trigger warning ... mentions
of abuse and abandonment

(vol ii.)—
TWENTY SEVEN: FRIENDLY COMPETITION AND MILF CEREAL

☆

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imessage  ━━  private messages
[ 02 participants ]

leslie knope  . . .  sarah
ice clown . . . isaac

leslie knope
seven days.

ice clown
hello to you too

leslie knope
excuse me, that's a scary greeting

i can't believe you're so unperturbed!

ice clown
leave it to sarah cho to use a word
like unperturbed five seconds into
an everyday conversation!!!

leslie knope
um i think you're just jealous of
my prodigious vocabulary

ice clown
ok now you're just showing off

and anyways i thought you hate
that movie?

leslie knope
i do

but that's only because i was fucking
confused the entire time!!!

apparently i'm not smart enough to
understand it

ice clown
i find it hard to believe that you're
not smart enough to understand
something

leslie knope
flattery will get you nowhere 💆🏻‍♀️

nor will it improve my lackluster cognition
skills when it comes to the ring...

ice clown
it's a shame you're not taking the
SATs bc i'm pretty sure you'd nail
the vocab portion

leslie knope
on one hand, you're probably right

but on the other hand... fuck college

ice clown
i'm sure the higher ups in the COLLEGE
TOWN you live in love to hear you say
that!!!

leslie knope
said higher ups mainly consist of old
white men who think IQ defines worth

their opinions mean nothing to me

ice clown
noted

leslie knope
so what's up, buttercup?

ice clown
nothing much actually

i just finished my homework and i have
nothing to do so i was pretty much left
with the option to either text someone
or stare at the wall

leslie knope
aw, and you chose me?

ice clown
well all of my more interesting friends
were busy so...

leslie knope
ouch! felt that one in the GUT

my ego has taken a severe hit

at least i'm more interesting than the
wall apparently

ice clown
yeah because you value my opinion SO
much right?

leslie knope
of course i do, we're friends

ice clown
ok where was this energy when i said
that season one of parks and rec wasn't
that bad?

leslie knope
easy!

that energy was off somewhere, lost, along
with my once good opinion of you that took
days to get restored because you clearly have
no taste when it comes to these things!

ice clown
you know, sar, it's times like these that i
wonder why i still like talking to you

leslie knope
sorry but all i got from that is that you
like talking to me :) :) :)

ice closn
well, i do like talking to you

leslie knope
of course you do

i'd like talking to me too

i'm loads of fun!

ice clown
mm i take it back

leslie knope
too late, it's out there already

sucker!

ice clown
so, are you busy right now?

leslie knope
i was supposed to be finally forcing sami
to watch the fear street movies, but he got
a call like twenty minutes ago and still
has not hung up

so no, i'm not busy

ice clown
oh yeah, that's scott

leslie knope
...come again?

ice clown
yeah i can hear scott talking to him
right now

leslie knope
oh my god!!!!

what's he saying?

ice clown
pretty sure they're just making plans
for what they're gonna do together
when you guys get to beacon

leslie knope

ok fear street can wait

this is much more important!

ice clown
this coming from the same girl who
sent me an audio message last night
crying over cindy berman?

leslie knope
in my defense, that was supposed to
go to abby

but i was slightly drunk off of darcy's
mom's wine coolers and so i sent it to
you by mistake!

ice clown
mhm yeah if you say so

leslie knope
um, don't bully me!

i don't get much free time between dance,
karate, and school

so you should feel honored that i'm
spending it talking to you

ice clown
as opposed to what?

rewatching the falcon and the
winter soldier? AGAIN?

leslie knope
first of all, that show is the only cure to
my sam wilson withdrawals

i could die without it

do you want me to DIE, isaac?

ice clown
oh brother

second of all?

leslie knope
second of all, i was gonna be rewatching
fear street

as i've ALREADY TOLD YOU

ice clown
i mean it's not like the chances of you
rewatching tfatws after you rewatched
fear street are all that slim

leslie knope
THIRD OF ALL!!!

stop trying to prove u know me ://

ice clown
but i do know you

leslie knope
yeah, maybe you do

but i bet i know you better 😌

ice clown
oh really?

leslie knope

ice clown
thanks, i hate it

anyways is that a challenge?

lsslie knope
you know what?

why not

ice clown
works for me

i like winning

leslie knope
oh so you're gonna cheat at THIS
game too?

ice clown
no

you gonna be a sore loser?

leslie knope
i'm choosing to look past that snide
remark, because i am the bigger
person!!!

despite my lack of height

ice clown
ok, sar

so how exactly is this challenge
supposed to work?

