Date posted on AFF: 2019.06.18

Summary:

Chaeyoung has always lived her life being a very obedient daughter to her parents. But maybe for once, she wants to do what she wants, even if that means having to cancel her own wedding while it is her turn to say, 'I do'.

»»————-　♡　————-««

Chaeyoung watched Jungkook and the others dragging each other as they headed over to wherever the bachelor party was. Her eyes glued onto the image of them until they were out of sight. 30 minutes later as she idly scrolled through her Instagram feed, stared at the posts of the boys before and after they skydived, smiled a little before she put her phone away.

On the night before her wedding day, as she was minutes away from sleep, she recalled back her conversation with her friends during her bachelorette party. She was taking a rest with them after spending time in the water when Jisoo came to sit next to her before she was followed by Lisa and Jennie.

"I can't believe that you're the first to get married," Lisa had said and pouted at her.

"Be happy for her," Jennie responded.

"I am!" Lisa said and sat on her other side, putting an arm around her. "It's hard to believe that this is happening! It's weird that my best friend is gonna be someone else's wife."

"Same," Jisoo said with a chuckle.

"Can't believe we're entering a new phase," Lisa said, the realization had finally dawned on her.

"It feels like time is moving too fast. It's like only yesterday when we met each other," Jennie added.

Jisoo nodded in agreement. "It's like only yesterday that I'm listening to her talking about boys."

Chaeyoung had pouted. "You guys are going to make me cry."

"You should!" Jennie said, already crying herself.

When they were ready to go back, Jisoo was standing beside her as the small yacht moved on the water. They were silent for the whole time, the only sound Chaeyoung had registered was of Lisa and Jennie laughing with the other girls.

"Everything is fine, right?" Jisoo said to Chaeyoung after their long silence.

Chaeyoung furrowed her brows at the older female. She smiled, nonetheless. "Yeah."

Jisoo nodded, smiled into the distance. "So, do you have any idea what the guys are going to do for their bachelor party?"

Chaeyoung smiled in return. "Jungkook told me that the boys planned to go for skydiving."

Jisoo stared at her for a long time, there was a hint of smile after that which caused Chaeyoung to raise her brow in question. "What's the matter?" she asked with a confused chuckle.

"Nothing," Jisoo laughed. "No strippers, right?"

Her own laughter mirrored Jisoo's escaped. "No strippers," she confirmed. "Hopefully." When she saw the older female quirked her brow, Chaeyoung chuckled. "Don't worry, I think Namjoon won't be interested with the strippers if you tell him that you like him too."

Jisoo snorted and dismissed it, immediately put the conversation to a stop.

Chaeyoung patted her pillow, remembered how she had told Jisoo over and over again how she wished for the older woman to be true to her own feelings. Every time she did say that to Jisoo, the latter had always looked at her with some unspoken response that Chaeyoung actually understood very well but had chosen to ignore every single time.

She stared at the ceiling, stomach went tight for a few seconds as she thought of the big day and swallowed the big lump latching onto the wall of her throat. She had a talk with Jungkook two hours before.

"You're not having second thoughts, are you?" Jungkook had asked and Chaeyoung thought back of her confident answer to him, denying it while looking into his eyes. She had confidently told him not to worry, that she was not having second thoughts and she was just excited and nervous. He had told her that it was the same with him.

She thought hard about that particular moment, of her own answer, feeling unsure if she was being genuine or it was the other way around. Was she lying to him?

Her phone vibrated on her bedside. Jungkook had sent her a goodnight text before he sent another message.

- I can't wait to see you tomorrow.

Jisoo's question rang in her head, and when she woke up from her sleep in the morning, the day of her big day, the question still lingered, being the first thing that popped up in her head.

"Everything is fine, right?"

*

Chaeyoung had been zoning out while everyone else was helping her out with her dress, her makeup, her hair and basically everything. She was lost in her own thoughts. She recalled back to the day she had tried out the wedding dress, her parents were satisfied with it, Jungkook looked extra happy seeing her in that dress, the girls had screamed in excitement and took tons of her pictures in it.

She recalled back to that day and felt a sudden tightness in her chest. She let out the heaviest sigh in her whole life and she felt a squeeze on her shoulder which pulled her back from her thoughts. Chaeyoung looked up at the mirror and Jennie was looking straight at her with her eyebrow raised.

"Are you okay?" the older female asked.

Chaeyoung swallowed and smiled, lightly nodding her head. "I'm fine. Just nervous."

"Take a deep breath," Jennie told her with another gentle squeeze on her arm. "It's normal to be nervous. It's your big day after all."

Lisa poked her cheek lightly with her warm smile. "You will be fine, Chaeng. Just calm down for now. We still have a lot of minutes to spend here before it's time."

Chaeyoung smiled back at her friend before she saw something that caught her eyes. A silver band around Lisa's ring finger. Her eyes slightly widened. "Hold up a second," she chuckled. "You don't wear rings on your ring finger, Lisa."

It didn't take long for Lisa to register what she'd just referred to. Jennie and Jisoo immediately turned and grabbed Lisa's hand to see the ring and all four of them squealed in sequence starting from Chaeyoung, Jennie, Jisoo and lastly Lisa.

"We don't even know you're in a relationship!" Jisoo complained while playfully slapping Lisa's arm.

"Well, now you know," Lisa threw a smug smile.

"Look at you girls," Jennie responded with a brief pout. "Coming at us with all this sudden good news. I'm both happy and jealous!"

"Trust me, Jen," Lisa chuckled. "Chaeng and I wouldn't actually be the firsts if you'd just hint Jongin like how I suggested."

"Congratulations, Lisa," Chaeyoung said with a big smile, squeezing her friend's hand. "I'm so happy for you."

Lisa waved her hand dramatically to stop Chaeyoung from talking. "Hush. Enough about me. This day is your day. We'll talk about me on any other day."

"Alright, promise us that you will reveal to whom that initial belongs to."

"Promise!" Lisa put out a pinky finger. "And you gotta promise that you will be calm."

Chaeyoung simply laughed, because the closer the time for her to walk down the aisle, the more nervous she got, the more flooded her mind was with thoughts of her family and her new life that would officially start the moment the words 'I do' would fall out of her mouth.

