NOVA
===============
28/11/2003
Wide Bay Burnett,
Queensland
================

I scream.

I scream so fucking loud that the long paned windows almost shatter.

It's terrifying.

Dad comes sprinting into the room with sparks flying from his heels, "Novella?! What's going on?"

"That! Get it out!" I hiss, pointing at the monstrosity of a 'spider' crawling across the quartz floor. He erupts into laughter, shaking his head.

"'Ya still haven't gotten used to 'em? It's just a little old huntsman," he chuckles, leaving to grab a bowl from the kitchen.

"Little?!" I blurt.

It's legs crawl practically above it's body, long and inhumane. It looks mangled.

Similar to how Nicholas looked when I launched him from the roof of Hotel Isabel.

Dad reappears, placing a significantly large bowl over the spider and sliding a newspaper underneath it.

"See? It ain't hard, honey. I'll be damned, all that training I gave you as a kiddo and 'ya scared of a darn spider," he grins, standing up as I follow him out of into the corridor.

"We're 'gonna eat lunch in the back yard," he says, walking towards the patio doors that are wide open to allow in the summer breeze, "Calysta wants to braid 'ya hair, maybe get a tie," he gestures to the stairs.

"Great, I'll come and help set the table in a minute!" I nod, jogging upstairs to grab a scrunchie. I pass by the pictures on the wall, the professional photo shoots of Dad, Debbie and Benny and Calysta, her kids.

I can't exactly be offended that I'm not on any of them.

Benny is only ten, Calysta is fourteen. They're both such sweet kids, turns out they enjoy the idea of having me as an 'older sister'.

I stride into the spare bedroom, claimed as my own whilst I'm here. I catch a glimpse of myself in the floor-length mirror.

It's a sight I won't get used to. A green summer dress, cut just low enough to conceal the nasty scar on my thigh. I can't remember the last time I wore a dress before Australia, I've been glued in cargos for what feels like forever.

Even my face looks healthy. Maybe it's the fact I've spent almost all-day every-day in the blazing sun, or maybe it's the fact that Calysta constantly insists on doing my makeup.

Queensland is beautiful. Debbie has a great job, meaning everybody gets the perks of a large house on the coast of Wide Bay Burnett.

It's where I've found serenity during the nights, feeling the silky golden sand beneath my feet as I watch the sun set into it's array of pinks and purples.

It's beautiful, it's not perfect.

If a certain 6'4 male with cinnamon eyes and thick, floppy dark hair was here; that would make it perfect.

He's called three times. He's used three of his monthly burner calls for me out of the five I've been here. I had to issue a strict warning for him to call his family instead.

I can't pretend I didn't love hearing his voice that very first phone call. Dad had picked up, told me that it was a friend from 'work'. I don't think I've ever flown down a set of stairs faster in my life, even in Hotel Isabel.

The phone sex is fucking amazing, I always transfer the call up my my room.

"Novella! Hurry up!" Dad shouts, snapping me out of my thoughts as I swipe up the nearest hair tie and wrap it around my wrist.

"Coming!"

I make my way down the stairs, flip-flops bouncing up and hitting my heels as my feet reach the slippery marble floor, sending me skidding a good few feet.

I definitely haven't gotten used to this.

Benny bursts into laughter from where he was exiting the front room. I shoot a fake angry glare at him.

"And what are you laughing at, stink?" I grin.

"I think that makes it the thousandth time you've nearly snapped your legs on that last step," he bites his lip to muffle his snicker.

"It's your Mom's fault for having such fancy floors," I chuckle, scuffing his blonde hair as he passes me in the corridor. We make our way outside into scorching heat, the patio positioned just before a wide stretched pool.

The whole yard overlooks the coast. I didn't see the point of having a pool when the ocean is right there, until Debbie explained the whole 'shark' situation.

Calysta's head flies up from her notepad, resting on the wooden table that is reminiscent of the long benches in the Philippines mess hall.

"Did you get a hair tie?" She asks, patting the space next to her. I nod, showing her my wrist.

"Awesome, let me braid your hair," her thick Australian accent rings out.

