CHAPTER FORTY TWO
kung fu fighting.
season four, episode six.

          MARK STARED AT CASSIE AS SHE SLEPT PEACEFULLY, RESTING HER HEAD ON HIS CHEST. Lately, she'd been staying at his apartment a few nights a week, for no particular reason. Or, so she said.

He studied her features. Her brows, which were almost always furrowed, we're relaxed. Her breathing was even, as opposed to her usual anxious nature. Her face was bare, no makeup in sight.

And he thought she looked perfect.

He was aware that he had feelings for his best friend. But laying here, looking down at her as she was wrapped in his arms...

Mark knew that he loved her.

He wanted to tell her. He wanted to be more than whatever they were. He just had to find the right time to bring it up.

While Cassie was curled up in Mark's embrace, pretending to be asleep but really just at peace, she was calm for the first time in what felt like forever. Her breathing was steady, and all of her worries seemed to have washed away.

She didn't know what she had been feeling lately. They were friends with benefits, yet it felt like so much more than that.

Cassie sighed softly, trying to figure out what she was feeling. She cared about him more than anyone, that's for sure. She always looked forward to waking up next to him, or seeing him at work, or simply talking to him in general. Obviously there was a physical attraction, but it went much deeper than that.

Cassie loved him.

She just needed to figure it out for herself.

☆

Cristina and Cassie were on Meredith's bed, the former laying down with her head on the pillow and the latter sprawled out in the opposite direction. The duo decided to play therapist for their obviously troubled friend.

"What are your other symptoms?" Cassie asked, writing in her notepad.

"Okay," Meredith sighed. "There's the father thing... the mother thing... the sister thing... the dying and coming back to life thing."

"You have too many things," Cristina said.

Meredith frowned. "Cassie has a lot of things too."

The brunette scoffed. "Not the time, Mer."

"She's not wrong," Cristina shrugged, earning herself a glare from the blonde.

"Can we get back on track?"

Meredith nodded. "I can't sleep. I can't sleep without the dreaming—"

"And the panic attacks."

"One. One panic attack."

"Okay, still."

"What's wrong with me?" she groaned.

"As far as I can tell," Cristina shrugged. "Severe abandonment issues."

"That's crap," Meredith scoffed. "Psych is crap. Issues?"

"Actually," Cassie began, causing the other two to roll their eyes.

"Here we go."

"A fear of abandonment isn't a recognized condition or mental health disorder, per se. Instead, it's considered a type of anxiety and is more than often treated as such. Initial behaviors of abandonment fear are usually not purposeful, however they are self inflicted. Over time, the reaction these behaviors get, plus the attention that comes with it, can become self-reinforcing. That can cause someone to repeat the behaviors in order to get the response again. This behavior can have unhealthy consequences, and over time it can ruin relationships. It can also prevent the development of healthy platonic bonds."

Meredith looked at her blankly. "Huh?"

Cristina pointed at Cassie. "She's saying that it's all your fault."

"No," Cassie defended. "I'm not— okay, look. Have you considered that maybe you and Derek should stop having breakup sex? That it might be making things worse?"

Meredith sighed. "The more available he gets... the more I pull away."

Cristina tilted her head. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing," Meredith waved her off. "It's a Derek thing."

☆

"So, what exactly is a gentlemen's evening?" Mark questioned Derek as they walked down the stairs together.

"I don't know," he shrugged. "It's an evening with gentlemen."

"Sounds kinky," Cassie said, coming up between the two. Mark looked down at her, instinctively smiling and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "The Chief is getting a stripper?"

"No, I don't... I don't think the Chief meant strippers," Derek shook his head.

"Sure sounds like strippers," Mark shrugged as the group passed Bailey. "Dr. Bailey? What's the first thing that comes to mind when I say the words gentlemen's evening?"

"Tassels," she answered. "Shiny, sequined tassels and 1 dollar bills."

"See?" Cassie pointed at Bailey in agreement. "Strippers."

"There will be no strippers. I'm... almost positive."

"So you don't know what this thing is either?"

Derek shrugged. "No, but you're in?"

"Oh, Mark is going?" Cassie raised a brow.

"Well, yeah."

Mark furrowed his brows. "Why?"

She shrugged, faking indifference. "No reason."

"I like to be surprised," he shrugged. "I'm in."

"Have fun, then," Cassie laughed, waving goodbye as she was paged to the ER.

☆

Cristina came up to the ambulance bay, tying Cassie's trauma gown. "This is it. Hahn is in the hospital, and freaking Izzie is on her service again. I'm gonna ride this trauma train straight back into cardio."

"Okay, what do we got?" Callie asked.

"Uh, two ambulances, multiple traumas," Meredith answered as Cassie fixed the blonde's ponytail.

"Any chance you need a resident's help, Dr. Torres?" Cassie asked.

She shrugged. "As long as you want to smash bones into dust while people cry."