*

"Are you ready?"

Chaeyoung shut her eyes tight, her lips pressed tight against one another as she inhaled the deepest of her breath. Her fingers around her father's arm curled tighter and she didn't need to look at her hand holding the bouquet of beautiful flowers to know that it was shaking badly.

"Calm down, I'm here," her father said, gifting her a reassuring smile as he gently rubbed her hand clutching tightly on his arm. "We will walk slowly. It's fine. You can do it."

Chaeyoung's eyes were staring at the red carpet underneath her feet for a moment, her ears listening to the background music announcing her entrance, her teeth were nibbling her bottom lip and her chest was rising and dropping. When the door opened after she signaled that she was finally ready to go, she could hear her heart pounding in her ears as she made her first step.

She had hesitated at first, but eventually her eyes slowly lifted, and almost immediately, she saw Jungkook looking at her with a smile on his face. She locked eyes with him and despite what her thoughts were about the whole feeling she was having, she let a small nervous smile decorate her face before she began to look around at all the faces attending the ceremony.

Every sound fell deaf to her ears then. Only the voices in her head were slowly getting loud where most of them were from her own memories. She remembered listening to her parents wish for her to marry the man and though she didn't know him back then, she had agreed because of how wishful her parents looked and how joyful they were after that.

She only realized that she had stopped walking when her father's hand was replaced by her soon-to-be husband's, she only realized that she hadn't been breathing properly and she tried to, tried her best to calm down because her father told her to. She remembered her mother repeatedly told her that this would be a very meaningful day for them as a family.

As the wedding officiant began to utter the words that supposedly should make her insides jolt in pure excitement but surprisingly didn't, Chaeyoung looked up from her feet, but she was unable to stare into the very eyes already staring down at her. She looked only at his chest before her eyes shifted towards his lips and she didn't know why she held her breath the moment he said 'I do' with a smile right after.

It was at the fall of her name that Chaeyoung's focus slowly came back.

"... for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until death do you part?"

Her lips separated, she only needed to say 'I do' but why was it so hard? All of her life, she had been saying the words on a daily basis though the usage wasn't exactly for a wedding. It wasn't like she was going to be asked to say the two simple words in a foreign language she had never tried speaking of before.

She looked at Jungkook and he had smiled at her, encouraging her to say the word with a very light nod of his head and Chaeyoung felt her lips separate again, but she didn't hear herself saying it. She only heard herself breathing rather heavily, her head spinning and she shuddered the moment she heard the whispers of the guests at the same time she shifted her eyes from Jungkook toward the pair of eyes belonged to the man in front of her.

Jaehyun's eyes showed nothing else but concern, his soft hands holding hers gently, thumbs rubbing against her skin with such tenderness which should slowly calm her down. "Do you want to start over?" he asked softly.

She said nothing, only looking at their hands briefly before she turned to look at where her parents were seated. Her father's furrowed brows were deep, his hand signaling Jaehyun to do something, she noticed, and her mother sent her a warm encouraging look. She heard Jaehyun's request to start it all over again, and she heard him telling the crowd that she was extremely nervous. She heard the coos coming from the guests, gentle encouraging voices from her bridesmaids and this time, she didn't just read Jaehyun's lips saying, 'I do'. She heard it all clearly. And this time, she heard the question being asked to her crystal clear.

Chaeyoung gulped and parted her lips and heard herself panted again, like she had been running all her life and had never ever stopped. She really had, in fact, had been running and realized it all probably a little too late the longer her eyes stared at Jaehyun. She had been running from giving herself the authority to decide on her own.

Almost all decisions, from the ones considered to be highly significant to those that could be categorized as very small decisions, had never been of Chaeyoung.

Her parents had decided which university she should enroll herself into, what course she should be taking, which company she should be working for, what type of car she should be buying for her first car, which of her many passions she should be focusing on and now, who she should be marrying.

Jaehyun's voice came out, calling her name in a whisper to remind her to say the words. "Chaeyoung..."

Chaeyoung's eyes glanced at the man standing behind the groom. Jungkook was looking at her confusedly with a brow lifted before he mouthed 'I do' and signaled to her to say it with another nod of his head.

"I..." she began, and she could literally feel everyone's focus at that time. She looked up at Jaehyun, his face full of anticipation. Two words were all that she needed to say.

A second flew away, Jaehyun's face become slightly blurry and she realized that her eyes began to water. When she finally said two words, her voice was not how she expected would be heard. She expected for her voice to come out in a broken, choked sob, but it was actually loud and clear. Loud and clear enough for the whole audience to let out a collective gasp.

"I can't."

The time probably stopped for a moment, because Jaehyun stood frozen, unmoving and his eyes unblinking. "What?"

"I can't do this," she said, gentler this time, more towards him and not for anyone else to hear. "I'm sorry, Jaehyun. I really can't."

Jaehyun's forehead creased as he turned toward the crowd momentarily before his attention was on hers again. "What do you mean?" A nervous chuckle escaped him. "What do you mean you can't?"

"I can't marry you," she said, gently pulling herself away from his hold, paused momentarily before she corrected herself with a softer tone. "I don't want to marry you."

The silence of the crowd moments ago was now replaced once again with the gasps and whispers of all the attendees.

Jaehyun pressed his lips together and leaned down. "We've discussed about this, right?"

Yes, she replied in her mind. They had both agreed that they could learn to be partners in love after they got married, just like all the arranged marriages that ever happened in both of their families. They could be like those people too. They could learn to love one another. It wasn't impossible. Yes, they had this discussion before. Yes, she had nodded in agreement after both their parents told them that.

"Then?"

"I still can't," she told him, being the most honest in her 27 years of living. "I'm sorry, Jaehyun." She turned to look at her parents, then his parents. "I'm really sorry. I am truly sorry. I cannot do this."

The gasps of the guests only got louder. Chaeyoung turned to Jaehyun who didn't look mad maybe because that was just how he always had been. Instead of anger, confusion was the one that had hung on Jaehyun's face. Chaeyoung could still be wrong, because she didn't really know much about Jaehyun. The initial plan was to learn more and more of him after becoming his wife.

