NOVA
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22/01/2003
Panay, The Philippines
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"What do you mea-"

I cut Leo off by grabbing his arm and dragging him out of the door, locking it behind us.

"I mean what I said. He just spoke, he admitted there is someone in this base who's been working alongside them." I exclaim, almost excited at the fact that my deduction was right from the start.

"Did he say who?" He questions immediately, an anticipatory edge in his voice.

My face morphs into a look of disappointment, "no. He won't admit who. But I swear I'll get it out-"

Now he cuts me off, placing a hand on my shoulder and shaking his head slowly.

"No, you've done enough. Take some time to relax or you're going to burn yourself out, Nova." He sighs, taking my hand and shoving a tin of soup into it.

I just raise my eyebrows slightly, "oh? And since when do you care?" I snicker provokingly.

"I don't," He grunts, gazing off and at a wall.

"Sure you don't," I bite down on the grin tugging at the corners of my lips.

I don't know what this new dynamic is between him and I, but I much prefer it to the one where we were practically trying to rip each others throats out. It's less, stressful.

Although, there is still times where I want to rip him a new one.

He just mumbles something under his breath and rolls his eyes, "go and eat. I'll take over from here."

I shake my head, "I'm not hungry."

He shoots me an irritated glare, "you haven't fucking eaten. Take that soup and get it down that damn motormouth of yours."

"Okay," I shrug, cracking open the tin of soup right here and now, chugging it down. He stares at me like I'm clinically insane.

"I didn't mean fucking have it right here! God, I forgot how fucking stubborn you can be," he groans, wiping a hand frustratedly over his face, dragging it down his stubbly chin before furrowing his eyebrows.

"I don't want to miss any of the action," I shrug, holding down a laugh at the glare he's giving me.

"Well, you're going to miss it when you pass out from lack of sleep. I swear to god Nova, go and sleep right now." He hisses frustratedly.

I think a part of me is still high from the fact I got Abe to admit something. I don't feel like I need to sleep at all.

"No," I shrug, reaching out my hand towards the door-handle. His hand dashes out as he takes a firm hold of my wrist.

"Go to bed, now." He seethes.

I can't even be fucked to bicker with him, otherwise we will probably end up in one of our classic arguments. Instead, I just roll my eyes and snatch my wrist out of his grasp before disappearing down the corridor.

As I stride across base towards the barracks, my mind runs wild.

What the fuck is his issue lately? He's been acting so, different. Dare I say it, he has been acting like he cares about me; even if it's just a teeny little bit.

I head inside, falling onto the bottom bunk underneath Tara. Almost scaring me shitless, her head appears as she looks down and onto my bed.

"Look who's finally getting some sleep." She chuckles quietly, careful as to not wake anyone else.

"It wasn't my choice, Leo almost manhandled me out of the room." I snicker under my breath.

From the faint light shining in through one of the letterbox-sized windows, I get a glimpse of her eyebrows raising.

"Oh did he, now? He's been acting quite unusual recently, wouldn't you say? When I think back to the pair of you when you first got transferred to the Hawks last year, it's like you're two different people. He seems to have softened around the edges, slightly. Apart from him bashing in your nose, that wasn't cool." She speaks in a hushed tone.

"I've been thinking the exact same thing, he is acting strangely. And we've spoke about the whole accusation thing, I've never heard the word 'sorry' come out of his mouth so much." I mumble, staring up at the underside of Tara's bunk.

She just chuckles slightly, "I guess that's just Leo, he did seem to feel insanely guilty. Maybe the Filipino sun got to him eventually."

I nod slightly, a grin tugging at the corners of my lips. "Yeah, maybe."

Tara blows me her usual dramatic kiss goodnight before retreating back onto her own bunk. Finally, after days, I close my eyes; laying on a mattress instead of against a wall.

—

"Jesus, Nova. You're gorgeous, so fucking gorgeous." Leo whispers into my ear, tracing a finger along my jawline before running it over my lips.

"This is why I've been acting strange. I can't help myself anymore," he breathes before bringing his lips against mine. I instantly give into the kiss, running my hands through the back of his dark, ragged hair.

His hand trails down the line of my stomach, sliding into my shorts.

—

I jolt awake.

My heart is racing at a million miles an hour and I can feel beads of sweat rolling down the back of my neck.

What the fuck?

What in the actual fuck?

