song for chapter; Softcore by The Neighborhood.

059| Guts

~K O M I S O L A~

Beginning of SS2 or Grade 11, as Hanniel liked to call it; I was the favorite victim of bullying in Crestview High. In just weeks, I managed to get my clothes torn apart by a senior, I got framed for stealing a diamond necklace, and oh... the most creative moniker I was ever given; incest breeder. I could never decide which environment was more toxic between school and home.

The bullying never stopped, although it had significantly lessened since Hanniel's arrival. The physical assualt, harassment, stuff like that stopped. No one had dared to call me an incest breeder to my face as long as Hanniel was by my side. But the stares didn't stop, the side whispers as I walked by and the fingers which sneakily pointed at me. There was limit to how much they could do all because of Hanniel. It was like we both rubbed off on each other. Some of my bad luck on him and some of his good luck on me. If anything, I still felt ashamed when I looked at him.

If only I'd done more good to him as he had done to me.

When I looked at it, everyone around me always ended up leaving. My best friend of years back left without a word, and no matter how much it was a comfort that Davies no longer existed to me, I still couldn't ignore the fact that he literally walked out of my life. And Father, he walked out of my life too.

My real mother. I wasn't dumb not to know Mother wasn't the one who birthed me. Her past actions told me everything I needed to know. That strange mistress of Father's, I had my doubts about her. But even if I wanted to name her my biological mother, the disgust in her eyes the second our eyes met that fateful day, made me believe otherwise.

It was sheer luck how I still had a mother figure in my life up until this moment. How Mother hadn't gotten tired of having to consider me in every step she took.

"You're just an eleventh grader, what do you know?"

I didn't like to admit it and I never thought I would, but I patiently counted down till Hanniel also left me. I waited till he also went out that invisible door that seemed to be everyone's exit.

Where was all the insecurity coming from?

I breathed in, shaking my head slightly to regain composure and pull myself back into the present. It was a strange sight, but Hanniel and Ibrahim were actually talking together. They both stood on the field, alongside a bunch of males which included Senior Amir and a few females which included Senior Inaya. They probably came together for the purpose of playing basketball only. Why they always used the field instead of the court was what I didn't understand.

And why Hanniel decided to play basketball today of all days.

I took my seat on the bleachers, surprisingly holding a Physics textbook and my notebook instead of my usual novels. Our teacher had given us this crazy classwork no one was able to solve and still did not seem to understand it.

I couldn't get the hang of it. And how much more surprised I was to see a whole Ameenah struggle with it too. I think the only person who could get it was Sarah, as she turned in her note a few minutes after.

"Hey."

If I wasn't actually sure of myself, and if I hadn't pinched myself secretly after staring at Yusrah for thirty seconds, I would have thought I was just being delusional.

But no, Yusrah was actually sitting next to me with a smile on her face. That soon changed into a frown however. She was the most impatient person I'd come across. "Are you just going to keep staring?" she huffed. "Is there something on my face?"

Then I regained my senses. Oh.

"Wha-what did you... why are you here, Yusrah?"

"You sound so cold, oh my fucking goodness. But I don't bite."

I scoffed inwardly. I'd like to think otherwise, because you've done worse than bite, was what I wanted to retort with but of course I couldn't.

I hated to say this, but Yusrah's presence was so intimidating. I knew I was tall but she was way taller. She was like five feet nine inches tall, if not six inches exactly. Tiamiyu was equally as tall, the tallest in our set, but he didn't quite care about his height or anything. Two of them put together were a very scary match.

"Are you scared?"

What was with the unnerving questions she kept asking?

Yes, you bite, yes, I am scared.

She let out a chuckle, relaxing her back and resting on her arms like I'd warmed up to her. What exactly did she want?

"You're probably wondering why I'm here, uh?"

At all. You're so hard to notice and very friendly when noticed too.

Then she tensed up like I said something to her. Only I didn't. "You've gone through some crazy shits in Crestview, and I feel very guilty for having a hand in a few of them. I know I'm probably a bad person to you, Komisola, and maybe I am. I didn't even think I'd be apologizing to you until a few days ago. You've done nothing to me. I guess, you have some sort of valid beef with Ameenah, but I realized I literally had nothing on you."

She continued. "I don't know what deep shit occurred between you and Senior Davies-" Right, he graduated from this school, "-but it's wrong to judge who you are based on that."

Yusrah definitely had an ulterior motive to be doing this. Whatever this was.

She heaved a deep sigh and looked at me. "Can we be friends?"

~

"She scares me," I told Hanniel as we both walked down the hallway. "It feels like she has a purpose for what she's doing."

"How?" Hanniel asked.

"I don't know. But it's definitely fishy to just walk up to me and ask to be my friend after all she's done to me, Hanniel. She's the spawn of the devil, no different from Ameenah."

Hanniel was silent to that. When I looked up at him, a small frown settled on his features. I shook my head, feeling a little disappointed by the response he'd given. A response which was well, no response. I guess I was expecting him to say something about Ameenah, something to spite her and satisfy the anger I felt. Instead he said nothing.

But then he muttered, "the animosity they bear is too much for their own good, especially Ameenah. And none of it ever had to do with them."

"Do you know she's dating Ibrahim?"

Hanniel chuckled, a reaction I found weird. "I noticed. She was all over him today, coming to the field and being all clingy and stuff. PDA, you know? My eyes stung for a moment, but none of my business."

She did that? I wouldn't have noticed because Yusrah managed to take of all my attention with her act.

"Their relationship seems fake to me."

He realized. "How so?" I questioned.

