" Cassie grinned.

"How much? No, wait, don't tell us," Cristina interjected. "Let it be a surprise."

"Look, you three can take him for his ultrasound and his x-rays."

Cristina and Cassie shared a look. "It's a
V.I.P-enis!"

"Just go," Bailey rolled her eyes.

"I'm so excited," Cassie mumbled with a smile to Cristina on their way out, earning an enthusiastic nod of agreement.

☆

The three interns brought the scans into a viewing room with Burke, Mark, and Derek. "Hey," Meredith greeted her boyfriend. "Just so you know, I'll be over here while you're over there, okay?"

"Cute," Derek smiled.

"Easy to locate, right?" Meredith grinned. "Girlfriend comes with a GPS."

"Looks like some kind of foreign object," Cassie observed, looking at the scans.

"Ouch," Mark winced.

Burke narrowed his eyes. "That almost looks like..."

Mark finished his thought. "...a skeleton."

"It's skeleton like, definitely skeletony..." Derek mused.

"Are those barbs?"

"No, can't be."

"Oh, could be."

"It looks like a tiny catfish," Meredith said, pointing to a spot on the x-ray.

"Close," Webber said as he entered the room. "You see there? Those are spines. This is a candiru fish."

"A penis fish!" Cassie exclaimed, turning a few heads. "What? This guy has a penis fish!"

"In his... in his..." Cristina stuttered. "Wow!"

☆

"He has a fish stuck in his penis, Mark!" Cassie shouted with a smile. "A fish! Can you believe that?"

Mark smiled at her enthusiasm. "I can, because I was there when you saw the scans."

"Right," she shook her head. "It's just... wow. A penis fish. Who would've thought."

"So, how's studying for your exam going?"

Cassie shrugged. "It's going pretty well. I'm studying based on specialty, so I still have to cover plastics, and probably go over general again because I'm a little rusty."

Suddenly, an idea popped into Mark's head. "I could help you study for plastics, if you want."

"Really?" she frowned, which wasn't the reaction he was hoping for.

"What? Don't want my help?"

"No, don't get me wrong, that would be awesome. But you hate studying with me, remember?" Cassie raised a brow. "Last time you helped me, I ended up getting so frustrated that I called you a fairy princess with teeny tiny balls. You really want to go through that again?"

Mark laughed. "I'm willing to risk it. Anything for you, Cass."

She smiled up at him. "Tonight at eight?"

"Sounds like a plan," he nodded. "Also, it's past noon. Have you eaten lunch yet?"

"Yep," Cassie grinned. "I've eaten like, a whole cake today. Burke set up a bunch of different flavors in the conference room, and I've been sneaking in every now and then to get another piece."

"That's great— wait, there's cake?"

"Yeah!" she jumped up. "Come on, I'll show you."

☆

"It's the candiru. It's a freshwater fish that lives in the Amazon. It's a parasite," Webber informed Jennings, the chairman of the board.

"I'm not an idiot," he scoffed. "I didn't drink from the Amazon."

"Did you urinate in it?"

"No, I— what?"

"The candiru is attracted to blood and urine," Cassie spoke up excitedly. "It's been known to swim up the stream of urine and lodge itself in a man's urethra."

Jennings' eyes widened. "You mean a fish swam up—"

Webber nodded. "It's rare, but there are documented cases."

Cassie grinned. "One man actually saw it go in and tried to grab it."

"It was too slippery," Cristina added.

"Harper! Yang!"

"It's in the literature," they shrugged in unison.

"So this thing is in my..."

"It's now in your bladder. Well, right next to it. It's stuck in your prosthetic urethra, which is causing the obstruction. We need to get it quickly, before it causes sepsis."

"Sepsis? You mean I could die?"

☆

"Talk about divine retribution," Meredith laughed, taking a bite of her salad.

Izzie frowned. "What?"

"He sleeps with his assistant, and a carnivorous fish lodges itself in his penis," Cassie smirked. "That's instant karma if I've ever seen it."

"Exactly," Meredith nodded.

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well Derek wasn't struck by lightning, and neither were you."

"Addison showed up," Meredith said. "I had months of pain and self loathing, Crazy ranting mother, and a near drowning off the side of a dock. I mean, it's not a fish in my hoohoo, but it's certainly not an easy ride."