"Just a dream. Just a dream." I whisper to myself, almost silently. I wipe the top of my slick forehead.

I've had dreams like that before about people I've felt nothing for. This is normal. It's because I was talking about him right before I went to sleep. That's it. That's all.

I need to fucking pull myself together immediately. It's Leo, for Christ sake. Leo and his whiskey eyes. Leo and his big calloused hands.

Stop it Nova, Jesus Christ. What the fuck is wrong with you?

I slowly slide out of bed, tiptoeing to the washroom and closing the door gently behind me. It's only now, as I look into the mirror, that I realise how damn flushed I am.

I don't think I've ever been this red, even after a mission. There's an embarrasing ache between my legs.

Cold water, that always works the charm. I run the faucet, quickly splashing some over my face; careful to avoid the plaster that is still covering my nose.

Just a dream.

I pat my face dry and lean against the washbasin, still catching my breath.  

It meant nothing. I don't want that to happen. Definitely don't want Leo to have his hand down my panties. Do I?

With great hesitancy, I make my way over and back into the bunk; cocooning myself under the covers.

-
23/1/2003

Thank the fucking heavens that I didn't have another fever dream like that. More so for the sake of my sanity.

We all perch ourselves in the mess hall, lazily spooning porridge into our mouths.

"God, I barely slept," Tara groans, glancing over at me, "I could literally hear you tossing and turning, Nova." She chuckles.

I have absolutely no intention of explaining that whole thing to anyone.

"Oh really? I'm just a restless sleeper," I grin, playing it off entirely. She just nods before turning to talk to Jed about something, until she gasps and turns back over to me.

"Oh my goodness, it's your birthday Nova!" She exclaims, almost flipping her bowl of porridge.

"What? It is?" I mumble in utter confusion, checking the date on the tiny tab of my watch.

Shit, it actually is my birthday.

"Oh damn, I didn't even realise. I'm getting old," I chuckle.

"Hey, at least you're not in your dirty thirties like I am." Lisa chimes in. Everyone seems to be in good spirits for some reason. The thought of them hostages still trapped hasn't left the back of my mind once.

"I think your thirties have been anything but dirty, Lis." Jed chuckles, Lisa pouts her lips in a fake frown.

"Don't be like that. It's hard when you're stuck in the Philippines trying to rescue a bunch of hostages and tackle terrorists. Speaking of, is there any updates?" She asks, turning to me.

If I bite my tongue any harder, I'll bite it clean in half. I can't spill anything about the insider. The more people who know, the more likely the they will be able to blend in.

"Not that I've heard of, no." I mumble. I hate lying, especially to someone I'm as close with as Lisa. She nods slowly, seemingly lost in thought.

Jed stands up, "I was thinking about taking a walk outside of base, check if there's any sort of hidden cameras. Since it's your birthday Nova, care to join? Especially since you've been stuck in that room all week." He grins warmly.

I just shrug in response and nod slightly, "sure, why not. I'm starting to feel claustrophobic being stuck in base."

Tara chimes in, "mind if I tag along?"

Jed immediately seems apprehensive of the idea. There's definitely something going on between him and Tara, he's seemed to be extremely protective of her recently. He shakes his head, causing Tara to frown.

"It could be dangerous." He mumbles, looking away from her.

"So you let Nova tag along but not me?" She sighs sadly, Jed just chuckles a little.

"Well, I mean, Nova is considerably better at hand to hand combat. You're amazing with the sniper rifle, Tara. But, if we were to potentially run into any danger, I think Nova is more cut out to deal with it." He explains softly, causing her face to smooth out.

"I guess you're not wrong. Just make sure you both keep your radios on, 'kay? And make sure yours isn't on mute this time, Nova!" She chuckles as a grin tugs at the corners of my lips.

"Of course we'll take our radios. You call us immediately if there's any updates with Abe, I have a feeling he's going to spill something up soon. When should we leave, Jed?" I ask, glimpsing over at him.

"Say about an hour? Gives our food time to go down before our little excursion." He laughs slightly as I nod, sliding off of the bench.

"Sounds good." I shrug, giving a slight wave as I walk out of the mess hall.

—

"Leo?" I say softly, knocking on the door of the room. He opens it almost immediately, and the sight of his face causes the fever dream from last night to spring to mind.

-
'You're gorgeous, so fucking gorgeous.'
-

I shake my head immediately, as though I can rattle the thoughts from my head. He gives me a confused glare. "Are you having an aneurism or something?"

