NOVA
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26/02/2003
Panay, The Philippines
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I can't contain my ridiculous gasp as he cups his hands around my face, shoves me up against the wall and crashes his lips against mine.

Our lips lock for a few seconds, his thumbs sweeping across my cheekbones. I barely have the chance to reciprocate or even process what the fuck is happening before he pulls away, releasing my face and taking a step back with widened, wild eyes.

"Fuck, Nova. I'm, I-" He stutters, unable to form a sentence as he diverts his gaze to the side. I don't think I've ever witnessed him so speechless.

I don't know what to say either, I have no idea what to do.

So I do the only thing that comes to mind, something I never saw myself doing. God help me, I kiss him back.

My hands lunge up to the collar of his shirt, fingers gripping it as I drag his lips fiercely back to my own, instantly cutting off his attempted words.

It doesn't take him half a second to give in and reciprocate, pressing his lips against mine and pinning me more forcefully against the wall. His bandaged hand reaches up and cups the side of my cheek, stretching around and gripping some of my hair between his fingers.

This is already getting extremely heated, every single damn second of the past year has led to this.

All the arguments. Every time he's driven me to insanity, every near death experience, every time I've worried about losing him; it's all led to this exact moment.

A single, stray spark of tension finally ignited the gasoline that's been burning inside of us.

Is this right? I don't know.

Does it feel right? Yes it fucking does, and I'm absolutely not going to stop it.

My arms find his broad shoulders and wrap around them, linking the back of his neck and pulling him further down to my height. He groans against my lips as I grip the back of his own thick hair for some sort of leverage.

The rest of my thoughts have vanished completely. My brain is entirely consumed by the fact I'm doing this with Leo Hendrix.

"We should stop." His lips move away from my own, leaving an array of wet kisses as he pulls me by the hair, tilting my neck. They trail at a desperate pace along my jawline, underneath my ear and gliding down to my collarbone. His teeth grazing my skin.

"Yeah," I manage to get out, my hands betraying the agreement by digging deeper into his shoulders. "But, fuck. Don't stop, Leo."

All I can hear are our breaths; hot and heavy. The fire is radiating from both of us, one single stray spark could set the whole damn barracks ablaze.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this for, Nova." He murmurs against my collar breathily before resuming his rough kisses.

The only reply I can forge is a breath. A long, deep sigh of satisfaction, grating my nails down the back of his shirt. They move up, gripping into his shoulders as I spin us around, his back thudding against the wall instead of mine. He's definitely caught off guard since he stops returning the kiss for a brief moment.

This is getting very intense, very quickly. I have a feeling we're both going to fight for control, nothings changed.

He grunts something against my mouth that I can't quite understand, his hands moving away from my hair and tracing along the sides of my body until reaching my thighs.

With what seems like minimal effort, his hands hook underneath them and he scoops me up to his height, turning us again and slamming my back against the wall once again.

His lips hastily meet mine like before, my legs automatically link themselves around his waist. I keep my arms wrapped around the back of his neck, aggressively feeling for strands of his dark hair.

He doesn't keep me against the wall, he drags me away from it. Nails sinking into my thighs over my shorts as he paces us to somewhere else.

He lowers himself down, releasing his grip on me as I fall onto the mattress of a lower bunk. He climbs over me, lips fiercely searching for my own as we lock together again, trying to kick off our boots.

I tighten my thighs around his waist, catching him off guard as I suddenly roll over to straddle him, anything to ease the growing ache between my legs. He breaks our kiss for a moment and raises his eyebrows, that same old crooked smirk tugging at the corners of his lips.

"You always have been full of surprises, haven't you Nov?" He sits up, hooking a strong arm around the back of my waist.

Nov?

"And you haven't?" I whisper, he leans forward and plants a wet kiss on my throat.

"I won't deny anything," he murmurs against my skin before pulling back to meet my eyes. "You honestly drive me insane, always have," he whispers, and I can't stop the grin that tugs on my lips as I gaze at him.

