CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT.
didn't we almost have it all?
season three, episode twenty five.

          "I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA HATE THIS PARTY THING, BUT IT'S KIND OF GREAT," CRISTINA SAID, TAKING A SIP OF HER TEQUILA. She pointed to Meredith, who Cassie was wrapping in a toilet paper wedding dress. "Can we set her on fire after?"

"Yes, I love arson!" Cassie cheered, putting a toilet paper veil on Meredith's head.

"No, we cannot," Meredith shook her head with a smile.

"Okay, these wedding vows are not all gonna fit on here," Callie grumbled, writing on Cristina's hand.

"Okay, then write smaller."

"Be still, please. Vow just became cow."

Izzie waved them off. "You don't need vows on your hand. When you get up there, just speak from the heart."

"Uh, Izzie, the heart is an organ," Cristina scoffed. "It pumps, it circulates blood, it gets clogged from time to time. It does not, however, speak. It doesn't have tiny little lips on it."

Cassie giggled to herself, picturing a heart with lips on it in her head. "Ha, can you imagine?"

Izzie rolled her eyes. "Well, you're all glass totally empty."

Cristina sighed. "I'm going to like being married. It's the wedding part that's ridiculous."

Everyone's pagers went off except Cristina's.

"Oh!" Izzie exclaimed.

Cassie pouted. "Party's over."

"Damn."

"Hey, mine didn't go off. Piece of crap,"
Cristina groaned, as Izzie and Callie left and Cassie stuck around to help Meredith out of the makeshift dress.

"You can do this, right?" Meredith asked.

"Become a piece of chattel?" Cristina shrugged. "Sure. Looking forward to it."

"No matter what, you're walking down that aisle today," Cassie drunkenly pointed at her, somehow getting tangled in the toilet paper along with Meredith. "We need you to go down that aisle."

"Is the toilet paper cutting off your circulation?"

Meredith shook her head. "You, marrying Burke, it's a sign. It's a sign that people like us can do this. Be healthy, be happy."

"Yeah," Cassie nodded. "You marrying Burke restores our faith in us."

Cristina raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I get it. My wedding's about you two."

"Yes," they chorused.

"Okay."

"You can do this, right?"

"I can do this."

"Okay."

☆

The interns arrived at the hospital once Meredith and Cassie were sobered up. "You have an aortic dissection?" Cristina asked her fiancé, who was passing by with a patient on a gurney.

"Hey," Burke said, kissing her cheek. "I promise I will make it to the chapel in time."

Cristina stuttered as he walked away, a disbelieving expression on her face. "I—"

"You wanted to scrub in, didn't you?" Cassie guessed.

"Obviously," the soon-to-be bride rolled her eyes.

"Okay. Listen up," Bailey said, gaining their attention. "Uh, O'Malley and Harper, you're with Shepherd. Stevens, you're with Burke. Karev, Addison. Grey, you're with the Chief's wife."

☆

"Hey, Georgie," Cassie smiled, tossing her mask in the trash can as her and George exited the OR a few hours later. "I was thinking that after the wedding, if you and Callie aren't busy, we could all go out for drinks."

George didn't make eye contact with her as he scrubbed his hands. "Oh, uh, today isn't good."

"Oh," Cassie's smile faltered, though she tried to stay positive. "Maybe tomorrow, then?"

"I think I'm busy."

"It's just that, we used to hang out all the time, and we haven't lately." She sighed, realizing that he was barely listening to her. "I miss you, George.  And I get that you have a wife now, and you have Izzie—" he tensed at the blonde's name, "—but I just, I miss you."

George sighed to himself. He missed Cassie more than anything, but he hated lying to her. At that moment, spending all night with her and his wife that he cheated on was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Another time, okay?" he said while walking away, leaving Cassie to wonder if she did something wrong.

☆

Meredith and Cassie were charting at a nurses station, when Cristina came up behind them. "Meredith. Cassie."

Meredith smiled, still not looking up, and neither did Cassie. "Oh. You are not gonna believe... Derek met a girl in a bar. And he flirted with her. And he told me." She shrugged. "You know, no big deal. Just thought I should know."

"Meredith. Cassie."

"I'm not exaggerating. He didn't even hint. He just flat out told me."

"Meredith. Cassie."

"Has George been acting weird to you guys lately?" Cassie asked, aggressively writing down notes.

"Not really, why?" Meredith asked.

"It's just... I think he's mad at me or something, because he refuses to be around me unless we're at work. Like, what's up with that? What the hell did I do?"

"Hey guys, you know how sometimes it's about you, and sometimes it's about me?" Cristina asked irritated. "This is really, really, about me." The pair furrowed their brows and turned around, and were faced with an eyebrow-less Cristina with rollers in her hair.

"Whoa," Meredith widened her eyes.

Cassie gasped. "Did you join a cult?"

"Mama took my eyebrows. She took my eyebrows, and now... I am a Burke."

☆

"Dr. Bailey," Meredith said.

"Yeah. What?"

"Cristina needs to cut something."

