i noticed the combination of gold and green first

the grass, the leaves, the fireflies

but then i looked up

and the sky was the color of my nightmares

lavendergrey

...such a pretty color...

...of all the human colors...

...lavender grey is my favorite. 

i'm terrified

i don't want her near me, not again

please

PLEASE

just stay away

OUC S

i feel her

she's just under the surface

waiting for me to slip up

my vision blurs as i look to any source of light

she can't take me

no

NO

OUC SOU CSO UCS

it's too late

i can only hope someone hears me

silence.

it's always been my worst fear. 

but for some reason, it doesn't bother me this time

i can see everything she does

and everything he does too

he's fighting the hardest against her

after all, he is the closest one to the host

what am i saying?

i am their host

i can feel the ice again

so much of it

but then i can hear her

a familiar voice

comforting

"You're so much stronger than you realize, Ash."

i reach out, catch the words before they fade away

they burn but i don't care

i hold them tightly

and i am on fire

without even thinking

i scream

my prison shatters

i am free

my vision no longer blurs

i look in the mirror, through my own eyes

my hair is a greasy black mop on my head

there are bags under my silver eyes

i haven't been sleeping well

i wear long sleeves, something i never do

there's a long scar going up my left shin, a knife wound

giant claw marks barely visible on my shoulder

my nose is bleeding, a deep dark blood

but i smile anyways

tears roll down my face

i'm home

kei te ora ahau