i dreamed that i jumped.

i remember the panic, watching the car sink to the bottom of the water, and the adrenaline rushing through me as i jumped off the edge.

i remember swimming. straining my arms and legs to the limit, going as fast as i can before time runs out

i remember succeeding. i remember being there, saving them. saving her.

i remember the feeling of being caught in the water, trapped in one place no matter how hard i moved.

and when i think of this, i remember what it's like to be alive. to be loved.

i won't lie.

it's terrifying, to think about what comes next. we only get so much time here.

when we die, what happens?

i don't want to be slowly forgotten. i don't want to be caught in the void, alone, and i don't want to believe in eternal bliss or suffering.

i want to be alive. i could take immortality, watching all of my friends die while i stay the same, for the chance to be human.

it's selfish to want such a thing.

i know it is.

but what if we just stop existing? what will that be like? will we feel ourselves fade?

i don't want to lose this. i know that i could easily lose all of everything in a moment.

i want to be courageous.

i want to save people, like him.

he saved me. he's saved so many people. i want to be like him.

but can i?

i've been having the same dream.

most nights, it's a truck. a pickup truck i recognize too well. a shade of green so dark i would call it black, with no front license plate.

there's a mother and child inside. who the mother is, i couldn't say. some nights i think i know her face.

the child, however, i recognize.

the woods that the truck is driving through are her woods.

her face is one i see every day.

so why do i think of myself when i see her?

am i diving into the icy water to save her or myself?

when i wake, there are no answers. i fear there never will be, and yet i hope i never know.

whatever the truth is, it's a vision.

it wouldn't be the first time.

i have stories of prophetic sights, things i dreamed as a child that came true.

i know that my family has a history of these visions. i know that i'm following in their footsteps.

when the time comes, i only hope i can swim fast enough.