As she stared at Jaehyun, she felt sorry that she had to do this publicly. She swallowed hard. "I don't love you the way I'm supposed to. I know, I know that I should learn to love you, but I can't. I can't do that when I..." Chaeyoung paused, feeling her lips trembled.

Her eyes then slowly shifted from Jaehyun's to over his shoulder, where Jungkook was standing, "when I am in love with somebody else."

Chaeyoung noticed the obvious change in Jungkook's face. His big eyes could never hide anything, no matter what emotion. She chewed on her lip; her tears finally rolled down her cheeks as she continued to stare at Jungkook.

"Jaehyun, I can't ever love you as much as I love that person and..." Jungkook had become a statue as his unblinking eyes locked on hers. She averted her eyes back to Jaehyun and continued where she left off. "And that would only be unfair to you."

All of a sudden, everything felt so overwhelming as she felt the stares of everyone, her name tumbling out of everyone's mouth and all she could hear from herself was her heart racing as she let her feet brought her out of the place. If she had been panting for a non-physical run before, this time, the sound of her trying to catch a breath would be because of a physical run.

*

Chaeyoung didn't bother where she was running off to. She just needed to escape the place. She thought she had been running all day, but if she really had, she'd probably have crossed the country. Some people had stared at her longer than she would allow them to, because who wouldn't stare at a bride in a wedding dress running and crying and almost throwing up when she stopped at a bridge?

It felt good that she finally had the guts to go against her parents' wish. Yet, she felt bad towards everyone who was there. She wished that she had done that before the wedding. She wished she hadn't made such decision so late that she had wasted everyone's time. She couldn't rid of all these feelings that were making her feel like the worst person in the world. At the same time, she didn't think she'd ever regret making that decision. What she regretted was the timing that she chose.

Jaehyun had entered her life long before Jungkook did. They were introduced to each other as children, playmates during the very few times their families invited each other for any gathering. The idea of them being married to each other was also introduced to them long ago, when they were still struggling to finish off school. She didn't think much of who her husband would be, didn't think deeply when she was told that she needed to marry Jaehyun. She knew that she'd never be able to decide it for herself.

Seeing her parents satisfied with her obeying them was fine with her. She had never felt the need to give herself the chance to decide for herself, because all her life it had always been her parents who did that for her.

It was like that for so many years, until she began to enter the adult world where she met Jungkook, a colleague who became a friend that she was fond of, to one of her closest friends that she loved before she realized that her feelings for him had grown and had gone beyond a simple platonic love.

Even when she had realized the meaning behind every unique warmness she felt when he cared for her, the large gap of difference between his presence and absence around her, even when all of that had been realized, she had always tried to dismiss it. She was engulfed in her own fear of different aspects of her life. She had been too scared that it wasn't a decision that her parents would accept, too scared that the strong bond between her and him would be broken instead.

Was it a good decision at all to confess her feelings, though not exactly directly, towards her best friend on the day of her wedding in the eyes of everyone?

Chaeyoung roughly wiped her wet face with her palms. She continued to stare at the water under the bridge when, for the nth time, Jisoo's voice infiltrated her mind. She sighed. She was unsure if things would be fine after this.

"I thought you've fled to a new country, on your way to change your identity." A clear voice came to snap her from her train of thoughts. "Looks like I overestimated you."

Chaeyoung felt her heart briefly stop, knowing by heart to whom the voice belonged to that she didn't have to turn around. She gripped on her wedding dress tightly, still not looking at Jungkook who'd come to stand beside her.

She looked around to see if he was with anyone else. "I'm alone," he said, turning to her with a small smile which she responded with a soft nod. "What happened, Chaeyoung?"

Chaeyoung swallowed hard, leaned towards the railing. "Weren't you in there?" she chuckled dryly. "I canceled the wedding."

"I mean," Jungkook softly laughed in return. "Why did you do it?" he asked, slightly serious this time.

"Why? I thought I've provided the answer as well back in there in front of everyone," she said and turned to him. "In front of you."

Jungkook stared into her eyes silently. "If you didn't want to marry him in the first place, why did you agree then?"

"I'm stupid, that's why," she sniffed and looked down at her own dress that no longer looked pretty to her eyes. "I'm stupid enough that I couldn't say no to my parents. Stupid enough to decide everything a little too late. Stupid enough to not let myself follow my heart."

When Chaeyoung looked up and gazed straight into Jungkook's big eyes, she held her breath for a second before she softly said, "I am stupid enough for being scared of doing something about my own feelings until minutes ago."

She knew Jungkook knew to whom her feelings had grown for. Chaeyoung knew that he knew it was him all along. They both knew that there was something between them. Both realized that things had always been mutual between them. But they had both been scared, she was sure of that.

Jungkook looked away quickly, his jaw tightened as his gaze fell on something else far in the distance.

As Chaeyoung stared at his side profile, it became clearer to her of how deep of a regret she'd feel if she had just let the wedding go on because there could be no word in any language that could define what she felt for Jungkook. If she ended up marrying someone who she literally had no feelings for, the clearer it became of how miserable she'd be if she never at least tried to be honest with herself.

"Jungkook..." she murmured. "I know this is really such a bad time. I know I should've done it sooner. But I...I want you to know that," she stepped closer towards him. She felt her heart becoming so wild. She had never done this before. She didn't know what to do -what the right thing to do. Chaeyoung let out a deep exhale, closing her eyes as the words rushed out of her, "you mean so, so much to me."

She felt embarrassed, but she'd rather be embarrassed now than having to regret herself later that she'd never told him what he needed to hear.

"You mean so much and I just don't think anyone could ever top that." Her hands were trembling and her heart was racing, and it became especially fast when Jungkook turned to look at her in the eyes. She chewed on her lip, a strong urge to look away from him existed in her but she fought it and continued to gaze into his big eyes.

"Jungkook, it... it has always been you. I don't remember feeling this feeling with somebody else. I knew and realized this all along, but I didn't think it'd affect me much if I dismiss this feeling for the sake of my parents' wish and plus, because we are friends. But it did, and I blame it on myself that I took an action a little too late. I can't continue lying to myself, though. It might have been a very late action, but if I didn't do it, I would regret it my whole life."