leslie knope
you ask me four questions about
yourself, and i ask you four about
me

whoever gets the most right —
me — is the winner (me)

ice clown
it's nice to see your modesty is in tact

wait, why four?

leslie knope
because five is too common and sami
will probably be ready to watch the movies
before we can do ten

hence, four

ice clown
ah

well, it's hard to argue with such a
logistical viewpoint!

leslie knope
your sarcasm is noted, resented, and
thus ignored <3

who goes first?

ice clown
you can go first

leslie knope
oh, he's a GENTLEMAN!

ice clown
i told you i'm chivalrous!

leslie knope
we are not having this conversation
again

anyways, i'll start you off easy bc
i'm nice like that!

ice clown
well...

leslie knope
isaac, i'd really hate to have to fight
you before i win this game

be careful what you say next

ice clown
sorry, sorry

go ahead

leslie knope
thank you

ok, your first question is as follows

what's my favorite movie?

ice clown
seriously?

leslie knope
yes, seriously

ice clown
it's like you want me to win

leslie knope
i told you, i'm nice! you get an easy
starter

now answer it or you lose the point

ice clown
pride and prejudice (2005) dir. joe
wright. starring keira knightley and
matthew macfadyen. based on the
jane austen novel released in 1814.

leslie knope
1813, actually, but close enough!

obviously you got that one right

ice clown
i know

leslie knope
don't get cocky!

i told you i was starting you off with an
easy one, but that doesn't mean the rest
of my questions will continue with that
theme

in case you haven't noticed, i happen to
like winning

ice clown
i think anyone who's come into contact
with you for more than three minutes
has noticed actually

leslie knope
haha! haha! HAHA! you're so FUNNY!

ask your first question.

ice clown
ok, um...

what's my favorite show?

leslie knope
wow, ok, way to hide your obvious
ripping off of my question!

ice clown
movies and tv shows are two totally
different things

leslie knope
so you admit you were inspired by
my question?

ice clown
i admit nothing

leslie knope
it's ok.

i know the truth.

ice clown
sarah

leslie knope
yes isaac

ice clown
just answer the question

leslie knope
right, sorry

parks and rec?

ice clown
hm

leslie knope
hm? hm what?

ice clown
you know how you don't like to
lose?

leslie knope
i see where this is going and i don't
like it

ice clown
sorry but you're wrong!!

the correct answer is gilmore girls

leslie knope
NO i should have gotten this one!!

i just remembered that scott told me
you used to write jess mariano fanfics
in middle school </3

ice clown
SCOTT TOLD YOU W H A T

that was supposed to be a secret!!!!

leslie knope
i guess i don't need to tell you that
it was in fact not kept secret

ice clown
no shit

i'm not exactly ashamed to admit that jess
was my first crush

although i am ashamed to admit that i
used to write fanfiction

leslie knope
lol i know right what kind of loser
writes fanfiction??

ice clown
thanks, sar

anyways i deleted it a long time ago so
i should be saved from at least SOME
embarrassment!!

i'm not much of a writer

leslie knope
once something's on the internet it can
never be fully deleted

i'll find it one day and then i'll have
my revenge for you cheating in trivial
pursuit

ice clown
isn't it a little late at night to be
having this argument again

leslie knope
it's never too late at night to stick to
your values!

ice clown
yeah i don't have the energy for this
i had a really long lacrosse practice
earlier

it's your turn

leslie knope
you're no fun :(

but ok your next question is: what
did i want to be when i was a kid?

ice clown
easy!

the first settler on mars who creates a
dance competition show for aliens

leslie knope
WHAT

HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT

ice clown
you're not the only one scott shares
things with 😌

leslie knope

i don't have the time to get into the
details of the betrayal i have suffered
at the hands of your roommate so just
get on with your question so i can blow
past this loss with ease

ice clown
"ok it's your turn"

that's literally all you had to say

leslie knope
men are a disease

OK IT'S YOUR TURN

ice clown
what's my pre-game warm up routine

leslie knope
eating a bowl of special k and doing
ten sit ups, ten push ups, and ten pull
ups

ice clown
ok this was supposed to be a set up so
you would lose

i didn't even realize you knew that

leslie knope
first of all you're going to hell for that

second of all, apparently you don't recall
that you guys played a game for fun over
the summer when i stayed with you and i
watched you do literally all of those things
in preparation for said game

ice clown
oh yeah

you made a comment about me eating
special k

leslie knope
correct i said you weren't cool enough
to be eating milf cereal

i stand by that statement

ice clown
i didn't think you paid attention to
anything i did

leslie knope
well

you thought wrong

ice clown
oh

leslie knope
...moving on

what's my favorite hobby

ice clown
alright this question is too easy to have
a straightforward answer which means
you're probably trying to set me up to
say dancing or karate but i know those
are more than just hobbies for you so
i doubt either of them are the answer

leslie knope
that was needlessly long

"not much of a writer" my ass

what's your answer, smart guy?