"Just one minute, I told Dad I'd help set the table," I grin, heading back inside to grab some cutlery. Debbie is just finishing up some wraps, tilting her gaze in my direction.

"You look fresh as a daisy, sugar," she smiles, golden blonde curls framing her face.

"It's the sun, or Calysta's makeup, one or the other," I snort, hoisting some plates underneath my arm.

"Emerald is your colour, matches your pretty eyes," she beams, white teeth glinting.

Some ridiculous part of me didn't want to like Debbie. I thought in a way I'd resent her, but it's impossible. She's an absolutely wonderful lady. Considering the job and the heaps of money she has, she's completely down-to-earth.

She reminds me a lot of that lady I met in the service station that day, when Leo and I were driving up to Santa Fe.

Leo.

Even the thought of his name makes my heart ache. Thinking of the date, it shouldn't be long until the next phone call. I told him to use it for his family, but I can't trust that he will.

"Thanks, Deb," I smile, heading back outside. Dad paces around from around the other side of the pool where he set the spider free, prosthetic shining.

"Iron Man incoming," Benny snickers, a nickname I've heard he's been calling Dad for years.

"Absolutely he is!" Dad adopts a ridiculous pose, earning a roar of laughter from the younger boy.

From my younger brother.

A brother who isn't a psychopath, a brother who I don't have to kill.

A normal, happy, sweet brother. Something I always wanted but never had. Maybe I don't have it by blood, but that doesn't matter to me. Blood doesn't define family anymore.

Tara is my family, Vincent and North are my family, Yamato, Banksy, practically everybody from Fleetwood.

Especially Leo.

Calysta enthusiastically pats the bench beside her again, this time I fall into it as she instantly gets to work on my hair. I feel like one of those damn mannequin doll heads I used to see in stores.

"Hold still," she groans after a minute, weaving my strands into an intricate pattern.

I think about when Leo attempted a braid in my hair that one night.

"Sorry ma'am," I grin, holding up my wrist so she can pluck the hair tie.

"Pretty, go and take a look at your reflection in the window," she beams as I push up from the bench, a little too quickly and carelessly.

My dress catches on a splintered piece of wood, dragging up at the thigh. There's absolutely no concealing it, and Calysta sees the scar clearly.

"Holy shit!" She exclaims, earning a scold off Debbie who heard her from indoors.

"It's just from when I was training the K-9's," I quickly forge the story, fitting in with my whole fake 'cop' persona. It's one lie slotting in after the other. Dad thinks I'm working for the FBI, he doesn't want the kids to know that, so to them I'm a cop.

To my utter relief, she doesn't question it as I tug my dress back down and stride towards the window.

She's braided my hair in one, long plait down the back. I didn't even realise she had flowers, but there's a few wedged between the strands.

"I love it, thank you Cal!" I smile, she nods and blows me a kiss.

"Alright, sugars. Lunch is served," Debbie chuckles as she carries out a platter of wraps.

"Looks amazing, thanks Deb," I exclaim, letting Cal and Benny have first picks.

"We gettin' in the pool after this? Our usual tournament of volley?" Dad sports a grin as he swipes up one of the wraps.

Oh. Another lie I've had to create is that I 'can't swim'. Wearing a bikini is one way to show off the puncture scar in my chest.

The puncture that I don't want to explain was inflicted by our own blood, I'm still think of a cover story for if the day comes. I can't blame it on a gunshot. Dad knows well enough what they look like, and this is not it.

That's one thing of utter relief, Nicholas hasn't been mentioned once.

The harder thing? Mom has.

There's been a few remarks from Dad. Nothing overly offensive, just comments of her 'leaving us for another man'.

Which reminds me of something I need to ask him.

We tuck into lunch, devouring every last inch of food on the table. They all get into the pool, I head back inside and up the stairs once again.

Maybe it'll be easier if I don't ask, don't bring up the topic of conversation. I feel like I'm invading privacy as I push open the door to their room.

I knew it was here, I've seen it when I've chased Benny around the house with a Nerf. I just couldn't bring myself to go near it.

