The concepts of submission and dominance were not new to Jeongguk and Taehyung.

Jeongguk had always been the submissive one in their relationship. He liked it when Taehyung took control. And Taehyung liked being in control.

Being together for eight years, they didn't need words to communicate what their bodies needed. Sex, Taehyung would say, had been something that was second nature to their relationship.

He admitted that he hadn't been intimate with Jeongguk in 3 days. His mind had been elsewhere, not only with work on his website but also with the work of a few clients he was handling at the moment.

And Jeongguk often got needy.

Could the lack of sexual intimacy between them be the reason for Jeongguk's... request?

Jeongguk's request... though not verbal, wasn't unfamiliar to Taehyung. Jeongguk was Taehyung's submissive. And it was normal for the submissive to crave submission. To completely give up control to a Dom.

And today... Jeongguk was craving the exact same thing. This time, it wasn't only his body that craved it. But also his mind.

For a moment, Taehyung wondered if Jeongguk was facing an issue of some sort. Jeongguk always bottled things up.

However, if this is what Jeongguk needs right now, Taehyung didn't want to deny him that.

Taehyung reached the bedroom a minute or so after Jeongguk and he found the younger man kneeling on the bed. The oversized hoodie he wore reached mid-thigh.

Taehyung halted in front of the bed, looking at the younger. "Stand up," Taehyung said, his voice even.

Jeongguk obeyed, his movements hesitant but fluid, his arms dropping to his sides. He bit his lip, his gaze flicking downward, avoiding Taehyung's eyes.

Taehyung stepped closer, his fingers hooking into the hem of the hoodie Jeongguk wore. He tugged it upward, his touch firm but not rough.

"This doesn't belong on you"

Jeongguk looked up at Taehyung with glassy eyes that shone in the dim lights of their bedroom.

Both hands hooking on the hem of the hoodie, Taehyung lifted it, taking it off Jeongguk's small figure. Jeongguk's puppy eyes didn't leave Taehyung, dark eyes as the younger's naked body came into view.

"No underwear?" Taehyung hummed, eyes hungrily scanning Jeongguk's bare skin. "Naughty boy"

"Hyung" Jeongguk whined softly, a blush forming on his cheeks.

"Kneel"

Jeongguk sank to his knees fluidly, palms flat on his thighs. His cock was half-hard and he looked up at Taehyung with wide eyes. Taehyung's fingers tangled gently on Jeongguk's locks before tugging them back with just enough force to push his head back. Jeongguk breathed through parted lips, eyes fixated on Taehyung.

Taehyung observed Jeongguk's face for a few long seconds before releasing Jeongguk's hair, letting his head dangle. Jeongguk inhaled sharply and raised his head to look at Taehyung once again.

Taehyung threw his shirt over his head and cupped the back of Jeongguk's head. He slowly pushed his head forward so his face pressed against the front of Taehyung's sweatpants. He didn't have to guide Jeongguk any further. The younger opened his mouth, tracing the outline of Taehyung's semi-hard cock over the fabric, with his lips. Taehyung watched Jeongguk press soft kisses on his cock. He lapped the fabric with his tongue, keeping his eyes on Taehyung, for a few seconds.

"Cock" Jeongguk whispered.

"You want cock?"

"Mhm"

"Not yet, darling" Taehyung groaned. "You want something else before that, don't you?"

Jeongguk gulped. He looked like he was in a trance. Was he slipping into subspace? But it was too soon for him to. They had barely begun.

"Yes," Jeongguk whispered. "Want you"

"You want pain" Taehyung stated.

Jeongguk continued to watch Taehyung with glassy, puppy-like eyes. Galaxies swirled inside them, full of wonder. Jeongguk had always had the most magical pair of eyes Taehyung had ever seen.

Jeongguk didn't deny Taehyung's statement. He brought his tattooed hand to Taehyung's waistband. He tugged at it, asking for permission. Taehyung grabbed Jeongguk's arm, removing it harshly from his body.

"No touching, until I allow you" Taehyung spat. His fingers caressed Jeongguk's tattoo sleeve before dropping the arm. Jeongguk pouted, placing his hand back on his lap.

Taehyung took a step back and walked to the bed, sitting down. "Come here"

There was a beat of hesitation before Jeongguk pushed himself up and moved closer, his steps tentative but deliberate.

Taehyung reached out, guiding Jeongguk to stand between his legs. His hands settled on Jeongguk's hips, warm and firm, before trailing up his sides. Jeongguk shivered under his touch.

