Happy new year!

.

Jeongguk didn't sleep well that night. He lay awake, thoughts spinning. However, he felt Taehyung return to bed not fifteen minutes after he had left. Without realizing Jeongguk was still awake, Taehyung quietly climbed into bed and closed his eyes, his breathing steady almost immediately.

The next morning, Jeongguk woke up alone. His eyes lingered on the empty side of the bed for a moment, before the familiar scent of cooking reached his nose. As usual, Taehyung was in the kitchen, preparing breakfast. Jeongguk walked to the bathroom, washed up, and afterwards, threw on one of Taehyung's hoodies, which swallowed his frame, before heading to the kitchen.

That morning, Taehyung spotted Jeongguk the moment he entered. A boxy smile stretched on his perfect lips as he took in Jeongguk.

"Good morning, gorgeous"

"Morning" Jeongguk muttered, despite the way his tummy fluttered at Taehyung's words.

Taehyung pouted. "What's wrong?"

"Don't act all innocent"

"Does your ass hurt? Is that why you're mad at me?"

"Taehyung" Jeongguk glared at the elder.

Taehyung threw his hands up in defeat. "Is this about last night? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. But my mind was elsewhere"

"Can't even talk to you, nowadays" Jeongguk muttered, his voice breaking as he tried to mask the hurt.

Concern flashed across Taehyung's face. "I was...anxious, okay? Dongsik... he helps me out. I told you. I wanted to focus on it and... I'm sorry I snapped at you. I really am. I know I'm in the wrong. It was very wrong of me"

"It was"

"I'm sorry, I know I hurt your feelings"

Jeongguk sighed. "Why were you anxious?"

"Because of work. I thought there was an issue with what I was working on earlier. So I had to double check it. It turned out to be fine"

"What were you working on?"

"On the security of a website"

Jeongguk nodded. "A client?"

"Uhh...Something like that?" Taehyung scratched his head.

"But that's the work you receive from clients. You don't share those with Dongsik, do you? Isn't that breaching confidentiality?"

Taehyung opened his mouth to answer but he looked surprised, more than anything.

Was Taehyung lying to Jeongguk right now?

"Well..." Taehyung was struggling for words. "It wasn't exactly a client..."

Jeongguk waited. But the words never came. A long silence stretched between them, and Taehyung seemed to retreat into himself, growing distant with every passing second. Jeongguk's heart ached as he watched his boyfriend's evasive behavior.

"Forget it. What's for breakfast?"

Jeongguk could hardly swallow the words that were on the tip of his tongue. The façade of normalcy felt so thin. It was obvious that Taehyung was lying to Jeongguk. Or he was avoiding the truth? Jeongguk might have no professional knowledge about what Taehyung does for a living. But he wasn't dumb.

"I was making kimbap" Taehyung answered.

"Okay" Jeongguk muttered, his stomach twisting in ways he couldn't explain. The hurt was deep, but it was only beginning to settle in.

Taehyung had never raised his voice at Jeongguk. Not like he did the previous night.

They had had their share of fights, but it had always been Jeongguk who raised his voice, who got frustrated. Taehyung had always been the calm one. But this... this felt different.

It felt like Taehyung was bothered by Jeongguk's questions, even though they were reasonable. Jeongguk was his boyfriend of eight years—who else should be asking him these things?

Taehyung was hiding something from Jeongguk. Jeongguk was sure.

Was he cheating on Jeongguk?

The thought was too painful to consider, but the idea wouldn't leave his mind. To accuse Taehyung of cheating felt like a sin beyond atonement.

Jeongguk mentally shook his head, dismissing the thought. Jeongguk has known Taehyung almost his whole life. Taehyung would never do that to Jeongguk.

Jeongguk knew Taehyung...

Right?

Jeongguk gulped. His breath caught on his throat and he looked at Taehyung who had his back turned to him, stirring something on the stove.

Jeongguk ought to trust Taehyung. But it was becoming difficult with every passing day; when Taehyung was obviously hiding things from Jeongguk.

He felt so fucking guilty for all these negative thoughts he was getting about Taehyung. However, he couldn't help himself. Not when Taehyung was the one facilitating them himself.

"You want kimchi?" Taehyung asked, placing a pot of soup on the kitchen island, in front of Jeongguk. He placed two rolls of kimbap and started cutting them.

"We still have some my mom brought, right?" Jeongguk muttered. He couldn't even meet Taehyung's eyes.

"Yeah" Taehyung smiled. "Would she visit anytime soon? We have almost run out of kimchi"

A small smile appeared on Jeongguk's face. He stood up and walked to the fridge and took out the tub of kimchi.

"I will tell her that her beloved Taehyung needs more kimchi"

"You mean her future son-in-law" Taehyung grinned. "Your mom's kimchi is the best"

Jeongguk's smile widened, despite the ache in his chest. He took a pair of chopsticks and picked up some kimchi. He brought it to Taehyung's mouth, who grinned and opened his mouth.