ice clown
ok um

reading?

leslie knope
oh my god

what's it gonna take for you to get
one of these wrong

ice clown
i told you, i know you

and correct me if i'm wrong but the
fact that i'm ahead of you by one
point means that i'm... winning...
does it not?

leslie knope
your taunts have no effect on me bc
i'm, unlike you, mature

now get on with your question doofus

ice clown
ah yes so mature!

tell me something you think nobody else
but you knows about me and if you're
right about being the only one who knows
it then you get a point

leslie knope
when you were nine you practiced
kissing on drawings of sharon carter
in your captain america comics

at least try to make it challenging

ice clown
damn i forgot i told you that

alright fine you get a point

leslie knope

ice clown
ok don't get too arrogant

i'm still ahead you know

and this is your last question

leslie knope
i'm aware

ice clown
well then ask it already so i can go ahead
and celebrate my victory

leslie knope
press pause on the premature celebration,
tall person!!

you could still get it wrong

ice clown
i guess we won't know until you ask the
question now will we

leslie knope
touché

what's my biggest fear?

ice clown
dogs

leslie knope
such a quick response

so i will be equally quick in my own
response, which is this: NOPE!

ice clown
come again?!?!

what are you more afraid of than dogs

leslie knope
abandonment lol

ice clown
oh

i did not know that

leslie knope
obviously

anyways i now fear i may have begun
to steer this conversation a little towards
the heavy side and i do not want that so
let me just get back on track here

ice clown
well if you need to talk or anything
i'm here

leslie knope
i do need to talk

talk about how you're no longer winning
because we're tied!!!

ice clown
oh ok

so that's how it's gonna be

leslie knope
yes, that's how it's gonna be

ask your final question and pray to your
gods that i don't get it right (but i will)

ice clown
fine

when i need a pick me up what song do
i listen to

leslie knope
oh no

this is bad

ice clown
is it now 😌

leslie knope
yes it is

bad for YOU because i know that the
correct answer is wannabe by spice girls!

ice clown
HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT

leslie knope
i'm like the omniscient third person narrator
of a book. i know all.

and then there's the fact that last week i was
on facetime with scott and i heard wannabe
playing in the background so i asked him what
was up with that and he explained that you
didn't get the grade you were expecting on your
history test and wannabe is your cheer up song

ice clown
so basically you got a good portion
of your knowledge of me from scott

leslie knope
which i RETAINED because i'm a good
friend!! so it still counts

ice clown
ok fair point i guess

anyways it was a tie game since we each
missed one question

leslie knope
thank you for explaining to me how scoring
works, lahey

but yeah i guess there's still a lot we have
to learn about each other

ice clown
well

we could start now

leslie knope
what do you mean?

ice clown
you ask me two questions about something
you wanna learn about me and i do the same
with you

leslie knope
hm

well sami's still on the phone with scott
which means we can't start fear street yet
anyways so... why not

ice clown
aw i'm so glad you're settling for me

leslie knope
shut up you know what i meant!

you ask first

ice clown
ok

what are your career plans now (assuming
you don't still want to create a dance show
for martians)

leslie knope
bold assumption! anyways, this one's easy

i already have a guaranteed job lined up
as a teacher at the dance studio i grew up
learning at as soon as i graduate

gia (the owner) offered it to me last year
when i helped her with one of her classes
when her assistant teacher was out sick

and obviously i don't wanna be teaching
dance class forever so i'm gonna start a
youtube channel and post dance covers
and original dances, which i would be
doing already if it weren't for the fact
that i do not have enough free time for
that between school, karate, and dance
competitions

ice clown
wow you really are prepared for the
future

i think that really suits you tho and i'm
sure you'll be great at it

you're definitely the best dancer i've
ever met

leslie knope
well thank you lahey, that honestly
means a lot to me 😌

anyways i really liked that question so
same for you! what are your career
goals?

ice clown
my plan is to be a social worker

i know that's not exactly something
that most people our age aim for, but
it's what i really wanna do

i'll spare you all the dreadful details but
my dad did a lot of messed up shit and it's
caused a lot of trauma for me so the idea
that i could be someone who helps kids
escape similar situations is really nice

leslie knope
i think that's an amazing idea

i don't mean to overstep or anything, but
i hope you know that whatever your father
did, you didn't deserve it

if you ever need to talk or anything, i've
been told i'm a pretty good listener

ice clown
thanks sar, i appreciate that

i'm okay right now tho

leslie knope
are you sure?