"I said you want pain" Taehyung repeated his earlier statement. "Confirm or deny it"

Jeongguk took in a shaky breath, his eyes glistening. He exhaled softly and his eyes that wandered around the room finally landed on Taehyung's dark eyes.

"I do" Jeongguk whispered. "I want pain. I n-need..." He inhaled shakily. "I n-need i-it. W-want you..." He mumbled

"Good," Taehyung murmured and patted his knee.

Jeongguk moved and Taehyung guided him down, pulling him across his lap. The position was intimate, almost tender. Jeongguk had knees on the floor and his torso across Taehyung's legs. He was bent over Taehyung's legs. His cock brushed against the side of Taehyung's leg.

One of Taehyung's hands rested on Jeongguk's lower back, steadying him, while the other traced over the curve of his ass. Both his hands caressed Jeongguk's soft skin slowly, and Taehyung watched goosebumps form in its wake.

"Breathe," Taehyung reminded him, feeling the way Jeongguk's body tensed under his palm.

Jeongguk exhaled shakily, his breath hitching slightly when Taehyung's hand pressed more firmly against his back.

"I'm giving you what you want" Taehyung whispered. "Ready?"

"Ready" Jeongguk whispered.

"You know how to stop me"

"I do"

Taehyung hummed in approval, his hand lifting. He raised his hand and it met Jeongguk's ass in a loud slap.

Jeongguk gasped. Taehyung felt the ripple of tension in his body and immediately placed a soothing hand on his ass, caressing the burning skin softly...

"Count" Taehyung muttered.

"One" Jeongguk whispered breathlessly.

Another smack followed, then another, each one deliberate and measured. Jeongguk's body jerked with every strike, but he stayed in place, his breathing growing heavier.

"Four" Jeongguk's voice broke. A hiccup followed, and then a sniffle.

Taehyung spanked him again.

"Five" Jeongguk was sobbing.

Another one.

"Six" Jeongguk cried. His whole body shook with sobs that continued long after the spank.

Taehyung froze, his hand lingering in the air.

Jeongguk's sob deepened, his shoulders shaking violently as he buried his face in the crook of his arm. Tears spilt freely down his cheeks, and his breathing came in shallow, uneven gasps.

Taehyung had seen Jeongguk cry before—overwhelmed by pleasure, sometimes by the cathartic release that their sessions provided. But this... this wasn't the same. There was no release here, no hint of euphoria in the way Jeongguk's body quaked against him. Something was off.

"Baby?" Taehyung's voice was heavy with concern.

He reached out, placing his hand gently on Jeongguk's ass cheeks, where the skin was still warm and flushed.

Jeongguk didn't respond, his sobs coming faster, louder.

Taehyung hesitated for a moment, then let his hand trail down, brushing over Jeongguk's hip before he cupped his cock between his thighs. Taehyung's eyes widened in alarm as he felt no hardness against his palm. Only a flaccid cock.

Jeongguk had never, ever been flaccid during their sessions. And never during spanking, which Jeongguk had a history of loving.

Taehyung's chest tightened and he felt panic settle in him. "Jeongguk" He gulped, eyes wide. "What's wrong?"

Jeongguk kept sobbing.

"Baby, please" Taehyung was close to tearing up. He didn't know what was wrong. "Look at me, please"

Carefully, Taehyung lifted Jeongguk, guiding him upright and to sit on the bed beside him. Jeongguk's tear-streaked face was devastating, his eyes red and swollen, lips trembling as he tried and failed to stifle his sobs.

Taehyung carefully wrapped his arms around the younger and Jeongguk hugged back, climbing onto his lap in the process. Jeongguk wrapped his arms around Taehyung like a koala and kept sobbing onto his shoulder.

"What's wrong?" Taehyung asked, after minutes. His hands moved to cradle Jeongguk's cheeks, thumbs brushing away the tears that kept spilling. "Tell me, my love. Please."

Jeongguk shook his head, biting his lower lip hard enough to leave marks.

"Take your time," Taehyung murmured, his voice low and soothing as he rubbed slow circles into Jeongguk's back. "You're safe. I'm here."

It took a while for Jeongguk's sobs to subside, his breathing evening out into shaky but steady exhales. He had his head buried in Taehyung's chest and Taehyung whispered sweet nothings to him, attempting to calm him down.

"I'm sorry," Jeongguk finally whispered, his voice hoarse. "I—I didn't mean to ruin this."