Now, I can.

I stride towards the small box on Dad's side of the bed, the wedding ring laying in it. I pick it out of the box carefully, sliding it onto my own ring finger.

Goosebumps ripple over my skin, it's a perfect fit. It's as though she's here with me.

Debbie has been very understanding, luckily for Dad. She knows all about how much Dad loved my Mom, and she's never once interfered if he wanted to talk about her.

She's patient.

—

I help Dad clean up after dinner, giving Deb a chance with the kids before she's in work tomorrow.

"Dad," I whisper, he hums.

I can't just take it without his permission, I need to tell him.

"Do you mind if I-" the words lodge in my throat, he spins to face me. I can't bring myself to say it, instead I just poke out my left hand.

He squints his eyes in confusion until they land on the ring. Tarnished, but beautiful. He gazes at the ring, then back up at me.

"You look just the way she did, you know?" He forces a smile, one automatically spreads across my own face.

"Of course you can have it, Novella. I know I have to completely let go at some point, having her ring around wasn't helping. I couldn't bring myself to be rid of it, so I'm glad I'm passing it to you,"

I walk forwards and wrap my arms around him, "thanks Dad. Thank you so much," I whisper, fighting the tears in my eyes.

He has no idea, he can't have any idea. It would completely break him, more so than the idea that she just left.

I'm carrying weights upon weights of lies over my shoulders.

"Anythin' for my 'gal," he grins, "'ya still got the Smith&Wesson I gave 'ya all those years ago?"

I hum, "somebody is looking after it in the States,"

"Somebody, hm?" He grins.

It hits me, there's actually no point in hiding it. I've got my whole fake job persona, I can just weave Leo into that.

"Yeah Dad, I'm with someone,"

My cheeks flush at the thought of him as though I'm some godforsaken teenage girl. Dad raises his eyebrows, and I prepare myself for the flood of questions.

But, there's none, only a lingering smile on his face. "As long as he treats 'ya right, nothing else matters," he says.

I nod slowly, "he really does. He's- he's amazing, Dad. I'm lucky to have him,"

"I bet 'ya miss him, don't 'ya honey? It's been a fair few months since 'ya came back from the US," his tone is sympathetic as he rests a hand on my shoulder.

"I do miss him, a lot," I sigh.

"So, what's his name?" He grins.

"Leo," I whisper, distance really has made the heart grow fonder.

"Well, I hope Leo knows that 'ya old man is an ex veteran!" he roars with laughter.

"Oh he does, don't worry," I chuckle, sliding the final plate into the dishwasher.

"I'd love to meet him one day, honey. I missed 'ya a lot, y'know? I can't believe how much you've changed. My kiddie is all grown up now," he places a hand over his heart, faking a sniff.

"It's been a long few years, I'd be a little concerned if I hadn't changed," I grin.

"Whatever it is honey, I'm always proud of 'ya," he yanks me in for a fatherly embrace.

"I love you, Dad," I whisper into his shoulder.

"I love you too, Novella,"

—
04/12/2003

"Nova! Novie! Phone call for you!" Benny calls from somewhere in the house.

A phone call for me.

I grin to myself and slide across the floors as usual, holding my dress down and taking the phone from Benny.

"Thanks, stink," I chuckle as he jogs away in his school uniform, holding the phone up to my ear with a smile plastered across my face.

"Well look who it is, I thought I told you to use this call for your-"

"Shields."

My expression immediately shifts.

"Vincent?" I ask quietly, covering the bottom of the telephone with my hand.

"Im sorry, I just had to call you. I couldn't not. Somethings happened,"

My heart drops like a weight. Nausea immediately washes over me, black already starting to speckle my vision.

"Wh- what's happened?" I stumble over my words, hand gripping the phone growing clammy.

"North informed me. It's Leo. There was an accident on an operation-"

No.

"-is he alive?" I interrupt, urging an answer as my voice quivers.

"Yes, thank God, but he's in a bad way-"

"-what was the accident?!" I blurt.

There's silence on his end of the line for a tense few seconds.

