LEO
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07/06/2002
Phoenix, Arizona
Redhawk Base
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Having Nova Shields sobbing into my chest wasn't exactly where I thought this conversation was headed.

I just couldn't stop myself from walking over and wrapping my arms around her.

"You're allowed to cry in front of me, Nova. Despite everything." I whisper. To my complete surprise, she just leans against me and lets me hug her as she sniffles. I can tell she's trying to hold the tears back, her attempts are completely futile.

Her past was nothing like I expected. She'd been a completely normal little girl at one point. Do I like her? Not really. Has this made me view her differently? Absolutely.

I don't really know what to do in this situation. We aren't exactly simpatico, but I can't just ignore the fact I've just heard about her entire traumatic childhood. I have a nagging feeling this isn't even half of it. She's going to regret this, big time. There's no way she meant to end up in this situation.

And there it is.

In the blink of an eye, she stops crying completely and shuffles away from my grasp. Her chest expands as she takes a humongous inhale and releases it; before turning to me. She's like a human light switch.

"Sorry about that. Didn't mean to start crying." She mumbles, fiddling with her bandage.

I just shrug slightly. "It's alright. I'm sorry you had to go through that." I murmur, probably a little too bluntly. I actually do feel horrendous for her, turns out we're more alike than I ever could've guessed.

She nods slowly, clearly uncomfortable with the complete turn this interaction took.

"Your brother never came back, huh?" I say quietly, to which she shakes her head.

"I'm glad he didn't."

I open my mouth but close it again before any words escape. She'd said her brother was 'awful'. The look on her face told me everything.

My feet find the floor as I push myself up and off of the bed slowly. I don't think she wants me hovering around after this. Pacing to her door, she just watches me like a hawk; as though making sure I'm not going to try any funny business.

"I'll leave you alone for a while." I mumble, turning the handle of her door and heading straight out of her cabin without another word.

—
28/06/2002
—

I actually do leave her alone for a while, apart from arguments of course. Does three weeks count as a while?

It's as though our entire interaction from that day disappeared like dust in the wind. We're back to basics.

Unfortunately for me, Nova's leg is back fully functioning; meaning I've got to work normally alongside her once again.

"I told you that is not the right tactic! If you have to push forward in that scenario, you wouldn't do it from the damn front!" She's got her finger pointed right at me and a furious look in them green eyes.

North makes us do these exercises every now and again. He gives us a scenario and we have to figure out the right way to go about it. Yes, I'm a Captain in terms of missions. Unfortunately around base however, North calls the final shots. 'Team-building' he calls it, as though we're in high-school. Me and Nova are quite literally burning the building down.

We're all meant to cooperate as a group, but right now it's just a standoff between me and her.

North's vein is bulging as he's forced to listen to our bicker.

"No, Goddamnit! If you don't go through the front, the only other option is through the windows in the back, windows that lead into rooms we could be cornered in!" I hiss at her.

"Well if you push in guns 'a blazin through the front, you're just waltzing into a goddamn firing line! You may as well ring a fucking doorbell!" She yells back at me, slamming her hands on the desk.

"Well, if you-"

"Enough!" North screams out, silencing us both immediately like we're scared children.

"I've fucking had it up to here with the pair of you! Twenty-five and twenty-seven years of age, acting like teenagers! You're meant to be special-ops, fucking Captain's at that! How can't the pair of you put your damn differences aside for once?!"

He's about to continue until some sort of radio beeps, claiming his attention.

"Team-building is over, thank fuck. You two are going to put me in an early grave, I swear to God." He points his aging finger directly at Nova and I before bringing the radio up to his ear and striding out of the room.

We are all left in silence for a good few seconds. Eventually I go and speak to Tyrese. Nova wanders off to talk with Tara as though nothing just happened.

"You looking forward to the phone calls later?" Tyrese asks me enthusiastically, folding up the notes he took.

The calls home. One a month for each of us. The burner phone gets destroyed after we've all had our turns.

"Suppose so, yeah. It's actually been 11 years today since Jaques died, I guess it's convenient that I get to speak with my Mom." I mumble, secretly dreading this conversation.

Tyrese gives me a frown and nods slowly. "Yeah, she probably needs to speak with you today more than ever."

Jaques Hendrix. My little brother. My little brother who had his life robbed far too soon. Gun massacre at a mall in '91, 12 years old. Why else would I have gone into this line of work without some sort of traumatic motivation?

—

I'm next in line, waiting for Jed to finish talking to his sister. We're all queued up outside of the soundproof room we use for these calls. 15 minute slots each. Alphabetical order like we're in elementary, meaning Nova is behind me.

We're standing completely back to back with each other, until she surprisingly breaks the silence. "Who are you calling?" She asks quietly, back still turned.

"Mom, You?" I reply, looking over my shoulder at her. A little grateful for the lack of bitterness in her tone.

