was planning on updating this on April 13 but bad battery so here you go...
wrote this A/N on April 13, 2022, 10:21 PM.

•003|| 𝑰𝑻'𝑺 𝑶𝑲𝑨𝒀 𝑻𝑶 𝑵𝑶𝑻 𝑩𝑬 𝑶𝑲𝑨𝒀•

~K O M I S O L A~

In Crestview High, not every class was attended by its teacher on the first day of resumption. I don't know if it's every other school but here in Crestview High, it seemed like an unwritten tradition or constitution.

That's why our second period was free after Mr. Jarah, our form teacher had marked the class attendance and left the classroom after bidding his good-bye.

And I took it as my cue to leave the class. Not because of anything or anyone. But I always felt suffocated whenever we were like this in my class. Noisy, rowdy, students playing about and everyone chattering and discussing with each other. The combination of them all made an extremely unpleasant sound that literally made sirens go off in my ears.

You could just say, I wasn't used to noise.

As I stepped out of the silent hallway, I released a breath I'd been holding. I held unto the hem of my flair skirt and continued to look at my feet and walked down the silent hallway to the Leisure Room.

I should have never faced down.

"Watch where you're going," I heard a deep, clearly irritated voice bark before I could open my mouth to say a word all in the name of apologising.

I continued to stare at the feet of the person who seemed to be a male before I looked up.

"Wait. Komisola? Is that you? Why don't you look up?"

I realised who it was talking to me and thought about escaping but that was already a failed plan because he held my hand immediately.

"Komisola, look up."

I refused.

"Komisola, look up at me or else..."

"Or else what?"

I wanted to retort. But I knew better than to. I definitely would not want someone to think that I was finally able to stand up for myself.

"Komisola, please. Please, just look up. I really have something important to say to you."

"What?" My voice came out hoarse and almost inaudible and instantly, I felt ashamed of myself. I couldn't even speak well. "What is it that you want to speak to me about, Senior Alexander? Why won't you leave me alone?" I finally looked up to prove to Senior Alexander that I was indeed angry and confused.

His eyes met mine and he sighed. "Look, Komisola. I'm really sorry about what happened that day... Zara can be a bitch sometimes. I understand."

"And why do you have to apologize for her?" I shot back. I had no idea where all the courage was coming from but it made me angry and confused to see that someone would actually apologize for one of the many insults I was used to receiving.

"Because..." Senior Alexander seemed to be at a loss of words. "Look," He sighed again. "You're human too. And it didn't sit well with me that Zara had used the most sensitive topic about you to attack you. The fact that she wouldn't apologize to you... I didn't like it."

"I'm fine with it." A part of me wanted to muster a small reassuring smile to make Senior Alexander go away but I couldn't even bring myself to smile. "Senior Zara is no different from other people and just because, she insulted me doesn't make the situation different or anything... I'm used to it."

I wasn't lying. I wouldn't say I felt more pain because it was Senior Zara that insulted me. I mean, everybody knew how Senior Zara. She would never give a shit even if the whole of CH bowed at her feet. Even if they were already ready to do it.

She was the newly elected Head girl of CH which clearly meant more power for her and more opportunity to showcase how snobby and rude she was.

I thought I was cold.

Senior Zara was worse.

She lacked compassion, and every ounce of human sympathy.

She was so cold and she gave out the aura that clearly screamed 'idon'tgiveaflyingshitaboutanyone'.

And that's what made her special.

Nobody wanted to get in her bad books. Except the likes of Senior Abel and Senior Ridwaz.

That's why they were so ready to dance to her tunes and keep quiet about the wrong things she did because they would not dare.

But as for me, all I wanted to do was lay low.

The last thing I wanted was to get into trouble with Father.

That's why I desperately wanted to walk out on Senior Alexander but I also wouldn't dare.

"... All I'm saying is that, you don't deserve to be treated in such way, Komi."

"Don't call me that." My throat felt like a huge lump had been dumped in it immediately. "Please."

Komi was the nickname my brother used to call me by. Whenever he wanted to have anything with me, that was the sickly nickname he used.

"I'm sorry." Senior Alexander apologized. "I'll be going now." He gave me a brief smile and walked past me.

He had gone down the hallway while I remained frozen on spot.

Memories that I absolutely loathed came rushing back. Memories that reminded me of how filthy I was came rushing back. All because of Senior Alexander.

This was why I avoided contact or conversations with males.

I would always remember these pent-up memories one way or the other.

"Komisola," Senior Alexander called out.

I thought he had already gone. Why was he still here?

I didn't look back at him but waited for whatever it was he was going to say.

"It's okay to not be okay. No one is okay. But I wish you would just stand up for yourself and get to see the good side of life before anything irreversible happens."

I gave no answer, silently trying to take in the words I was not sure if it was meant to attack me.

"It's fine."

Was it?

No it wasn't.

Life wasn't fine. Nothing was okay. And this life... this life was unfair. I knew I wasn't the only one suffering but why did my condition have to be so bad?

Why was there so much sadness more than happiness in this life...? In my life...?

Why were clouds of grey so evident in my life...?

Would it continue to be this way...?

No. Never.

Never.

Never.

~

A/N: on April 13, 2021, you clocked 17 and we were all happy. three days after, April 16, you left us. a posthumous birthday to you, F. I miss you so much.

❤️