we don't have to keep playing if you
need a break

ice clown
i'm ok, i promise

besides, i like learning more about
you

leslie knope
oh

i like learning more about you too

but only so next time we challenge
each other to a who knows who better
contest, i'll be prepared enough to win

ice clown
it's nice to see someone with such
clear cut priorities

leslie knope
i'm a woman who knows what she
wants!

ice clown
alright for my second question...

tell me something no one else knows
about you

leslie knope
the first week of this school year, my
school required that all seniors visit uc
berkeley for a tour and while i was there
i met this cute girl who was a freshman
there and we got to talking for a while
and eventually she asked me out

we went on a date that weekend and she
let me wear her sweatshirt when i got cold
and long story short it didn't work out but
i never returned her sweatshirt

so i have a uc berkeley hoodie hidden away
in the back of my closet somewhere

ice clown
i don't know exactly what i was expecting
but it definitely wasn't that

leslie knope
wait actually i forgot i can't even use that
story because abby knows about it

ice clown
i can't believe you cheated :/

leslie knope
i didn't cheat i forgot!!!

ice clown
that's what they all say

leslie knope
ok ok fine i'll tell you something else

anyways this ties into my biggest fear
question and it's definitely heavier than
a stolen sweatshirt

ice clown
oh it's ok you don't have to talk
about anything that makes you
uncomfortable

leslie knope
i'm not uncomfortable talking about it
with you

not after you opened up to me

ice clown
only if you're sure

leslie knope
i am

anyways, my dad left when i was three
and i haven't really seen him much since
because he doesn't make efforts to spend
any time with me or abby

that's common knowledge to a lot of
people but there's more to it than that...
do you remember when i told you that i
don't sleep well at night because i have
nightmares too often?

ice clown
yes i do

leslie knope
right well what nobody knows is that
those nightmares are almost always about
my mom and abby and all my friends one
day deciding they're sick of me and leaving
too

just like my dad did

i don't know it's stupid

ice clown
it's not stupid, sar

but i also really hope you know that him
abandoning you wasn't your fault

you were just a kid

leslie knope
deep down i know that but sometimes i
can't help but think that i had to have
done something to upset him

why else would he leave

ice clown
i can't answer that but i can say that it
definitely wasn't your fault

and i can promise that your mom and
abby and your friends aren't going
anywhere

leslie knope
would you mind telling my subconscious
that so i can stop having these stupid
nightmares?

i mean god sometimes i swear it'd be
easier dealing with freddy krueger than
this trauma bullshit

ice clown
your trauma isn't bullshit

leslie knope
maybe not but it sure is a pain in the ass

ice clown
well yeah i'm not gonna argue with you
there

leslie knope
good because i'm right

anyways that was a lot more intense than
i initially expected and i'm not the best
with that so i'd like to change the subject
and i have no idea how to do that smoothly
so i'm just gonna ask my next question

ice clown
alright then

leslie knope
what is your favorite memory!!

ice clown
i'm not sure if i have one specific favorite
memory but what comes to mind are the
good times i had with my parents and my
older brother, just eating dinner with them...
or anything really

before i lost my mom and before my dad
turned into a total asshole and before my
brother died in combat

they're all gone now but i like to hold onto
those moments as a reminder that it wasn't
always bad

leslie knope
i'm glad you have those memories but
still i'm sorry about your family

ok i realize that's quite possibly the least
helpful thing to say about something like
that but i really am sorry that you had to
endure all of that

you didn't deserve it

ice clown
there's nothing i can do about it now

but thank you

leslie knope
no problem

i'm glad we played this game

ice clown
me too

now for the next time, i'll be able to
prove i know you better

leslie knope
ah, but don't be so sure!!

anyways sami's finally off the phone and
he's ready to watch the movies but i'll
talk to you later?

ice clown
definitely

author's note: i was having a very hard time with this chapter for a while but then the teen wolf movie announcement smacked me with a surge of inspiration so here's this!! i realize it's insanely long but this is obviously a lot of information in one chapter and it didn't make sense to break it into two so. you get this.

also just wanna say that i'm NOT trying to romanticize their trauma at all!! they're just talking about it with each other because A: i want the readers to get to know sarah a little more and this was the best way i could think to do that, B: their bad experiences are very important parts of their characters because it shows that anyone is capable of persevering and that's an extremely comforting thought to me so i need to touch base on it, and C: mutual trust is one of the biggest foundations of any strong relationship (and i'm not talking just romantic relationships) and obviously that goes hand in hand with opening up to people.

finally big thanks to villanelIe for suggesting the idea of isaac's future career being social worker because that's just so fitting for him and i love it!