There was a beat of a silence before Jungkook's eyes blinked and his brows slowly furrowed, his head slowly shook. He looked down for a moment and let out the longest and heaviest sigh she'd ever heard in her whole life.

Jungkook took a step back from her and turned his whole body back toward the railing, leaning there with his forearms propped against the railing and his head hung low. "Chaeyoung..." Her name came out breathily. "Oh god," she heard him said which sounded a lot like an exasperated groan and she couldn't help but felt slightly hurt at that response. Maybe because it wasn't the response that she had expected.

"Chaeyoung..." he sighed again.

With furrowed brows, she responded, "Hm?"

Jungkook slowly turned to look at her. His forehead creased. "Please tell me you're joking," he said, tone serious instead.

It was also not the thing she expected him to say, although she didn't really know what she should be expecting coming from him. Yet, it offended her that he thought that it was all a joke.

"I know that this situation is ridiculous," she said, expression tight. "I just cancelled the wedding that my parents had planned for years, that both families had prepared for months, I just cancelled that by confessing in front of everyone that I am in love with someone else... and you think that this is all a joke?"

"I didn't say that."

"So why did you want me to tell you that I was joking?" she raised her tone at him.

"I'm sorry, I just-" he stopped and sighed for the umpteenth time. "This is all so overwhelming to me. I- We're... friends."

"I know," she nodded. "But you are so much more than just a friend to me, Jungkook," she further confessed.

He stared at her again with his eyes wide and lips parted. He seemed like he wanted to say something straight away, but he closed his mouth and looked into the distance again and cursed under his breath.

"And... I know it's the same with you," she said softly as she approached him. Jungkook's head whipped to look at her.

"Chaeng." He called her name, tone stern like he was warning her.

"Please tell me the truth, Kookie," her fingers gently curled around his arm, "that you feel the same towards me."

Jungkook inhaled sharply. "Chaeyoung."

"Tell me now about your feelings towards me."

"Chaeyoung," he repeated with a heavy sigh and gently took her hand off his arm. "Look, you're my friend, my best friend and-"

Her heart clenched at the word 'friend' being shoved at her multiple times. "You keep saying that, that we're friends."

"That's because we are."

"We are!" she almost yelled. "But you always look at me a little too long for me to be just a friend in your eyes. I am not stupid. I am not oblivious. We both know it, Jungkook."

Jungkook put his hands on his waist, head tipped back as he squeezed his eyes tightly. Chaeyoung wondered if she had been wrong.

Had it all been her illusions all along when she witnessed the special glint in his eyes whenever she did something that everyone else would consider stupid? Did she interpret his actions of silently caring for her wrongly? Did she go too far in thinking that he might have treated her differently than other people in their circle of friends?

She wondered if it was all unreal when they'd almost kiss on that one company annual dinner. It was something they had never tried to bring up again right after it happened. She still hadn't been able to figure out if she should be grateful that Jimin had accidentally broken that moment when he tripped and fell to the floor just right in front of them. She had felt her cheeks burned and would blame it all on the alcohol if she actually had a drop, but she couldn't put her blame on anything so she had avoided his eyes all night. But she did notice how it was exactly the same with him.

As she watched Jungkook now after reminiscing that night, Chaeyoung suddenly had doubts. She questioned herself, what if whatever happened between them had always been one-sided?

"Say something will you?" She felt a throb in her heart when he had remained quiet, only pacing restlessly in front of her.

Jungkook stopped moving, briefly pinched the bridge of his nose before his hand fell to his side, one hand still on his hip. "Chaeyoung, it's...this is late," he tried to laugh. "I can't do this. This isn't right."

Her heart sank lower and there was probably a hand clenching on it painfully that her almost dried face became wet again with fresh tears.

"I know it's late. I know that. Don't repeat it to me, because I know damn well that it's all too late to be canceling the wedding. That's very last minute and everyone has the right to be angry at me right now. But I don't think it's ever too late to let you know that you're the only person I'm in lo-"

Chaeyoung immediately halted when Jungkook rubbed his face with both his hands while she was in the middle of confessing to him once again because the natural light around them had fallen onto the ring on his ring finger while his other fingers weren't wearing any like he used.

"You know what," she choked as she tried to continue what she had to say. "You're right. It's too late. I'm sorry. I am really sorry."

Chaeyoung's tears were rapid as they fall down her cheeks. She shook her head and repeated the 'sorry' before turning her body around and for the second time, she was running again, ignoring Jungkook who sounded desperate when he called her name. For a split second, she considered halting her steps or maybe slow down so he'd catch up to her, but she didn't hear him running after her and she definitely understood why.

*

Chaeyoung took a slightly longer time to get up from her bed than she planned to when she heard the doorbell rang. She'd told no one but Jisoo of her whereabouts after she totally fled off the wedding scene, after running away from everyone including Jungkook. Even Jisoo had a hard time to let her reveal where she was and which hotel she was staying in. She had agreed to let Jisoo come and visit her with a condition that she had to be alone and Jisoo had made a promise. Although she didn't wish to see anyone that she knew at all during her stay over there, she had to admit that she needed to talk to someone and when it came to problems, Jisoo was really the best person out there.

However, when she opened the door and saw the last person that she wanted to see, Chaeyoung's face turned sour as she stood there with the door handle held tight in her hand. If only it was easy to get angry over Jisoo, she'd fly back to Seoul that instant and go all rage to the older woman for exposing her location to Jungkook.

Jungkook managed a small smile at her, and very softly, just like the way she realized she'd like it, he said, "Can I come in?"

Chaeyoung exhaled with a roll of her eyes. "I'd be more of an asshole if I shut this door on you right now, wouldn't I?"

He didn't say anything, only widening his smile as he slowly stepped in and closed the door with a click after she walked away and took a seat. Jungkook sat across her with the small table separating them, and she tried her best not to look and not to think of the clinking sound of the ring against the glass surface of the table when he briefly placed his hand on top of it.

"You're not really the person I want to see right now," she said. "Honestly, I don't even want to see anyone at all."

"I know," he said. "But I need to see you."

"For what? Let me guess, Jisoo actually forced you."

Jungkook leaned backward and sighed. "No one forced me to come here to see you. I forced Jisoo to tell me where you are."