Cristina shrugged. "Yeah, well, I've cheated on my boyfriends and I'm fine. Am I the only one?"

Cassie tilted her head. "I've done nothing wrong, but crappy things happen to me, so I guess there aren't really any rules when it comes to that sort of thing."

George sighed to himself, their conversation reminding him of what he did to Callie. "Which cake is your favorite, or have you chosen one yet?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Okay, clearly you're not getting the point," Cristina said. "I don't have favorite cakes. That's why you're involved."

"I gotta go," Meredith said, standing up. "If you see my boyfriend, tell him I had some tuna salad and a yogurt and now I'm off to the OR."

"I'm coming too, after I stop by the nurses station," Cassie added, following her out of the room.

After handing off a patient's chart to the nurses, Cassie was on her way to the OR. Before she could get too far, she noticed Alex stepping out of an on call room, looking slightly dishevled, which really could only mean one thing.

Soon after, Addison exited the same on call room, and bumped right into him.

Cassie snorted at the sight.

"Oh god. I'm sorry," she said flustered.

"It's okay."

"I was..."

"Yeah..."

"So we're good?"

"It's good."

"Good. Okay then."

Cassie watched them go their separate ways with wide eyes.

Nope. Not today, she thought. Medicine. Focus on medicine now, worry about... whatever the hell that was, a different day.

Collecting her thoughts, she turned on her heel and booked it to the OR, more than ready to extract a fish from a penis.

☆

"Did we miss anything good?" Cassie asked Mark when she, Cristina, and Meredith entered the OR.

"Not yet," he shook his head.

"V-tach. Does he have a pulse with that?"

"Oh, he's going down," Cristina whispered.

"Yes. He needs one epi amnioterone. How much longer you think it'll take?"

"Oh, you worry about getting his arrhythmia's down. We're gonna have to change our game plan here," Webber mumbled. "The scope isn't working. Excuse me, Dr. Fisher, we're gonna have to open him up."

"A little more suction in there. Those barbs won't let go. Oh, this is useless. We're gonna have to cut it out, Dr. Fisher."

"I'll repair the bladder."

"Okay, lets do it."

"This is so much better than worrying about Alex sleeping with Addison," Cassie whispered to herself.

"What?!" Mark whispered from behind her, hearing what she said very clearly.

Cassie waved him off. "Shh. They're taking out the fish!"

"Holy mother of god," Cristina mumbled.

"Unbelievable," Burke scoffed.

Cristina nudged her best friends. "You see that thing?"

Webber held up the fish, which was alive and squirming in his forceps.

"Yep," Meredith nodded.

"It's a penis fish, alright," Cassie said in awe.

☆

"Remind me never to pee in the Amazon," Meredith joked, entering the scrub room with Mark. "What?"

He leaned into her personal space. "What do you say we have a real meeting of the dirty mistresses club? Like what it should have been from the beginning."

Meredith froze, looking confusedly behind her.

"What are you doing?"

"Once, twenty minutes in the on call room, nobody ever finds out."

She scoffed. "Mark!"

"What?" he shrugged. "You're telling me that everything's great between you and Derek?"

"What makes you think there is something wrong between me and Derek?"

Shrugging obviously, he made a face. "Well, something's always wrong between you and Derek."

"Enough!" Meredith demanded, her hands on her hips. "What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing." She gave him a stern look. "I— I have feelings for someone that I shouldn't, and she doesn't feel the same way."

Meredith furrowed her brows. "You, Mark Sloan, have feeling for someone? Is it Addison?"

"No, no, that's over," he instantly denied.

"Then who—" Meredith cut herself off when she followed his gaze into the OR, focused on Cassie who was helping the Chief close. "Oh."

Mark sighed, looking at Cassie with an air of hopelessness. "She said it herself, she only sees me as a friend."

Meredith thought for a moment, thinking back to all the times Cassie would gush about how amazing of a friend Mark was. "You don't know that."

"Yeah, I do."

Meredith sighed. "So, what? You make a pass at me, like that'll help?"

"She doesn't want me. And even if she did, I don't want to hurt her. I have to let her go," he shrugged sadly. "Something's gotta help."

"Sex with me is not the answer," Meredith shook her head. "If you're letting her go, let her go. Be an adult."

"Yeah," he nodded.

Meredith smiled softly to herself. "But just between us? Don't let her go. Not yet, anyway."