"You didn't ruin anything," Taehyung said firmly. "But something's wrong, Jeongguk. I can feel it. You can tell me, okay? No matter what it is."

Jeongguk didn't respond immediately. His breathing was still uneven, his chest rising and falling against Taehyung's. For a long moment, it was just the sound of sniffling in the room, muffled as he buried his face deeper into Taehyung's chest.

When he finally spoke, his voice was raw, almost inaudible. "I don't even know how to explain it."

"Start anywhere," Taehyung encouraged, his hand moving gently over Jeongguk's back. "I'll understand. Just tell me what you're feeling."

"I feel like I'm drowning" Jeongguk whispered brokenly. "I d-don't know how to tell you these things... w-without sounding ungrateful"

"Baby, what?" Taehyung whispered. "You're the love of my life. You can tell me anything and I will listen and accept you"

Jeongguk sniffled. "I've been feeling so... restless. So angry at myself for feeling this way, at everything, and I just—" He paused, his fingers wrapping around the side of Taehyyung's neck.

"I feel suffocated and every day that passed, it got worse" Jeongguk whispered. "So I wanted to drown out that feeling"

Taehyung nodded, encouraging Jeongguk to keep going.

"I didn't know what else to do," Jeongguk said, his voice trembling. "I thought... I thought maybe if I could just feel something else, even for a little while, it would make everything better. I thought if I asked you to—" His words faltered, caught in his throat.

"Jeongguk," Taehyung murmured softly, his tone steady and reassuring. "It's okay. You can say it."

"I thought if you... hurt me, it would make everything stop," Jeongguk whispered. He moved his head to look at Taehyung.

Taehyung watched him with concern and curiosity.

"I wanted pain. I wanted you to hurt me" Jeongguk finally admitted, the words spilling out in a rush. "I didn't know how else to let it out. I've been so angry, and sad, and just... lost. And I thought maybe if I felt that pain, it would drown everything else out."

"Baby" Taehyung felt his heart break.

"You know I like a little pain in our play" Jeongguk sniffled. "So I thought it would make me feel better this time too"

Taehyung's breath caught, his heart clenching at the vulnerability in Jeongguk's words. He had always known that their sessions could be a space for release, but this... this was something deeper.

"What were you feeling?" Taehyung asked finally, after the truth sank in, "Tell me what's bothering you, please"

Jeongguk inhaled shakily. He hesitated, unable to meet Taehyung's eyes.

"Jeongguk, I love you. You don't have to carry anything alone. That's why I'm here. We share everything, be it happiness or grief"

Jeongguk nodded slowly. "It's not just one thing," Jeongguk finally whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "It's everything. I feel like... like I've been shoved into this tiny space inside my own head, and I can't breathe. And no matter how hard I try, I can't get out."

Taehyung's hands stilled on Jeongguk's back, his full attention locked on him. He didn't interrupt, knowing Jeongguk needed the space to let this out.

"I've been trying to ignore it," Jeongguk continued, his voice cracking. "Telling myself it's nothing, that I'm just being dramatic or needy or whatever. But it's not going away. And I don't know how to fix it." He paused, swallowing hard. Another tear spilled from his eye.

Taehyung pressed a soft kiss to Jeongguk's temple, his arms tightening around him. "Keep going," he murmured gently.

"I've been feeling so alone, even when I'm with you. I know it's stupid because you're here, and you love me. I know that. But I just... I don't feel it the same way anymore. Not like I used to."

Taehyung's heart clenched painfully, but he stayed silent, letting Jeongguk say what he needed to.

"You're always busy," Jeongguk whispered, his voice so quiet Taehyung almost didn't hear him. "And I know that's not your fault. I'm not angry at you for it. But it feels like you're so far away, even when you're right in front of me. Like... I'm not enough to pull you back."

Tears welled in Jeongguk's eyes again, spilling over onto his cheeks. "I hate myself for feeling this way. For being so... so clingy. You've never given me a reason to doubt you, but I can't stop. And the more I try to push it down, the worse it gets."

Taehyung's throat tightened, but he finally spoke, his voice steady. "Jeongguk, you're not clingy. You're not too much. You're everything to me. Do you hear me? Everything."

Jeongguk shook his head, his tears falling faster. "Then why do I feel like this? Why does it feel like I'm fading into the background of your life?"

Taehyung's breath caught, and he realized with a sinking feeling that Jeongguk truly believed that.