He hummed in satisfaction as he chewed on the kimchi. "I will marry you just for your mom's kimchi"

Jeongguk rolled his eyes. "Tell my mom to adopt you. That would work better"

Taehyung laughed and Jeongguk couldn't help the grin that formed on his own face. He was in love with Taehyung. So of course Taehyung made everything better, even though he was the cause of Jeongguk's heartache.

"Let's eat. I added some sausage too. The way you like it"

-

Jeongguk didn't have any photoshoots for the rest of the week, so he stayed home with Taehyung. Taehyung cooked breakfast, lunch, and dinner, except for one evening when they decided to order in. The conversations between them were brief, almost curt.

It wasn't unusual for Taehyung to be busy. After breakfast, he would retreat to his study, only emerging briefly to prepare lunch. Jeongguk would help, and in those moments, they felt like any other couple. They kissed, exchanged small smiles, and Jeongguk would remind himself that Taehyung was a perfect boyfriend.

But it wasn't enough.

For three days, Jeongguk followed the same routine. He spent his time editing photos, posting on social media, or running small errands like visiting the camera shop a few blocks away. On the surface, everything seemed fine. It was a rhythm they had settled into over the years, one that should have been comforting. And yet, a quiet unease gnawed at Jeongguk.

Two of those nights, Taehyung didn't come to bed with him. Instead, he stayed in his study, working, or so he claimed. Jeongguk felt a pang in his chest each time he found the bed empty, knowing that Taehyung was likely caught up in something. Taehyung's absence lingered like a shadow, filling the room with a heaviness Jeongguk couldn't ignore.

During their limited conversations, nothing seemed amiss. Taehyung smiled, joked, and looked at him with the same love that always warmed Jeongguk's heart. But outside those fleeting moments, Jeongguk felt like he was home alone. The silence stretched long and unforgiving, and Taehyung's door remained firmly shut.

He couldn't help craving Taehyung's company. The lack of which made Jeongguk's heart ache. Drawing connections with the things that had happened recently and in the last few months didn't help at all. Things kept piling up in his mind and he knew he needed to talk to Taehyung about all of this. But he couldn't find the courage to, nor the perfect time.

Maybe Jeongguk had too much time on his hands. He was nowhere as busy as Taehyung so he was overanalyzing things.

By the second night, Jeongguk mustered the courage to ask, "Why aren't you coming to bed?"

"Work," Taehyung replied, his voice distracted. He didn't elaborate, and Jeongguk didn't push. He convinced himself it didn't matter. Taehyung had always been dedicated to his work—so why did it bother him now?

On the third morning, Jeongguk found Taehyung asleep in his study, slumped over his laptop. His boyfriend looked so small and vulnerable, his face softened in the haze of sleep. And yet, even in that moment, the distance between them felt immense. Jeongguk stood in the doorway, his heart aching with the weight of unspoken words, before quietly retreating.

The sight stayed with him, the image of Taehyung so near yet so far away.

By the fourth day, Jeongguk was a bundle of nerves. He couldn't stop the spiralling thoughts that crowded his mind, each one adding more weight to the burden he was already carrying. The unanswered questions. The unspoken words. The distance between them. He couldn't bear it any longer.

Jeongguk didn't feel ignored, exactly. But he felt... less. Less important, less needed. Like an afterthought in Taehyung's world. It wasn't deliberate—Taehyung wasn't pretending to love him. But the growing distance, the way Taehyung seemed buried in his own world, left Jeongguk feeling small and insignificant.

But Taehyung looked fine, as he always did. Jeongguk was in chaos.

He stood in front of Taehyung's study, contemplating. The sky was painted with beautiful hues from the dying sun. The city was slowly basking in darkness. Taehyung was still working.

He wanted Taehyung close to him. He missed his boyfriend, even though he hadn't gone anywhere. Even though he had seen the elder every day, many times. They had been living mere meters away from each other and sleeping in the same bed on most days.

His chest tightened. His breath hitched. But he summed up the courage to push the door open. Taehyung sat in front of his laptop. A familiar scene, for Jeongguk. He looked up as the door opened, revealing Jeongguk.

"Hey baby" Taehyung smiled. "What's up?"

"Nothing" Jeongguk muttered, taking slow steps into the room.

"Are you hungry?"

Jeongguk shook his head.

"Do you need anything?"

"Will you only pay attention to me if I need anything?" Jeongguk whispered.

Taehyung smiled. "Oh I see. You need attention"

"Didn't say that" Jeongguk watched Taehyung through long lashes.

"Give me five minutes, my love. I'm just finishing up something"

"What?"

"Just some boring code"

"Can I watch?"

Taehyung watched Jeongguk for a few long seconds and then nodded. "Sure, but there's nothing to see"

Jeongugk walked behind Taehyung's chair and Taehyung started typing again. It was only a black screen on which Taehyung kept typing some letters and numbers.