"What's so important that you're willing to come to Jeju to see me?" she scoffed, feeling doubtful more than ever of whatever his actions were now.

Jungkook let the silence to grow thick and Chaeyoung hadn't cared until it went longer than she expected to. When she finally looked at him, he was already gazing at her and she hated to admit that his soft gaze did things to her heart.

"I want to talk to you about everything," he told her, and though she predicted it earlier, her heart did momentarily stop and she felt a burn in her chest. She wished she hadn't fallen for Jisoo's trick.

"There's really nothing to talk about now," she immediately replied. "Nothing actually matters now."

"You're really going to be like this all the time, huh?" Jungkook leaned forward. "You never really finish stuff, do you? Agreed to be wedded but didn't do it. About to tell me that you love me but stopped and ran off."

Her cheeks rose in temperature, red coloring them. She dared herself to shoot him a glare. "So? It doesn't even matter anymore."

"Fine, if you don't think anything matters anymore, if you're never going to finish whatever you're about to do, that's on you, but let me finish mine, so I would really appreciate if you sit and listen to what I gotta say."

"Don't waste the time, then," she muttered as she sunk in her seat, fingers fidgeting on the table. She forced herself to prepare for whatever he had to say.

Jungkook took a deep breath. "You were right, Chaeyoung. You were right about everything you said the other day. I'm not so good in words, but yes, you're very special to me. That's never gonna change. But you were also supposed to be Jaehyun's wife. And both of you are my friends."

Chaeyoung didn't realize that she was crying. She thought something was tickling her cheek that she raised her hand up to flick it off but it was her tears rolling down her skin. "If you're actually here to remind me of all this mess I've created and got myself into, forget it. I promise I will go back and apologize. But it won't be now. It won't be soon either. But it'll happen."

Jungkook shook his head. "I know you know what you did. I know you understood very well of the consequences. I'm here not to remind you of all that. I won't be forcing you to go back right at this moment either."

He ran a hand through his hair and Chaeyoung couldn't help but to glance up to catch a glimpse of that ring. She was not sure for what reason she'd want to do that, to break her heart even more? It wasn't that hand, though. She looked away again.

"It was a difficult situation for me, Chaeng. With you suddenly confessing to me. On the day of your wedding day. I was overwhelmed. I didn't know what to say without fucking it up," he groaned before saying, "You don't know how I was dying to know if I had been right, that you share the same feeling towards me. But fuck, that really wasn't how I imagined getting a confession out of you."

"Well, at least you got the confession you wanted," she muttered. "Yeah the timing was so wrong, but everything else doesn't matter anymore."

Jungkook looked so frustrated when he asked, "Why do you keep saying that nothing matters anymore?"

Chaeyoung flicked off the tear in the corner of her eye. She scoffed at him loudly, managed a bitter smile as she fixed her eyes on the wall next to him because she didn't think she could look into his eyes and not think of how someone else out there would soon look into his eyes while listening to his vow.

"Why? Because you've moved on. So none of what I did actually matters any longer."

"What?" he asked, disbelief filling his voice. His eyes narrowed at her before he lifted a brow. "Moved on?" And this time, it was his turn to scoff at her. "Moved on from what?"

"Moved on from me. The feelings you had for me, you've moved on from that."

Jungkook laughed humorlessly. "What are you, a psychic?" he asked with furrowed brows.

With that response, she swallowed hard as her mind was invaded with the thoughts that she had been right, that he'd moved on from her and that thought hurt a lot more than she had prepared herself for.

"So it's true, then?" she lifted a brow.

"What?" Jungkook's confusion was evident on his face. "You and your goddamn assumption, Chaeyoung," he snorted. "That needs to stop. How would you know that I've moved on? You can read minds now?"

"Shut up, Jungkook," her voice wavered as she tried to compose herself but failed.

"Moved on," he snickered and put his hands on the table, clasping them as he continued to scoff. "How could I easily moved on from the first ever person I have fallen in love with? The fact that she was going to marry my friend was not making it easy to move on. So how the hell would you know that I've moved on?"

"I don't know!" she snapped, going in between of angry that fate and timing didn't cooperate for them and feeling the bliss of listening the word 'love' coming from his mouth. "Because you're obviously taken, that's how I know."

"W-what?"

His stuttered response planted a strange suspicion in her mind. Chaeyoung groaned in frustration as she glanced down and hated the fact that she could still see the ring shining under the light even through her blurry eyes as tears were actively produced.

"You are wearing a ring-"

"I wear rings all the time!" he argued.

"On your ring finger," she continued. She angrily wiped off her tears and saw his face clearly now.

"I've worn rings on all my fingers, what the hell. You call yourself my best friend and you don't know this?" he asked in frustration.

"I know you wear rings all the time and you've worn on each of them but on that wedding day, you weren't wearing any but on your goddamn ring finger and that never happened before because you'd have at least two rings on each hand, but nope, you only had one on that day and- "

Chaeyoung momentarily paused when her eyes settled on the initial on the ring, someone else appeared in her mind as she quickly looked away because it hurt so much more than the first time she saw him with the ring.

"And wow, what a coincidence that you're wearing a ring with the initial L and Lisa was wearing one on her ring finger with the initial J," she forced a huge laugh out of her but it was painful that she stood up immediately and pulled his sleeve, forcing him to get out. "Congratulations to the both of you. Please leave."

Jungkook stayed rooted in his seat and Chaeyoung's cry only got louder. She switched from pulling the sleeve of his shirt to the collar of his shirt. "Get up, Jungkook. Please I beg you to leave. I don't want to see anyone right now. Leave me alone."

"Chaeyoung, please let me explain-"

"I don't want to hear anything!"

Chaeyoung gripped his shirt tighter and forced him to get up but she only got weaker with every passing second and her grip loosened. Jungkook stood up and instantly wrapped his arms around her tight, to which she tried to free herself from being confined by him. Jungkook didn't let her go, pressing her head to his chest and she cried, despite the fight she put up to separate herself from him, she eventually clutched onto his shirt as a support as she continued to sob against his chest, whining and begging to be let go.