"I didn't know what to do," Jeongguk said, his voice trembling. "So I asked you to—" His words broke off, and he wiped at his face roughly. "I thought maybe if I felt something else, something stronger, it would stop this... this ache in my chest. I thought maybe it would remind me that you're still here, that I'm still here. But it didn't work. It only made it worse."

Taehyung closed his eyes, guilt weighing heavily in his chest. He rested his forehead against Jeongguk's, his voice a soft whisper. "I'm here, Jeongguk. I'm here. And I'm so sorry that I made you feel like I wasn't."

"You... you barely talked to me in the last 3 days. A-and we haven't been on a date in the last 3 months. I know it's because you've been busy but..." Jeongguk was sobbing once again, "A-and you haven't been coming to our group hangouts. Everyone's asking me why you didn't come and all I say is that you're busy. But Namjoon's literally a doctor and he makes time too. So I feel shitty making excuses for you every time"

Taehyung cursed to himself.

"And I don't know what you do. You claim to be busy but you never go into details about what you do. I may not understand much but you can still tell me. You stay up all night and you barely have time to speak to me during the day and I don't know why you're like that. It felt like you were distant from me" Jeongguk kept going,

"I know that you're hiding things from me. I'm not dumb, Tae. And my mind keeps spiralling about what kind of things you're hiding from me. And why me? The person who had known you your whole life?"

Taehyung sighed, shaking his head. It felt as if someone was stabbing a knife in his chst. Jeongguk was stabbing him, with his words. And Taehyung deserved every stab.

"You have been paying attention to me. I know that. When we are together, I'm your main focus. But when you're in front of that computer, I don't exist to you" Jeongguk met Taehyung's eyes.

Taehyung gulped, guilt eating him from the inside.

"You have been focusing on me at times, Tae. But not about this relationship. Not in a long time"

Taehyung's shoulders slouched. He had fucked up. Everything Jeongguk had said was true. He had been focusing mainly on his work and...

Jeongguk didn't know what work he did.

He could not bring himself to tell his beloved Jeongguk, who had always been a law-abiding citizen... who never even went against the word of his teachers back in school...

That Taehyung was the creator of the largest website on the dark web for providing illegal goods and services.

So he was keeping Jeongguk in the dark and to hide that truth, he had been telling Jeongguk half-truths and hiding important information for him.

He should've stopped to think that it was damaging his relationship. And the consequences of his secret had finally caught up to him.

"I'm sorry" Taehyung whispered, defeated. "I have wronged you"

Jeongguk didn't respond, he only watched the elder.

"You're right. I have been too occupied with my work and I didn't stop to think that I was paying less attention to you. I didn't think I was missing anything because I was too pre-occupied"

"I know"

"I didn't think I wasn't treating you right, Jeongguk" Taehyung whispered. "But everything you said is absolutely right. I haven't been paying attention to our relationship at all. I should've given us more effort and attention"

"I knew you were busy and it was fine. But you know that I tried planning dates but you turned me down, saying you would do it all. But you never did"

"I know, I'm sorry. It slipped my mind" Taehyung sighed. "I fucked up"

"You didn't fuck up anything. I'm still here, am I not?"

"If I paid attention to you more, I would've figured out that you were carrying so much. I will pay more attention to you, I promise. I'm so fucking sorry, Jeongguk"

"You don't have to miss out on your work for me. That's not what I'm asking. But I wish there would be more... balance"

Taehyung nodded. "I understand"

Jeongguk sighed. "I feel better" a small smile crept up his face. "I feel good about telling you everything"

"Thank you for telling me" Taehyung whispered, pressing his forehead against Jeongguk's. "We are in this together and I want you to remember that"

"I know. I'm sorry"

"What? What are you apologizing for? You did nothing wrong!"

Jeongguk shook his head. "I don't want to be a burden to you"

"You will never be a burden to me, you hear me? Never" Taehyung grunted. "Don't you dare think that"

Jeongguk pouted.

"How are you feeling now?" Taehyung asked.

"Much better" Jeongguk whispered.

Taehyung searched Jeongguk's eyes. Should he?

Taehyung supposed this was the best time. He couldn't let his secret life be a detriment to his relationship. He doesn't want to lose Jeongguk. Jeongguk meant the world to him.

"I have been hiding something from you" Taehyung confessed.

Jeongguk raised his eyebrows in surprise.

Taehyung sighed.

"Come with me. I have something to show you"

🧊

:)