"Sweet," she smiled, approaching the ambulance. "What do you got?"

"Chest pain, tamponade, ruptured aorta?"

The paramedic shook his head. "Uh, more like a clown car. Jackie Escott, 25 years old, dislocated shoulder, lac to her thigh, vital signs are stable. And Helena Boyd, 26 years old, also stable with obvious nasal fracture, facial lacs and a chunk of missing scalp."

"She ripped out my hair!" Helena yelled.

"She ripped out my shoulder!" Jackie retorted.

"You ripped out your own shoulder when you were trying to push me off of the platform!"

"Who let go of the dress?" one of their fiancé's asked. "Did anybody let go of the dress?"

"Hang in there, honey," the other one said. "Don't let her psych you out, all right?"

"Okay, what the hell's all this?" Callie asked annoyed.

"It's a store contest," a man said. "I'm the judge. Last one to let go of the dress—"

"Wins the wedding of my dreams."

"Of my dreams."

"All right, enough," Cassie raised a hand. "You two are injured, okay? You need to get your priorities straight and let go of the dress so we can treat you."

They held on. "All right," Callie grumbled, "let go now. Now."

"Yeah, that's not gonna happen."

"All right. Fine. Let's move."

☆

Callie looked between the soon-to-be brides that were holding on to either side of a wedding dress. "Okay, do you see that you're bleeding all over the dress?"

"It's not about the dress," Jackie said.

"Dr. Torres, I can't, uh, there's too much blood down here," Cassie said, trying to get a view of their injuries. "Which one of your legs is bleeding?"

Helena shrugged. "I don't know. I can't really feel anything anymore."

"I hear you have a broken nose down here," Mark said, joining them and giving Cassie a smile, that she returned. "What's with the dress?"

"It's not about the dress," Jackie repeated.

"Can't they... can't they just split the prize?"

The judge sighed. "I offered. I offered that 14 hours ago."

"It is a hundred thousand dollar wedding package, and I am not splitting it with anyone."

George came up behind Mark, since he was on plastics that day. Cassie glared as he approached.

"Oh, you're bleeding on your dress."

"It's not about the dress!" everyone shouted at George, making him jump.

Callie shook her head. "Uh, I'm gonna have to stabilize that shoulder somehow."

"I can go grab a sling in a moment," Cassie offered, as her Mark, and Callie stepped to the side.

"Well, this is cozy," Mark smirked.

"This is hell," Callie disagreed, giving him a look. "I assigned O'Malley to you to keep him away from me, and now our patients are connected to each other."

Cassie tilted her head. "You know, you're not looking at this like the opportunity it is."

"Meaning?"

Mark raised a brow when he realized where she was heading. "Meaning, he's an intern."

"Yeah, it's, like, half of his job torturing interns."

"Exactly."

Callie thought about it. "Thanks. That's almost sweet. But torturing George is not gonna make any of this any better."

"You sure about that?" Cassie raised a brow, pointing to George as he talked to Izzie.

"...torture him how, exactly?"

☆

Cassie walked into a supply closet to get a sling for her patient, when she heard a pen scribbling on paper from the corner. Curious, she followed the noise. "Lexie?"

The short haired girl looked up and smiled. "Oh, hey Cass."

Over the past few weeks, Lexie and Cassie had spent many nights hanging out at Joe's. They realized that they share a lot of the same interests, and Lexie really looks up to Cassie, despite the intern being a year older.

"What are you doing?"

"Charting."

Cassie raised a brow. "In a closet?"

"Yes."

Looking around the dusty storage room with a grimace, she gave Lexie a look. "Why?"

Lexie shrugged sheepishly. "I get a lot of work done in here. It's quiet, and nice."

"And, it's a closet," Cassie emphasized.

"Look," Lexie sighed. "When I'm out there roaming the floors, I am the other Grey, that Dr. Yang likes to humiliate and kick around. And in here, I'm not, you know? In here, I'm... it's just... it's my place, okay?"

"It's a closet," Cassie corrected. "You know, every intern class has its runt of the litter. You're too good for that, but if you keep this up, it's gonna be you. So get up."

"Oh, sorry. You probably need to get in here."

Cassie playfully rolled her eyes. "No, grab a sling from the box and come with me."

Lexie looked confused. "With you?"

"Well," Cassie smiled wryly. "If you'd rather sit like a loser in a closet doing charts, you can. Or, you can come help me on ortho today and show everyone what you've got. Your choice."

☆

"No way," Jackie scoffed. "No freaking way."

"It's the only solution if neither of you will let go of the dress," Callie shrugged.

"It's very simple," Mark smiled. "Dr. Torres needs to treat Jackie's shoulder and leg, so, Jackie, you need a proxy."

"What?" Helena frowned.

"Think about it, babe," Jackie's fiancé said. "This gives you an advantage. You get to rest your hand and come back refreshed. Give me the dress. I'll be the proxy."