Bailey turned around and gave an unimpressed look to her interns. Meredith nudged Cassie, knowing that Bailey liked her the most.

"I can't really explain it in a way that won't make you glare," Cassie prefaced. "But... they took her eyebrows... and they called her a Burke. She just... she really needs to cut somebody open. Sooner than later. Please."

Bailey rolled her eyes. "Yang, go do... getting married things. Get out of this hospital."

"Hey!" Cristina growled, in a way that made the three of them raise their eyebrows in surprise. "I mean... hey. I..." she sighed. "You have to let me cut, because I am standing here eyebrowless with no dignity left. I am a surgeon, Dr. Bailey. But right now, I don't feel like one. I feel like... somebody else. Do you know what that's like, to not feel like yourself?"

Bailey looked her up and down and sighed to herself. "Yeah."

"Oh thank god," Cassie mumbled.

The state Cristina was in was honestly making her kind of uncomfortable, with the lack of sarcastic comments and the sweatsuit she was wearing. She needed it to be over.

☆

"What time is it?" Cassie asked as she, Meredith, and Cristina rushed into the locker room.

"You've got 30 minutes," Alex informed them.

Cristina groaned. "Oh, crap. I'm gonna be late for my own wedding."

"No, you're not," Meredith immediately denied.

Cassie quickly slipped on her dress. It was a chocolate brown color, with a straight across neckline and a silk material. She let her hair down in loose waves, tucking one side behind her ear, and kept her eye makeup minimal as she applied a dark lipstick.

To put it simply, she looked super hot.

"I look super hot," Cassie complimented herself as she looked in the mirror. She turned to the nearest person on her left. "Alex, don't I look hot?"

"Yeah, super," he nodded in agreement.

She grinned. "I know, right?"

"Anyone got any deodorant?"

Cristina scoffed. "Um, you're not putting my deodorant in your hairy armpits."

Cassie rolled her eyes and reached into her locker. "Here, Alex."

George went up to Cassie and showed her his suit. "Uh, closed? Open?"

"Closed," she smiled, adjusting his tie. "Handsome. Perfect. Dashing. Marvelous."

"Thanks," he smiled sheepishly.

Izzie looked at George longingly. "You look great," she said, in a tone that no one other than George picked up on.

"Moment of truth, people," the Chief's assistant said, entering the locker room holding six envelopes.

"Those our scores?" Alex wondered.

The assistant nodded with a hum as she began to pass them out. "Grey. Harper. Karev. O'Malley. Stevens. Yang."

Everyone began to open their results, all of them feeling a range of different emotions.

"Yes!" Cristina cheered, looking at her high score.

"Right here, baby," Alex smiled.

"Yes. Thank god," Izzie sighed.

Cassie anxiously opened her envelope, accidentally ripping the paper a bit in the process. She read the results, immediately jumping up while pumping her fist in the air.

"Yes! I made that exam my bitch," she cheered.

"Did you pass?" Cristina asked Meredith after giving Cassie a pat on the head.

"You bet your married booty, I did," she laughed, waving the paper in the air.

Cassie high fived them. "Badasses, all of us."

Izzie looked at George. "How'd you do? Did you pass?"

"Uh... yeah. I'll talk to you at the church," he said, quickly leaving the room.

"All right. Let's go," Cristina said, herding them out of the door, just as Derek tried to enter.

"Excuse me. Meredith?"

The blonde hesitated, turning back to Cristina. "I'll meet you at the chapel. Cass, will you take the dress?"

"I got it," Cassie nodded, looking between the couple nervously. Whatever look Derek had on his face, definitely wasn't a good one.

"Okay, I'll be right there."

Cassie moved through the halls towards the lobby, high off the adrenaline of passing her test. She looked in front of her, and saw Mark standing by the elevator in a suit. So, naturally, she started to run up to him with a wide smile on her face.

"HEY, MARK. GUESS WHAT?" she shouted, turning a few heads. "I'M A BADASS!"

Mark laughed at her excited state. "I take it the exam went well?"

"Oh, I don't know," she shrugged nonchalantly. "Does getting one hundred percent count as going well?"

His eyes widened. "Seriously?!"

"Seriously!" she confirmed, wearing a cheesy grin.

Before he could think too much about it, he picked her up and spun her around, causing her to let out a loud laugh. "I'm so freakin' proud of you, Cass!" He set her down, but didn't remove his hands from her waist. Smiling to himself, he was finally able to truly look at her. "You look beautiful, by the way."

Cassie blushed, suddenly acutely aware of his hands on her body. "Thank you."

She looked up at him for a long moment, losing herself in his eyes without even knowing it.

Mark's grin slipped into a subtle smile, and before he could even think about what he was doing, he tilted his head downwards.

Someone cleared her throat from behind them, making them frantically jump apart.

"Um, hello?" Cristina waved a hand in the air. "My wedding is like, now, people! Let's move!"

Cassie took a deep breath, only glancing in Mark's general direction before hopping onto the elevator with Cristina.

"See you there," he said, earning an awkward thumbs up from the brunette.

Pressing the button to their correct floor, Cristina looked between the two with narrowed eyes. "Did I interrupt something?"