He really is so handsome. He always has been, but I think the arrogant personality has blinded me in the past.

His Italian heritage is evident in the thick, dark hair. The deep brown eyes. The tanned skin, small scars speckled around his face.

He's honestly the most attractive man I've ever laid eyes on, and I've only just paid attention to it.

Took me long enough.

He drives his lips against mine again, tightening his grip around my waist. It's been so damn long since I've felt something like this, something so intense.

Something that I've been craving for this whole entire time, and I've only just realised.

"We can stop," he muffles before pulling away, "do you want to stop? I don't want to push-"

"Don't stop," I interrupt.

He gazes at me for a few seconds like I've just said the most absurd comment known to man, raising his eyebrows and blinking before a crooked grin flashes across his lips and I'm flipped right over onto my back.

Lips crash against mine once again, pulling me up by my waist so our bodies are flushed together. One of his hands moves to by the side of my head, balancing himself as the other moves to find my own.

Our fingers interlace as he pins my wrist against the bed, lips moving down again.

I don't know how far this is going to go. I'm not thinking straight, I'm so consumed in the moment that reality isn't even a damn consideration in my mind.

His mouth meets the start of my zipper, set at the top of my sternum.

Fuck, the stab wound.

There's no cover over it anymore, just the stitches. It's right in the damn centre of it's disgusting healing process, skin purple and marred. My heart starts racing as his fingers reach for the zip.

"Leo," I blurt.

He stops immediately, gazing down with concern. "Hm? You okay?"

I have two choices. I can either stop this whole moment because of what Nicholas did to me, or I can let myself enjoy this.

I deserve to enjoy this, everything that bastard put me through has affected me for long enough.

"Nothing," I smile, earning one from him as his fingertips begin to drag down the zip.

I take a deep breath as the air starts to hit against my sternum. He opens up my sweatshirt, I sit up to let him slide it off of my shoulders as he discards it onto the floor.

His gaze lingers on me as I lay back down, a small grin on his face, a growing ache between my legs.

I fight the urge to just cross my arms over my bra and cover the wound, but he laces my hands within his own and pins them down against the bed.

"You're something else, Nov," he stares down at me.

That's it, I'm on absolute fire. No holding back anymore. My hands rip from under his own and lunge for the hem of his shirt, tugging it up. He helps me out by pulling it the rest of the way over his broad shoulders.

Now I'm the one staring.

He leans down and plants a kiss on the centre of my sternum, his right hand beginning to trace down the centre line of my abs.

"Tell me to stop, Nova," he whispers with a groan, sliding two fingers in the waistband of my shorts. I haven't experienced anything like this in a long time, unless I was doing it to myself.

My hungry eyes meet his as I take a deep breath. "I can't."

"Tell. Me. To. Stop." He bites out, slowly undoing the button so it flies open around my waist. Then he's onto the flyer, dragging it down.

"Haven't you learnt anything? Do not tell me what to do," I murmur into his hair. He lets out a sigh as his hand slides beneath my shorts, cupping me over my panties.

A small cry escapes my lips at the contact, as he takes one finger and peels my panties aside, gently gliding it up my drenched slit.

"God, you're fucking soaked," he grumbles, taking the pad of his thumb and slowly rubbing my clit in lazy circles. "You're divine." He adds.

"Shit—" I whimper, bucking my hips upwards. He leans forward and suckles on my neck, thumb still working my swollen clit, his middle and ring finger teasing my entrance.

I moan as he glides one inside of me with ease, pushing until he's knuckle deep and curling it upwards. My hand flies up to grip the back of his neck for leverage.

"So fucking tight," he groans, sliding a second finger inside and beginning to pump them in and out, curving them to press that perfect inner wall.

My hips thrash at the pleasure growing in my core, cheeks heating in mortification at the slick sound that proves just how drenched I am.

"Oh god, Leo," I whine like an idiot, grating my nails into the nape of his neck as he speeds up slightly.

