NOVA
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01/03/2003
Panay, The Philippines
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I feel violently ill, partially because I'm hungover. I don't remember us falling asleep.

I wish we fucking hadn't, because in what feels like the blink of an eye, our last night together is over. We're still buried under the covers, my back pressed against Leo's chest with his arms spooned around me.

I catch a glimpse of the watch on his wrist, 8:40. I know for a fact his watch is twenty minutes slow, for some damn reason he never adjusted it.

It means I've only got an hour.

"Leo," I whisper, he groans after a second as I rotate to face him.

"Morning, Nov," he grumbles, climbing out of his slumber before his eyes fly open. "Fuck. It's today, isn't it?"

I give a short nod and he yanks me as close as humanely possible against him, locking his lips with mine.

I can still taste the whiskey.

I snake my arms around his neck, returning the kiss with as much force as I can possibly muster. His hand grips the back of my neck, wedging his knee between my thighs and slipping his tongue into my mouth.

I just want to stay like this. Locked in this moment.

But time is constantly moving, inevitably marching us forward.

"Why did you do this to me, Nova," he groans, abruptly pulling away as his body stiffens. His whole demeanour changes in an instant, I can physically feel it shift.

"Why did I do what?" I frown, even more so as he turns to face the opposite fucking direction.

"You know damn well what I'm talking about," his tone twists, words freezing up.

What the fuck?

"No, Leo. I don't-"

He interrupts me with an deep sigh, edging towards the side of the bed. He peers over the covers before swiftly sliding out, pulling his shirt over his head.

I sit up slowly, furrowing my eyebrows as I prop myself on to my elbows. "What the goddamn hell has gotten into you all of a sudden?"

"What do you fucking think?" He growls, shovelling his feet into his boots.

"I don't know? I can't read your fucking mind, Leo!" I seethe, shooting up to my own feet and tapping my finger against my skull.

He heaves out a groan, running a tattooed hand down his face. "You're so goddamn oblivious to the issue here, Nova,"

"Leo-" I start, blinking rapidly to try and comprehend what the fuck this 'issue' is he's yapping about all of a sudden.

There was definitely no fucking issue when he ate me out around the back of the goddamn barracks, or last night when we got drunk together.

"You know what? Just forget it. Whatever happened here, this-" He gestures a hand back and forth between me and him, "-This is wrong."

His interruption is like a whip, a sharp pain jolting through my body. The way he bites out 'this' is like another knife to the chest.

What?

He isn't telling the truth. He can't be actually telling the fucking truth.

"I don't believe you, you're lying to me again," I whisper, treading forward and extending an arm out towards him.

He bats it away.

Rising anger begins to simmer through me, fists balling at my sides. I don't care what his reasons are, but I will not be treated like this without any valid explanation.

"In that case, you know what? You're right, it is wrong. Fuck off." I spit.

It isn't wrong at all. It's so, so fucking right. He knows it is. We both know it is.

Hopefully this is just a heat of the moment argument, even though he won't explain the cause and clearly thinks I'm some sort of fucking psychic.

He actually listens to me, grumbling under his breath and striding away, swinging the door open and leaving me grovelling in silence.

Maybe it's a projection, his frustration over the fact we're getting split up. What the fuck was he talking about 'why did I do this to him?'

I still stand by the time I said he's the most confusing man I've ever met.

He'll cool down from his hot head. He's going to come and say goodbye to me regardless, so he has no choice but to calm down.

Surely.

——
9:50am

"Are 'ya all set, Shields?" Vincent paces around in a circle, rounding up the herd of us heading out on the earlier flight.

Not at all.

I can't stop glancing around, waiting to see his tall frame emerge from the sea of goodbyes.

There's no sign of him.

"Yes, Sir." I murmur, head swivelling in desperation to catch a glimpse of him.

He furrows his eyebrows in uncertainty but nods, striding towards the array of SUV's.

An array that is significantly smaller than when we arrived, one of them being taken up by bodies laying in air trays.

I watch as half of the hostages climb into one of the vans, Kingston checking every compartment of the car to make sure there's no sort of surprise hijack like last time.

"Shields,"

I turn and spot North making his way towards me with Tara, who immediately hauls me forward for a tight hug the second I'm within reach.

"You've impressed all of us during our time here. You've shown nothing short of bravery and strength; constant resilience despite the circumstances." North's husky voice rasps as he pats the side of my arm.

"I've done the same job as everybody else," I force a chuckle, he shakes his head.

"Just take the damn credit, Shields," he groans, pulling something out of his back pocket before passing it to me.

It's a small box. I furrow my eyebrows, taking it from his grasp and opening it up.

Inside is a small, circular badge; gold plated with a small line of red paint around its diameter. I raise it up close to my face to read the engraving.

'By the honour of Fleetwood - 2003'

A badge of honour?

My head flies up, Tara has a grin on her face as she releases me from the hug.