I laugh awkwardly. Just a nightmare.

"No, no. I thought there was a fly buzzing around my ear, I guess it was just you." I play off, and fight the urge to kick my shin, because why the actual fuck did I say that?

He rolls his eyes before looking back down at me, "Abe hasn't said anything else, if that's what you're here for."

I shake my head again, significantly more calm this time, "No actually, I was just going to say me and Jed are going to take a walk around the area just outside of base; check for any hidden cameras or whatnot." I mumble.

He shoots me a suspicious glare, "Just you and Jed, eh?"

"He offered so I can get out of base for a little while, since it's my birthday." I shrug, my eyes traitorously looking down. Down at his hands. At the hawk tattoo on his left one.

"It's your birthday? How old are you now, nineteen?" He jabs provokingly, biting down a grin.

"I wish. Twenty six, unfortunately." I groan, rubbing my eyes.

"Well, happy birthday, if that's possible right now. Both take your radios with you, yeah?" He raises his eyebrows warningly, to which I nod.

"Will do. Call if there's any updates with Abe. See you later." I give a small wave before walking out of the room.

—

"All set? You've got a gun with you, right?" Jed asks, raising his eyebrows. I chuckle and tap the pistol on my thigh.

"Never without the ol' S&W." I grin slightly, Jed eventually returning it.

"Right, let's get to it. Tara's going to tell the Commanders. I've brought some water along." He smiles, turning his backpack and showing me two bottles of water.

"You're one step ahead, I wouldn't have even thought to bring water." I chuckle as we make our way to the edge of base, giving a wave to the guards on duty as they open the gates for us.

"So, I heard about your Mom's ring being found." He mumbles quietly after we start trudging through the forest, as though solemn to talk about the subject.

"Yeah, I actually found out when I was still in the Hawk Group, the day we got to call home." I shrug as we tread carefully into the woodland, light on our feet to avoid making any sound.

"I can't imagine how that must've felt, I'm so sorry Nova." He sighs, giving my shoulder a slight pat.

"It's okay, I've come to terms with it now. I hope the new dick was worth it." I shrug nonchalantly, Jed snickers at the comment.

—

We continue with our walk through the forest; I think it's been about an hour since left, the sun beating down on us even through the trees.

We're chattering about all kinds; childhoods, hilarious experiences on missions.

Of course I haven't mentioned my lunatic brother.

Luckily, we've not spotted any cameras. A damn good sign.

"That was so damn funny," I wheeze, batting away a tear of laughter. "I mean, maybe not at the time, but Banksy's face was priceless."

This is why Jed and I get along. It's just easy. I'd never look at him in another way, but friendship wise? I consider him a close one. Unusual for me.

"I think Leo's reaction was best," he chuckles, dipping under a branch. "The way he just lost his shit."

"That's a pretty common thing for him," I snort, Jed quirks his eyebrow.

"Yeah, he nearly lost his shit when Dylan Holmes was talking to you the other day." He says.

So it wasn't just me who noticed. I say nothing for a few seconds, wiping some sweat from the side of my hairline.

"Are we okay to sit down for a minute? I'm sweating buckets," I laugh eventually, flopping down on the ground. Jed nods, taking off his backpack and handing me a water bottle.

"Here, help yourself. I don't want you getting dehydrated when we still have to make our way back." He smiles warmly as I take the bottle off of him, cracking the top open and swigging the whole bottle immediately; the heat really got to me.

"Jesus, thanks. I would've keeled over if it wasn't for this." I groan, savouring every last drop left on my lips.

He laughs and opens his own bottle, leaning against a tree as he watches over me. "You know, sometimes you're too smart for your own good, Nova." He says after a moment.

His voice doesn't sound like his. A little unnerved, I force a laugh. "What does that mean? I'm no smarter than anyone else around here, Jed."

He doesn't reply, and a grin plays across his lips.
I bring a hand up to my mouth. My mouth that suddenly has a really, strange taste.

Oh God. No. No. No.

"Jed?" I whisper as I shoot to my feet, and his expression gives me every answer I need.

Run. Fucking run. Whatever he's done to me, I need to get back to base before it kicks in. If I can get back to base, I just might be alright.

I sprint and sprint, and he's right behind me. Fuck, what way did we come? My head spins with anxiety as I clamp a hand over my thundering heart, remind myself that it's still beating.