The other fiancé scoffed. "No way. This isn't fair. You think this is fair?"

"Dr. O'Malley's the proxy," Cassie stated, causing the intern to whip his head around with a gaping expression.

"What?"

Cassie ignored him, tilting her head to the side. "He'll hold on to the dress."

George frowned. "Hold the dress? You just want me to... stand here and hold a dress?"

"No one ever said internship was easy," Mark smirked, nudging Cassie to keep her from laughing.

"Dude, you're job kinda sucks, huh?"

Alex joined the group, laughing at the sight of an irritated George holding onto the white dress. "Oh, check it out. Bambi's a bridesmaid."

"You're right," Callie grinned. "This did cheer me up."

Cassie nodded. "Told you it would."

George glared at Cassie as she sent him a sly smirk. "McAngel is being a McDemon," he muttered to himself.

☆

"So what, he just stands there and holds a dress?"

"I know. I thought it was gonna be more exciting, too."

"A monkey could hold a dress."

George scoffed at his friends. "Actually, this is a lot harder than it looks."

The judge sighed. "You ever give morphine to people who aren't patients?"

"This kinda blows," Cristina said.

Cassie nodded. "Yeah. It's more fun when you heckle."

"Don't heckle George," Meredith scolded.

"Yeah, whatever," Cristina waved them off. "I got something way better than this."

"Something that tops George playing bride?" Cassie asked interested.

Cristina shrugged nonchalantly. "Skydiver video."

"The guy who fell 12,000 feet?!"

"One and only."

Cassie grabbed Meredith's arm. "Screw George, let's go!"

☆

"You have no idea the kind of stamina it takes to stand in a display window for two days," Jackie said, trying to convince her doctors that she didn't want shoulder surgery. "It's the hardest thing I've ever done, like, ever."

"You're risking permanent damage to your shoulder... over a contest," Callie rolled her eyes.

Out of nowhere, Lexie spoke up. "What does your dress look like?"

Cassie gave her a confused frown, and she replied with a look that said watch this.

"Strapless, sweetheart neckline, crystal beading... so pretty."

"But you're gonna wear your hair down, though, right?" Lexie raised a brow nonchalantly. "You know, to cover the hunchback?"

Jackie's eyes widened. "The what?"

Cassie smirked, catching on. "You know, the hunchback."

"It's just, since you're ignoring Dr .Torres' advice about getting the surgery, your shoulder is probably gonna be pretty swollen and purple. You know, kind of like a hunchback?" Lexie continued. "But your hair should totally cover it. I mean—" she shrugged. "—probably."

"If you have the right veil," Cassie finished.

"You didn't tell me that," Jackie scoffed. "How soon can we have the surgery?"

☆

"You're good, Lex," Cassie smiled as they left the trauma room. "You convinced her to have that surgery without breaking protocol. Nice job."

"Oh," she sighed happily. "Thank you."

"Can you page Lennon and Peterson for me? I want them to scrub in with you."

"I'm scrubbing in?" Lexie grinned.

"Duh," Cassie said, bumping shoulders with the intern. "You rocked it in there. Plus, I haven't gotten the chance to see what you can do in surgery."

Lexie looked at her in admiration. "Has anyone ever told you that you're kind of awesome?"

"All the time, Lex. All the time."

☆

After surgery, Cassie met Mark at the front doors to the lobby. "Hey," she greeted.

"Hi Cass," he said, a smile subconsciously growing on his face.

"So," she smirked suggestively. "Your place tonight?"

"Nah," he shook his head. "I've got that gentleman's evening tonight."

"Oh, I forgot about that," Cassie laughed. "Good luck. Based on what I know, I'm assuming you'll need it."

He stared at her, taking in every detail of her being. Her infectious laugh, her bright smile, her hair, her eyes that he often found himself unable to look away from. In that moment, he knew that he couldnt keep doing what he was doing. It hurt too much.

"What is this?" he blurted, immediately regretting it.

Cassie was taken aback by the blunt question. "Huh? What's what?"

"This," he motioned in between them. "What is this?"

Cassie froze, a dubious expression on her face. "I'm not sure what you're getting at."

Mark rolled his eyes. "Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about."

Cassie sighed. Of course she knew what he was talking about, but the truth is that she didn't really have an answer. They slept together constantly, they gave each other emotional support, and they loved...

She froze.

Oh my god, Cassie thought. I love him.

"You're my best friend," is all that came out of her mouth, immediately making her want to bash her head into the wall. "Wait, I mean—"

"Yeah," Mark nodded slowly, coming to the realization that she'd never feel the same way as him... that he couldn't tell her. "Best friend. Friend."

"Mark, I didn't—"

"Cassie!" Meredith called from across the lobby. She pointed to Cristina and herself. "We're leaving. You coming?"

With one last concerned look to Mark, Cassie reluctantly nodded. "Yeah, I'm coming."

Mark watched her leave with an ache in his chest.