"Explosion in Colombia. None of them saw it coming, Banksy was badly injured too-"

"-Is he at Redhawk?" I whisper in sickening anticipation, pulling the notepad and pen set on the table in my direction.

"Yes-"

"-what's the address?"

"Shields, you're in fucking Queensland-"

"-I don't fucking care! What's the address of Redhawk?!" I click the pen, holding it at the ready.

"It's- it's just off the 180 highway in Phoenix. Turn off on Trelew lane, follow the dirt road until you're near the forest-"

I scribble down the address immediately, as well as the cell number Vincent is calling from.

"I'm getting the first flight out of Queensland. I'll pick up a burner and call you on this number-"

"-Shields, think straight for a bloody second. He's in a coma, he's not going to know you're-"

His voice trails off, I fight the bile that's bubbling somewhere I'm my throat.

He's in a coma.

"-then I'll be at his bedside when he wakes up," my teeth grit as I slam down the phone, dialling immediately the number for a cab.

"Hello, this is Burnett Bay transfers-"

"-I need a cab as soon as possible from 10067 Longoak Lane, 4820 QLD and it's to go to Brisbane airport," I demand, grating my nails into the shell of the telephone.

"We'll sort that out for you, will be about a twenty minute wait-"

I utter a quick thanks before dropping the phone onto its hold, swiping the note and sprinting up the stairs to grab a bag.

I wedge everything in sight into it, I don't have time to organise my shit. Dad barges into my room.

"Novella? What the damn is goin' on?" He raises his eyebrows, gazing in confusion whilst I'm frantically packing my bag.

"It's Leo- there's been an accident-" I stifle my tears, zipping up my hold-all. He runs over as best as he can and folds his arms around me.

"It'll be okay," he soothes.

I haven't even processed what is happening. He's in a fucking coma. My Leo is in a coma, on the other side of the goddamn world.

"I have to go, I'm sorry Dad. I have to be with him-" I sniff, standing up.

"I know honey, I know," he whispers, smoothing a hand over my hair as though I'm a little girl again.

I hook the credit card and passport from my bed stand, wedging them into the side of my bag. I'm acting automatically, like a robot. My whole body feels out of reach, I don't feel as though it's mine.

"I'll say goodbye, but then I have to leave-" I choke up.

"You do whatever 'ya gotta do, honey. I understand completely," he says in a soft tone.

I nod, sniffing again as I pull the hold-all across my shoulder.

I'm still in a summer dress and sandals, I don't have time to change. I will not waste a fucking second when the cab pulls up outside.

I gallop down the stairs, skidding on the last step as I run down the corridor towards Deb and the kids. My hand bats the tears from my eyes, Deb immediately stands up in her work attire she hasn't changed out of.

"Sugar? What's going on-"

"There's been an accident, my boyfriend has been in an accident- I'm flying back to the States as soon as possible-" I manage to heave out.

Both of the kids gasp, Debbie leaps forward and pulls me into a motherly embrace.

"Oh sugar, you keep us posted and look after yourself. You're always welcome to come back whenever you want," she coos, squeezing me as I start sobbing into her shoulder with a nod.

"Thanks Deb," I croak. She releases me from the hug and is replaced by both of the kids.

"I don't want you to leave, Novie," Benny sniffs.

"I know- I- I'll be back as soon as everything's okay-" my voice cracks as I stroke my hands across both of their hair.

"I'll miss you, sis," Calysta whispers.

"I'll miss you all so much- I love you all so much-" I bite my lip to stop anymore tears as they pull away from me.

The sound of breaks squeaks from outside the large windows outside of the front porch. I immediately jog towards the door, turning to Dad before I leave and pulling him into a tight hug.

"I'm sorry, Dad-"

"Don't 'ya ever be sorry about this, honey. Go and be with him, we 'ain't going anywhere," he soothes, holding me tighter for a second before letting me go.

"Thank you for everything, I love you all-"

They answer back, and I'm out of the porch and sprinting down the decorated driveway. I haul open the door of the cab and throw myself in after my bag.

"Brisbane airport?" He confirms, I hum in response and bite around my nails.