For now.

I can hear Jed laughing behind me as I jam two fingers down my throat, trying to gag in an attempt to regurgitate something. Anything.

A little comes up, and my world starts to feel weird and sluggish, veering around me until everything is doubled. I yank my radio from my belt, pressing any button in my hazy state.

I didn't think I'd slowed down until I feel Jed's boot kick the small of my back, sending me sprawling into the dirt with a thud and the radio skittering from my hand.

A constricting pain twists my chest; every muscle in my body beginning to tense up and turn rigid. I cringe and roll onto my side, gasping for a panicked breath I can't seem to reach.

My head begins to spin at a million miles per hour. I glance down at my hands, and they don't feel like my hands anymore.

"What did you do...?" I manage to grit out, clawing the dirt desperately. I lift one of my now weighted hands, shoving my fingers back down my throat in an attempt to regurgitate anything else.

"You thought you were always one step ahead of everyone, Shields. In reality, I've been one step ahead of you this whole entire time." He grins down at me, his blue eyes radiating the most dark, sinister gaze I've ever witnessed.

"Why-?" I splutter, still trying to heave the water up. It feels like my body is slowly shutting down, I'm turning completely numb. I drag my arm down to my belt, trying to reach the pistol.

Please no. No. Not like this.

"Fleetwood was responsible for the death of my brother, I'll spare you the details since you're on 'ya deathbed. Turned out the best way to get back at you all was to join them and plot something like this all along. I reached out to Altashih, turns out they know all about the little 'secret' organisation, and they had a few significant members who wanted vengeance."

"We've planned this all along, Nova. It's all falling into place." He chuckles, shaking his head. He walks over to me and plants a boot firmly on my back, suffocating me further.

He leans down, pick my pistol from my belt, and tosses it into the greenery with a manic laugh. Well out of my reach.

I can't even look at him clearly anymore since black dots are speckling in the forefront of my eyes, my mouth drying out like sand.

I'm going to fucking die here. Completely and utterly alone.

"A lethal dose of fentanyl was bound to do the trick. As soon as you started figuring out the 'insider' theory, I had this planned; needed to wipe you out of the picture before your pretty little mind figured out that it was me.

"After all, who do you really think I was talking to on the day of the phone calls?" He grins.

No. No. No.

"Your death will be ruled as accidental. Once I've found an unsuspecting place to stash your body, I'll blast a bullet through your brain. Say we got ambushed. I didn't want to have to kill you, Nova. You were simply just figuring too much out." He chuckles, scratching the back of his neck.

With great effort, I drag one of my fingernails through the dirt. Forming a J.

This can't be happening. Please. I can't fucking die like this. I don't want to die like this. This isn't the way I was meant to go out.

I'm terrified.

I form an E in the dirt before my hand limps.

Come on, Nova. Finish his name.

I don't hear the order in my voice. I hear it in somebody else's.

I hear it in Leo's voice.

Leo. Leo trusts Jed, and Jed is going to fucking betray them all. Going to get them all killed.

Don't let him hurt them. Don't let him hurt Tara. Don't let him hurt Lisa. Don't let him hurt North.

Don't let him hurt Leo.

I see his face. I see the look in his whiskey eyes when he finds out I'm dead. The look in his eyes when Jed forges a lie to explain how I was killed.

God help me, I see him telling me it's all going to be okay.

You're better than this, Nova. You're strong. Don't die weak. Write the fucking letter.

I grab my sagging wrist with my free hand, gripping it and guiding a 'D' into the ground.
Jed catches onto what I'm doing, steps forward, and kicks my best efforts away.

"You fucking bastard. . ." I manage to splutter, my vision blackening as I ultimately start losing any last control of myself. I don't miss the feeling of a few tears dripping down my face, however.

"Wait, are you crying?" He laughs. A grating, raw, awful sound. "This is too good, Shields."

"You'll die for this." I bite out, even though it's ridiculous. Pathetic. The only person who's going to die because of this, is me.

He grabs onto my ponytail, aggressively rolling me over and onto my back. "You'll just, die," he drawls. "Sleep well, Shields." He leans closer. His face is so close. So fucking within reach. If I could feel my arms, I could kill him.

But I can't. All I can do is die. His nails sink into my hair as he yanks my head back. "I want to see the light go out."

I hear him mutter that final, sinister line before my world fades out.