"Nope," Cassie mumbled, staring down at her shoes. "Nothing at all."

"Are you sure, because—"

"I love you, but please shut up."

Cassie waited impatiently for the doors to close while avoiding Mark's gaze, letting out an anxious breath once they finally did.

Mark watched the entire thing, since he never stopped looking at her in the first place.

☆

"Oh. It looks so pretty in there. I see Burke," Izzie said, peeking through the curtain.

Alex came rushing out, and stopped in front of the bride. "Yang... the twins looks nice in that dress."

"Thank you," she said. "Sort of."

Alex excused himself, and the wedding march began to play. "Okay, this is it," Meredith said.

"Okay?" Cassie confirmed, eyeing Cristina.

"Yeah."

"You have the bouquet."

"Yeah."

"Cassie has the ring."

"Yeah."

"You remember your vows?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah, I wrote them on my..." Cristina trailed off, staring at her now empty hand. "Oh, my god... I scrubbed in. I scrubbed in, and the vows were on my hand. I scrubbed off my vows!"

Meredith and Cassie shared a panicked look.

"Oh, okay, um—"

"It will be okay," Cassie tried to soothe.

Cristina scoffed. "Okay?! I scrubbed off my vows! I... I can't... I can't do this. I don't have any— I don't have anything on my hand!"

"Cristina, just—"

"There are no words in my head, okay?"

"Crist—"

"I have no vows. No vows."

"It's okay. It's going to be okay," Meredith assured her.

"You know what? Stop saying that!" Cristina snapped, making Izzie and Callie look on concerned. "Will you say something else?"

"Like what?"

"Say something that is gonna help me!"

Meredith looked at Cassie. "Okay..."

Cristina rolled her eyes exasperated. "Cass, Mer, please. You know what? Say something. You know what? Say what I would say to you, if you were me."

"Okay."

"Good."

"Got it."

"Good, go."

Meredith pushed Cassie forward. "Cass is good with the words. She should do it." The girl in question glared at Meredith, but did so nonetheless.

"Okay," Cassie puffed out her cheeks. "Stop whining. This is your wedding day. You will go down that aisle, and you will get married. I don't care if Mer and I have to kick your ass every step of the way to get you there, you will walk down the aisle."

Meredith stepped up to finish her rant. "You will get married. Do you hear us, Cristina? We need this. We need you to get your happy ending."

Cristina composed herself. "Okay, I'm ready."

Cassie smiled. "All right then."

Just as the bridesmaids were getting her train ready, Burke walked through the chapel doors.

"Oh, I'm ready," Cristina tried to convince him. "I'm fine. Cassie and Meredith talked me down. Really, I'm fine. Go, go, go. I'll be right behind you."

"I'm sorry," Burke said. Cassie studied his expression, and realized the depth of his words. Oh no, she thought. This cannot be happening right now.

Cristina waved him off. "Oh, I can do this. You know, I had a momentary freak out, but now I'm fine. I can do this. Go."

"But you don't want to do this." He paused for a moment. "I'm up there waiting for you to come down the aisle, and I knew you don't want to come. I know you don't want to come, but that you'll come anyway, because you love me. And if I loved you... if I loved you, not the woman that I'm trying to make you be, not the woman that I hope you'll become, but you... if I did, I wouldn't be up there waiting for you. I would be letting you go."

Meredith and Cassie shared a weary look as Cristina began to get flustered.

"I am wearing the dress. I'm ready. And and maybe I didn't want to before, but I want to now. I really think I want this."

Burke smiled sadly. "And I really wish that you didn't think. I wish that you knew."

☆

Meredith and Cassie walked side by side through the main aisle of the chapel, and slowly went up to the front. Everyone in the pews looked at them with confused and worried expressions.

"It's over," Cassie said grimly, uncomfortably rubbing her arm. "You can all go home."

"It's over," Meredith repeated, as she looked at Derek with a knowing look. "It's so over."

☆

Meredith and Cassie entered Cristina's apartment, where she was standing in the living room with glassy eyes, looking slightly frantic.

"He's gone."

Cassie sighed, trying to think of something to say. "I don't think he's gone."

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, uh, his stuff is still here, see?"

"No, it isn't," Cristina shook her head, slowly stumbling around the apartment. "His trumpet... was here. His entire Eugene Foote collection... vinyl's and cd's... and... his grandmother's picture was by the bed. His lucky scrub cap... was hanging on the door." She stopped in the middle of the room. "He's gone. I'm... I'm free."

"Cristina—"

"Damn it," she cursed, beginning to hyperventilate. "Oh, god. Damn it. Get this off me." Cassie and Meredith stood still, not knowing what to do. "Take this off! Take this off! Please, just... I can't... help me, help me, help me!"

Snapping out of it, Cassie grabbed the nearest pair of scissors and quickly handed them to Meredith, who literally cut the wedding dress off of Cristina.

Meredith hugged Cristina from behind, and the sobbing bride wrapped her arms around Cassie, breaking down in the empty apartment that no longer felt like home.