He accelerates. I chew the skin so hard it bleeds, metallic taste of blood flooding my mouth.

I haven't got a fucking flight. I'm hanging onto the thread of hope that there'll be a vacancy on the next plane out, similar to how there was on my way here.

Even then, there'll probably be a stopover.

My legs are jittering, breath bating at every red light we halt at.

He has to be okay. He will be okay.

I can see the driver staring back at me from the front view mirror.

"What's a pretty girl like you hurrying off to the airport for? Escaping a bad relationship? Want me to help ease the stress?" He winks and I feel sick. 

"Say that to me again, I'll knock your fucking teeth out," I seethe, fists clenching.

"Alright gorgeous-"

"-get me to the airport in the next five fucking minutes or I swear to God I'll ruin your life," I threaten, pretending to reach into my bag to look for 'something'.

It works, I know it does. He thinks I'm about to pull out some sort of gun.

Another one of my old man's tricks.

He nods and shuts up immediately, diverting his gaze back towards the road. The second we pull to a stop outside of the airport, I dive out of the car with my bag.

"Alright gorgeous, seventy AUD-"

"-you think I'm fucking paying you for disrespecting me? You can fuck right off," I slam the door shut, already pushing my way through the herd of wheeling suitcases.

There's families laughing, most likely heading on luxurious breaks.

I'm heading to be with the love of my life, who could very well be on his fucking deathbed for all I know.

I sprint towards the front desk of the airline I flew out on, weaving my way through the crowds in effort to beat everyone to the queue.

By the look on the lady's face, I'm guessing I look as deranged as I feel. There's mascara right down my face, blood coating my fingertips from my anxious chewing and I'm in a dress and sandals.

I take a deep breath, "hi, what is your next flight out to Arizona, or any state near Arizona?" I claw my nails into the desk, bracing for an answer.

Her intense gaze lingers on me for a little longer than I'd hoped before falling down, typing something on the keyboard.

I drum my fingertips as she squints her eyes at the screen.

"We have an outbound flight to Salt Lake City with a stopover at LAX departing in five hours time, that's our earliest to the States. The next isn't until late afternoon tomorrow. Do you have a boarding pass?" She asks abruptly, I shake my head.

"No, is there any seats available? I'll book on now if there is," I whisper, pulling out my passport and credit card.

She narrows her eyes suspiciously, gazing flicking between me and the credit card. She snatches the card from my hands and eyes it up.

"Passport," she grunts. I knit my eyebrows together and slide it across as she checks the names match up.

"There is a vacancy, but I suggest you clean up before you even reach security," she circles her finger at my figure, her nose crinkling.

My anger flares, is this bitch being serious? I have half a mind to lean across this desk and knock her fucking lights out.

Is life just trying to shove me even more on edge?

"You have no idea what is going on in my life. 'I suggest' you shut that damn rude trap of yours and book me on that goddamn flight," I hiss. Her mouth falls open but I speak again first.

"My fiancé has been in an accident," I lift up my left hand, showing Mom's ring, "if you hold me back to judge for any longer, I will report you,"

I don't think threatening to shoot the receptionist is a smart idea if I want to get on this flight. She heaves out a dramatic sigh, filling in the forms without another word before printing out the documents.

"Seat K4," she mumbles.

"Thanks," I blunt, snatching it from the desk and storming towards security without looking back.

I start unloading the contents of my bag, I'm on autopilot. At least I didn't have to fuck about with checking it in.

Leo. Leo. My Leo.

My heart races, I feel sick with nerves. He will be okay, I reassure myself for the thousandth time. He's a big tough guy, like he always said.

But an explosion, even the toughest and strongest don't get the chance to deal with that before it erupts. 

—

We're finally boarding. This has been the longest five fucking hours of my life. I'd give anything for the ability to just teleport to his bedside.

As soon as I'm in Salt Lake City, I'll jump a bus if there's no flights across.

I do the math in my head to distract me from the images of Leo in a hospital bed. Five hours of waiting, nineteen hours worth of flights until I'm in Utah providing there's no delays. Potentially a ten hour bus journey.