"I don't really have a choice apart from my Dad." I pick up on her small sigh, her head dropping slightly as she pinches the back of her neck, as though to ease out some tension.

And I honestly feel bad for her.

Jed comes waltzing out of the room after what feels like 2 hours, giving me a small pat on the shoulder as I head inside.

The burner phone sits on the desk forbiddingly, daring me to dial my Mom's number. I set my sticky note in front of me, filled with fake scenarios I can tell her so I don't slip up about my actual career. After checking the time; 1:40pm, I start punching in the digits. I fucking hope she hasn't changed it.

The room echoes with the ominous noise of the hum.

"Hello?"

Thank fuck.

"Hi Mom, it's me."

"Sweetheart? Oh son, I feel like I haven't heard your voice in forever. How is military camp?" She asks enthusiastically. Again, she does think I'm in Queensland right now.

"It's good, Mom. Currently 7:40am. Up early for training." I speak confidently, despite the fact it's a complete downright lie.

"Ah, I see. I'm glad you're doing okay, hon. I hope they haven't been working you too hard!"

My Mom has always been a sweet woman. She had a few rocky years after Jaques' death, but she's back on track now.

"Oh, you have no idea Mom," I chuckle, hesitating for a second, "how are you and Dad feeling? It's been 11 years for you guys today. I'm a day ahead, but I remembered."

There's silence on the other end of the line for a hot minute.

"We're managing, sweetheart. We visited his grave this morning and said a few prayers for him."

My Mom is a devout Christian. I'm more on the atheist side of the line, but I'd never tell her that. Sometimes though, I do like to believe Jaques is looking down on us.

"I'm sure he heard your prayers, Mom." I grin slightly, despite the fact she can't see me.

"I'm sure too, sweetheart. There was a beautiful sunrise this morning here in Nebraska. I think that was his way of telling us he's still here in some way." She says softly. My jaw clenches at the idea. Jaques is probably the most sensitive topic I can speak about.

"Yeah, I'm sure he's playing some soccer up there." I encourage her beliefs; picking up on a small chuckle from her end of the line.

"Me too. Hopefully he's not causing too much trouble for our Lord!" She giggles.

"This is Jaques we're talking about. He was always a little rambunctious." I chuckle slightly, feeling a lump lodge in the back of my throat. Jesus Christ, emotions are running wild lately.

I hesitate for a minute."I wish I could have been at his grave with you and Dad. Was James there, at least?"

James is my older brother. We were close, but I was always closer to Jaques.

"Yes honey, James and Pauline both came along. Also, I've been so excited to tell you this news. You're going to be an uncle. Pauline is pregnant!" She says with a squeal, completely excited.

"Really? That's great, Mom. Means you and Dad are officially going to be Grandparents. How are you feeling about that?"

"Old, but ecstatic! It's been a long time since we had little kids running around the house. I'm secretly hoping it's a girl, I've already had my deal of boys!" She laughs, and it's like music to my ears. Hearing my Mom laugh on such a gut-wrenching day is the best thing I could've asked for.

"Do you still want to become a Dad one day, son?" She says in a calmer tone.

Honestly? Yeah. Being a Dad (providing I make it through this career alive), is the best thing I could hope for.

"Yeah, I do. Although, I actually have to find a woman first." I chuckle.

"Aren't there any girls who've tickled your fancy?" She giggles.

For some unknown reason, I hesitate for a second. "Nope. Plus, I've already got my plate full for the time being." I mumble.

"Well, hopefully one day!" She says with another chuckle. "Any idea about when you'll be able to visit home? It's been two years. We miss you."

Holy shit, it's been that long?

"Maybe August, Mom." It's not a complete lie, sometimes a few of us are allowed to visit home in August. Although, I might be in the Middle-East. "Just don't get your hopes up too much, okay?"

"I won't, honey. Your dad has just nipped out for groceries. Do you think you can hang on until he's back so you can talk to him?"

I glance at the time. 1;57pm, fuck. I've already gone over my limit.

"Unfortunately not, Mom. I actually have to go now, warm-ups are starting," I say with urgency, "give my love to everyone, okay?"

"I will do, honey. Stay safe. I love you." She says somewhat sadly, making my heart wrench.

"I love you too, Mom." I say quickly before ending the call and placing the burner back on the table. Pacing back outside with speed, I'm met by the irritated jade-gaze of Nova.

"You went a teeny-bit over the limit." She quips, looking away and running a hand through her chocolate hair.

"Fuck off, Shields." I snip, which apparently catches her way off-guard based off of her expression as she whips her head back and up to face me. Then again, she has no idea about Jaques and that whole situation.

"Polite as always," she scoffs before quirking an eyebrow, her intense expression softening. "Leo, have you been crying?"

"No." I hiss before striding away from her curiosity, my chest knocking against her shoulder.

Why the fuck should she know about my business?

Then again, I guess she told me her business; despite the animosity.