i am on the verge of a panic attack.

all because i see something differently.

and then everyone's yelling, and i'm explaining myself, but it doesn't matter.

i don't matter.

so i sit here, doing nothing

because dammit, i'm autistic, and i don't process it right.

i feel in tastes and colors because it's easier than thinking of the right feeling.

i'm tired of thinking.

i was thrown into this

i never wanted to be this person

i am on the edge

the edge of being her

HER

i remember it like it was yesterday

that final blow

i told her to never come back

i've practically devolved

i have control under some of it

but i'm not a leader any more

i had one year

one year where i was loved

one year where i had people there for me

they all left

why?

WHY?

WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS

i was a good kid

i was kind

i let others in

i was doing good

i was winning

i had it under CONTROL

AND THEN THEY ALL LEFT

ALL OF THEM

SOME OF THEM CAME BACK BUT NO

THEY WERE DIFFERENT

SO DIFFERENT

THEY DIDN'T WANT ME

THEY DIDN'T WANT ME

THEY DON'T WANT ME

DID THEY EVER?

my hands are shakey

this isn't who i am, please

i feel-

i feel-

how do i feel?

there's something burning in my mind.

it's sickly sweet like..

damn it!

it's licorice. nobody likes it, except a few. and it's burning, on fire

a fire

but the fire is going out

the bright flame is dimming

because all of his fuel has been burnt

and now there is nothing left

suddenly, there is a flash of gold, the flame put out.

but in its place, a small puddle of-

a pile of ash.

a golden necklace laying in the cinders.

all of the trinkets she'd given him had burned.

but there was a seashell.

painted blue, with love in the swirls.

and for a moment, burnt licorice faded from the air, leaving a soft blueberry bubblegum.

the pale hand reached down to him, where he clung to a ledge. he took it.

when he reached the summit, he was met with the face of a familiar blue haired boy.

this time, they switched

the prince of fire had faded to blue, and the prince of water had been set alight.

before, they had been perfect for each other.

now, they went together even more

the prince of fire was alone.

the lady in green had left him, without a passing word.

so when this newcomer approached him, he let a smile on his face

just for him

he was gifted seashells

things he'd never cared for before

but now

he could see it

he'd never believed in soulmates

now, he was sure that this new prince was the one

he let loose the phoenix, and the phoenix gave him unburnt gifts.

but the problem still remained.

he had no one else.

it was he and this phoenix against the tidal wave that threated to drown him at every step.