"Ibrahim definitely doesn't like her, that's one thing I'm sure of. I don't know about Ameenah; she's the type to be really obsessed so maybe that explains the PDA and shit. But Ibrahim looks at her like a friend. There was love in the eyes, but not that kind of love. Even the guys noticed it, and they made snide remarks on how their relationship seemed fake."

"Because it is," I confirmed. There was no use of hiding it. "It's like a contract relationship they're into. Ibrahim told me. Weird rubbish."

More silence from Hanniel.

I felt slightly annoyed. Was this how he felt all the previous times I always responded to him with no words? Unnerved?

"I'm not surprised he told you," he slowly said, his voice barely above a whisper. "That boy really likes you."

I was surprised. "How did you know?"

Hanniel looked at me, and I saw something in his eyes... a look like jealousy. Was he jealous?

"My guess is, he's told you he likes you."

Hanniel wasn't willing to take his eyes off me any time soon, making me feel conscious of my self so I nodded. "Do you like him?" he asked me. "I know I sound unreasonable, but I hope you don't."

And we'd stopped walking, him suddenly appearing at my front was too much to take in. Why did it feel like we were about to do this all over again? He'd remind me of how much he liked me.

"Why?" I dared to ask back, like I didn't know the obvious reason. Like I wanted to provoke him, because that's what I honestly wanted wanted to do.

"Because I like you," he said, very shamelessly if I might add. "I like you so much, and I'm not afraid of saying it over and over again. I know I'm probably sounding selfish, because I never considered your phobia with my feelings, but I'm fine with keeping them, as long as you're with me. I don't have to do anything, as long as you're comfortable."

One thing about Hanniel Cardin when it came to me, Komisola, was that he'd never, ever keep his confessions to himself. Now he sounded so serious, I was so nervous.

Would it hurt to tell him I also liked him?

Did I have the guts to?

I did not. But today, maybe I'd finally grow some courage.

So I started, "you did actually. You considered my phobia." I remembered all the times he'd ask for permission before even touching me. The hurt in his eyes any time I flinched from his physical touch.

I pushed him away so many times. And he always came back. I didn't know how that was possible, how he had the patience and boldness of befriending me. If I were him, I'd run away. And that did boost my ego indeed.

"For weeks now, Hanniel, I've tried to deny the fact that I might actually like you. I ended up admitting it. But I told myself, assured myself that I'd take the truth to the grave with me. However there's no use. It doesn't hurt to try. And I want a change, you've changed me, but I want a better change for both of us."

I watched as the look on Hanniel's face morphed from sadness to astonishment. His mouth opened to say something, but it closed and he repeated this not once or twice. "Stop," I laughed, sounding awkward. "You look like you're trying to breathe."

"You like me." He said those words like was trying to convince himself. Stating it like yes, it was a fact. "You actually like me. Are you lying?"

I shook my head, a little offended. "Why would I?"

Hanniel shook his head too, looking like he wasn't believing any thing I said. I mean I wouldn't too.

"If you're not lying, then you wouldn't mind if I did this, would you?"

"Do what?" were the words I wanted to say, but before I could, Hanniel had stepped closer. My mouth was left hanging when he slid his arm around my waist and pulled me towards him. I let out a low gasp, unable to say anything as he continued.

He kissed me.

Hanniel kissed me.

Hanniel was kissing me.

I wanted to scream.

I'd never been kissed in this way. Was I supposed to kiss back?

It was a slow but passionate kiss. Like he was taking it gently with me but at the same time trying to show me how long he'd wanted this. His lips moved with mine, and like a fool my lips stayed frozen.

"You're a bad kisser," he commented, his lips just a breath away from mine before he laughed to himself. A deep, throaty laughter. His voice was raspy. My goodness.

"What if someone sees us?" I was talking like an idiot. I felt like one. The boy I liked was kissing me but all I could do was ask this stupid question.

"I don't care. You matter, not them. Do you want this? If you don't, I can always stop, Komisola."

NO.

"No," I weakly told him. He went back to doing what he had been doing, kissing me with ease and I felt a smile on his lips when I finally kissed him back. Well, tried to. It felt surreal, this moment felt surreal. And my stomach was hot with several bubbly feelings, my legs weak and my mind an unfocused mess because all I could think of was his hand on my waist and his soft lips on mine.

I liked Hanniel, and I would be glad to admit it shamelessly like he did to me.

Shyly, I wrapped my arms around his neck. His lips parted mine slowly and his tongue gently made its way to mine, caressing it as he continued kissing me. Was this a French kiss?

I am such a novice.

It went on for a long time, a moment with raw emotions, just me and Hanniel, lost in our own worlds.

I didn't bother hiding my smile as I got home today, falling back unto the soft mattress that relaxed my body. Subconsciously, I raised a hand to my lips and I was back to thinking about what happened in school.

That was truly one of my best moments yet.

But if only I didn't bask in this joy too much, maybe I'd be mentally prepared for what came next.

What came for Hanniel.

a/n: who wrote thatttt! me? I HAVE BEEN WAITINGGG. I wanted this to happen for so long and finally it did. Too bad sha, something is going to spoil their little happy moment.

this is like one of the longest chapters i've written, if not the longest. my phone's about to go off and I should be sleeping by now, but I made sure I wrote this to publish it. i won't let myself down on the promise I made of completing COG this month.

guess how many chapters we have left? and what ending?

anyways, brace yourselves peopleee.

#HANKOMI #KONNIEL. time to put the ship names to use lmao. byeee.

[this chapter is unedited]