"I don't deserve this," I whisper through my awe, studying it carefully.

"Yes you absolutely do," Tara beams, shaking my arm as North nods in agreement.

"She's right. We usually wait until later in the year, but I don't think anybody is 'gonna top what you've dealt with here," he grins.

"I don't even know what to say," I marvel as I carefully take the badge from the box, watching as it glints under the sunlight.

"Wear it with pride, kid," North chuckled as he slaps my shoulder.

I gently place it back into its box, paranoid about losing it. I also don't exactly want to be parading around with it when the bodies of our dead comrades are on the flight with us.

That would be disrespectful.

"Thank you," I grin, which only falters as inevitable time shoves me forwards.

"Have either of you seen Leo, by any chance?" I hesitate before I ask, putting the box into my duffle.

They share a glance before shrugging.

"Now that you mention it, no. I haven't seen him doolallying about anywhere this morning," North furrows his eyebrows.

"He hasn't said goodbye?" Tara whispers. I suppose she's a little more shocked since she knows about our circumstances.

I shake my head with a sigh, chewing on my bottom lip.

Maybe he was being honest.

There's not a chance he wouldn't say goodbye if he wasn't.

I open my mouth to speak, but am interrupted as I hear Vincent hollering from near the gates.

"Time to get moving, everyone!"

Anxiety ripples through me, this really is it. Tara yanking me forward for a final tight squeeze.

"I'll miss you so much," she sniffs into my hair. I wrap my arms around her for a last embrace before pulling away, picking up my duffle.

"It's mutual, Tarantino," I force a smile.

"We'll be in contact, Shields. Look after yourself." North grins, giving me a final affirmative pat.

"Of course," I nod, heaving out a shaky breath as I haul the duffles strap over my shoulder.

I give them one final wave before trudging towards the SUV's.

—

I slump into my hardened seat on the aircraft, leaning against my bag for some sort of comfort. Yamato perches down next to me, copying my idea.

"I can't believe we're done in the Philippines," he lets out a heavy sigh, which sounds like it's been held in since we arrived.

I hum in response, closing my eyes and revelling in flashbacks.

Some are awful, some are amazing.

Some are traumatic, some are euphoric.

I think more has happened in Panay alone than over the span of my entire career. There's been a twist at every sharp corner, a constant grip that attempted to wring out my sanity.

A certain somebody who's stopped that from happening.

A certain somebody who didn't even bother to say goodbye.

I can't believe he didn't say goodbye.

My eyes snap open as somebody nudges my shoulder.

"Shields? Wake up for a minute," Yamato whispers.

I didn't even damn realise I was asleep. I groan with a hum, rubbing my eyes as I sit up.

"Ali here has something he wants to say to you," he gestures to his left, where the teenage boy is stood idly and looking at his feet.

"What's up, kid?" I force a smile, patting the spare seat on my other side.

He offers a grateful grin, perching down beside me. "I just wanted to say thank you, ma'am," he whispers.

"You don't have to call me ma'am, kiddo. Nova is fine,"

He nods slowly, "oh, alright. Well, thank you Nova."

"For what?"

"You gave me your vest that day, at the prison,"

The prison?

Oh, the farmhouse.

"I just did what I had to do," I smile, patting his shoulder.

"You didn't have to do that, you went on to get injured. I feel very guilty about that. Maybe if you hadn't given up your vest, you would have been alright," he sighs, gazing down at his swinging feet.

"Hey, I made the choice, okay? You have nothing to feel guilty about kid, I promise you." I reassure him.

He listens intently to my words, nodding slightly.

"I heard you're quite the artist," I abruptly change the subject. I suppose I didn't just hear it, I saw it with my own eyes.

"I hope you at least liked the picture I sketched of you," a small grin tugs at his lips.

Picture?

"Sorry, what picture are you talking about, Ali?" I tilt my head, he cocks a confused eyebrow.

"The one I passed on to Leo, I told him to give it to you,"

I haven't seen this 'picture' at all, didn't even damn know of it's existence.

"I haven't seen it," I trail off, "maybe he lost it or something."

"Or maybe he kept it?" Ali shrugs.

I would've thought there was a possibility, but after his little performance today, I doubt it.

"I think him losing it is more likely, bud." I grin, scuffing his hair.

"My Mother has been saying how she would love to have you for dinner one night in gratitude, but we understand it isn't possible with the confidentiality agreement," he murmurs.

This kid talks with as much maturity as a grown adult.

"Yeah, unfortunately it won't be possible for now. Maybe when I retire in God knows how long, I'll come and visit, eh?" I smirk, earning a small chuckle from him.

"That sounds like a plan. I'll let you rest for now," he smiles, pushing himself up and strolling across the aircraft towards his parents.

I curl into myself across the seats, squeezing my eyes shut.

Praying for sleep to envelope me in the good memories.

Wishing for it to numb the wreckage of my emotions.