When she felt Jungkook slowly loosening his arms around her, Chaeyoung inhaled sharply, taking in his scent because after that, she didn't think she'd be able to freely do that any longer. She pushed him off her and went for the door immediately, opening it wide as she asked him to leave. The pain only doubled when she saw that Jungkook was looking at her with concern instead of the anger that he showed earlier. With a deep sigh, he slowly walked out of the room and she slammed the door to a shut.

*

The night breeze was expectedly chilly, but Chaeyoung still chose to walk in the beach, taking only her scarf to wrap her body around to give her a little bit of protection. Her sister had left her messages, asking her when she was going to come home. She had left her phone after that, unwilling to know whatever that was happening back at home. At least, not at that moment.

The wind blew and Chaeyoung hugged herself tighter, suddenly reminiscing the time she had agreed to go to a barbeque party at the beach along with her other colleagues where she had her first real conversation with Jungkook. It brought a smile to her face when she recalled back how it started.

Jungkook was new in the company, and she had approached him to offer some food while he was quietly sitting on a rock. She had slipped right after he took the food from her, and he had tried to save her but they both had ended up falling into the water along with the food.

The first thing that had come to her mind was the food and Jungkook had laughed at her when she watched the food being pulled by the sea water with sorrow. Their first real conversation had been about food and she was proud to tell anyone that they'd bonded over food.

"You look like you need a hug," Jungkook's voice came from behind her, surprisingly low and surprisingly close. She slightly looked over her shoulder and Jungkook had already stood an inch apart behind her. "What makes you think wearing clothes this thin is okay right now?"

Before she managed a reply, she felt his hands on her waist and she found herself caged in his arms. Chaeyoung closed her eyes briefly and with so much reluctance, she tried to push his arms down. Jungkook protested, firmly holding her and placed his chin on her shoulder.

"Why are you still here?" she asked.

"You're freezing. Let me warm you up."

"Let me go."

"I'd consider doing that had you really get married the other day," he said, and she slowly turned her head around, gulping at how tiny the distance of their faces. "But I'd have failed anyway."

She turned back towards the sea, dropped her gaze to his hands clasped on her stomach and caught a glimpse of the ring on his finger. Chaeyoung quickly flitted her gaze somewhere else because it only pained her. She put a bigger effort to push him completely off her before stepping away from him and looked at him sadly. "Well, you gotta do it anyway."

Jungkook gave her a long stare. "Are you considering apologizing to Jaehyun and hold a wedding 2.0 to make up for what happened a week ago?"

Chaeyoung exhaled through her nose, her lips pressed together. "Apologize, yes. Wedding, no."

"So? Why should I let you go, then?"

"Jungkook," she sighed. "You're taken."

"Stop this bullshit, Chaeng," Jungkook combed his messy hair with his fingers, gripped on it for a moment. "Stop with the 'taken' bullshit."

"Just because I'm now single and available, that doesn't mean you get to cheat on my friend," she smiled sadly. She did feel bitter about the whole thing. It wasn't her place to feel betrayed, but that was probably the biggest feeling that she was having at that moment. "It doesn't mean that I'm letting you repeat my mistake."

"What the hell, Chaeyoung. You're so dramatic. Stop that," he said it, almost angrily. "If I actually am taken, it'll be by you. You know that. Even if we're not officially together, my heart and my soul are still yours. You know that. Even if you end up with someone else, nothing will change, you know damn well that I'll still belong to you."

"You're disgustingly cheesy," she rolled her eyes.

"It's called romantic."

She let a slow smile pull at her face. "Why didn't you ever say something, Jungkook?" she asked, brows furrowed. Things might not be able to turn the way they wanted, but she at least needed to know the reason.

Jungkook turned to look at the sea and smiled. He looked beautiful under that moonlight. "I was afraid that it'll ruin what we have. I've seen enough of the people around me who went from friends to lovers, and when things went sour, it was impossible to go back being friends. I didn't want that to happen." He shifted his gaze towards her, his beautiful big doe eyes were bright. "I'm afraid that I'll lose you forever."

Chaeyoung couldn't hold his gaze longer and she immediately broke it off by looking down at her feet, her toes idly drawing lines on the sand. "But why did you support me marrying Jaehyun if you don't want to lose me forever?" she softly asked.

Jungkook shoved his hands into his pockets. "I'm cold. Can I please hug you again?"

"You're not answering the question," she said flatly, though she didn't protest when he went to stand behind her again and looped his arms around her just like before.

He remained silent, and Chaeyoung waited as she let him release his warm breath on her shoulder and the exposed skin of her neck.

"Jaehyun... He's everything that I could never be," Jungkook said and a frown fell on her. "I want you to live a good life with him. I won't lose you forever if you're married to someone like him. We'll still have our friendship. I'll only lose you if things don't work out between us and we never talk again."

Chaeyoung huffed. "You're the biggest idiot on this whole universe. How am I supposed to live a good life without being happy? I don't care that he has everything. I can work to get all of that too. I just... I just want to live a happy life." She lightly elbowed his rib. "You're the one who told me a happy life is a good life."

Jungkook laughed. "I did."

"He's nice and all, but I just don't feel anything when I'm with him. Everything is strictly business. I don't want that," she admitted.

I want to be with you, she wanted to say, but stopped herself from doing so because even though Jungkook might not have moved on from her, he'd found someone else. She'd consider that as a process of moving on and finding someone was definitely a good progress. Even if she thought he was the right one for her, it didn't necessarily mean that she was for him.

She did think of all that, but it didn't really hit her that he was really taken until she felt him pulling her body closer, his hard chest pressed harder against her back as he embraced her tighter. It didn't quite hit her until she heard the soft sound of her name falling from his mouth and she felt his lips lightly grazing against the shell of her ear. Chaeyoung sucked in the cold air of the night sharply as she wriggled her way out of his hold.

"As much as I want this, Jungkook, we can't do this," she spoke quickly and slowly stepped backward. "You're with someone else now. And I don't want you to disappoint her. I admit I feel bitter, but I don't want to disappoint Lisa, not after I disappointed Jaehyun and everyone."

She quickly turned to run but Jungkook was quick to catch her wrist. "What the heck, could you stop?!" he yelled, now holding both of her arms firmly.