"Is that code?"

"Hmm"

"I'm disturbing you. I'm sorry" Jeongguk muttered and walked to the armchair in the study. He plopped down and watched Taehyung concentrating on the screen. His hands flew over the keyboard with practised ease. His jaw was set and his eyebrows were furrowed slightly. It was hot, Jeongguk thought.

He hadn't even been able to properly admire Taehyung in the last few days. It felt like Taehyung was no longer his.

There was a deep unsettling feeling inside Jeongguk that said something was wrong. But he didn't know what was wrong.

He knew all the thoughts that made him feel like something was wrong. But he didn't exactly know who was in the wrong. Had Taehyung actually done anything wrong? Had Taehyung wronged Jeongguk in any way? Jeongguk didn't think so.

Then what the fuck was wrong?

Was it the suspicion that Taehyung had lied to him? Or the way Taehyung was clearly keeping things from him? But even if he was, wasn't it just work-related?

It wasn't like Taehyung was cheating on him. Of course not. The man rarely went out of the house.

But the thoughts wouldn't stop swirling, pulling Jeongguk into an endless loop of doubt and confusion. He didn't know how to name what he was feeling, couldn't label it as anger or sadness or even betrayal.

All he knew was that he felt...shitty. Shitty in a way that made it hard to breathe, that made his chest tighten whenever he looked at Taehyung. Shitty because he couldn't figure out what exactly was wrong—or worse, who was in the wrong.

"Tae" Jeongguk called.

"Just a minute, baby"

It was around a minute or so that Taehyung finally shut his laptop close and turned to the younger.

"What's up?" So causal.

"Nothing's up"

"Well, something is up. I can tell. You look worried"

"You didn't get much sleep last night. You slept in here" Jeongguk muttered.

"I got a few hours. Nothing new, right? We used to pull all-nighters in uni and school all the time"

"Yeah but..." Jeongguk sighed. "You have barely even spoken to me in the last few days"

Taehyung looked surprised. "What? What do you mean? We did speak"

"You have been in here most of the day!"

"I had a lot of work"

Jeongguk exhaled, looking straight ahead at the blank wall in front of him. "I don't feel so good"

Taehyung furrowed his eyebrows in concern and stood up from his chair. "What's wrong? Are you sick?"

Jeongguk shook his head. "No. I just need you"

Taehyung watched him, contemplating. He still had the look of concern. Of course, Taehyung understood. He knew Jeongguk well.

"Jeongguk..." Taehyung's voice was soft. He took a few steps forward, closing the space between them. "Talk to me"

"I..." Jeongguk hesitated, his throat tightening. The close proximity between them felt a bit suffocating.

He wasn't sure how to put it into words, not without feeling exposed, vulnerable. But that was exactly what he craved, wasn't it? To be stripped bare—not just physically, but emotionally. To let Taehyung take control and drown out the chaos in his head.

"I need..." Jeongguk started again, his voice barely above a whisper. He looked down, unable to meet Taehyung's gaze. "I want you to—" He bit his lip, stopping himself. The shame crept in, hot and suffocating. But it was Taehyung. It was always Taehyung. If there was anyone who could understand, it was him.

Taehyung's hand reached out, fingers brushing against Jeongguk's arm. The touch was gentle, grounding, and Jeongguk felt himself exhale shakily. The elder cupped Jeongguk's face, kneeling in front of him. Jeongguk leaned into the touch, and tears were already pooling in his eyes.

"I need—" Jeongguk stopped himself again, the words tangling on his tongue. He turned his face away, his jaw tight, the shame burning hot in his chest. He couldn't say it.

"Come here," Taehyung said, his voice low but steady. He stood up and gestured Jeongguk to do the same.

Jeongguk hesitated, but the pull in Taehyung's voice was undeniable. He stepped closer, his movements stiff, as if his body didn't quite trust his mind to follow through. When Taehyung's hand slid to the nape of his neck, Jeongguk felt the tension in his muscles begin to loosen.

"I need..." Jeongguk tried again. "I need it to stop. I n-need..."

"You don't have to say it," Taehyung murmured, his thumb gently pressing into the soft skin at the base of Jeongguk's neck. His words weren't a question, nor were they an assumption. They were a quiet acknowledgement of something unspoken, a truth that Jeongguk couldn't bring himself to articulate.

Jeongguk's eyes glistened as he looked up at Taehyung, his lips trembling slightly. The silence stretched between them, heavy but not suffocating. Finally, Jeongguk nodded, the motion small but deliberate.

"Okay," Taehyung said softly, his hand sliding down to Jeongguk's shoulder. He leaned in, pressing a kiss to Jeongguk's forehead. A gesture of reassurance—a reminder that Jeongguk was safe, that he didn't need words for Taehyung to understand.

"Let's go to the bedroom"

🧊

Thank you for being here❤️