056| Last Goodbyes

~H A N N I E L~

It's been three months since everything changed drastically. Three months since my life did a fucking transition and I found myself back in Australia, but for a terrible reason.

I heaved a sigh, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes as I helped myself with a bowl of chocolate pops. To be honest, I had no appetite, even if my stomach felt hollow and empty like a cave, and the pops tasted like nothing but molds of sand in my mouth.

The atmosphere in the house these past 3 months was very shitty, if I must say. The gloom that hung in the air and made everyone's heart heavy made me want to hang myself. It was so fucking annoying. I was exhausted.

It felt like Dad was dying, and Mum being the overly emotional one between both of them wasn't helping matters. We prayed every night, went on a fast every week and the next two weeks after, it felt like an endless, insufferable cycle.

All I really wanted was for Dad to be fine. I wasn't bothered about praying non-stop or any of that. But I missed what life used to be like before this.

And I missed Grey eyes a lot.

It was strange that I actually had a life before her, but I'd only known her for a short while and now that I was away from her for just three months, I couldn't even remember how I lived before knowing her.

Life without her was totally different. I saw it in the way it was to her; totally grey, colorless. There was no one to rant to, share my music with, and sit alone with on the bleachers.

I picked up my phone and sent a quick text to her.

"Han, baby," Mum's voice called from upstairs. I realized there was a plate of cereal in my hands that I'd long forgotten about. I dropped it on the table and rose to my feet. "Bring a glass of water for your father."

Mum had let the house helps take a leave during the weekend. We were just three in Dad's house, currently.

I went to the kitchen and after setting a glass upside down and a bottle of water on a tray, I made my way to Dad's room.

I didn't like seeing Dad in this state. I avoided looking at his face so much, he probably thought I hated him or was angry at him.

But I actually really missed him. Dad and I didn't have the best father-son relationship, but he'd always remain my father. He wasn't as active as he used to be, and I realized I really took those moments for granted.

"You can at least take a seat with your father," Mum called me back on seeing how I dashed towards the door. I took a deep breath in and sat on a wooden chair next to Dad.

He couldn't even drink his water properly.

"Your father and I came to a decision, Hanniel," Mum started saying, "I realized we were being selfish by making you stay here and putting a halt on your... the important things in your life, rather. Like your academics. It's good to spend some quality time with your father, of course but not at the expense of your studies, Han baby. So you'll be going back to Nigeria tomorrow."

I could do nothing but stare and keep quiet. I was totally mute, like a deaf and dumb person. From casually dragging me back to Australia, to booking a flight and preparing to send me back like I was a package of little to no relevance.

"What if I don't want to go?" I questioned, my voice coming out in a monotone, empty just like the way I felt.

I didn't even have the energy to feel anger.

"You'll have to go, Hanniel. It's a decision we've made."

A decision they made, but Dad was barely speaking.

I turned to Dad, completely ignoring Mum. "Do you want me to go too?"

I wasn't even surprised when Dad slowly shook his head. "I... I don't want you to go, but you don't have to pause your studies because of me, son. I'll be fine, I promise."

Maybe it was the bare, completely unmasked emotions in my father's eyes, or the fact that this was the first time he'd actually look at me, maintain eye contact with me a look in his eye that didn't speak of any other feeling than love for his own child.

Why did it feel like Dad was leaving me?

I fought back the tears that struggled to resurface, the ones I'd been trying to push away all these days. All the times I'd step into his room, place a glass of water beside him and run out. I'd always been such a coward, I couldn't even face my own father when he was sick.

"You never told me the cause of your illness, Dad," I slowly said, sniffing before I could stop myself and then clearing my throat to cover up.

"It doesn't matter," Mum butted in, "what matters is he'll be fine."

I snapped my eyes shut for a brief moment. Mum was being so difficult and annoying right now. All I wanted was to have an actual conversation with my own Dad.

"I can't say much, Hanniel," Dad told me, his voice sounding like a plea on behalf of Mum. He could probably read the frustration on my face and of course he'd defend his wife. Well, ex-wife.

Mum and Dad divorcing would never be reasonable to me. They were always in love and would always be in love with each other, even if they never admitted it.

"I know you're beating yourself up." I watched my father struggle to sit up on his own, while I sat helplessly on my own as Mum assisted him in doing so. "You do that every time. This lifestyle of perfectionism you've got going on, it's unhealthy. There are ups and downs, son, you'll get used to them eventually." A full blown cough followed. "I know you beat yourself up when your brother died, but it was never your fault."

No, it wasn't. But I could live by believing so. Life would have been so better with me and my twin brother. I didn't even spend up to five years with him.

I think that was where my problems started.

My parents divorcing, them abandoning me, and transitions in my own life that took me by surprise.

"But I'm proud of you for being so strong. I mean, you're a Cardin. I love you very much, Hanniel."

Dad was really saying his last goodbyes.

He really was.

~

My phone dinged and I knew it was a text from nobody from Komisola.

Of course it was.

grey eyes:

Hey.

I felt the corners of my lips twitch up a little in a smile. She didn't have to do too much, I'd take whatever she gave me.

I was down bad, indeed.

So I texted back with a simple hi.

grey eyes:

What did I say about typing in lower-case?

I chuckled. She'd warned me about how unserious my typing was. I also used abbreviations which she totally detested, and in her words, "I don't know if abbreviations will save your data."

ME:

typing in lowercase is fun, komisola. you should try it sometime :)

For the first time, she typed back instantly.

grey eyes:

If you type my name in lowercase again, I'll actually injure you when I see you.

ME:

that's cute, but you can't even reach my neck.

grey eyes:

Fuck you very much, Hanniel.

ME:

*coughs* byeee

I really did miss her. Just a few minutes of talking to Komisola and my mood had somehow been lifted.

Maybe there was happiness somewhere after all.

a/n: oh Hanniel. I love him sm.

hi guys, I'd have made this chapter a little longer but this book is strictly short chapters, so... what we have.

i'm writing exams currently, but i've been in such a shitty state, it's very hard to read. i also have a paper tomorrow. ik you guys didn't expect another update this fast, but i plan to wrap this book up before this year runs out.

anyways, have a great time guys :)
and pleaseee, VOTE, COMMENT, SHARE. TY🫶🏾

and peep the image attached in the media above. that was my top song for my Spotify wrapped, and I also claimed it as Hanniel's song too, bc that's his situation currently. so let's say, if he had a Spotify Wrapped, that would be his :)