Thirty four hours of travelling, and it's worth every damn second.

I yank a sweatshirt from my bag before standing on my tiptoes to shove it in the overhead compartment.

I somehow managed to claim a window seat. Pulling my hood over my head, I close my eyes. I don't know how I'm meant to keep them closed until we reach LAX, but I'll try my fucking best.

His handsome face keeps jumping into my mind. His thick, floppy brown hair. His sharp, cinnamon eyes that hold small specks of gold. His tanned skin, his voice, his laugh.

I love everything about him.

I just need to see him. Be with him.

"Cabin crew, prepare for departure,"

—

Finally.

After thirty seven hours of travelling, longer because of delays, I'm in a car in Arizona.

Thank the fucking Christ there was a flight from Utah into Phoenix. My eyes are closing on their own because I haven't slept a wink. I'm nauseous with worry, throwing up three times on the flights as a result.

I look completely disheveled. My dress is still creased, North probably has no fucking idea I'm going to turn up at the gates.

I grip the burner I bought in my hand, tapping it against my forehead aimlessly.

"Turn off at Trelew lane did 'ya say?" The cab driver asks, I hum in response.

"It's a dirt road y'know, honey?" He says softly, not like the prick who took me to Brisbane airport.

"I know, somebody is meeting me there," I lie, just not wanting him to drive me right up to the gates. I catch his nod in the front view mirror as he begins to indicate across the lanes.

He makes the turn, slowly pulling right and to a halt as I slide out of the cab.

"Eighty dollars please, honey," he beams out of the window. I pull a hundred out of my pocket, I plan on giving him a tip.

"Here, keep the change," I force a smile, adjusting the straps of my bag.

"That's very generous honey, take care of yourself!" He waves as he accelerates away. Once he's back onto the highway, I begin to trudge.

It's significantly colder in Arizona than Australia, probably because it's summer over there and winter here. I cuss the sky as it decides to open the goddamn heavens over me, completely drenching every inch of my body.

I recognise my whereabouts now from when I was stationed here. If I remember rightly, it's not too far up.

I stride as efficiently as I can through the mud, my dress stuck tight against my figure as one of my sandals decides to rip off. I cuss once again, leaving it to drown in the dirt and quickly pulling a pair of sneakers from my bag to wear instead.

Much better, I should've thought of this sooner.

A surge of energy washes over me as I begin to run with best efforts. My hair is completely glued to the sides of my face as I make the beeline into the trees.

There's a wooden sign, a literal 'red hawk' painted on it with an arrow that points down another woodland path. I jog down it, the squelch of my sneakers echoing out in the trees.

I see the gates, sprinting the final forty metres and spamming my finger on the intercom.

"Name and ID number?"

I instantly recognise the voice of Valerie VanCelli, one that I haven't heard in God knows how long.

"Nova Shields, 015,"

There's silence on her end.

"Nova? I thought you were on your year-"

"Val just please let me in," I beg. She answers my plea, the gates beginning to open as I pummel inside.

I remember my way around, although I don't think anybody really recognises me. I'm receiving plenty of confused states, probably wondering who the psychopath in a blue summer dress running around base is.

Med bay.

My heart is hammering as I haul into the building, clashing into somebody and flying to the floor.

"Jesus! Watch-"

Tara bites the rest of her words, eyes widening as she instantaneously pulls me to my feet, "Novie?!"

"Leo," I pant, "he's hurt, I had to come-"

"-you flew all the way out from fucking Queensland?" Her jaw drops. I nod, leaning on my knees to catch my breath.

"What room is he in?" I whisper.

"Second one on the right, do you want me to come with you?" She rests a hand on my shoulder, I shake my head.

"Come and see me when you're ready," she whispers, giving me a tight hug, "I've missed you, I'll take your bag,"

"I missed you too, and I will. Thanks Tara," I cough, releasing the hug and speeding down the short corridor.

My hand shakes on the door handle as I brace myself, knees almost buckling at the thought of what I'm going to see.

With a sharp breath, I push the door open.