"Be honest with me, Nova," he whispers against my neck, his mere breath adding to the overwhelming sensations, his fingers continuing to fuck me mercilessly. "Have you ever thought about me doing this to you?"

The bold question has my pulse thrumming rapidly, my core aching, and I think of that dream I had weeks ago.

And in this scenario, I have no choice but to be honest. "Yes," I choke out, some deep noise coming from him as he nips my neck before moving his lips back to mine.

I glide my tongue into his mouth, swirling it against his own as we both fight for dominance. Considering where his hand is, I'm definitely on the losing side.

He tastes like peppermint and bad decisions, the same way he did in the dream I had, and God am I addicted.

"I've thought about doing this. I want to know how you sound when you come all over my fingers," he whispers against my lips, my heart thundering in my chest at how fucking obscene this whole situation is.

He adds a third finger, pushes it three knuckles deep and drags a moan from me. His deep brown gaze devours me whole as he says, "I want to know if you sound just like all the times I've imagined."

I make a ridiculous mewling sound, and he leans forward to plant a kiss on my throat. Sucking on it, nipping me between his teeth.

Then his head moves down. Down to my sternum, over the centre of my bra. His fingers still working me as he continues moving lower.

He glides his tongue up the line in the centre of my abs, and I almost fucking explode.

"And I'm sure you taste even fucking better than I've imagined," he groans against me, and my head tilts back into the pillow, involuntarily angling my hips towards him.

The fucking door of the barrack swings open.

Both of us jolt, Leo's fingers stop moving but remain exactly where they are as he moves back up my body and presses himself against me, urgently yanking the comforter over us with his free hand.

Shit.

If somebody comes near this bunk, we're fucked. My goddamn vest is on the floor, right next to his shirt.

"Hendrix? Shields? Mulvey said you'd both be in here." It's North, of all people.

Fuck.

Trying to remain completely silent and still when we're sharing a moment like this isn't easy. Especially not when it was completely fucking unexpected.

And Leo, I'm going to fucking kill him for this.

Because he doesn't stop, despite the fact we're about ten steps away from being caught. His fingers start to move again, curling upwards, his thumb brushing my clit.

I fight with everything inside of me to not scream as the climax builds up, to not thrash my hips beneath the comforter. Sweat beads in my hairline, dripping down the sides of my face.

"Shields? Hendrix?" North again, I bite my lip so hard I almost rip it clean off.

Leo holds my waist to keep me steady, his thick fingers sliding into me relentlessly, the pad of his thumb pressing my throbbing bundle of nerves.

And I can't take it anymore. My mouth falls open and I let out a silent scream, biting the comforter as my thighs clench around his hand. I hear him let out a breath of satisfaction, letting me ride out the orgasm for a few seconds before removing his fingers.

Through the darkness, I watch his drenched hand shift up to his mouth as he places a finger over his lips in a 'shh' motion.

Wow, he just gives me the best orgasm of my life, and is essentially telling me to shut up? He asked me to come in here, he just chose to finger me into sweet fucking oblivion, so he can get us out of this fucking situation.

Not that either of us were anticipating that this was going to happen. I'll never understand how we got to this point, but we did.

My cheats heat as I watch him put his fingers between his lips to clean them. He slowly slides out from under the covers and mimics a groan, rubbing his eyes dramatically and making sure the comforter doesn't pull off of the alongside him.

I stay as flat against the mattress as humanely possible.

"You woke me up from a nap." I hear him lie, faking a yawn.

"Ain't no damn time to be napping, Hendrix! Where's Shields?"

"Don't know. I was talking with her about what we should do with Abe, she left a little while ago. Maybe she's eating," he speaks confidently, to my surprise. You wouldn't be able to tell he's lying.

Maybe he's a better liar than I thought.

"Hm. I want to talk with the both of you about that exact damn issue, actually. Find her, I want you both in my office. We need to decide our steps before we head back to the US."