"Please let me go," she sobbed.

"Where the fuck did you even get the info that Lisa and I are together?!"

Chaeyoung suddenly gained a strength she didn't know she'd ever had, pushing Jungkook's chest that he stumbled a step back and let her arms go. "Why don't you ask the rings that you guys are wearing? Apparently, your rings have each of your initials on them and that just explains everything."

With that, she furiously turned around again and stomped away.

"Explains what exactly?!" he yelled from behind her while he chased after her.

Chaeyoung grunted when Jungkook ran to in front of her and towered over her. "Don't you walk away from me, Rosie."

She did stop walking at the fall of the nickname that only a few people were granted permission to use when calling her. And they were her parents, sister and Jungkook himself.

"Answer the damn question," he demanded.

She gritted her teeth, fists clenched. "Explains why you hesitated when I confessed to you-"

"I was flustered! Who wouldn't when your friend whom you're secretly in love with all these years suddenly confessed to you?! It's like a fucking dream come true!"

She ignored his response and continued. "-explains why you have been talking to her in secret. I saw it all, Jungkook. You two talked to each other far away from the rest of the group on the annual dinner last year."

Jungkook looked dumbfounded for a moment before she noticed how his expression had softened. He shut his eyes for a brief second as he inhaled deeply through his nose, his hand raised up to the collar of his shirt before his fingers took hold of the necklace the silver necklace he was wearing.

"This," he showed her the ring hanging off the necklace while his other hand placed on his hip, "was supposed to be yours on the day you told me about the arranged marriage. This ring, with my initial... I planned to give it to you on that day, but I held it back. I was a step behind."

Tears began to streak down her cheeks again. "I'd no idea," she responded, almost breathily.

"And that isn't your fault," Jungkook said, smiling sadly. "I held myself back. Should have just given it to you back then, but I was torn between choosing my feelings or my friendship with you and Jaehyun."

Jungkook took one step closer towards her.

"And for your information, this ring's companion is this one," he lifted his other hand and showed her his finger that was wearing a ring. "This ring I'm wearing has your initial, a small letter 'r' that stands for 'Rosie'. Not an 'L'," he told her. "You either need to work on your habit of assuming stuff or you need to get your eyes checked."

She didn't even feel offended by that. Instead, she silently agreed with what he said.

"Yes, we talked in secret. Away from everybody else," Jungkook continued, referring to her friend, Lisa. "But that's because she didn't want anyone else to know her plan. She didn't even want me to know but she had to since she wanted to surprise her partner and wanted to give something meaningful. She found out that I made these rings myself, so she only asked me which store it was. That is all."

She couldn't look him in the eyes, embarrassed and feeling guilty that she had been unnecessarily jealous.

"It just so happened that her boyfriend surprised her by going to the same store to make a ring for her with his initial. The 'J' on her ring stands for Jackson."

Chaeyoung looked down and chewed on her lip hard, forcing herself to stop crying, mentally kicking herself for doubting her friends. "I'm sorry," her voice broke as she said so.

"I'm going to tell you this again and again, Chaeyoung. I'd be lying if I told you I've never tried to move on. I tried to do that, but I simply couldn't. Besides, how could I simply move on from my first real love? It's not easy, Chaeyoung."

Her eyes were brimming with tears and when her lips separated, an involuntary choked sound came for the millionth time that week alone.

"Do you... still love me?" she asked very softly that she almost couldn't hear her own voice.

A soft smile adorned his face as a light chuckle escaped him. Jungkook stepped closer until they were a foot apart and he slid a hand to her waist, gently pulling her closer before he used his other hand to wipe her tears away from her eyes. "Who said I stopped?"

Chaeyoung's face finally broke into a wide smile, though, her eyes were having a difficult time to stop producing tears. She encircled his neck with her long arms, buried her face into the crook of his neck. "I'm really sorry, Kookie," she breathed. "For everything, really. Will you please forgive me?"

Jungkook laughed lightly. "I will, if you agree to do me a favor."

Chaeyoung pulled herself from him, her hands still hung on his shoulder as she nodded. "Anything."

His smile began to brighten and she wondered for a few seconds what he wanted her to do when he didn't say a word as he continued to gaze softly at her. She was about to ask him what it was when Jungkook completely let go of her waist and he reached for the necklace again. After a beat, he jerked his hand slightly and the necklace came off from his neck. Chaeyoung furrowed her brows momentarily before her eyes went wide when he slowly kneeled in front of her, the ring in between his thumb and forefinger, all the while keeping his eyes locked onto hers.

"Chaeyoung, honestly, I am not prepared so I don't have a long speech. I'll just say whatever that comes to my mind, so I apologize beforehand." He gently took one of her hands into his hold. "I won't be able to love anyone else the way I've loved you. I've thought of this many times. No matter what happens, we're always going to belong to each other. I can't ever thank you enough for being braver than myself for what you did, because you certainly made sure that our doors should be opened for only each other and no one else."

At that moment, Chaeyoung could feel that some passersby stopped to watch, but she couldn't lift her eyes off Jungkook, couldn't be bothered to check just how many pairs of eyes were witnessing that special moment.

"I know you know that I'm in love with you, Chaeyoung. But still, I want to tell you that I really love you so much and I'd be damned if I was going to let you go this time. Did that for the first time, and Jesus, did it hurt like hell. I've to admit that these two rings are slightly messed up so I guess that's why it could look like any other letter but 'r', and this letter 'j' looks like a weird 'g', but I poured my blood, sweat and tears into making them."

Chaeyoung's grin just grew wider, giggling as she gave a gentle squeeze on his surprisingly trembling hand despite how calm he was when he was talking.

"Rosie, you're all I've ever wanted and needed in my life and it's only going to be complete with you in it. So, please tell me, will you spend the rest of your life with me?"

She couldn't help but cover her mouth with her other hand as she nodded her head eagerly. "I'd be the biggest fool if I say no," she said and Jungkook's grin was so wide it could tear his face into two as he quickly put the ring on her, pulled her hand to his lips and he kissed it long with his eyes shut.

When he let go of her hand and looked up at her as he tried to get up in a rush, Chaeyoung placed her hands on either side of his face and pulled him up, and their lips finally met even before Jungkook was standing properly.

They kissed like they had been starving their whole life. Jungkook was crushing her body as he wrapped both arms around her and pulled her close as though leaving the tiniest gap between their bodies would turn this all into a mere dream and not the reality. Chaeyoung was pretty much the same, pressing herself into him and trapping him around the neck with the tightest embrace she'd ever given a person. Her fingers had somehow ended up in his hair, knotting them at the same time she was pressing his head more towards her as they breathed in each other's breath.

They parted reluctantly and panted hard against each other's face, laughed as they pressed their foreheads against one another and Chaeyoung opened her eyes after finally catching her breaths.

"Will you regret this decision?" Jungkook asked, his lips ghosting over hers for a second before he kissed it softly. "Will you walk out on me?"

She laughed, shaking her head. "You're the only person I ever wanted to spend the rest of my life with."

*

Chaeyoung sipped on the hot tea carefully, her eyes glimmered as she put her hand out in front of her face, just far enough for her to eye the ring that Jungkook had put on her on the previous night.

There was shifting from behind her and soon, she felt Jungkook putting his hands on the armrests of the chair she was sitting on, the back of her head met his chest. "You're up early," he said groggily.

Chaeyoung couldn't hide the smile pulling at her face as she placed the cup back on the table when Jungkook lowered his head and kissed the crown of her head before his lips disappeared and were on her neck, causing her to release a satisfied hum. She reached her hand to the back, running her fingers through his hair.

"Why are you up so early?" he asked, voice muffled by her shoulder before he lifted his head and planted a kiss on her temple. He pulled the chair across of her and placed it on her side, taking a seat there.

"I couldn't sleep," she said with a smile. It felt like a dream and she spent the entire night staring at the ring on her finger.

The moment Jungkook fell asleep beside her reminded her of the time when she and her three best girl friends hang out with the rest of the boys in Seokjin's house and everyone was completely drunk except for her because she had only had half of the drink. She had been too tired, though, after singing her heart out and dancing crazily with Lisa that she settled for the floor at the corner of the living room when Jungkook came stumbling his way towards her before he really fell to the floor and basically crawled to her side.

She had busied herself making fun of him because he told her that he wouldn't get drunk, but he did. Just before he passed out, he had draped her with an arm and pulled her close to him, whispering to her that she smelled really good when he nuzzled his face into her neck. That had her heart skipped a beat and she'd fallen asleep in his arm, wishing that she'd wake up to him in the morning. When she woke up, Jungkook was gone. Still in the house, but he'd left for the kitchen and Chaeyoung wondered if he'd woken up with her still confined in his arms or he'd actually woken up somewhere else.

Jungkook slid his hand to the back of her neck, lightly massaging it with his fingers. "Was last night bad?" he asked with a chuckle.

Chaeyoung laughed hard, pushing his hand away from her neck. "It was great," she giggled, standing up from her seat just to hang her arms on his shoulders and straddle him. "I was scared that it was all a dream and if I wake up in the morning you're not there."

Jungkook seemed pretty satisfied with her answer that he laughed in return. Chaeyoung bit her lip when Jungkook slid his hand that was resting on her thigh to her lower back then upward to her nape before he pulled her to attach their lips together. After parting from the kiss, Chaeyoung spent the time just sitting on his lap comfortably, her fingers toying his hair and her eyes roaming around his face, simply admiring him while he was doing practically similar things.

"Jungkook?" she softly began after moments passed.

"Yeah, baby?"

Her eyes blinked once, surprise flickered on her face and she felt a nice flip of her heart from within her chest. A shade of pink colored her cheeks at the term of endearment. She hadn't been keeping records of the amount of times she had secretly imagined what it'd feel like to be called that by Jungkook.

With a shy smile, Chaeyoung resumed, "When I go back to meet my parents, Jaehyun and his parents..." she trailed off momentarily.

"Do you want me to come with you?" he asked.

She looked into his eyes and gave him a slow smile. "No. I want to do it myself. I'll deal with them myself. But...you'll have my back, right?"

Jungkook pushed her blonde hair to the back of her ear. "You know I'll always have your back, Chaeyoung," he said softly. "Can I request something, though?"

Chaeyoung nodded. "Anything."

"After you're done with everything... Can I introduce you to my family?"

She tilted her head. "But they know me already?"

Jungkook chuckled. "As one of my friends, yes. But I need to surprise my mom. She's gonna be ecstatic to know that I've proposed to you and you said yes."

Chaeyoung's giggle filled the space as she nodded, leaning into him and resting her head on his shoulder as he rubbed her back gently. For once, she finally truly believed in miracle. She hoped miracle would side her again when it was time to face her family. She wouldn't hope for them to instantly forgive her, but she hoped that they would and that would be enough for her.

Earlier in the morning, Jaehyun had texted her, asking her whereabouts and her well-being. She had immediately called him and though it was slightly difficult and awkward, Chaeyoung had braved herself to say her genuine apology.

"I'm not mad. I am disappointed that you had to cancel it off like that. I'm not mad I promise," Jaehyun chuckled on the other line. "Honestly, Chaeyoung. I'm sort of...glad that it happened. Because when I think about it, I don't think either of our family would accept it if we tell them that we refuse to marry each other."

Chaeyoung sighed. "I'm still sorry. Your parents are definitely hating on me, as we speak."

"I wouldn't say hate, that's kind of a strong word," he said and Chaeyoung could easily see him smiling as he said that. "They're upset and disappointed. I think they'd hate you for real if you'd never come back to see them."

"I need to prepare myself mentally before meeting everyone."

"Take your time. But please do come back. Talk to your parents first. And then you come and see mine. Talk to them too. It'll be fine."

Chaeyoung nodded although Jaehyun couldn't see her. "Okay, I'll talk to you later."

"Okay, come back safely."

She smiled. "I will."

As she thought back of that, she was certain that despite how it was executed, canceling the wedding off was the best decision. Jaehyun deserved someone who would not only treat him better than she ever could, but also someone who could give him all the love that he deserved to get, the love that she could never provide for him. Jaehyun's empty space was for someone else to fill, and not her. While hers, it was solely for no one else but Jeon Jungkook.