I think we've gotten away with it, but hearing North's voice drags me back to reality. 

We aren't just two regular adults who hooked up after a club, who met each other at a little independent coffee shop.

We're two adults whose lives are constantly on the line.

As I think about it, the fear of something happening to Leo has never been more severe than it is right now, and it will only get worse if we continue down this road now that we've confronted these obvious feelings.

"Alright, I'll find her." I hear Leo reply, the door closing a few seconds later so I can finally breathe.

He pulls the covers from over the top of me, and my automatic reaction is to cover my bra, the wound. He furrows his eyebrows, a concerned look creasing into his features.

"Nova-"

"I think this might have been a mistake," I interrupt, arm hooking over the edge of the bed and scooping up my vest.

He sighs and glances down, "why do you say that?"

"I don't know, it's just-" I can't form my answer without sounding insane.

It's just the fact that if we continue confronting the feelings we obviously already have, I might just fucking fall in love with you.

His eyebrow twitches, nervously waiting on an answer. "Did I make you uncomfortable?"

"No, not at all," I glance down at my hands. "You made me feel- God, I can't even describe. We just have very intense lives, Leo. Maybe doing this isn't right, let alone if anybody were to find out." I murmur, lying right through my teeth.

Then again, it probably would be a problem if anybody found out.

He shakes his head with a sigh as I fiddle with my vest, pulling it over my head with great effort to avoid stretching the wound.

He strides over and crouches, pulling it down at the back for me as I button up my shorts, which are embarrassingly soaked considering they didn't make it all the way down my legs.

"Yeah, you're right. It was a mistake." His tone is cold, breath tickling against the nape of my neck.

I don't like the way my stomach twists when he says that, the wave of nausea that rips through me.

I'm meant to be fucking glad he said that, but instead it feels like another damn blade to my chest.

He stands up from behind me, pulling his own shirt over his head and adjusting himself to look unsuspecting. I chew on my bottom lip and glance away, eyes fixing anywhere that isn't on him.

"North. He wants to talk to us about Abe," he mumbles, pulling his boots back onto his feet and lacing them up.

"Yeah, I heard." I gaze down at my twiddling fingers, picking aggressively at a hangnail.

"The best thing to do is to act like this whole situation didn't happen. You got that, Shields?" His tone turns more icy with each word he says.

Why is he acting like I'm the only one to fucking blame here? Originally, he made the move onto me.

"Same goes for you," I murmur, narrowing my eyes at the back of his head.

He's not even fucking listening, he's already clanking his boots along the wooden floor and heading right towards the door, resting his fingers against the handle.

He pauses momentarily, and for a second I think he's going to turn back around and say something else to me.

But he doesn't, he just pushes down the handle and disappears out of the barracks.

I fall back onto the bed, wrapping my arms around myself. I feel so damn vulnerable right now. Why the fuck did we do that?

Why did I let it happen?

I wanted it to happen. Deep down, I think I've wanted it to happen for a long time.

Feeling his lips against mine awakened something that's been burning inside of me, but now it's going back into the coals. 

I said it 'might' have been a mistake, he said it 'was' a mistake.

There's a big difference. I was unsure, he was certain.

And now I've got to act like nothing fucking happened, like he didn't just have his fingers knuckle deep inside of me, whilst also working alongside him for God knows how much longer.

My mind has never been driven to insanity more severely than it is right now. The events of the past few weeks are too much, I'm barely stumbling over the hurdles anymore.

I really can't take it.

My career has never been personal before, but everything has changed. My main goal is now hunting down my own Brother, who also killed my fucking Mother.

On top of that, I've also got to work alongside and try to stop myself from falling head over heels for the man I used to despise.

Now this has happened, I don't think things will ever be the same between us. Nothing will go back to normal.

The grudge we used to hold has turned into something far more intense than either of us could've imagined.

'When life gives you lemons' can kiss my fucking ass. Life is trying to squeeze out every ounce of sanity I have left.